posted June 03, 2016 03:47 PM            

Heehee... Neptune getting straight...

Anyway, I am very interested to hear how Neptune has played out for you in midpoint pictures when it comes to relationships or otherwise.

We have a slew of composite planets/points focused around the Jupiter/Neptune midpoint specifically, as well as Neptune = Asc/MC 0'01 (according to present available birth times, which I just go with because I gotta-- still trying to figure out if this guy has a 14 or 17 degree Gemini ascendant, and it's giving me a nice slow easy practice in trying to rectify things--noticing things are definitely brightening up for him as the Sun and Venus approach these points. He has Valentine at 17 Gemini and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if that was his ascendant degree too (it's what I'm currently working with); most people can't help falling a bit in love with him despite his peculiarity and sometimes very very skittish and/or brooding nature... it's just clear that he's a total sweetheart anyway :heart .

Ok that was waaaaay off-topic, but given that Neptune is reigning over this thread, we'll let it pass without too much worry love is always welcome right?!

I'm going to list the interpretations SolarFire gives me for the planets and points activating our Jupiter/Neptune midpoint, and some other Neptune ones, and then I'm going to copy some John Sandbach ones, and we can compare/contrast maybe a little bit? And discuss any personal experiences with this midpoint, and anything at all which wants discussing. Ok? OK!

SolarFire interps:

Neptune = Ascendant / Midheaven +0°01' d

Your everyday living experience is covered by a gentle mist leaving you somewhat vague and dreamy. This is good for a mystical, spiritual or psychic life direction and vocation, but you might be lost in the moment-to-moment and often find you have to feign or hide your true feelings. Try to avoid disappointment when trying to reach your aspirations.

Sun = Jupiter / Neptune -1°07' d
You might constantly want to move onto the next big thing and be deluded in how you want to be recognised and get your success. You are probably known for lacking self control and be seen as irresponsible. Be careful not to deceive others or yourself.

Pluto = Jupiter / Neptune -0°30'
You might have an all-encompassing plan that is too great to actualise, yet you compulsively persist with it. You might experience a great defeat and failure of a happy plan and idealistic situation.

North Node = Jupiter / Neptune +0°46'
You might expect too much of your associations and contacts and get them involved in your plans unnecessarily. Be wary of being drawn towards and mixing with people who are a bad influence on you.

Neptune = Jupiter / North Node +1°40'
You find difficulty expressing your true emotions to contacts and associations because they are vague and somewhat confused. As a result, people around you find you indecisive and unreliable which disappoints you. You are drawn towards a spiritual and mystical life path.

Neptune = Sun / Saturn -0°06' d
Sometimes your responsibilities and sense of duty is undermined and ‘lost’. You probably have psychic and mediumistic gifts that you could develop into work.

Neptune = Venus / Saturn +0°37'
You can get very lovesick, live in a world of fantasy about your relationship, and get the wrong idea about what is really happening. You might find that relationships can become distant, cold, and disappointing.

Jupiter = Neptune / Pluto -1°48'
You feel much compassion and sensitivity towards the world and humanity in general. You are a peaceable person who is drawn towards religious and spiritual searches for meaning. You have a lot of wisdom and self-knowing.

Jupiter = Neptune / Midheaven +1°50' d
You are generally quite lucky and can dream your life direction into a happy outcome. You need to be aware of putting on pretence of happiness and good luck though.

Some observations before I move on to the John Sandbach interpretations:

I think that when planets combine in a midpoint picture which are sextile or trine one another (as in our composite chart Jupiter and Neptune are), the more positive or flowing manifestations may be more likely. What do you think about that?

We have Mars and Uranus both sextile our compsosite Moon, and the Moon is at the midpoint of Mars and Uranus. I think that the fact that this is the aspect configuration would change the colouring of the midpoint picture and focus it in a more positive way. But I could be wrong, and this may be part of why 'easy' aspects sometimes manifest the more negative characteristics, enabling a certain tension or energy easy flow. However maybe this is all too simplistic but it's interesting to meditate on.

