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Author
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Topic: i need help, been crying for days and my heart aches
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nyangeloxo
Newflake Posts: 23
From: ny
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted April 29, 2017 08:54 PM
  
a beautiful thing happened during venus retrograde. i spent a lot of time thinking about past relationships and my inability to open up. i thought far back to when i was my most innocent and pure and remembered a guy who i met when i was 14. we were both in this rotary youth exchange program where if we were chosen, we would have the ability to go abroad for a year. We both got chosen and had to do a weekend intensive training. it was there that he asked me to go for a walk by the lake. He told me how he much he cared for me and that he wanted us to be together. Ill never forget the feeling of comfort and safety I felt with him. I told him i felt the same way but that we would both be far away from each other for a long time and i didnt know if i could handle it. We stayed in touch while abroad but then we lost touch and he went into the marines and I had a lot of family issues, ended up having a child and becoming a single mom. Fast forward to this retrograde that made me think of him, I immediately got excited and went to search for him online but couldnt find him at all. I remember i sat there with a smile on my face just thinking about that feeling he brought to me and our innocence and i wished him well wherever he was and sent him lots of pure love. I began to do mediation and things to open my heart at home every night.
About two days later I get a friend request from him. I nearly fainted. We made plans to meet up and we did. He told me he loved me and that we were soulmates and i was taken right back to that feeling at 14 again. we had an amazing night but naturally i got scared of being hurt and pushed him away a bit. We are still talking every day and ive been opening up to him more and more but I havent seen him in a few weeks. I know that i want to try and make things work with him because i love him and should not be scared of that. There are issues now as he just brought up to me that he was offered a job overseas that he didnt know if he would take.
The reason for this post is because i need help analyzing our synastry as it is obvious that the two squares are going to be a bit of an issue. there has to be a way to transcend some of this stuff and evolve it into something mutually beneficial instead of having it constantly be a reoccuring issue and dooming the entire relationship....
i have been in a really bad place the last few days over this stuff because i love him and i want us to both be together happily
the synastry im attaching is not utilizing birth times (as i dont have his)his aries sun squares my venus and uranus in cap.
he natally has sun square uranus and venus
and i natally have sun semisquare venus and uranus
as well as saturn opp jupiter & saturn opp neptune natally i have an aquarius moon idk if that helps.
11/07/1989 09:41 Julian day 2447837.90
Timezone -0.00 ST 12.47 Lat 0.00 Long 0.00
03/21/1989 Aspect 11/07/1989 Orb/Value
Sun Square Venus 2.09 -205
Sun Square Uranus 2.52 -93
Mercury Trine Sun 1.05 196
Mercury Trine Pluto 0.56 62
Saturn Sextile Sun 1.57 62
Saturn Sextile Mercury 0.07 93
Saturn Opposition Jupiter 2.18 -53
Saturn Conjunction Saturn 3.11 78
Saturn Conjunction Neptune 2.48 72
Uranus Conjunction Venus 3.09 91
Uranus Conjunction Saturn 4.41 57
Uranus Conjunction Uranus 2.26 76
Neptune Sextile Mercury 0.41 66
Neptune Opposition Jupiter 1.30 -52
Neptune Conjunction Saturn 2.23 76
Neptune Conjunction Neptune 2.01 71
Pluto Conjunction Sun 0.04 145
Pluto Conjunction Mercury 1.59 99
Pluto Conjunction Pluto 0.14 78
1322 -403 919
http:/ /astro.cafeastrology.com/cgi-bin/graphic?type=32&dformat=2&date=1989/3/20&lat=0.00&long=0.00&adjust=0.00&date2=1989/11/7&time2=9.41&lang=en&reverse=&nohouses=true IP: Logged |
Kannon McAfee
Moderator Posts: 2340
From: Portland, OR - USA
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted April 30, 2017 05:08 PM
A beautiful story, even with the heartache. I would like to respond, but I'd prefer to have both your birth data with your birth time included. Since you communicate so often with him, I think he'll give you his birth time as well (if he knows it). Ask him to get it from the record/certificate (mother/). Tell him you'd like to understand your profound connection and think that the comparison of your birth charts could help.There are definitely some good and some challenging aspects there, but the specific birth data for both of you will help us see the whole aspect picture, which includes the declinations. ------------------
The Declinations Guy
Rising Sign Descriptions
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nyangeloxo
Newflake Posts: 23
From: ny
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted May 01, 2017 10:07 AM
thank you so much for your response, its greatly appreciated and comes at a time when i could really use it. He and I have just had a slight miscommunication, and he hurt me with his lack off effort in honoring plans to see me, so i am taking some space to myself and its a bad time to be asking for his birth info right now without sounding mildly insane. i tried checking birth records online and came up with nothing lol. im assuming he was born near me though. i just wish i could find out the time for his house placements.
