posted May 15, 2017 02:22 AM            

500 kilometers away.. but i plan to visit his city again in June for an entire day.

He woke up pure spiritual love in me.. a love that goes beyond everything. Beyond the need for reciprocity, posessing or even talking about it, because we both feel it anyways... and there are things happening constantly between us in the astral realm.

What bothers me sometimes, is that i never know what his part in this story is... and how our dynamic is? I only know and feel mine....

posted May 17, 2017 06:58 PM            

But he is a confusing pisces... and i have no idea what he feels. Sometimes we talk on the phone for HOURS... then he disappears for a few days. Like now. He sees my messages... doesnt respond. I dont get it...

posted May 17, 2017 11:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by chaania:
Yeah Light.... he does feel it, mostly unconsciously
That jupiter moon... from the beginning i felt like healing him with the overwhelming Love he woke up in me (His pluto hits my venus).

But he is a confusing pisces... and i have no idea what he feels. Sometimes we talk on the phone for HOURS... then he disappears for a few days. Like now. He sees my messages... doesnt respond. I dont get it...

I also knew Lilith was kinda bad, giving life to the dark parts of what it touches... ?

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posted May 19, 2017 01:16 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Beautiful_Light:

Sounds like a typical Pisces man. Maybe he's busy with something? Your Lilith on his Moon probably evokes some intense emotions within him.

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His lilith on my moon...
my lilith on his neptune.

posted June 03, 2017 12:11 PM            

I have read your post over several times but decided not to respond. butyou do seem to be sincere and confused and not justing putting on airs or being dramatic so I will give a few personal opinions about your situation and then describe the astrological evidence that supports your experiences with him.

I believe that you are confusing religious ecstasy with physical ecstasy. your description of your love and emotional pain read almost like 12th century saints and holy men's descriptions of their love of virgin mary or god.

this idea is reinforced by his past involvement with the priesthood and you religious beliefs.

it seems you are sending white light of love and healing from a religious plane yet you want him to respond to you on the emotional/sexual p[lane. you seem to subconsciously be merging this two forms of ecstasy. but you can't. religious ecstasy is totally non ego, but you want ego satisfaction from him. the fact that your spiritual/astral white light has helped him heal should be enough. but it is evidently not. his healing was not your sincere intent. your subconscious intent was to have him as a lover. and now you are confused because though he acknowledged your light, he has not shown interest in a emotional/sexual relationship. this implies you have emotional issue that have arisen from some type of religious betrayal in your past. I don't know but it seems so.

the composite chart show exactly the dynamics that you have described.
the foremost is the astral light thst you have sent yo him and which he felt and absorbed.
this is shown by the Uranus/sun and Uranus/mercury midpoints being conjunct to Neptune and opposed to Saturn.

Saturn/Neptune can describe his religious intentions but his renunciation could be shown by the Neptune/Saturn opposition. that is he felt the religious life instead of merging and embracing it.
the astral energies of Uranus/mercury/sun were directly transmitted to him and as he is a sensitive soul, he felt them and the light you sent seems to have helped him heal.

the moon/Jupiter conjuncti9on shows the close intellectual feeling you have with him. with venus/eros opposed to the moon and Jupiter your affection was increased by the common shared thoughts and ideas. this opposition does show a joyous friendship but it does not necessarily lead to a romantic relationships. Though with moon and venus involved, I admit,it shows can show a strong emotional attraction. With ceres conjunct to venus and opposed to the moon, your devotion and need to help,feed,and heal him is clearly shown.

psyche is on the ascendant which gives a child like/religious innocence to the emotional attraction. the eros/psyche midpoint is conjunct to the Neptune/Uranus midpoint which unites the astral/spiritual energies with a ethereal, spontaneous attraction.

juno is also conjunct to psyche and trine to Jupiter with the juno/Jupiter midpoint square to Saturn/Neptune opposition. this shows the emotional belief that a serious committed relationship could arise.

with the moon/sun and moon/mercury midpoint conjunct the vertex axis, opposed to the vertex, I believe, the other worldly feelings of ecstasy toward this relationship are grounded on this .the vertex gives other dimension feelings and energies in a relationship, so this may fuel you underlying deep ecstatic feelings.

the eros/cupid midpoint is square the niode which adds another layer of emotional/physical attraction energized by the karmic/psychic plane

you might add the true Lilith(h13) to the composite as I feel your ecstasy comes from deep within you essence.

the
'repulsive" aspects are based on what you already know. you are both very plutonic.....

mars is square to pluto and the pluto/venus midpoint is square to the node.

mars/pluto is indicative of a very selfish individual. this aspect rarely results in a lasting relationship because personal desire and ambitions take precedence over common growth and commitment.

venus/pluto square the node gives a similar reaction. venus which rules love and intimacy does not unite well with totally selfish and carnal desires which become devoid of intimate love or considersation for the "others" feelings .

these aspects are initially very sexual but these aspects do not usually evolved into intimate,selfless love.

hard pluto aspects like the above can be part of committed relationships or marriage, but this is the exception. though as you both have a religious orientation and may be able to raise the scorpionic desires of pluto to the air of angelic love, it may be possible to have a committed relationship.

but my opinion is that if this was possible, a transcendence of selfish desire, then you would not be feeling so distraught. you nurturing and healing of him should be enough, but it is not. he is not responding as you wish and you,by your own words, are stalking him on social media.

so I fall back to my first opinion, you have some emotional issues with religious/spiritual betrayal in you past. possibly there is an element of some sexual abuse, but this is just speculation as I am trying to see why you have confused religious ecstasy with the ecstasy of carnal love.

todd

posted June 08, 2017 08:37 AM            

That really is a wonderful description of what I would describe as the difficulty of learning unconditional love.