Conversely, a hard aspect between to planets such as a square will give us midpoint pictures involving both of those planets. So if somebody has Juno square Jupiter, then Juno will be involved in all of the midpoint pictures in which Jupiter features. This is certainly related to the dynamism of squares, and a testament to the linking of energies and the compulsion which occurs when we find an exact square, opposition, or conjunction in any chart: all planets involved in a grand cross, for instance, will be implicated in the same midpoint pictures, creating a very focused energy indeed, depending on what those midpoint pictures are.

Ok so moving on to the John Sandbach descriptions (I'm just copying all of the Jupiter/Neptune ones out of laziness and not the others I've found here but may edit to reflect the actual midpoints we have and which I shared above):

"Planets activating the Jupiter/Neptune midpoint

Principle: Richness of imagination. Copious idealism. To help others abundantly and generously. To be unworried and/or unconcerned about material things, and hence the possibility of being wasteful. A person who is easily duped or taken advantage of. An excess of dreaming or fantasizing causes trouble. Enthusiasm over possibilities.

Process: The growth of one's ability to be sympathetic and caring toward other people. The refining of one's understanding.

Sun: Fantasies and imaginings give one a lot of energy and bring meaning to one's life. Much envisioned about the future, but a great deal of it may be unrealistic and/or unattainable. A wealth of intuitive insights brought to light.

Moon: Much richness of feeling. One who is very nurturing and sympathetic. Dreams and imaginings bring one security. A person who gets into moods of cosmic exaltation. One who can be easily taken advantage of when their emotions are brought into play.

Mercury: A very imaginative way of communicating. One who delights in envisioning potentials. A sympathetic and understanding way of communicating. A mind that is excessively idealistic.

Venus: One takes great pleasure in dreaming and speculating. An appreciation of richly imaginative art. A relationship in which the two people stimulate each others' imagination, but which may be impractical.

Mars: To do things based on one's imaginings rather than on practical reality. One asserts oneself based on an enthusiasm for ideals.

Saturn: To be excessively idealistic and then to be let down. Fear that one's ideals will not be realized. The need to be patient, careful and circumspect if one is to attain one's ideals.

Chiron: Your vibration innately stimulates others to open up and explore their imagination. You also have the ability to assist in harmonizing the subtle energies of other people, and of evoking in them enthusiasm for their ideals.

Uranus: To suddenly wake up from false hopes. The need to free oneself from the the unrealistic and impractical side of idealistic imaginings. To have a highly unusual imagination. To have clear insights into the exact kind of help or support that someone needs.

Pluto: Impracticality has drastic results. The need to look deeply into one's imaginings to find out their inner meaning. Intense and/or persistent dreams and imaginings which are there to help one transform one's life.

Node: One may have unrealistic and/or impractical expectations about any individuals or groups one connects with. To associate with people who encourage one's imaginings. A need to find a grounded way to express one imagination. A possible tendency to fall back on wishful thinking.

Ascendant: One comes across as a soft and caring person. To have unrealistic imaginings about who one is. To be a sympathetic person who wishes to help and uplift others.

Midheaven: To bring a richness of idealism and imagination to one's work. One's spiritual path involves uplifting others and encouraging optimism and hope in them."

Well, those aren't extra encouraging either

But I'm looking at this midpoint in the most optimistic possible way, and yet I acknowledge the possibility that all of this will turn out to be quite true. However I see it as a focusing on the subtle, a focusing on the spirit, on that which never makes itself manifest and is yet valuable, even though it looks like dross and disappointment... kind of like the Tao... people will think you're stupid and bereft, but you may have inner riches beyond imagining. That's how I'm looking at Jupiter/Neptune. But I acknowledge the likelihood or possibility that it will seem like a gross disappointment if you hang your hopes on the dreams generated by this midpoint if you're focusing on worldly possessions and concrete manifestations of those dreams as indicators of success.

Luckily as people we are neither of us very occupied with those things. We are both very Neptunian and explicitly more concerned (even on a daily basis) with the world of spirit than the world of matter.

posted June 03, 2016 05:38 PM            

The reputation is not totally undeserved though, yes there can be vagueness, dissolution, dissatisfaction, deceit, gossip, cheating, promiscuity, delusions and so on.
But it can also be highly creative, imaginative, spiritual etc.

I have no clue really.

