posted September 05, 2016 05:34 PM            

Telling a person that you will go back to drugs or overdose if someone else continues to say certain things that they'd rather not hear (whether those things are true or not) is a form of emotional manipulation. It's a way of saying- "Tell me only what I want to hear or else! To hell with YOUR opinions or your feelings. What matters is only MY opinions and what I feel- and if you think otherwise, just try and give me YOUR opinion anyway. If it hurts my ego I'll show you how insignificant your thoughts are compared to mine- the only ones of ANY value in this relationship as far as I'm concerned- by trying to kill myself and making you feel you were at fault."

This doesn't necessarily make him a bad person because depending on his upbringing, he may not even be aware that emotional abuse/manipulating is what he's doing. Nevertheless that's what it is.

This is not a healthy relationship. He wants you to stay by his side but on his terms only. You can't ever express your true feelings on something for fear of how he will react. He is also to reactive and is unwilling to grow in the relationship. What does growth mean in a relationship where someone is telling you things that you don't want to hear? Well that depends, but it either means.

A) You realize the person is telling you truths that may be hard to hear, but will be good for you to learn and grow from. So you stay in the relationship and grow.

B) You realize the person is just saying untrue things to you to make you feel bad and only wanting to put you down. So you LEAVE the relationship.

C) Maybe the person is telling you truths, but they are still not being helpful in the process. Example: If you play too much video games instead of mildly pointing this out they scream in front of your friends what a disgusting lazy slob you are. So you LEAVE that relationship and while that person is AWAY from you, you can still work on not spending so much time playing video games. Even though what they said was right, the way they said it was not conducive to a healthy relationship.

Notice that in none of these is the option to tell someone you are going to take drugs and then overdosing. He doesn't want to leave the relationship AND he doesn't want to face what you're saying to him (whether those things are true or not) so he wants his cake and eat it too. Therefore you stay in in with him but are only allowed to speak to him about things that he feels like hearing from you and that's that. That's not a real relationship. That's him trying to turn you into a blow-up doll rather than realizing you're a person who gets to have their needs and say in the relationship too.

Again- he may be too emotionally or psychologically damaged to realize that this is what he is doing. He needs to get professional help, but I don't see that it is good for either of you to stay in this relationship.

posted September 05, 2016 07:50 PM            

What you're describing right now is very much Scorpio SN-stuckness. I daresay it's part of your relationship purpose to leave behind "torturous love" that Scorpio so loves, and embrace the fixity, stability and warmth of Taurean love.

What this means is -- all those south node behaviours of emotional manipulation, high-strung mind games and out-n-out blackmail -- have got to be let go. In favour of being there for each other, "going steady", as they used to say back in the day. Appreciating what your five senses can absorb - and being grounded in *this* world. Stop & smell the roses. The true 'test' of your relationship (I hesitate to use that word, but it's just to illustrate this point), is whether you can successfully do away with those south node behaviours and make way for simple, mature, unwavering love.

posted September 10, 2016 09:23 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Yin:
ilunatique,
I can tell you from experience that a Sag woman and a Cancer man tend to be a disaster together long term. It takes a lot of emotional maturity from both sides to make this kind of relationship work.
I'm a Sag woman. I've been involved with Cancers for a while. Different ones. They are the bane of my existence. Not even a Scorpio can do my head and emotions in like a Cancer can.
At least a Scorpio is SURE of their intentions.
Cancer men - not so much. They will play mind games with you until you want to scream. Then they'll be all innocent about it and make you feel like you're crazy.
One thing that does my head in over and over again (and it's why I keep going back to Cancers) - the sexual chemistry is amazing. Never met a Cancer I didn't want to completely lose my mind over in the bedroom.

I read your post before you deleted everything. You have an emotional manipulator on your hands. Don't despair - that's Cancer's trademark. It's not unique and it's not a special kind of torture just for you. I am yet to figure out how to deal with that. A friend suggested that I just ignore. Ignore him until he comes back. If he doesn't, good riddance then, right? Why would you put yourself through that in the first place? (This is advice that I need to hear too.) Some ppl here would say that I'm projecting and maybe I am but I feel your pain. I have that pain too.
Perhaps a strong Scorpio woman can give you better advice here. I am sending you virtual hugs and a wish for a peace of mind.

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Luna, i'm sorry this happened to you. I didn't read your original post, just your subject heading and the responses. I'm someone who has a lot of Cancer placements and right now I'm going through a rough (and regressive) time, and I agree with everyone who says that (immature) Cancerian behavior can be very emotionally manipulative. It is not your fault that he's depressed and acting out--he needs to work on himself to find security that isn't hung on another person. And I hope you find a way to disentangle from this kind of relationship and move into something happier and healthier.