posted August 10, 2019 08:49 PM            

and a Virgo sis

I am also with Mars in Leo (you have Venus in Leo on my Marsie)

So, I see he has a buncha planets in your 8th, activating your carnal energy. Oh, I know how that feels, sis! Stirring the pot just the right temperature to keep it stewing. I see that your precious Sun ( and chart ruler) was at the receiving end of his very difficult natal Saturn-Chiron opposition. It's like he unloaded all his pent up injured energy onto you. With his explosive Mars-Uranus conjunction in square to his Sun, he was hard to read and so erratic, he probably projected a lot onto you, as this nasty square was all over your forgiving and unconditional Neptune. Both his and your Moons conjunct each other's MC - I am not sure if you worked together or not but this mutual aspect points to the fact you had access to each other core in a very quick, no-fence way.
I don't see the Nodes involved and his Venus was barely inspected, so this ordeal had other meaning than having you stick together with a mutual goal. The Composite also had the Yod with the Finger of God pointing towards Chiron/Nodes in the 12th, which is learning how to heal and forgive as one of the purpose of all this, especially f you hurt each other in past life ( node in 12th house).

posted August 11, 2019 06:33 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Caprika:
thank you, sweets

and a Virgo sis

I am also with Mars in Leo (you have Venus in Leo on my Marsie)

So, I see he has a buncha planets in your 8th, activating your carnal energy. Oh, I know how that feels, sis! Stirring the pot just the right temperature to keep it stewing. I see that your precious Sun ( and chart ruler) was at the receiving end of his very difficult natal Saturn-Chiron opposition. It's like he unloaded all his pent up injured energy onto you. With his explosive Mars-Uranus conjunction in square to his Sun, he was hard to read and so erratic, he probably projected a lot onto you, as this nasty square was all over your forgiving and unconditional Neptune. Both his and your Moons conjunct each other's MC - I am not sure if you worked together or not but this mutual aspect points to the fact you had access to each other core in a very quick, no-fence way.
I don't see the Nodes involved and his Venus was barely inspected, so this ordeal had other meaning than having you stick together with a mutual goal. The Composite also had the Yod with the Finger of God pointing towards Chiron/Nodes in the 12th, which is learning how to heal and forgive as one of the purpose of all this, especially f you hurt each other in past life ( node in 12th house).

Thanks for sharing, Moon

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Yay! I love a Virgo sis

Pleasure, always happy to share for research
Awww, my venus loves company, I could literally hear her go "Yay Leo! " every time she recognises her energy somewhere, it's like having a hyperactive child on constant sugar high holding your hand and dragging you towards people lol

I would have so much to say about that 8th house thing lol Not on the public forum though, but yes, so much ! lol

This is fabulous, he did that (unleashing his pain on me) but it was very pain free for me, does that make sense?
He said I was the only person he didn't feel bored with, that I knew him in depth others didn't and that he would love to be the person he was with me but that it wasn't him.
He had serious pain and his 12th house sun could make him seriously depressed. It was my understanding then (and probably what made me so compulsively attached to him and unable to let go) that we had to heal each other. I felt he could save me because I could save him and when we were together I felt no pain and I can't speak for him but he always seemed so relaxed and happy.
We never argued. Not once, ever. It was always warm even when very difficult things were said, he tested my love a lot by pushing me away verbally but it always felt like he didn't mean any of it and then he would come back and admit to not meaning a word of it so... but none of those times when you feel anger and start shouting. Ever. I loved him so much while not trusting him at all, it was all so strange, I wouldn't allow myself to love anyone today if I can't trust them.
Thing is, I was on board with the 12th house composite and chironic energy. I've always had a heads on attitude towards pain, even as a child, had a loose tooth I would pull it, had an open wound would pour pure alcohol in there and work on it until perfectly clean so that it could heal in a sound way (used to drive my mother mad lol), not being able to lie to myself... so that relationship to me felt like we were there to heal each other and that for that we had to love each other, but I felt it'd be some 3-5 years thing.
He did not feel the same lol He always said he felt that I felt like forever to him and that made him runaway (he was also hooked on his ex from when he was 15 whom he had tried to commit suicide with and they both had promised their families not to be together again, but she was engaged to someone else and yet called him at night saying she was unhappy.... He also had a drastically different attitude towards pain, full blown escapist (drugs, denial, lying to himself and others, you name it!). He never loved me, that much is clear, but he always treated me with this eerie respect/protection. I have a history of abuse and this relationship taught me so much by being a painful but absolutely not abusive one. I never gave anything that didn't lift me up in some way, describing the abusive dynamic is complicated because it's very personal but this felt like the exact reverse, so it wasn't balanced or loving enough to be sustained but it build a lot that had been destroyed back up not by filling the voids or providing what had been missing (how we often heal), but by strictly repairing some of what had been broken.