Interestingly mr Sag`s tightst natal midpoint picture is

Venus square Neptune/Node 0°00

His Venus is ALSO in a lot of tight midpoint pictures with my planets, and yes Neptune/node is one of them, too, just in this case as semisquare (0°52)

But his Venus is also aspecting my midpoints:
conjunct Jupiter/Neptune 0°21
conjunct Jupiter/Node 0°14
conjunct Uranus/Chiron 0°14
conjunct Mars/Juno 0°09
conjunct Moon/Venus 0°41

there are some more Neptunian midpoints of course

his Mercury conjunct my Neptune/ASC 0°55
his Mercury conjunct my Neptune/Node 0°40

his Jupiter square my Neptune/Node 0°06

his MOon conjunct my Saturn/Neptune 0°05
(which is one of the sorriest gloomiest midpoint interpretations ever in Ebertins book. lol)

and the other way round

my Pluto square his Venus/Neptune 0°53

my Uranus conjunct his Jupiter/Neptune 1°03
my Uranus conjunct his Mars/Neptune 0°35

my ASC conjunct his Uranus/Neptune 0°06

my Mercury conjunct his Neptune/MC 0°39
my Mercury conjunct his Moon/Neptune 0°29

posted June 03, 2016 08:14 PM            

I recently had transiting Neptune conjunct my North Node exact (again) and it was actually mostly really positive for me and visionary... but Neptune is happy in Pisces and the North Node is very different than the Sun/Moon midpoint, that's certain...

posted June 04, 2016 07:04 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Orange:
I just checked my progressed sun-moon midpoint for the time we first broke up, which was a particularly painful time for us.
Well, it turned out my progressed midpoint was exactly to a degree conjunct my natal Neptune (my chart ruler). gah...it was excruciating.
We made up 3 days later thou, but those three days felt like the end of my life so to speak.

---

Gloomy interpretations ahead.... BEWARE

"SO/MO=NE Days of uncertainty. Cooling off in partnerships, friendships or marriage because of deceptive situation, misunderstandings or lies. The denial of a partnership or a marriage. To ultimately separate."

and

"inner discontentment. the tendency to torment oneself, the disposition to get upset quite easily. Shared suffering, mistake, misunderstandings, illusions or deceptions, the undermining of associations."

Does any of it resonate?

posted June 04, 2016 07:12 AM            

For example let`s say there is Neptune to Sun/Moon, there could be many manifestations, just pointing out some

1) dissolution of friendship or marriage (separation)

2) delusion, illusion, possibly cheating and deception

3) imagination, creativity, romantic bliss, spiritual insights and deep understanding.

If the picture was relating to a separation I would excpect some more indications in that way, like Saturn being part of such a picture as well or maybe a Saturn/Uranus-aspect of midpoint either in relation to the Sun/Moon-mp or maybe DESC or Venus or ruler of DESC.

If it has to do with promiscuity and cheating, well Uranus to Venus or Neptune to Venus might be another indication of that or maybe even more so if Mars is in the picture (Venus might be too passive for that).

If it is romantic bliss, well I hardly can imagine a Sun/Moon = Neptune creating havoc if possibly coming along with Node = Venus/jupiter for example.
especially if the Node was close to Neptune - then it might be more about a spiritual connection maybe.

But usually when some Neptunian picture was really negative (and I have experienced those quite a bit), then there were other nasties around, too, and not just one or two, but a bunch of them.

Of course this would be not a guarantee either, but it might describe a certain tendency of how Neptune is going to express.

posted June 04, 2016 07:37 AM            

Anyway so then I was having

pMoon conjunct pDESC exact
- usually people would say that is a GREAT one for a new relationship entering into your life. Well for me it meant quite a different thing, also might have been relating to my grandmother passing away just 3 weeks later (and curiously me crossing Mr Sag`s path again a day after her funeral, unintentionally by me of course, as I really had NO inclination to ever see him again or cross paths with him again, but I had booked a ticket for the open air in advance, and did not want it to go to waste, and I could not have foreseen that he would literally have to cross over the street at the exact point I was standing in line and sort of hanging around there a bit again - anyay I disgress, it was a most exhausting time emotionally for me)

