posted October 28, 2011 05:05 PM            

I say this because I've pondered this often, whenever I see some people together. I have Aquarius on the 4th house cusp, Uranus in the 1st, Lilith in Aquarius (3rd house) Ceres in Aquarius, and Saturn in Libra in the 12th. All these things I think make me not so 'relationship-oriented'. Not saying I'm anti-relationship or something but I've certainly never been desperate. I wouldn't be with someone just to be with someone. But I also have standards and values...I'm not trying to be someone's wh0re or something.

I haven't talked to him any differently than I talk to other guys. I invited him to a party I had months ago, but practically everyone was invited. People who didn't show at least acknowledged it and asked how it was, said 'hey sorry I wasn't able to make it'. Not him, he didn't bother to come (fine) but he didn't even acknowledge it. I don't know if he interpreted that as me being 'eager'. He's strange because this other girl (whom I call a ho, lol) definitely comes across as eager to me and he just feeds into it. He has texted her and they've eaten lunch together. She just seems like an easy target to me. Apparently they don't have the same issue that I seem to have with him because he talks with her just fine. Maybe because I've called him out on his crap. Whatever. I don't know but I'm definitely no 'chaser'. I'm old fashioned there. You know girls want to be swept off their feet. (Thats how I feel) The guy is supposed to chase and what not. And more importantly, not trying to sound conceited or something, but he should recognize my (for lack of a better term) 'greatness'. I get lots of attention from people; good attention not bad attention and I consider myself a pretty good catch. I'm certainly not perfect, but I try to present my best self as much as I can and I'm definitely true to myself. Wouldn't want to be anyone else. --- I'm done self-promoting... I don't like it when people come across as full of themselves, so don't want to seem like that!

posted October 29, 2011 11:34 AM            

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posted October 30, 2011 01:37 PM            

quote:

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Sun Square Pluto

The combination of the Sun and Pluto signifies power, and in its simplest and most blatant form it usually means power struggles between you. The problem is that one of you has a strong desire to transform the other into something that he or she is not.

Pluto always operates on a relationship at a very deep level. There is absolutely nothing superficial about its operation. Even if you are not trying to change your partner, you will. And the changes will be felt from the innermost depths to the outermost reaches of your lives.

One problem that can arise with this aspect is a serious conflict of life directions. This is likely to be the source of considerable ego conflict between you.

The only way to deal with the energy of this aspect is to avoid all ego games. Confine yourselves to real sources of conflict and don't indulge in mutual harassment over small matters that you do not really care about but are using to score points at the other's expense.

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posted November 08, 2011 01:04 PM            

Instead he sat there and talked to me like I was a child. He seemed all 'high and mighty' and as if I was the only one to blame, like only I've done wrong and he's some saint or something.

I just don't understand how/why he could be so cold. He said that I am the one who doesnt talk to him, and I said yeah I used to...then he blurts out that 'we never talked, you just came by and would say something stupid then leave and then I would be left thinking 'what was that?'" ...Thanks a lot. Excuse me for trying to 'break the ice' or something, say something memorable or something.

I told him how I was hoping that he would be honest with me, if I was honest with him. SO he said, 'ok well ask me something then' so I asked 'well then why do you always give me these looks when you walk by?'. His respomse: I'm just trying to see how your mood is, if you're in a good mood or a bad mood. Really?? while I'm talking in the conference room? This is what I get for being honest.

Everything was put on me as if I'm this horrible person. I should be satisfied, slightly that he actually said something about me...thats the only time really that he wasn't talking about himself. Because he always manages to throw in some self-promoting statements the few times I have talked to him. Yesterday it was about how incredibly observant he is. As am I...which is why I pick up on his reluctance to talk to me, and you wonder why I walk away. Everyone else, he acts like he's happy they're there. Me? its like 'yeah I'm busy' - He doesn't say that, thats just the attitude I get.

It took a lot for me to get up the nerve to go say something to him, and then he's just completely hurtful. My calling him an *sshole was in response to his behavior. But instead of talking about that or something, its just all me; I'm the bad one. I certainly don't dare say anything more to him. I'm avoiding him anyway...I've already been made to feel embarrassed, vulnerable, and exposed. And for what?

posted November 08, 2011 10:21 PM            

To me it's obvious he wasnt being honest. Either he's an ahole and that's what ge really thinks, or he's just doing it bc he doesnt want to admit he's scared. In my opinion the pluto energy makes a lot of guys scared because the woman has such power over them, just like they have so much influence on the woman. But guys dont like to be vulnerable, and pluto gives a huge sense of vulnerability. Since at the same time it also gives a feeling of repulsion and with composite sun square pluto especially---a lot of criticism and uncomfortable feelings (because your lofe paths and plans for your life are very different, and you probably dont intuitively understand or feel comfortable with each other's social behavior either) I feel that guys are more inclined to run away from the energy rather than gove in to it. Trust me on this. Trust your gut bc it's usually right. The same thing has happened to me with guys i had sun square pluto woth in the composite, or any pluto contacts actually, when i come to think of it. It was obvious they were very fond of me, to the point where other people noticed it and commented on it, yet they still denied liking me at all and "ran away" from me.