It's fascinating and poignant the way you have tied it into the way these energies have been used in religion too. Spot on. You should write an article about this, it's a brilliant way to describe how one grapples with the difference between higher love and ego needs when on the path of evolving.

Chaania,

I'm not sure why you're attached to this man, perhaps there was another string where you explained the history. I do think he is a karmic mirror for you and do also know how amazingly painful it is to work through the human needs and expectations properly.

I am sending you reiki with my thought intent here and now. I find this board difficult to follow, as of course there are no notifications, or means to track conversations. It's also a shame there is no way to have group chats which are private. So, if you need to talk do feel free to email me via my blog.

posted June 19, 2017 05:37 PM            

Unconditional love is hard

But i will never stop

This is what i feel

I kneel down in the bathroom daily where no one can hear me, with my arms touching the wall or in the air, searching for him so i can feel. I feel him.

And i cry, i cry and i cry so much

Its not painful. I just let myself overflow. And feel. Its beautiful. Its so strong.

I think that i would explode just knowing that i am walking in the same city with him

But the same planet is enough.

posted December 11, 2021 04:11 PM            

quote:

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todd

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5 years later... i had to go back to this convo. i want to offer feedback and write down feelings and thoughts about this to get it off my chest.

i could not know then, but i randomly remembered what todd said and i need to reply.

todd - you were right and i thank you. i do not know why i was so oblivious then.

i was so overwhelmed spiritually and in such ”religious ecstasy” that it overflowed into my emotional plane too and i could not do anything.

my sincere intent was healing, and i will be honest and say that i got fixated on him like a moth to a flame with my whole being. I DID NOT KNOW WHY THEN and it was so painful. but now i know, 5 years later.

my life situation at that time was me being completely in the dark (homeless, lost, everything around me was fked). and i think i unconsciously felt him as ”my light at the end of the tunnel” (this is the image i get writing this and tapping into my soul.) and feeling him in that way made me feel like Light/happy, full of Love, and it had me reflecting this back to him.

"todd - this implies you have emotional issue that have arisen from some type of religious betrayal in your past. I don't know but it seems so. "
todd - i was so oblivious and still so dissociated at that time. i have done therapy from 2020-2021 and it helped me be more aware of myself now. todd - i had ~religious betrayal~ in the past. when i was young, i had everything - an expensive house, expensive school, best food, best everything. at 9 years old i lost everything around me, completely. /hehe, the perks of having a fixed cross with uranus/saturn. long story short - i experienced RELIGIOUS BETRAYAL EXACTLY. I felt betrayed by God. I had no explanation for why I lost everything - my parents, my home, my life, my friends, everything. Nobody talked with 9 year old me about what was happening - i just woke up in another stranger house in another place with other people that were abusing me. it was only me and my religious thoughts, all i had was me and.. God? but i hated god. i did not understand why that happened to me. i did not and i feel like crying now so it is still a pain in me i see. my dissociation and mental issues started then.

todd - at 9-10 years old i wanted to kill myself in the name of Satan because I hated God for doing this to me, not understanding why he destroyed my life. I knew God made me and I hated him so much that I wanted to not die for him, but for Satan. I think my soul really left my body in that period because I was mixing reality with fantasy. Again, I was just a kid and nobody helped me or was close to me so that was all I could rationalize.

the guy I wrote about in this thread - i will be honest and say that I saw him as God 5 years ago. yes, I think he was the only male presence in my life + pieces + priest + etc that might have made me sense him unconsciously as God even before knowing that he is pisces/religious background. i have always been intuitive.

i can see now. God did not exist for me and I renunciate-d the idea completely, but I think I sensed ~God~ in Pisces and opened me to that, but incisively, deeply.

our composite has 12th house stellium. i think that says it all.

anyway, as more feedback. he has shown emotional/sexual interest back to me later on, but we only burnt too bright and exploded. he was too afraid to pursue me because i seemed too good to be true and played games with me/tested me. if i think about it, he also had religious betrayal and that is why he couldn't trust me.

if i really see him as God, then I will accept anything. and i did. but games and fears, i did not accept - and it made me end it. i regret this, because i lost years of my life being slave to a Pisces that I sensed as God. there's a huge story but will not continue. BTW - his username is lightlusts on social media @todd. its so ironic.

if anybody wants to see the charts again, i can repost but I just wanted to give an update.