So there was

my pMoon conjunct pDESC exact
pMoon square Pluto exact
pDESC square Pluto exact

And Tr Pluto was on my pASC at the time, go figures. lol

To make that picture even more telling it came along with this midpoint picture

Moon = Mars/Saturn 0°43
Moon = Sun/Neptune 0°57
Moon = Jupiter/Uranus 1°05 d

ASC = Mars/Saturn 1°10
ASC = Jupiter/Uranus 0°38 d
ASC = Sun/Neptune 1°23 d - which probably is too wide

Pluto = Mars/SAturn 0°48 d
Pluto = Jupiter/Uranus 1°00
Pluto = Sun/Neptune 1°01

It pretty much combined everything in one, the futility, the disillusion, the coming down to reality, but also at the same time misunderstandings, misconceptions, more illusions and yet also something lucky, Jupiter-Uranus being the "Thank God" midpoint, a lucky surprise.

MA/SA=AS Actions of others which bring sorrow. Cases of illness. Bereavement. Death in the family, or of acquaintances.

MA/SA=MO Disappointing changes where work is concerned. Sickness or death of female persons. Death among the people, or death of people of public interest. The hour of death.

MA/SA=PL interruption of a development. To quit one of several activities. Inception of a later separation or interruption of an activity.

(this might however have been more related to the death of my grandma than anything having to do with him)

SO/NE=AS An acquaintance with infirm people. Relations with sensitive men.

SO/NE=MO The divorced man. Death of the husband. To be dependent on mood or feeling. A weak husband.Moodiness, high impressionability, very special inner experience not easily understood, the emergence of the unconscious

SO/NE=PL Unnoticed changes taking place in the body. The development of susceptibility either good or bad as regards the physical health.
Extreme sensitivity

JU/UR=AS Happy companionship.knowing the best will happen;
success; fortunate twists in the way things transpire.

JU/UR=MO Happy hours, a fortunate grasp and
understanding of things, prudence. A sudden feeling of happiness.

U/UR=PL Sudden beginning of a fortunate development.

It`s funny, because they are so contradicting, and yet both ends of the scale interpretationswise were right, at least in retrospective.

posted June 04, 2016 07:56 AM            

that is what I mean, the Neptune usually does not operates alone, and what else is going on gives us better indicator into which direction it might go.

posted June 04, 2016 08:25 AM            

Well for once our composite Sun/Moon is on 9°38 Capricorn. lol

However the timeframe also coincided with some "fun-progressons" for us:

my pSun semisquare his nNeptune 0°17
my pMoon sesisquare his n Urnaus 0°47
my pMercury square his n Uranus 0°07
my pVenus square his n Uranus 0°59

my pJupiter opposite his n BML 0°01 naturally
my p Uranus semisquare his n BML 0°37

my pNeptune semisquare his nVenus 0°14
my pNeptune square his n Mars 0°04

my pASC trine his n Chiron 0°01

Well I actually did not even want to check this but the midpoints. lol

my pMoon opp his n Venus/Neptune 0°56
my pMoon opp. his n Pluto/ASC 0°20
my pMoon square his nSaturn/Pluto 0°05
my pMoon square his nJuno/Neptune 0°04
(yes, even at that time he was acting weird around me)

my pPluto square his nVenus/Neptune 1°00
my pPluto square his nPluto/ASC 0°44
my pPluto conjunct his nSaturn/Pluto 0°09
my pPluto conjunct his n Juno/Neptune 0°08
(of course those already are in the natal)

my pASC opp. his n Venus/Neptune 1°22
(this one had been operating a year and a half ago, the time when I decided it was a good idea to give in my paranoia and disappear for a few months, just when he was breaking up with his old girlfriend, after he approached me during a concert and well obviously tried to connect to me in some way at least, which I wasnīt able to even comprehend back then.)

my pASC opposite his Pluto/ASC 1°05

my pASC square his Saturn/Pluto 0°31
my pASC square his Neptune/Juno 0°30
(I guess about half a year before that I did something that was sort of the final straw for him. And yes I know the exact date even).

VE/NE=MO Woman's happiness in love obstructed. Woman's unhappy love. Unhappy love for a woman.
A dreamy emotional projection; a small sense of reality, impracticality. A chaotic emotional life, a dreamy nature, impressionability.