This one guy, he would shake and stutter in my presence and he wasnt able to stop looking in my eyes (he did admit THAT, actually!) and I in his, and his voice would turn extremely nurturing, kind, and high pitched whenever he would talk to me and he would literally run around doing me favors asking if i needed anything and calling me honey. It was obvious to everyone else that he liked me, but he himself wouldnt admit it. I found this a common occurence with conposite sun square pluto. Anyway, i can understand their feelings.....it makes one feel extremely vulnerable and out of control.....!!

It is not like other slightly more casual attractions where u dont feel like the person can actually eat u whole and see right into your soul and you into theirs and like you cannot hide anything from them because they can see all your sadness and fears and what you're all about as clear as day when they look in your eyes, and so can you when you look in their eyes, and like everything is so impossibly intense between you. You just see the way they move and you absolutely melt. And when you look in each other's eyes absolute magic happens.

posted November 09, 2011 12:08 AM            

He told me I had been aggressive and it was like I had some vendetta against him, that I had an attitude and was always mad or frustrated so his staring at me was only to see what kind of mood I was in. If I had such an attitude towards him, I would've given him some hateful look whenever he looked at me like that. Its not like this was some normal look. He claimed I always rolled my eyes at him. I said, how could I be rolling my eyes at you; I haven't talked to you and barely even look at you for months now. Yet somehow, I'm being aggressive. I also told him that my 'talking about him, wasn't so much talking about him (I don't even mention his name, its just people immediately know who I'm talking about) - it was just me trying to get some kind of answers to his puzzling behavior' To which he replied, that I should be talking to him if I have questions. Why? he can't even be honest with me and when I have tried to talk to him, he seems to avoid me somehow. He made it seem like I don't know him but he knows everything about me, because he "is very observant" and "I am very expressive so I am easy to read". When I said to him that any bad comments I made were made out of anger, he replied with 'yeah I know, I understand people's behavior and I know whats behind your behavior'. Then he asked if we can be 'civilized' from now on?

What's even crazier is when I first went to him, before I even said what I wanted to talk to him about, he seemed just fine. It was only after I told him I wanted to apologize that he suddenly turned into some 'parent figure' and came down on me. I told him I wanted to apologize, he asked 'what brought about this change of heart?' I said 'well I'm better than that and I didn't want you to think bad of me'. He then said, no I'm not like that. I wouldn't think that way. Then he proceeded to come down on me.

posted November 09, 2011 01:59 AM            

The one time I recall rolling my eyes at him was one day when I saw him getting a lttle too close to some other girl, so naturally I took that as a rejection of me. What you said about the rejection thing is soooo true. Its like we'll purposely go by each other and act like 'I don't care, I'm not even paying attention to you'.

I told him yesterday, 'if I roll my eyes at you, maybe thats just my defense or something, maybe I'm just trying to get your attention' And he said 'yeah I figured as much' So, the rejection thing - right on. That's exactly how it is.

But I don't understand what he's doing now. Because I went to him yesterday, that was like a surrender. It took a lot for me to do that. And he claims he knows why I was mad and what not. He must know I like him, so why would he still react with this 'rejection attitude' and be hurtful like that?

About him getting angry about my behavior...I don't know about that. Well at least yesterday he said 'well it doesn't bother me'. But I know thats only because he knows I like him. Then there's this feeling I have of not wanting to show that at all because he doesn't exactly respond. If he does, its very slight. So it makes me feel like I'm just some ego boost to him. And I feel like we both feel better if we see that we got to one another. Like if he seems all happy, I wonder how can he be so happy when I feel hurt? It makes me think he really doesn't care. But then I think he probably feels the same way at times.

One time, shortly after I stopped talking to him, which by the way was because I found out he went to lunch with this other girl who I suspected he had something going on with, he was absent for a couple of days. When he came back, he came over to my desk to ask me a random question and he hadn't shaved, so he looked a little disheveled. I've never seen him look like that. To me it was like he was just trying to make me feel bad for not talking to him, as if to say 'look at me, I'm a mess'. That was the only time I saw him unshaved like that.