posted February 21, 2016 06:38 AM            

Ever since, he has not left me alone. Every day he texts that he misses and loves me like crazy. He sent me videos of a family dancing to trance music (we both love trance), and said it made him miss me so much. He has sent numerous songs about waiting for me even though I've left him. Etc. etc.

I cannot stop myself from writing back and saying I love him too, even though I know I have to. I am looking for a serious commitment at this point - and we've NEVER been casual.

He's treated me well, and I have no hard feelings, but I can't continue talking about love with him if we want such different things. I'm not sure why he's even still talking to me like that - it's as if nothing has changed.

He's going through his saturn rx. I have saturn squaring my venus and mars right now. It's been a battle.

What is it that is binding us? Why can't I get free of him? I feel like I'm going to be caught in a cycle of loving him without it going anywhere forever based on how it's been in the past (I broke it off, he chased me across the world and we got back together....) Is it Pluto? (He's pluto in the pluto trine we have).Is it Saturn?

Whatever it is, I'm freaking out slightly that I'm never going to have a stable relationship because of this man. He's the first (and only) person I've ever really wanted to marry. I have to find a way to get my head on straight. ((

Helppppppp.

Composite:

Synastry (I am the outside):

(I am 2nd person in this comparison):

posted February 21, 2016 08:42 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mar1982delta:
@Cappi112
I totally sympathize for you Be patient, if you can, all will turn out for the best eventually!
I am far from experienced to give you a really valuable astrological insight, but it just struck me, you have pluto tightly conjunct South Node in the Composite! Do you think maybe there are "power games" in this relationship? Or is this a really transformative and deep experience for you? I don't know to interpret it accurately, but it definitely sounds important to me.
What about this ceres-jupiter conjunction again in the composite? This is really sweet
Hopefully others will provide you with their opinion, but I will look again in case I find something! Good luck

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No one has ever pointed that out to me before, and I have analyzed all of this as much as one possibly can.

Re: nodes, I had only ever noticed that my NN aligns with his DC, and my SN aligns with his ASC. This stuck out to me a long time ago because he has always said there was something fated here - I got the sense he felt this connection. He would always describe me as the ideal woman he'd want kids with (hence the freakout when he realized he's not sure he wants kids right now and can't lead me on).

Power games are definitely in here, but less so now. We dated for the first year and a big reason I ended things and moved across the world was because I felt like he was pretty controlling. He'd been abused and hurt by an ex and I felt all the time like he was punishing me for her behavior. I was sick of the push/pull. He seemed to learn over time. This most recent break up had NOTHING to do with power plays though, he was just melting down and I can't handle the lack of commitment right now.

posted February 21, 2016 08:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Cappi112:
No one has ever pointed that out to me before, and I have analyzed all of this as much as one possibly can.

Re: nodes, I had only ever noticed that my NN aligns with his DC, and my SN aligns with his ASC. This stuck out to me a long time ago because he has always said there was something fated here - I got the sense he felt this connection. He would always describe me as the ideal woman he'd want kids with (hence the freakout when he realized he's not sure he wants kids right now and can't lead me on).

Power games are definitely in here, but less so now. We dated for the first year and a big reason I ended things and moved across the world was because I felt like he was pretty controlling. He'd been abused and hurt by an ex and I felt all the time like he was punishing me for her behavior. I was sick of the push/pull. He seemed to learn over time. This most recent break up had NOTHING to do with power plays though, he was just melting down and I can't handle the lack of commitment right now.

What would the Ceres-Jupiter connection you mentioned look like in a relationship? Would that have to do with how he wanted kids with me (until he didn't....)?

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posted February 21, 2016 09:17 AM            

What is making this breakup so insanely difficult for me is that he expresses, without end, loving me like crazy and not being able to stop thinking about me. Normally I feel like in a break up scenario, that kind of feeling is one-way which is why the relationship doesn't work. In this case, the relationship still feels like it's happening and I very much reciprocate how he says he's feeling -- I just can't express it because I'm trying to be strong in my decision.

posted February 21, 2016 09:32 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Cappi112:
Yes, when we are together it is the single most nurturing/ loving relationship I've ever had in my whole life - even with family members. I always thought it was because of Sun/Venus conjunct in the 1st house of the composite, but I'd never considered the smaller things (asteroids, ceres, etc.)