AS/PL=MO Environment influences on the development of character. Either a strong emotional response to one's environment. Or: wielding a powerful psychic influence upon others.

SA/PL=MO Divorced women. Persons who develop themselves too slowly, who adapt themselves by and by or separate by and by. melancholy, renunciation

VE/NE=PL Sweet, kind and friendly. Development of a secret sympathy. Extremely emotional; strong longing in love without attaining
fulfillment; a tragic love, a painful renunciation; sexual needs pack a primal
punch.

PLUTO TO MIDPOINT PLUTO/ASC
Extremely important time of life; dramatic changes of perspective are possible; identity transformation; geographic relocation; taking
command of things; a life milestone.

PLUTO TO MIDPOINT SATURN/PLUTO
The threat of loss in any area of life; potential self-destruction;

VE/NE=AS tied to an unhappy love. Acquaintance with people suffering from unfortunate love.
A peculiar disposition with regard to love-life, possibly a libertine image, a union with such a person.

SA/PL=AS Others fit themselves, suit themselves, only very slowly. Slow separation from others. The beginning of a separation which lasts for some time. Relations to quite different persons. Being placed in cumbersome or difficult circumstances. Sadness, mourning.

Well midpoints always fascinate me as you can see, and sometimes they are downright creepy

posted June 04, 2016 11:16 AM            

I know the heart bleeding open feeling... and i know the suspicion or experience of emotional abuse and how sometimes it can get blown way out of proportion if focused on and nurtured... If we get into a victim mentality in relationship or feel insecure about any perceived power imbalances we can create what looks very much like conditions for emotional abuse. This is tricky territory because it sounds like victim blaming unless you realize that the abusee is seeing things almost exclusively from the vantage point of their own sense of inadequacy which the other partner will begin to sense and resent... and they'll begin feeling insecure also. Also if one person feels blamed and demonized they will manifest more unsavoury behaviour. If two people truly aren't right for each other this will spell the beginning of the end... but in an essentially loving connection these things might still come up and be worked through. Any relationship involves constant work and adjustment and re commitment to being the best person we can be for one another; to truly caring for the other person's well being, for seeing the good in them and helping them with the hard stuff.

It's actually a bit of a milestone in many relationships, when we begin to perceive the other person's natural defenses and manifestations of their insecurities and probably fight and feel insecure and then come back together with a renewed and deepened sense of strength. That's what has just happened with D. and I and we are really happy at the moment... we were going through all kinds of serious drama and he was feeling really bad about it all and shutting down emotionally and feeling worried about our connection being poisoned... all kinds of crazy happened and one night a few nights ago i didn't respond with warmth to him after he had reached out because i had just felt ignored. He stormed out of the house and didn't return that night... he has a low threshold as an Aries/Taurus mix and when triggered flies right off the handle.

After a night of texting him all my desperate thoughts (which he poor mercury in Taurus in the 12th could hardly handle all at once), I asserted that even though I'd been experiencing some of what he was saying and doing as dismissive/abusive/too harsh, I found through a sleepless night of real soul searching that I couldn't leave him... (he said "so you're trapped"--and I said no, I just care about you too much. I love you too much. I want to focus on the good together etc.) I'm not usually one for flowery love speeches as I don't say things i don't really mean... i told him so... but i was telling him in no uncertain terms of the depth of the love i feel for him and i know he knows it... I finally realized that HE is insecure too and when he acts mean and defensive he is actually insecure! This helped me so much because we finally got beyond that old push/pull dynamic... i stopped thinking i had to cater to his Sag descendant and play hard to get. I don't! He needs love and support and i realized that no matter what i want to give it freely. It formed the basis of our relationship, this giving generous explicit love for one another, and it can't survive if i think i have to pretend not to love him! And lucky for us both i do love him like crazy... and i think he really loves me too. He isn't the type to be with anybody or to pretend anything. And he says he does-and shows he does... so my task is not to doubt not to let insecurityrun the show and lovr truly for the other persons sake and thus be filled myself with joy in loving..

it seems I must focus on loving the other rather than on whether or not I'm receiving enough love... my that this isn't important, just that I've found that when i focus on loving i find no deficit in my own heart and am at peace.. everything just overflows love and we naturally exude love because we're being loving and folks can't help but love us too

posted June 04, 2016 11:20 AM            

quote:

---

from Ceridwen:

For example let`s say there is Neptune to Sun/Moon, there could be many manifestations, just pointing out some

1) dissolution of friendship or marriage (separation)

2) delusion, illusion, possibly cheating and deception

3) imagination, creativity, romantic bliss, spiritual insights and deep understanding.

