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Author
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Topic: 1 year of back and forth, such strong feelings for him.
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madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 29, 2019 08:47 PM
  
I've been a weird on/off situation with a Pisces since last Fall. I wish I could put my feelings into words about him or describe what is going on. I feel such an intense longing, yet a frustration. We've never been fully intimate but we would do things together (paint, museums, going out to eat, talk about life). I've never confessed my feelings. I moved out of state in April without telling anyone for work then I moved back to my home state this month. He was always lingering in the background but he would stop talking to me for no reason. I just felt the connection was so strong that it scared me. Sometimes I had to stop talking to him too. I don't know if what I'm feeling is love. He's never pressured me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. But he will text me all the time, then ask to hang out then flake. Why ask just to flake? Its like hes scared. Sometimes I feel like he does things to hurt me but it's very subtle, like posting cryptic messages on social media. I just don't get it. I wish I could just forget him, but I seriously have such strong feelings. I want to hold him for the rest of my life. I just wish I could tell him but I can't.  I'm so confused. I have such strong feelings for him and he probably doesn't see it that way. It feels like no matter what I do I can't stay away. I don't know his birth time so the ascendant is not accurate. [IMG]https://cdn1.imggmi.com/uploads/2019/8/30/b103f6043f707ebaba8d2175458298cc-prev.png[/IMG] upload IP: Logged |
LaceyLeigh
Knowflake Posts: 1251
From:
Registered: Jul 2014
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posted August 29, 2019 09:48 PM
Could you post the charts from astro.com, please?But just as a glance his Sun conjunct your Saturn might be why you’re having such a hard time letting this guy go completely. IP: Logged |
madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 29, 2019 09:55 PM
[IMG]https://cdn1.imggmi.com/uploads/2019/8/30/b103f6043f707ebaba8d2175458298cc-prev.png[/IMG]I don't know how to upload a photo on here. But this connection is driving me crazy. And he's always the one to reach out to me. IP: Logged |
madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 29, 2019 09:55 PM
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MarsSaturnDelight
Knowflake Posts: 287
From:
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted August 30, 2019 06:15 AM
Moon/Pluto DW!! IP: Logged |
Chaitaly
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: Italy
Registered: Aug 2016
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posted August 30, 2019 07:53 AM
quote:
Originally posted by madelineleo23:
[IMG]https://cdn1.imggmi.com/uploads/2019/8/30/b103f6043f707ebaba8d2175458298cc-prev.png[/IMG]I don't know how to upload a photo on here. But this connection is driving me crazy. And he's always the one to reach out to me.
You can calculate the charts on Astro.com, selecting web style.
Then share on Imgur and post here the links without the -s, just http.
In any case looking at this one there are those very strong Moon-Pluto-NN and Moon-Pluto contacts.
The inner Moon is also the Descendant ruler and Jupiter is your Asc ruler, both being activated (your Moon Dsc ruler as already said is touched by his Pluto). Your Mars conjunct his Asc is a strong attraction. You have also Venus opposite Venus, that also adds to these vibes, love styles here are different but it feels complementary. Your Venus in his 4th house is nice it should give a sense of familiarity and comfort. With that mutual Pluto-NN conjunction I can see why it's hard to let go! Saturn makes also an aspect to the NN for what I see. Very binding aspects. Here the point is your personal (spiritual) evolution that is triggered through these contacts. Nothing less.
But Pluto is attraction and repulsion, and the connection can be scary, intense; it can create a push-pull dynamic. And it's the NN of both we are talking about so strong lessons here; it's a bond that pushes you forward into your spiritual path in a strong way, not easy to let go, because probably you shouldn't even "let go" of it in this sense; the advice here is to let the relationship run its course, you will learn a lot by it not trying to control the outcome (that it's what Pluto tries to do, but it works at his best when we surrender). Furthermore, I think with this one the pull will lessen once more lessons are learned. One is the one I described above. Don't push this bond in the direction you think it should take. Pluto does what it has to. And sometimes not expecting the bond to develop as you wish it's the lesson.
I had this with someone; the bond can be beautiful and strong in its own way but don't force it. Your Neptune and Uranus fall in his 8th house; a psychic overlay. Neptune-Uranus opposite your Sun can make things erratic and possibly "cloud" the situation (where he doesn't see you clearly or viceversa). Clarity here is paramount. I see also a Kite formation in synastry, looks very strong and fated indeed. You complete each other's natal patterns! This contribute to the feeling of a compelling bond with all these energies trying to reconcile, triggered by the opposition, and giving a sense of "fate".