I think a lot of the challenge comes from me not being able to completely open up and pour my heart out to him like i want to because Id like for him to prove he will be there for me and make the effort. so sometimes i can come off as standoffish. im really trying though, i really am and this has done a number on my heart, ripping it open and hitting its core. id love for us to work together, create a home and family. Id like to make it happen in this lifetime because i am willing to work for it and i know that anything is possible and astrology can be my asset  my birth info is november 7 1989
smithtown, NY 3:35 am
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nyangeloxo
Newflake Posts: 23
From: ny
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted May 02, 2017 02:45 AM
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Kannon McAfee
Moderator Posts: 2340
From: Portland, OR - USA
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted May 02, 2017 02:45 PM
There seems to be a miscommunication here as well. The data you gave above with the time 3:35 PM indicates natal Moon 1° Pisces, not Aquarius. Is it possible you meant 3:35 AM? That would put natal Moon 24° Aquarius.------------------
The Declinations Guy
Rising Sign Descriptions
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nyangeloxo
Newflake Posts: 23
From: ny
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted May 02, 2017 02:49 PM
yes sorry !!!! 3:35 AMIP: Logged |
nyangeloxo
Newflake Posts: 23
From: ny
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted May 02, 2017 02:56 PM
I just edited it, thank you for catching that.even though i do feel very piscean moon at times... IP: Logged |
Kannon McAfee
Moderator Posts: 2340
From: Portland, OR - USA
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted May 02, 2017 03:26 PM
There are a lot of good inter-aspects in this synastry. Just counting those involving planets, nodes, I find 19 positive/supporting aspects and 15 negative/challenging ones. Not bad. I'm not counting Ascendants in either chart (or Miheavens), or asteroids. Planets are what matter, and nodes show the potential for growth.Lots of good Mercury aspects for good communication. Excellent. Consider that this recent misunderstanding need not color your view of the potential for good mutual understanding and communication. If anything, the synastry indicates to me that you want this a bit too much. So it will likely fare better if you can make more even waters for yourself sailing forward. There are 3 aspects between Neptune and Saturn, which can challenge the conceptual vs material reality. These aspects are conjunctions and a parallel, so they work in the manner of fusion of dreams/reality, but you'll have to be patient. He is a true Taurus/Aries cusp. You'll have to be patient. Otherwise, forget it. Also, all but one of his personal placements are in mutable signs, which challenges the strongly fixed placements (6) in your chart. Learn flexibility and more spontaneity. He will likely respond better to you once you demonstrate these. If you've already communicated how you feel and he knows this, it is time to operate in a way that probably comes as counter-intuitive to you ... to patiently wait him out. So long as he knows you are there -- and flexible as to particulars (time/place) for spending time together, you are in good position. Your natal chart shows Sun & Mercury tightly conjunct Pluto in Scorpio. It is obvious that when you make up your mind you are 'all in' and intensely ready, but in relationships the meeting place is somewhere between 'right now' and 'never'. You have determination and dedication, but this sometimes becomes something that undermines your patience. This is also seen in the (admittedly wide) parallel between your natal Moon [13S10] and Mars [11S44]. Tendency for emotions to suddenly be hot once they are engaged. Patience is a real challenge. You have Moon parallel N.Node. Your life progression rests a lot on how you handle your emotions. I hope you consider the foreseeable future as an opportunity to learn ways of understanding, balancing, and expressing them in a way that will serve you in relationship with him and all others. Your Mercury aspect with Sun & Pluto is also trine Jupiter: excellent for communication of all kinds. So I recommend writing down and/or speaking similarly to the way you did a while back when you remembered the love between you and him and carry this over into more frequent practice that draws on what you learned from that. I'd say you discovered an innate power we all have, but which usually lies undiscovered. Talk to him if you like even when not on the phone. What you say can and will get through to him subconsciously/psychically. Just do what you did before -- all in a feeling of love (not control). Be well and good luck.