---

My Moon/Neptune conjunction is actually close to squaring his Sun/Moon midpoint (it's just over 2 degrees). And my progressed Neptune is within 1 degree of the square...

I think we've manifested all 3 of the possibilities you mentioned, Ceri... hoping to focus on the 3rd one

We've even encountered the following:

"

"SO/MO=NE Days of uncertainty. Cooling off in partnerships, friendships or marriage because of deceptive situation, misunderstandings or lies. The denial of a partnership or a marriage. To ultimately separate."

and

"inner discontentment. the tendency to torment oneself, the disposition to get upset quite easily. Shared suffering, mistake, misunderstandings, illusions or deceptions, the undermining of associations."

"

... but luckily the transcendental love seems to win out in the end and we lay in bed breathing each other's thoughts... blissing out in the knowledge that we are deeply in tune with one another's thoughts and beings in a big pool of true love..

Really appreciate your insights Ceri regarding surrounding circumstances very much colouring what kind of Neptune we are getting.

posted June 04, 2016 11:41 AM            

"when we begin to perceive the other person's natural defenses and manifestations of their insecurities and probably fight and feel insecure and then come back together with a renewed and deepened sense of strength.

...

we were going through all kinds of serious drama and he was feeling really bad about it all and shutting down emotionally and feeling worried about our connection being poisoned... all kinds of crazy happened and one night a few nights ago i didn't respond with warmth to him after he had reached out because i had just felt ignored.

... I finally realized that HE is insecure too and when he acts mean and defensive he is actually insecure!

...

He needs love and support and i realized that no matter what i want to give it freely. It formed the basis of our relationship, this giving generous explicit love for one another, and it can't survive if i think i have to pretend not to love him!

... o my task is not to doubt not to let insecurityrun the show and lovr truly for the other persons sake and thus be filled myself with joy in loving. "

Apart from that I really loved your whole post, it is funny and weird and bizarre and ironical how much I resonate with it. I mean Mr Sag and me are not a couple, we hardly know each other (though we know each other inside out at he same time I guess, I think it happens if you happen to encounter your cross-gender-mirror In some respects we are far too similiar, Venus in Cap with strong Sagittarius and Pluto influence showing).

I think it`s - on a very subtle level - exactly what happened in the last 3 weeks.

It`s a little weird, as our status does not really justify saying this, but then again he did respond overly volatile and not justified by the ACTUAL status of our interaction/ connection after meeting me, like he was responding more to some sort of inner script than what happened on an observational real life level. And I seem to have irrationally initially responded to that same inner script, until, I don`t know why, but I have the feeling we made up, even though I was not aware that we had an argument!
Heck our connection clearly has not that kind of status to even HAVE that kind of argument or irrational emotional responses!

Sometimes I swear I feel like we are actually in some kind of weird relationship (as in relating to each other), which is fuelled by something that certainly is not present in the actual present state of our connection.

I guess we have that way of pushing each other`s buttons simply speaking. But shouldnīt it become less strong instead of increasing in intensity everytime we encounter each other?

posted June 04, 2016 01:23 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Orange:
I just checked my progressed sun-moon midpoint for the time we first broke up, which was a particularly painful time for us.
Well, it turned out my progressed midpoint was exactly to a degree conjunct my natal Neptune (my chart ruler). gah...it was excruciating.
We made up 3 days later thou, but those three days felt like the end of my life so to speak.

Gloomy interpretations ahead.... BEWARE

"SO/MO=NE Days of uncertainty. Cooling off in partnerships, friendships or marriage because of deceptive situation, misunderstandings or lies. The denial of a partnership or a marriage. To ultimately separate."

and

"inner discontentment. the tendency to torment oneself, the disposition to get upset quite easily. Shared suffering, mistake, misunderstandings, illusions or deceptions, the undermining of associations."

Does any of it resonate?