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madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 30, 2019 06:55 PM
I appreciate your response. If we have all of these binding aspects, and I am supposed to let the bond play out how it is supposed to, does that mean I should stop talking to him? I guess I'm just confused how he feels on his end..it is extremely weird because he reaches out to me but also seems to want to avoid me. I don't bother him, I don't force anything but he will ask to hang out then flake which goes back to the avoidance. Is he afraid too? Then he will give me the silent treatment and I'll give him the silent treatment and I feel like we telepathically communicate we're mad at each other then once we've cooled off we will talk again.If we aren't supposed to be together in this lifetime then should I just stop all contact since there isn't really a point? Yes it does feel like fate. I have tried to move on and date other people but nothing compares to him. And even when he might be talking to other people I don't feel sad about it, because I know that it can't compare to what we have. I don't know. :/ IP: Logged |
Chaitaly
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: Italy
Registered: Aug 2016
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posted August 31, 2019 06:01 AM
quote:
Originally posted by madelineleo23:
I appreciate your response. If we have all of these binding aspects, and I am supposed to let the bond play out how it is supposed to, does that mean I should stop talking to him? I guess I'm just confused how he feels on his end..it is extremely weird because he reaches out to me but also seems to want to avoid me. I don't bother him, I don't force anything but he will ask to hang out then flake which goes back to the avoidance. Is he afraid too? Then he will give me the silent treatment and I'll give him the silent treatment and I feel like we telepathically communicate we're mad at each other then once we've cooled off we will talk again.If we aren't supposed to be together in this lifetime then should I just stop all contact since there isn't really a point? Yes it does feel like fate. I have tried to move on and date other people but nothing compares to him. And even when he might be talking to other people I don't feel sad about it, because I know that it can't compare to what we have. I don't know. :/
Ok madeline I've seen now that his TOB as you said is not accurate  , so we don't really know if your Mars falls on his Asc, and house overlays, among other things; we don't know his houses and rulerships of houses; in any case, the aspects are valid, his Moon and Venus (his feminine planets) are aspected so I don't think this is one-sided, BUT it can be scary for you too because Pluto on your Moon is intense but I don't see other flowing aspects to your Moon (sense of security, emotional needs).
But we should go back to the natal charts to see how you manage your personal rel.
I also see that you have a Saturn-Venus opposition in your natal, that points to insecurity and possibly an inferiority complex in matters of love; you have to learn how to love yourself first. His Sun is conjunct your Saturn and Venus opposition, so I think he highlights these insecurities about being lovable and your Venus expresses his love through a sort of barrier Saturn puts there and with Saturn-Sun conjunction he could feel that - his own self-expression with you is controlled and restricted somehow, but this is long-lasting as well and you can love him a lot and for long with the strenght
of such aspect... (his Venus btw trines your Sun and it's a nice aspect he likes your self-expression as well!). But I also think that your natal Venus needs to be loved (a lot) to fight that Saturn-I'm un lovable-feeling and your Venus isn't that aspected either.
I think the pattern you describe depends on those Pluto contacts, the push-pull is very typical, and with Uranus opposite your Sun he gives you some excitement but little stability. No, when I say let it go doesn't mean stop talking to him or shut down, just don't expect things will happen as you wish because that it's not how Pluto operates. Probably you have to go through this long-lasting obsession, and with Pluto-Moon-NN the emotional push-pull and the temptation to shut down are the issues. I wish you had some better Mercury aspect to communicate properly. Basically I think you try to protect your feelings (Venus) by shutting down (Saturn) verbally (3rd house), but you could escape this pattern talking from the heart (Mercury in Cancer). He is very covert as well about his feelings (Moon conjunct Pluto in Scorpio) and harbor all the intensity inside and feels compelled and threatened by your power (Pluto) as well. But somehow he feels all this is linked to this NN and he won't be able to break it completely.
I guess silent treatment is a sort of "natural" reaction for a watery Mercury and even if lines are a little messy in this chart I think he has Pluto square Mercury in his natal, it doesn't help either. But how did you go from hanging out as you described to not talking and avoiding each other?
