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Author Topic:   Profile of a forbidden relationship
misslani
Knowflake

Posts: 93
From:
Registered: Feb 2013

posted June 23, 2016 06:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for misslani     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I want to tell you a story. We met about a year ago. He was my boss, my age and we got along great. He got married earlier that year and I was in a relationship at the time. We became friends. I found out that he grew up without parents and felt like no one ever truly loved him and before he met his wife, he was in a relationship for 6 years, until she cheated on him. He married his wife because her visa was expiring and he didnīt want to lose her because she was giving him all the love and attention he never recieved before. However, after they got married, that attention became suffocating. She was following him around, making tantrums if he didnīt send a photo of where he was at whenever she asked, started checking out his cellphone, calls and internet history, followed him to the gym to see if he really works out, even accused him of cheating with his best friend (male).

Around the same time my boyfriend and I broke up due to him cheating on me. I was in a really bad place at the time. So, my boss and I spent all of this time together, talking, joking, having fun working together and we felt this... attraction. Actually, the attraction was there from the moment we met, but due to our relationships, we ignored it. He confessed it first and told me he wanted to get involved with me. At first, I made fun of the situation and of him, but on the inside, I was struggling with the decision. What pushed me towards him was "No one cares about my feelings when they hurt me, why should I care about anyone elseīs?"

Everything, from our conversations, first kiss to the first time we had sex, was electric. Absolutely perfect. About month and a half later, when we were already completely in love, his wife found out that she was pregnant. We broke up, but didnīt last a week without each other. Ever since then, we keep breaking up, trying to "do the right thing", but also keep getting back together. Sheīs due in about 5 weeks. We promised each other that we would end this. We have to. I love him, so much. I even love that little unborn baby girl because sheīs a part of him and sheīs the only person Iīd be willing to give up on him for. He loves his wife, but isnīt in love with her. I donīt hate her. Theyīre just broken people who met together and keep breaking each other further. I donīt know whatīs going to happen. A part of me is telling me to force myself to move on. The other part of me (the one that comes from a family where a father cheated on my mother, married his mistress and yet all of us, "children" and adults are happier now than when my parents were together) is telling me to wait and not rush into something trying to get over him because that relationshipīs doomed from the beginning and (I sound like a vulture here) some things are better falling apart, so the pieces could grow into something stronger, better.


Sorry for the long post.

What I want to ask is... What is it that you see from our synastry chart? What is it that makes us feel the way we do?

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 66387
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 23, 2016 08:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Moving to Interpersonal Astrology.

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todd
Knowflake

Posts: 865
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted June 23, 2016 09:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for todd     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hi mislani

I looked at the composite chart for this relationship.
it has very romantic and loving aspects.
the mars/venus midpoint is square to the node with gives spontaneous emotional and physical attraction.
the eros/psyche midpoint is square to the vertex showing the immediate, almost spiritual attraction. this a very romantic feeling, it is like a first love almost innocent in nature because the attraction is so ethereal and idealistic.
then eros is conjunct to eris on the descendant, this aspect is pure sexual attraction,very hot and heavy from the beginning.
the physical and emotional chemistry is indeed off the charts.
but truthfully it likes a star crossed relationship as satrunis conjunct pluto and these are square to thesun. this shows he will not leave his wife and commit to you. he is hesitant and goes back and forth but the Uranus/Jupiter and Jupiter/Saturn midpoints are conjunct the node . these are breakup aspects. I don't know ,once the baby is born ,you likely should break it off as this will never go anywhere. but you may have already made a big mistake because his sexual interest is so great that working in the same place will make it unbearable.

todd

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Belage
Knowflake

Posts: 2203
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 23, 2016 09:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Belage     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The excitement and obsession of this relationship is symbolized by the Pluto-Venus conjunction in the synastry. In this relationships, the Pluto person (your boss) has the upper hand over the Venus person (you) even though the aspect seems to bind them both.

There is a nice moon/sun conjunction, so there is a real feeling of love between you.

Because you two are born a couple of months apart, you have a number of generational conjunctions: North node, saturn and Uranus, which make you feel a certain level of belonging, but it's not enough to keep you together, I don't see any of your Saturns aspecting any of your personal planets so no real binding agents for you two other than the sexual intensity of Pluto conjunct Venus.

He has the upper hand. If he really wanted, he would divorce to be with you. Stop feeling sorry for him. Pluto can drag Venus into the depths of degradation and you have to be careful because your Venus is in detriment in Scorpio. So you have a lot more to lose.

