posted January 24, 2016 05:55 AM            

I post here frequently about my boyfriend and our relationship, because it's been wonderful, fulfilling and very strong. We're together at a very long distance right now (I'm in Europe, he's in the States) but we've found ways of seeing one another and growing together in spite of so many obstacles, so I've been very happy.

Before I moved away, we broke up because there were strains coming from his family which made him pull away from me, which then made me feel neglected and frustrated and freak out, and then I bailed, basically. Shortly after he tried to reconcile time after time and I finally got over my fears in August and we worked it out. We had been dating for a year before that. So, we've come a really long way and in spite of many stress factors he has been there for me.

But the last few weeks he's been stressed at work, and very busy with other things. We still talk daily somehow, but in general, I am finding that in our conversations I'm either coming across completely insecure, or he's coming across to ME as distant and pulled back the way he was in May. We keep missing each other for face to face conversations (Skype), so most of the past 10 days all we've done is text one another - and I am a HORRIBLE texter. He's said all the same loving things as always, but in general I feel like something is wrong and cannot shake the feeling.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place because I do not want to express my worries (He works hard to make sure I am confident in things and HE always expresses this unending amount of confidence in what we have), but I also feel like I can't ignore my insecurities.

What's going on? Is it Mercury? Is it my Saturn squares making me re-live harder days between us? Is it just being long distance? Lol. I am posting our natals with transits and our composite + transits, but in general, I just want some spiritual advice on how to wait this out without pushing things into a negative place. I do feel like a lot of this is me reading between the lines, since he has done nothing alarming. So any advice from you evolved, centered folks on how to stay grounded during this weird time without screwing up with him would be very welcome!!!!

My chart + transits:

His Chart + transits:

posted January 24, 2016 11:21 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Faith:
Tr Mercury-Pluto on composite sun-Venus.

Don't worry, just let it be, and it'll pass.

---

I am always relieved when I see you've posted to me Faith <3.

I feel lately like I am in need of serious evolving. I'm not sure how to explain that, but I hope you know what I mean.

Like I have all these old habits and worries that won't disappear and are standing in the way of me being happy or able to express things the 'right' way. I'm hoping I can find ways of doing this soon, regardless of relationship stuff.....

posted January 24, 2016 07:33 PM            

You seem stable and in a good place with each other; every relationship has its ups and downs...Caps can get pessimistic about anything, but life has taught me to just wait and see...more often than not, everything is okay, or much better than I hoped.

And I would just expect this Pluto transit to be intense for you...so remind yourself of that when it feels intense: "This is the way it's supposed to be. No way around it." For me, just accepting the feeling is the first step to being okay with it. It's the resistance and Cap reflex of, "I have to focus all my determination and power on this problem and fix it NOW" that becomes the actual problem. Relaxation and creativity have helped me where nothing else could have. Pluto is separating from my sun now, it's 0.05° away...maybe I learned something.

posted February 03, 2016 02:46 AM            

The other day, because of family and job stress, my SO basically admitted he's having a horrible time right now and feels like he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
He doesn't know if he's able to be in a relationship.

However, our relationship is - according to him - the best thing in his life. He just feels like he can't be responsible to anyone or anything right now.

We let it lie, and he's done this before so I know when he gets overwhelmed he freaks about 'letting me down', etc, but we havent talked in a day (we never have gone a day without talking) and I am feeling quite depressed.

Would Uranus transiting our IC have to do with this?

posted February 03, 2016 12:14 PM            

During his saturn return he may be in need of support more than being able to give support, if you know what i mean...

posted February 03, 2016 08:12 PM            

Wow, nice to see you, pire.

It's so hard when all you can say is, wait and see. Every relationship has an ebb and flow, even in marriage...the difference is, when you are not living together or married, the separations can feel so much like cliff-hangers.

posted February 04, 2016 02:39 AM            

Youngang, your thoughts re: saturn are what I have been suspecting for a very long time with my SO. He's been feeling trapped and stagnate at his job, his family puts tons of unfair pressures on him and is always trying to sabotage his life (they tried to arrange a marriage for him last summer while we were dating), and every time this stuff happens, he retreats from me thinking I am going to need more than he can give me.

He does not realize that all I want in order to be happy is for him to be in my life. (And for him to be happy with me). It seems like he views a relationship with me as being something negative, somehow. All he did the other night was say how he's wasting my time (no matter how much I said to the contrary).