------------------
The Declinations Guy
Rising Sign Descriptions
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nyangeloxo
Newflake Posts: 23
From: ny
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted May 02, 2017 04:15 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Kannon McAfee:
There are a lot of good inter-aspects in this synastry. Just counting those involving planets, nodes, I find 19 positive/supporting aspects and 15 negative/challenging ones. Not bad. I'm not counting Ascendants in either chart (or Miheavens), or asteroids. Planets are what matter, and nodes show the potential for growth.Lots of good Mercury aspects for good communication. Excellent. Consider that this recent misunderstanding need not color your view of the potential for good mutual understanding and communication. If anything, the synastry indicates to me that you want this a bit too much. So it will likely fare better if you can make more even waters for yourself sailing forward. There are 3 aspects between Neptune and Saturn, which can challenge the conceptual vs material reality. These aspects are conjunctions and a parallel, so they work in the manner of fusion of dreams/reality, but you'll have to be patient. He is a true Taurus/Aries cusp. You'll have to be patient. Otherwise, forget it. Also, all but one of his personal placements are in mutable signs, which challenges the strongly fixed placements (6) in your chart. Learn flexibility and more spontaneity. He will likely respond better to you once you demonstrate these. If you've already communicated how you feel and he knows this, it is time to operate in a way that probably comes as counter-intuitive to you ... to patiently wait him out. So long as he knows you are there -- and flexible as to particulars (time/place) for spending time together, you are in good position. [b]Your natal chart shows Sun & Mercury tightly conjunct Pluto in Scorpio. It is obvious that when you make up your mind you are 'all in' and intensely ready, but in relationships the meeting place is somewhere between 'right now' and 'never'. You have determination and dedication, but this sometimes becomes something that undermines your patience. This is also seen in the (admittedly wide) parallel between your natal Moon [13S10] and Mars [11S44]. Tendency for emotions to suddenly be hot once they are engaged. Patience is a real challenge. You have Moon parallel N.Node. Your life progression rests a lot on how you handle your emotions. I hope you consider the foreseeable future as an opportunity to learn ways of understanding, balancing, and expressing them in a way that will serve you in relationship with him and all others. Your Mercury aspect with Sun & Pluto is also trine Jupiter: excellent for communication of all kinds. So I recommend writing down and/or speaking similarly to the way you did a while back when you remembered the love between you and him and carry this over into more frequent practice that draws on what you learned from that. I'd say you discovered an innate power we all have, but which usually lies undiscovered. Talk to him if you like even when not on the phone. What you say can and will get through to him subconsciously/psychically. Just do what you did before -- all in a feeling of love (not control). Be well and good luck.
[/B]
Ahhh ok omg so much love for you right now.
First and foremost you said he is a true Aries/Taurus cusp and I just want to check you on that since his birthdate is end of march...
I just want to touch on a few things you said (which I appreciate you taking the time to write out with such kindness and helpfulness)..You said the synastry gives the impression that I want things a bit to much and I was wondering how. I think and feel I act as if I don't show want it enough...while he is tells me how much he wants to be with me, I sit there teasing him, playing hard to get and not expressing my true feelings as I probably should be doing. i feel like he took that as me not being interested enough.
The most significant thing you said was suggesting I write things from the past down. For the past three days I've been taking time to write out how we met and how it made me feel & explaining to him that I'm cautious in love bc I have a lot to protect (especially my son) and that I need him to show me he will be there and not just say it, as my emotional state will indirectly effect my son. Anyway in the letter I explain to him reasons to stay (because the last time he spoke he said "give me a reason to stay" and I cried and said I couldn't bc it wasn't my place even though I knew he wanted me to say sty for me) so I wrote in the letter that his reason to stay is the possibility of us being happy together, going on adventures, falling deeply in love etc etc but that I'm only one half of the puzzle and he needs to want me to be his reason to stay so that I can accept it. Then I ended it with if it's meant to be you'll come find me and if you don't feel it's worth it at least have the respect for me to be honest.
And so I'm probably going to edit it more tonight but I was thinking of sending it to him later. I just wanted to just get some third party opinions on things before I did. I know that how I handle my emotions always will hugely come into play in my life (as they always have) and I am learning to work with it and grow from that instead of against it 
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Randall
Webmaster Posts: 80086
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 03, 2017 01:13 PM
Welcome!IP: Logged |
Kannon McAfee
Moderator Posts: 2340
From: Portland, OR - USA
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted May 03, 2017 02:25 PM
nyangeloxo,Sounds good. I see you are using the benefits of your Moon in Aquarius -- the ability for emotional detachment. You're an unusual personality in that you are a good communicator in spite of being a Scorpio. Not normally seen as the Scorpionic strength. And I think people will appreciate that in you. I have no doubt if he is willing, you have the determination to make it work. ------------------
The Declinations Guy
Rising Sign Descriptions
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nyangeloxo
Newflake Posts: 23
From: ny
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted May 08, 2017 02:02 AM
not sure how that all went over...
havent gotten a response from him lately after sending him a nice long message. i feel like he may be a bit depressed and trying to digest it all.
i guess giving him space is all i can really do even though im super inclined to check on him and let him know im here for him... :/IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 80086
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 11, 2017 06:49 PM
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nyangeloxo
Newflake Posts: 23
From: ny
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted May 28, 2017 04:18 PM
thanks everyone. appreciate the support <3 Haven't heard back from him since  IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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