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Chaitaly
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: Italy
Registered: Aug 2016
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posted August 31, 2019 06:40 AM
About "letting go" I also feel that I have to explain it better because it doesn't mean shutting down. It means not being bound to the outcome of the situation; that it's usually one of the hardest Pluto lessons. Pluto is a deep longing and our deepest desire, so we can imagine how hard it is to "let go" of the outcome in this sense; how can we feel so deeply and to not expect nothing? How to accept that we could not get what we want and there's the possiblity that this desire will go nowhere?
It's a very possibility and we should accept it to find some peace in this. Don't be bound to the outcome. If you shut down, you're trying to control the course of the relationship, so you're still bound to it. It's exactly the opposite you're doing.IP: Logged |
madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 31, 2019 08:26 AM
Sorry about the confusion with his rising. He told me he is a Leo rising once before but I don't know what time that is. My Venus/Saturn opposition really kills me. I wish I could just be more open about my love. I try so hard to develop more self-love. I don't want him to feel like he can't be himself around me. Does he not want to break it completely either? I agree, I feel like he keeps all his intense feelings inside but I can pick up on them. I have my Sun in the 8th house so I feel intensely too but don't ever say it to him. Right before I moved, we hung out and had an intimate encounter (just a sleepover with lots of hugging, cuddling and hand holding). We have never had sex. Then he stopped talking to me for no reason. A couple weeks went by then I was out of town. He saw and reached out and said I looked really pretty then stopped talking to me again. I moved out of state without saying anything because we weren't talking anymore but he would always keep an eye on me through social media. Then he sent me the sweetest happy birthday message. Then I moved back and he called me. Since then it's been him texting me, asking to hang out then when the time comes he flakes. I don't get the point of it? It makes me feel like he just wants to play games. My Cancer mercury definitely will give people the silent treatment because now I'm mad at him so I went silent. Would telling him how I feel just scare him off? IP: Logged |
Chaitaly
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: Italy
Registered: Aug 2016
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posted August 31, 2019 08:41 AM
Ok so first thing you can do if we assume he's a Leo rising, you go to astro.com and change the TOB since you see that in the upper part on the right the Ascendant goes in Leo. It't a way to get his time of birth in some way.
Then we can look at the charts.
At least we could have house overlays and rulers.
If he's a Leo rising his Sun in this synastry is aspected which helps with feeling an impact through the relationship. Then he has Aqua Descendant and its ruler is Uranus which is opposite your Sun as well, so you touch both rulers, it's always significant I think to have a rel to begin with, in my opinion.Go for the charts. IP: Logged |
madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 31, 2019 08:43 AM
Ok I'll be right back. I'm going to try to post the updated chart. IP: Logged |
Chaitaly
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: Italy
Registered: Aug 2016
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posted August 31, 2019 08:56 AM
quote:
Originally posted by madelineleo23:
Right before I moved, we hung out and had an intimate encounter (just a sleepover with lots of hugging, cuddling and hand holding). We have never had sex. Then he stopped talking to me for no reason. A couple weeks went by then I was out of town. He saw and reached out and said I looked really pretty then stopped talking to me again. I moved out of state without saying anything because we weren't talking anymore but he would always keep an eye on me through social media. Then he sent me the sweetest happy birthday message. Then I moved back and he called me.
The sleepover with no sex sounds sooo 8th-house. I had something similar years ago, a night just cuddling and holding hands... then a lot of awkwardness and silence afterwards.... the solution was to talk about it (it happened 1 year after!) and then he admitted that it was strange and we both didn't really know what happened... but the truth is that there was desire and attraction and the intimacy can be off the charts and it's beautiful because you don't need to have sex to feel an intimate bond with the person... it's almost like you already did it XD there can be also blocks as watery signs are very indirect about what they want and can be full of fear... It seems that you have also Pluto-Venus in synastry but the lines are messy to read for me XD at this point I would like to see the composite. quote:
Since then it's been him texting me, asking to hang out then when the time comes he flakes. I don't get the point of it? It makes me feel like he just wants to play games. My Cancer mercury definitely will give people the silent treatment because now I'm mad at him so I went silent. Would telling him how I feel just scare him off?