What do you mean he probably projected a lot on me? You mean in terms of pain or that he had specific expectations for who I was supposed to be to him?
The mars-Uranus square to his sun was actually not so bad. I mean, the relationship was NOT to be tamed, but it healed me so much I feel so strong regarding Plutonian control issues now thanks to this. If you can do long distance with a promiscuous Pisces and not turn psycho I think you have your Pluto in a good corner lol
Out of that, I was never into reading people, always thought it was conceited to and mostly I am SO often tragically misread there's a huge case of doing others as I wish I was done unto, so I never tried to read him, I asked and somehow always knew if he was lying or to what extent, he fancied himself some big manipulator but there isn't a thing that happened that I didn't see coming from a serious distance, if anything sometimes he expressed frustration at not being able to read me and failing to get me to do anything. He rejected my love for him so its continuity despite that was very disturbing for him. As for unpredictability, again, from the outside yes, no specific schedule, comes and goes, but I always knew when so it didn't feel unpredictable to me, in fact I could sometimes know we'd see each other a month before lol

Thank you!!! Somehow it's always about Neptune's deceiving nature and idealising things, and there are also beautiful sincere sides to that Piscean energy. "forgiving and unconditional" is exactly how I felt and for someone like me who does not forgive it was so healing to feel that way about him. The more I forgave him and his pain, the more I forgave myself for my own pain. He was so hard on his pain, I never understood that.

Whoooo the work, nice Caprika, nice! We met in a context of work, where I was working and he wasn't, but he did the same job and he would naturally help. I begged him for years to work with him, in fact one of my dreams would have been to buy a house with him at some point and welcome all sorts of wounded children for healing through the arts (yes, I had very much integrated the Virgo-Pisces axis lol), but he wanted to be a trader, earn millions and live drunk and sexually promiscuous even though he claimed to dislike it, so I guess to each their own lol
We met and the next thing you know we're talking for hours in the middle of other people, but mostly to each other about music and stuff and the one after that we spend a whole night alone in a kitchen talking and it did feel we had this relationship at core level but after we met it was entirely cut from mundane realities, we never met each other's friends, family.... It was a very private relationship (which I actually love, not going to lie).

Hahahahaha O my, it was middle of the night for me when I read this and I read "God giving you the finger" and was "wow, straight to the point God, but yes, I can see it" lol xDDDDD I did feel it was a healing one, I clung on to it with survival instincts because my healing was at stake and at the same time I was responsible for ending it in a big way by pushing him so hard for more, more healing, love, the more he frustrated me by refusing to heal as much as I did, the more I desired his love as a way to make it up for his pain (so still a bit of Pluto but it was never toxic or if it was he largely entertained it and we'd both laugh it off).
We were SO young though, especially him, so, so young, and such an arsehole lol.

He never loved me but somehow seemed to feel a little sorry for it. In retrospect I don't think I even loved him either, I mean at least not like a lover, the love was purely human. I did stop to gravitate around Pisces after that though, felt I had paid my opposition dues

I feel the biggest thing he taught me is you cannot love for two. I was so mistreated I struggled to feel love (it's tough to feel something you have barely received) and when I did it seemed it had to be good enough, I felt this was so much work, it'd be too presumptuous to imagine I could be loved too, I felt unrequited love was the best I could hope for, that I didn't deserve anything more and it was my duty to elevate myself to make amends for what I was.
He changed that. He confronted me to my outer context so brutally and fiercely, it made me take a stance about who I wanted to be outside for the first time and in finding that I found that giving to others and sacrifice didn't have to dictate your whole being. You can give and be generous and be a good person outside, daily, and yet potentially have love inside, in your private life in which you'll be selfish and make mistakes and the other person will too and it won't take anything away, it won't jeopardise the love, nor how good and useful you are to the world. You don't have to be in pain to be good.

posted August 11, 2019 08:20 PM            

Supposedly it is something we have witnessed or have been the object of in our childhood. But yes, there is a free will and yet we choose to suffer and get abused, fighting for love that we know we will not receive.
Humans are so complex! Love is, yet in its own nature - so simple as well. It is our reaction to love that is complex, it is us. Love is after all the same in all places on earth and spoken in all languages in the same way. Yet the web of our own expectations and the way we were molded to accept it (or not), makes all the difference.

posted August 12, 2019 11:37 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Caprika:
I was listening to some psychological therapists on youtube, I was just trying to understand certain reactions of mine and others, and I remember how one of the psychologists said - when you are in a difficult relationship, ask yourself - why are you drawn to this type of connection first of all. And why do you decide to stay. Find the answer within yourself".

Supposedly it is something we have witnessed or have been the object of in our childhood. But yes, there is a free will and yet we choose to suffer and get abused, fighting for love that we know we will not receive.
Humans are so complex! Love is, yet in its own nature - so simple as well. It is our reaction to love that is complex, it is us. Love is after all the same in all places on earth and spoken in all languages in the same way. Yet the web of our own expectations and the way we were molded to accept it (or not), makes all the difference.

Thanks for sharing your story and in a true Virgo fashion - instead of filing this experience as a "waste of time", you used it to your advantage to better yourself and to push yourself further on your spiritual path.
Excellent deduction, my virgo sis!

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