What is making this breakup so insanely difficult for me is that he expresses, without end, loving me like crazy and not being able to stop thinking about me. Normally I feel like in a break up scenario, that kind of feeling is one-way which is why the relationship doesn't work. In this case, the relationship still feels like it's happening and I very much reciprocate how he says he's feeling -- I just can't express it because I'm trying to be strong in my decision.

Ugh, this for me is torture.

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posted February 21, 2016 10:03 AM            

Could this be another way that he exhibits controlling behaviour? He seems to be forcing his will. As in, HE doesn't want a relationship, so there is none...but HE doesn't want to stop talking, so you don't stop...and HE just wants to tell you he loves you, so he says it all he wants.

As if it's all about him. I'm sure he doesn't see it that way, but that's how it feels to me. Well he has that Aries NN. No offense to others with that placement. But I've read it can make a person selfish.

Your sun more or less squaring his nodes might help keep him balanced.

I'm happy that you haven't relented but demand more from him. It's not fair that he monopolizes your heart without committing. I think you help him by standing your ground. He has to learn he can't have things both ways. That's his Aries NN going into overdrive and wanting more than its fair share. ...Just my amateur opinion.

@mar-delta: Good call on the Pluto-SN!

And I love Jupiter-Ceres as well...not sure how it would play out in Aquarius, except having a long-distance relationship and relying on technology as much as they do is Aquarian.

posted February 21, 2016 05:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Hi Cappi,

Could this be another way that he exhibits controlling behaviour? He seems to be forcing his will. As in, HE doesn't want a relationship, so there is none...but HE doesn't want to stop talking, so you don't stop...and HE just wants to tell you he loves you, so he says it all he wants.

As if it's all about him. I'm sure he doesn't see it that way, but that's how it feels to me. Well he has that Aries NN. No offense to others with that placement. But I've read it can make a person selfish.

Your sun more or less squaring his nodes might help keep him balanced.

I'm happy that you haven't relented but demand more from him. It's not fair that he monopolizes your heart without committing. I think you help him by standing your ground. He has to learn he can't have things both ways. That's his Aries NN going into overdrive and wanting more than its fair share. ...Just my amateur opinion.

@mar-delta: Good call on the Pluto-SN!

And I love Jupiter-Ceres as well...not sure how it would play out in Aquarius, except having a long-distance relationship and relying on technology as much as they do is Aquarian.

Hope you feel better, Cappi!

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Wowza, that is amazing insight Faith. He IS controlling, in his own subtle ways. He tends to not realize it - then when he realizes it, tail between his legs.

He was telling me he loves me tonight, etc., and I eventually just said that I wish I didn't want the commitment that I know I need from a relationship like ours, but I do and can't fight that. And then asked he stop telling me he loves me for awhile, lol.

You are right - he wants to just know I'm here still, maybe. I'm not sure what he needs or why the break up had to happen if he feels how he seems to feel. He seemed happy being committed to me (which, btw, was not a strict relationship - we were exactly how he's been treating me this past week, there was just more of an expectation on him I guess). So this is a very brutally confusing time for me. The only thing I can come up with is that he doesn't love me as much as he says (and seems to)? Otherwise why wouldn't he WANT to make it work?

Blah blah blah.

posted February 21, 2016 07:39 PM            

mars square to Uranus usually shows a manwho wil lnot surrender this independence and option,

venus/sun gives real affection and attraction

with the Uranus/venus and Uranus/sun midpoints conjunct to Neptune and square to the moon. there is a feeling of decadence and excessive desires. this bring the vision, the confusion and the emotional vacillations.

posted February 21, 2016 07:58 PM            

So, I am realizing how much power he has over me (I've never FELT controlled/ overpowered, other than this circumstance... he's always been tender with me).

But even tonight, after I said what I did... somehow we've wound up talking for two solid hours, with him leading. It is very much like I cannot break free, even when I break free. He says he understands, but he still wants this, and I wonder what the heck his motive is.

I do believe he loves me, but our version of love may be dramatically different at this point.

His need for independence/ options... his need for control... is there anyway to overcome that, other than breaking away from him in every single way? (No friendship, no contact, etc.)