Transit Pluto will be opposing your lovely Sun/moon conjunction at some point, and if you have still not broken up, this plutonic transit will give the final break to what you have.

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misslani
Knowflake

Posts: 93
From:
Registered: Feb 2013

posted June 24, 2016 12:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for misslani     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you for your replies. I was wondering, mostly because I have an obsession with Liliths, does it/do day have any influence on our relationship?

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todd
Knowflake

Posts: 865
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted June 24, 2016 01:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for todd     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lilith is hooking on you in this chart as ceres is opposed to Lilith giving you deep down feeling that this relationship will turn in to a nurturing and emotionally supportive relationship. you are deceiving yourself .he is your boss, when his wife finds about you, you will be fired. open your eyes.
todd

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Lotis White
Moderator

Posts: 2212
From: USA
Registered: Dec 2010

posted June 25, 2016 07:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lotis White     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Seems like he has made his choice... To stay with his wife and raise the baby. And lets faces it. He may say he's not 'in love' with her now to you, but the reality is that he was once, and so he could be again.

Astrology aside, I think for the sake of self-preservation you aught to cut your losses and move on. If you keep holding on there's a danger you could waste years of your life waiting for something that's never going to happen (for him to leave his wife). You don't have to be the 'other women'. Why settle for less, why not value your self enough to find someone totally free to make you his priority. This guy is not the only man in the world you could love. It may hurt for a while but you'd eventually get over it.

The thing that made this relationship messy seems to be that you became romantically involved and physically intimate before his ties to his wife had been completely severed. When a guy approaches you and says he wants to be with you because his marriage is 'over', if he is still living with his wife and still has not signed divorce papers, there is a problem. I hate to say this but a lot of questionable guys will use saying their marriage is emotionally 'over' as a way of convincing another women to essentially be his mistress. Then after that they can keep her dangling for years, saying things like he can't leave because of the children or for financial reasons, the list goes on and on. I'm not saying your situation is like this, there's a danger you could wait for this guy for years without getting anywhere. And still wind up alone.

My perspective is this, if a guy is a crumbling marriage says he wants to be with you, don't get involved with him until he has completely exited his previous relationship. That means he must be living separately from his ex, to have the divorce papers signed and done, and to have his emotional life disentangled from his ex, except for contributions to their children if they had any. You can say you do care for him but can't be involved if he is still tied to his soon to be ex wife. Tell him that he can approach you again when he's sorted it all out, and is truly a single man who can give you his all. If he can't give you that, then you can save yourself a lot of extra heart ache by letting it go. There are some situations where ultimatums are necessary in order for there to be healthy boundaries from the very start of a relationship, and this is one of them.

He has free will and has made his choice. He has chosen his wife and the baby. There's no place for you here. I know it sounds harsh, but don't you owe it to yourself to not to settle for second best. And don't feel sorry for hurting him by ending it. If he really cared about your welfare he's respect your need to find a relationship where you can have security and be a priority to your mate. It's natural to feel sad that a relationship is ending. Only don't let him turn you into his standby girlfriend to be used at his convenience, while you continue to suffer uncertainty and insecurity, and can not move on.

Besides, if he is now recommitting to his wife and baby (regardless of the past this is what he decided to do), then the morel and right thing to do is to step aside and let that relationship grow back to what it once was. There is a child involved now, and if both parents want to try again for the sake of the baby, then they should be able to fully invest in their future together. And if he has trouble drawing the line here then it's questionable on his part. If he is truly committed to raising his child with his wife, and giving that child a secure and happy upbringing, then the right thing to do is to let you go and not to try and drag you back to a situation where there is no future.

Don't play second fiddle for any man. And don't let your attraction to him put you in a compromising position that only leads to further pain. He's either going to live with you or live with her and the baby. It can't be both ways.

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LeeLoo2014
Knowflake

Posts: 18117
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014

posted June 26, 2016 04:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Love is helping the other become a beautiful accomplished soul, by discouraging them to lie, cheat, betray and use, by personal example.

------------------
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

LeeLoo's Esotericorner

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Lotis White
Moderator

Posts: 2212
From: USA
Registered: Dec 2010

posted June 26, 2016 05:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lotis White     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Love is helping the other become a beautiful accomplished soul, by discouraging them to lie, cheat, betray and use, by personal example.


Another reason why you're awesome LeeLoo.

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LeeLoo2014
Knowflake

Posts: 18117
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014

posted June 26, 2016 05:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you and likewise, Lotis

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