---

I have my Neptune conjunct my Sun/Moon MP in my natal chart, and I can see the interp above. But I must say that the dillusion and pain associated has a pisces flavour, in the sense that it is as hard to swallow and/but it is filling you up once you accept the desillusion... Very .... Spiritual,

...sort of .... deceptions leading to mystical experiences leading to deceptions leading to ....

In love matters, I have finally reached a place of power, where I see possible desillusions but do not fear them anymore, I anticipate MY EXPACTATIONS THAT WILL LEAD TO DECEPTIONS AND TRY TO KEEP THEM AS LOW AS POSSIBLE OR AT LEAST IN CHECK, because I can get carried away in ways nobody sane would do, for their own good.

In practice, this night, while driving, I got carried away for more than an hour dreaming and wishing about a specific relationship in my life, and after letting my expectations run wild, I recentered and focused on the truth, which was that I had got carried away for an hour and I had been setting the trap in which I would be falling very soon.
Therefore, this way, I kind of avoided the ineluctable future headache/hangover that would have followed my getting drunk/high on expectation/illusions

posted June 05, 2016 09:20 AM            

I think you may be right.
Though to me at the moment it`s more intriguing or baffling or bizarre than really hard. Though there have been tough moments. But at the moment I am very centred and balanced, and just know that it`s alright.

He was acting very strange on our last meeting the way he was gazing at me pretty much 20 minutes straight no matter WHO was talking to him, or how he was always alternating between postioning himself looking directly at me from the opposite side, or standing right beside me, of course just so he could more comfortably talking to his assistants on the other side (something he managed to do so well for the other times, from the other position too).
he made up a fanmeeting right on the spot (his assistants did not know anything about it and did not cover for him either, so it became obvious he WAS making the very spontaneous decision that moment really), and sort of synchronized it with us (me and the two aquaintances), well he was saying it had to be in august, but clearly wanted a reassurance if that was alright for us, which it was, I think I did mention that at least a part of august was still in the summer break (coincidentally he ended up planning it really for about 2 weeks before my holidays will end, which I thought was just so considerate of him. ) He also renamed it from "fanmeeting" to "Get-together with fan-friends". I guess he feels uncomfortable with the terminology as well. lol

And well my other aquaintance remarked how scarce he had made himself in recent months, but I must admit that it was me who pointed out (to my aquaintance really, but he was standing close after all and of course he was intended to hear that) that he was being "not really all that communicative lately".
He feigned being startled and surprised, but I guess also realized that moment just HOW much I do observe and that obviously I would like him to be more communicative. Maybe he couldnīt figure that out on his own before, I donīt know. He`s smart but he is also much more insecure sometimes than he lets on.
I also remember that when we said our goodbyes I was adding that he should be driving carefully (well he is having the typical fire-sign driving style which really is worrisome to be honest) and while idid not think about this (just slipped out to be honest) and still don`t think it is THAT personal thing to say, he clearly was touched by it. I mean I`ve rarely seen such a happy smile on anyone`s face.

And then, I don`t know, 2 days later he released that big message about having been scolded for being so uncommunicative and scarce on facebook and continuing with saying he liked to spend time with his sons, and that he loves his sons and his wife and that they make him the happiest father and husband in the world.
But that he also has not forgotten his audience, and that he is looking forward to the summer in a certain city (he curiously seems to avoid naming the musical he is playing in, and has not publicised it anyway, though he did tell me repeatedly now that he`s going to play in this. lol) and that when we happen to be there we should keep our eyes open and meet him and his two sons, while being in the city.

It was a weird bizarre message to be honest, maybe he meant it to be funny, but he really usually is not writing that much of novels on facebook, and this one seemed to be just shooting over the mark, considering our chat, which was just a chat. And noone ever really doubted that he loves his wife.

Still he sort of got me "on the wrong foot", and I was slightly annoyed actually, and I guess it showed. lol
Well I did respond by correcting him that "scolding" was a bit much said, and that now I felt like I needed to apologize and did nto even know why. And commenting too that it is of course absolutely clear he loves his family and prefers spending time with them.

