posted July 28, 2019 10:27 AM            

I’m Pluto in Scorpio and they had Sun, Mercury, And Moon in Taurus. One was my mother and another a bad friend I grew up with who I tried to cut off many times but out of pity I remained friends with her.
What I’d like is some clarification on why they have caused so much damage to me. Supposedly Pluto tends to be controlling and dominating, but I always felt like it was the other way around. On the other hand, the bad friend had much to be insecure about and she seemed to resent me. But why wouldn’t she just let me leave her if she was so resentful for something I couldn’t change? I was basically just better than her in school and got tired of her, and for that she clung to me and tried to make my life miserable, turning my friends against me, and lying through her teeth to insult me. Eventually I went to college and she became an alcoholic but is now recovering and has become a “new person” but she is still creating lies about other people, causing drama with people I know. I still loathe her for what she has done and for who she is.

I read in one interpretation that a Sun person opposite Pluto will try to humiliate Pluto to gain power. Any experience from a Sun perspective on why that happens? I would love to hear from the Sun’s side how they felt about their opposing Pluto friends/lovers/parents. My mother did this to me and I thought it was very catty and pathetic. It wasn’t in a cute way but manipulative and painful. I understand now, to some extent, that she did this because she was threatened by me. I saw her as very inadequate as a mother, because she was, and she cared very much about her reputation rather than trying harder to be a mother. She was always out with her boyfriends and cheating on my father while leaving me at random places that were not suitable for childcare, (with an elderly couple who had dementia, for example) so I can see how she would try to prevent me from exposing her by trying to humiliate me at any chance she got. Even now, I’m 29 and she still tries to humiliate me even though I have no desire to talk to her or her stupid friends.

posted August 03, 2019 01:46 PM            

Now, to answer your question; I've recently had a relationship with my Pluto opposing their Sun (male partner). I sincerely cared for him and I wouldn't ever hurt him on purpose; we had also a lot of 8th house stuff (his planets in mine); definitely there were other problems but due to incompatibility and communication issues (with Pluto square Mercury in the composite), a lot of Pluto/Scorpio themes but we cared about each other.
I think it all depends on our mature the two people involved are (and if they did some psychotherapy in their lives to understand their issues - both of us very plutonic).
Don't let these people ruin your life; stay away from them, whether it's a parent or friend, cut contacts, and run. And take care of yourself.

Blessings.

posted August 03, 2019 02:17 PM            

just not a good night afterwards, worse morning, way too intense for me to feel comfortable

it was him not me so i get you with that

i was also with a woman whose mars was conjunct pluto and she may have also had a taurus moon opposite it too and she was a lot as well

my pluto was also conjunct my ex fiancee's scorpio venus/pluto conjunction and that was almost 15 years of her constantly trying to manipulate and dominate everything (she also had a scorpio mercury) whether or not it made sense for her to

i've also had it where the other person was pluto and that's usually been about them being controlling or too intense too

posted August 03, 2019 03:54 PM            

You are doing a great job for acknowledging your feelings. Many times denial might mask the pain but we would live in permanent hurt and never heal.

Some says that others can only have as much power over us as we give them. This is true but at the same time it's not easy. How can a daughter not care about her mother nor let her influence her happiness? A mother is a mother.
But as we grow up into adults, it's really empowering that we can become independent. We become fully responsible for our lives and breaking free physically is the first step to freedom.
Learning to be emotionally independent and cutting a meaningful tie is not easy. It never was. But it is part of growing up, to let go of what is toxic. Ultimately we can only change what is under our control, meaning we can only change ourselves if the other person doesn't.

But it's really hard to. Yet there is a powerful tool that can help. Something that we should have received, yet if we can give it we can actually set ourselves free.
it's empathy. But how? How can we empathize with someone who hurt us?

Empathy does not mean agreeing with what they did but rather to understand why they did what they did.
For example, my mother had children at very young age. She married to a man she never felt attracted to and then immigrating to a country where she barely spoke the language plus my sibling having done badly during a school year had led her to depression. Depressed mothers can be too self focused and abusive as they can only see their own pain and run short on patience or even take it on their children.
Perhaps I was never too affected by her because most of my childhood I lived with my grandparents and then I never internalized her problems as my fault. I saw it as she having her issues. This is how my empathy skills helped me to see it as why she had her issues and not blamed myself.