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Author
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Topic: Please help, emotionally abusive relationship
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bubbles7
Knowflake Posts: 30
From:
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted December 23, 2015 05:56 AM
  
I've been in this relationship for 7 years and I'm afraid I'm just now realizing/fearing it may be a very emotionally abusive relationship and not normal. She is my first relationship so I don't know any different. I always knew my significant other was sort of broken and was raised VERY strict, was not allowed to socialize and grew up only with her mom, not allowed to have friends and was emotionally abused for her sexuality. It was very painful in the beginning and I knew it and acknowledged it. I'm not sure if I just learned to cope with it, but I thought it got better. I think/fear maybe I was wrong and I've been abused this whole time. I don't know how many details are needed here...I feel I don't get enough affection, she expects a lot out of me, constantly criticizes me, and she has extreme guilt for all of this and will even tell me she doesn't like the way I am that I am annoying and needy and over bearing all the while she feels guilty about it and confused. She manipulates herself and me into thinking I caused all of the problems, but when trying to find why she says this where it comes from she doesn't know. She has anger and moody issues on a daily basis. I will daily go to give a hug and be pushed away. I try to discuss and she refuses. Then sometimes I go to give a hug and it is welcomed. It's like a lottery chance everytime. She never talks about her feelings and never expresses her feelings. I am the opposite, very expressive very affectionate and loving. I told her I need space because I love her so much and feel heart broken by her actions of always pushing me away and criticizing me all of the time and refusing to communicate. She will hold in feelings and then lash out and say very cruel things very randomly. I spend days hoping she will like me and be okay with me. It's like a huge mystery how she even feels about me most days because she doesn't usually doesn't talk or express. Even when she is okay with me, she doesn't show it. I told her I need a break and space...she feels very guilty and sad about it. Sometimes she shows love and she makes food for me everyday and the way she looks at me, and I soak this up, but I'm afraid this isn't normal. Like I do not get the normal amount of love and I've just been settling for such low amounts of affection because I am so in love with her. Any insight please would help, I'm so confused right now.
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LeeLoo2014
Knowflake Posts: 17100
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted December 23, 2015 07:16 AM
I'm very sorry to hear 
This is a rather powerful synastry, with potential for mutual understanding, despite your Mars being a little restricted from expressing itself.
Can you post her natal chart?
This looks more like a natal problem, rather than a synastry issue, and we can find some advice on how to boost her necessary healing in her natal chart, some ways for you to help her, if you love each other and want to do this healing together. Other than that, you shouldn't take any emotional domination/manipulation from anyone.------------------
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms... LeeLoo's Esotericorner IP: Logged |
serendipity07
Newflake Posts: 6
From:
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted December 23, 2015 07:43 AM
I'm not an astrologer but you are only a few days younger than me and we have some of the same placements. I have someone, not romantic but someone i can't exactly leave behind who for the longest time treating me not the nicest way. I'm no expert but I've been where you are and honestly since this is part of my family, I can never abandoned them. I have endure emotional abuse and verbal abuse but always tried to find different answers. It's quite brutal when you acknowledge your own pain. 7 years is a long time. I understand that you are confused because there are so many times where things seem normal and you love this person but the up and down and changes and abruptness of it all is beyond what any one should deal with. As a fellow libra, I understand the loyalty and the need to never abandone anyone. I remember every single person who was nice in my silly life, even if it was only one time. From your writing you seem like a lovely person, so I bet you are a blessing to have around. Your girlfriend has issues and honestly you can be there for her but please for your sake, limit your contact. That you wish to take a break, speaks well, please have the courage to take it and heal yourself. Find happiness for your self. My friend, you have it in you! You do, you have so much strength to have endure this up and down for so long and still have affection and kindness for her. It is human nature when someone hurts us too much, we strike back but your words don't ring with this bitterness and that speaks a lot about you. It's hard when someone you care about is suffering and they continuesly, even without words unload on you! You are trying to be there for them, show them kindness, give them practical help, hope your stability and care can eventually ease their pain. But that is a battle you can't win. Whatever she needs, she must find in herself. That is a lesson I learn and to be honest, it still freaking hurts to think about. You can't do anything for her. Be her friend but a romantic partner has the ability to wound us too deeply and you deserve better. More than anything, release your expectations. She might never leave up to them. If you want to have her around, romantic or otherwise, make sure you fulfilled your needs too. Outside friends, join a sports club, go do charity or help at the Red Cross/Salvation Army/where ever. I don't know your outside life but spreading your kindness will give you kindness back. Even a hug or smile from a stranger can be really uplifting and help you feel more fulfilled, even if you never get what you want from your girlfriend. Don't place all your hopes or wishes on one person. If you find yourself being around her too many hours of the day, then maybe that is a factor too. Also instead of trying to talk about feelings, ask for practical things. I understand not detaching completely so I wouldn't nag at you to run away  Ask her for little things, go to the park together, ask her if she would like you to give her some alone time a few times a week, if she likes to read buy her a inspirational books/fiction. My person and I watch tv shows together and that has really helped our relationship, we talk with excitement about everything we watch and it helps my person not always have me nag or be frustrated at them for all the pain of the past. I think I was too much at times because I was focused on helping them and my own feelings, so some days it was like therapy hour. It's not good to create an atmosphere like that. Talking about feelings or problems can be too overwhelming sometimes, so don't press about it. It's okey to put yourself first, I think as a Libra that is an important lesson. Sorry for my rambling. It's hard to leave people behind and maybe you are stronger than me but I hope everything works out. I don't believe cutting off complete contact with someone is always the answer. Sorry for rambling! IP: Logged |
polkadotstars
Knowflake Posts: 566
From: Washington, DC
Registered: Feb 2015
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posted December 23, 2015 10:55 AM
All synastry aside, no one deserves to feel unloved or be mistreated in a relationship. I think deep down you know that you are unhappy otherwise you wouldn't be posting on this forum asking for advice. I was in a four year relationship with someone who I wasn't happy with. He was toxic to me. I stayed with him for a multitude of unnecessary reasons and kept making up excuses why I couldn't leave. It was a very hard decision leaving. But I finally did it and while it was hard intially, I was much happier in time. A year later, I was able to find someone who treats me exactly how I've always wanted to be treated. I know it is hard because you care about her. But you have given seven years of your life to someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Do you want to be treated this way the rest of your life? Because if you stay with her (forever) then just know that the way she treats you will not improve, in all honesty, it will probably get worse. I know that no matter what anyone else says to you about your relationship, you won't be ready to make a decision until you are mentally ready to do so. I just hope that you are able to analyze your relationship objectively and determine what is best for YOU. Because your happiness should be your number one goal in life. IP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 6338
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted December 23, 2015 03:16 PM
Abuse should never be tolerated. Real, healthy, true love is genuinely possible, and worth fighting for. That means you can't lose yourself in less-than and making-do type relationships which are a drain on your mind, heart, and soul. Learn to let go. Most of this 'love' is habituation, and, like any addiction, fades over time. Almost like coming out of a deep sleep, or from feeling as if we were under some spell. IP: Logged |
bubbles7
Knowflake Posts: 30
From:
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted December 28, 2015 08:41 PM
Thank you all so much for the support it really gave me the courage and insight to step back and give a lot of distance which I've been doing this past week. Seriously though, I've resorted back to your comments numerous times because it helps me so much gives me stability and reminds me of what I need to be doing for myself. I'm so thankful for you all!IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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