But I guess that was not the worst, but an aquaintance then publicly writing the name and birthdate of his second son. To which he did not respond,b ut many other people did, including myself. And well got in a little argument with her about how she could NOT do that, which she did not understand. His best friend commented, too (whom I had shortly crossed paths with on the actual meeting too, as I was sitting in the cafe when he came in, and coincidentally looking up, and suddenly had that flash back of a memory of the same situation just many years ago, when I was still going to university. And well, he was going to the same university as me, and the way he looked at me that moment, it seemed like he remembered the exact same fleeting incident. or sort of recognized me at least. lol)

Anyway, Mr Sag did the only rational reasonable thing, he deleted the whole topic. lol

Well I was sorry this got so out of hand and I have no clue what that was about, but I did not understand HIS action with that message to begin with. It was a tad too much, you know? Too emotional, too defensive even.
But defensive about what? I still have no clue what I did do wrong.

Anyway, a day or two after that another poster asked him about a musical, and he misunderstood the question a little (it was confusing, he is playing Judas in one show and Jesus in the next one. lol) And Mercury-in Sag (mine this time, not his) could NOT keep her fat mouth shut, but hey, if I see mistakes, I need to correct them, (I guess I have not learned a thing from "Annie get your gun". lol) so I pointed out the misunderstanding and repeated the question more specifically. He responded instantly, but this whole was all very, I donīt know how certain fb-interactions can have a certain "emotional vibe", but this one felt coldish-defensive on both sides, businesslike or well like "waiting-mode".

Anyway just a few days after that he was giving another concert which my aquaintances attended, and well it was the first concert for a long time that I did NOT go to. I guess this was unfortunate timing, as it was so closely after the messed up whatever it was the week before. lol

And in the past even less was necessary to make me run away, turn my back on him, and stay away, usually for a few months, the first time around 2 years actually. And this was really the closest to a real conflict I can recall.
So me not attending the concert, I guess the conclusion was easy to draw that I would be staying away now (which is a wrong conclusion, if it was one, it was just conflicting schedules. sometimes I have to work, too!)

Anyway, he implemented something new for the concert, he never did, posting a video of the first song he was singing - live- to "those who can`t be here tonight"

the song being: I follow rivers.

I like the song.

it`s such a fun tune

That was somehow a cute thing to do. And well the man IS crazy after all.
Too bad I couldnīt be there at the concert.

And well from that point on he has been very communicative. lol
including most random things, but also releasting the date for the fanmeeting or "Get-together", and a Podcast he did with his best friend on 31st may-1st june and putting online, and it was 50 minutes talking about NOTHING. just joking around, goofy, silly things. But it was, well I like that kind of humour. lol
they were also asking for listeners suggesting a name for the podcast, and I did respond to this, and suggested "Cracking corny-jokes from the cellar".

Which both responded very positive to, well I also mentioned that I am really able casting horoscopes, and sometimes interpreting them, as it`s not that different from telling stories.

I almost wonder if he deliberately put that in there (mentioning doing horoscopes for a monthly podcast, as he could do that, while sitting on his balcony that does not exist, looking into the stars that do exist lol -y es I like that kind of humour) - but no matter if he did or not, apparently i took the bait instantly.

Kinda reminds me that this was the first thing we ever talked about when we first met, me asking him for his birthtime and horoscopes and so on. I very much doubt he even remembers that meeting, but still. it was almost like a cyclic thing, that this came up again.

Anyway whatever all of this was about, I feel we are good again.
For a casual interactive connection that felt emotionally a little exhausting at times though (and making a mental note to myself: Do NOT respond during a fullmoon, especially not a MAY fullmoon - Ceri, you KNOW what that does, we`ve been down that road before ----- well curiously just the fullmoon before I ever saw him and then before I met him, so beware of these may fullmoons for me. lol)

let me know when you read the novel so I can erase it again

posted June 05, 2016 12:12 PM            

Sounds like it

So cool that horoscopes came up again... that's really nice to hear somehow.

I remember reading about the weird thing with the person asking if he didn't love his other son as much or whatever. Very strange! And yes it sounds like possibly he was trying to reassure himself and others with the post but it's hard to tell for sure of course... a 'thou dost protest too much' sort of vibe.... Kinda seems to me like you would know though, on some level--given your connectedness and awareness of his energy... then again it's hard sometimes even to know ourselves! Let alone fathom other people's motivations...