He's made me extremely happy and I have faith in our relationship, but waiting this out has been obviously trying. I do agree that if we get through this okay, that says a lot. We've gotten through a lot of trials before.

posted February 04, 2016 09:13 AM            

If you've already told him that you are there for him, that may be enough....

If he has asked for space and you are okay with giving space, it might be best to not contact him at all. Let him contact you. If you were to contact him, ask yourself why?

posted February 04, 2016 09:35 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Faith:
You know, it's up to you

If you've already told him that you are there for him, that may be enough....

If he has asked for space and you are okay with giving space, it might be best to not contact him at all. Let him contact you. If you were to contact him, ask yourself why?

If you feel like you need something from him at this time, and seek him out because of need...I just think, it's a good time to ask yourself why. You can clarify things in his absence, that is one of the benefits here. And I don't mean to suggest there is a "right answer"...but, if I were you, that's what I would be doing, looking at all my impulses and trying to make sense of what they mean.

---

Thanks faith, that's exactly what I'll do...

I find myself wanting to hear from him because I feel like it's so silly for us to even be not speaking at all. I don't have any ill will, and never was pushing him - he seemed happy to be with me equally if not MORE than I have been, and there's been no real massive deal-breaker stuff here as far as I knew. So, I just want things to be okay with us. He can question his life or whatever, but I really do not feel ready to lose this.

posted February 04, 2016 12:21 PM            

Cappy, you are right to bring your questions here, it is very instructive for many (at least for me), what to do in a relationship...

posted February 07, 2016 01:50 PM            

We are sadly breaking up. He asked me to take all commitment off the table - still be free for us to see other people, no promise of a future, etc. It was a very tough conversation and though he asked me to try to make something work for now - I can't handle that kind of lack of care or commitment to the relationship. So I have decided to end it.

I've been literally sick with a stomach flu this whole day and I think it's probably just everything that's been going on building up on me. I feel like I'm losing so much at once, but I don't know what else to do but end things fully. I still believe he loves me very much, but for some reason this just isn't possible...

posted February 07, 2016 04:13 PM            

Isn't it more draining to date than uphold a settled relationship? Maybe he just feels that he needs someone physically there.

*hug* to you.

If you love someone, you let them go.
They come back, when it's meant to be.

Hope it doesn't cause you too much pain!

posted February 08, 2016 04:25 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hypatia238:
Interesting that the ruler of the composite DC is the MOON which falls in the 9th (long distance relationship) and trines Saturn in the 11th (friendship) and squares Mercury on the 12th (lack of communication ending the relationship/12th house rules endings) and squares Neptune on the AC (not seeing relationship potential clearly/seeing relationship through rose colored glasses).

Sorry to hear! I think you both deserve better than a long distance relationship.

---

I've wondered since day 1 why he wanted to make this work despite the distance, but he was always the one fighting for that. I was willing to move back to the states soon (partially, I think, because of him), but we had plans to see each other soon and I just expected he still felt about things the way he insisted over the last few months.

We've talked every day,but I had no idea he was feeling what he was feeling about future (suddenly deciding he doesn't want marriage/kids). He had been the one driving that conversation up until last month.

@Faith - he insists he doesn't WANT to date others, but he needs total freedom right now. He just kept saying he can't handle any expectations, pressure, restrictions right now - which means we both are free to see others. He also insisted that there IS no one else and I'm the person closest to him along with his best guy friend. But he's unwilling to make a relationship work under the pressure he has going on right now.

posted February 08, 2016 10:23 AM            

I kept reading everywhere that Venus in Scorpio does that. I'm venus in pisces and loyal to him almost a fault (at this point).

posted February 08, 2016 02:37 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cappi112:
I cannot get out of my head that he must have met someone this past month and wants to be able to pursue that relationship.

I kept reading everywhere that Venus in Scorpio does that. I'm venus in pisces and loyal to him almost a fault (at this point).

This is the worst thing - not knowing what would really cause such a 180. I have treated him well i thought so I'm not at all sure why cutting things off with me would be better unless he simply wants to go hook up...

---

posted February 08, 2016 04:18 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cappi112:
I cannot get out of my head that he must have met someone this past month and wants to be able to pursue that relationship.

I kept reading everywhere that Venus in Scorpio does that. I'm venus in pisces and loyal to him almost a fault (at this point).

This is the worst thing - not knowing what would really cause such a 180. I have treated him well i thought so I'm not at all sure why cutting things off with me would be better unless he simply wants to go hook up...

---