Yes Pluto can play games but all stems from fear I suppose; it's the very root of every plutonian non-sense (and I say it having strong Pluto myself aha). IP: Logged |
madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 31, 2019 09:01 AM
Would you be able to do the chart for me? I am having such a difficult time with uploading it. Me: July 23rd, 1994 born at 5:20 pm in Chicago, IL
Him: March 3rd, 1994 born at 4:00 pm in Kalamazoo, MI. Did you initiate the conversation with him after you guys had the encounter? I just ran our composite using astro theme because it lists the aspects and I'm not good at reading just charts. It says we have Sun in the 8th house in composite lol. IP: Logged |
Chaitaly
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: Italy
Registered: Aug 2016
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posted August 31, 2019 01:06 PM
Yes you have compo Sun in the 8th (assuming his birth time is right) because both of you have Sun in the 8th natally...From what I see from the synastry now, your Pluto makes contacts to almost every planet he has, plus is conjunct his NN... you feel a strong pull and probably he feels this kind of attraction himself, BUT my personal take is that is just all about pluto, I mean, I see very few contacts between personal planets and I think you came “together” to work on a major theme that you have in your natal charts. in composite pluto opposite sun in the 8th house highlights your natal theme (sun in the 8th) and pluto is conjunct nn, here the 2 identities are pulled to melt into the house of secrets and sheer intensity, with pluto pushing through intimacy for evolutionary purposes... deep transformation of the self through merging... heavy and serious relationship... deep and scary intimacy... the Moon is in the 3rd so communication of feelings is central but being in capricorn and in an “intellectual” house like the 3rd logic and coldness may prevail when looking for an expression of emotions...
I see that uranus and neptune square to mars as problematic in some way, it's unstable, especially mars square neptune is often seen as deception on the part of the male...
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Chaitaly
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: Italy
Registered: Aug 2016
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posted August 31, 2019 01:10 PM
http://imgur.com/a/CcNCrEA synastry
http://imgur.com/a/JIIsPXg composite IP: Logged |
Chaitaly
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: Italy
Registered: Aug 2016
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posted August 31, 2019 01:11 PM
quote:
Originally posted by madelineleo23:
Would you be able to do the chart for me? I am having such a difficult time with uploading it. Me: July 23rd, 1994 born at 5:20 pm in Chicago, IL
Him: March 3rd, 1994 born at 4:00 pm in Kalamazoo, MI. Did you initiate the conversation with him after you guys had the encounter? I just ran our composite using astro theme because it lists the aspects and I'm not good at reading just charts. It says we have Sun in the 8th house in composite lol.
Yes I was the one to initiate communication first  we just needed to talk after that and at a certain point I couldn’t wait no more.
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madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 31, 2019 01:58 PM
Oh wow. Okay. That makes sense. So it sounds like he will continue to deceive me. If that’s the case maybe I should just block him out because there’s no point of wanting to be with someone who will never want to be with me. I mean I’ve never told him my feelings so at this point I mine as well since I have nothing to loose. I just really care about him. It really means a lot that you are taking the time to analyze everything. IP: Logged |
madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 31, 2019 02:12 PM
Do you still talk to that guy?IP: Logged |
Chaitaly
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: Italy
Registered: Aug 2016
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posted August 31, 2019 02:57 PM
quote:
Originally posted by madelineleo23:
Do you still talk to that guy?
Yes we appear into each other’s life through messages - we live in different countries - and we take looks into each other’s lives using social media 
It’s been 5 years since we met and 3 years since I last saw him...
I also had my moon in his 8th, pluto-venus-nn conjunction with him in synastry (my pluto, his nn + his venus and Asc). Pluto opposite moon and pluto square moon. Quite an obsession!
I felt for him something very deep and we had all the marks of a plutonian rel. I confessed to him and he got scared 😦 1 year later he said to me he felt quite in anguish in fact when I told him 😅 I think it was too much for him and he didn’t know how to handle it; it was difficult for me too.
Long story. IP: Logged |
madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 31, 2019 03:18 PM
Aw your story makes me want to cry. It’s heart warming to know that even after your confessions to each other you are still in each other’s lives in some way. What did you say to him when you confessed? IP: Logged |
Chaitaly
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: Italy
Registered: Aug 2016
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posted August 31, 2019 03:57 PM
quote:
Originally posted by madelineleo23:
Aw your story makes me want to cry. It’s heart warming to know that even after your confessions to each other you are still in each other’s lives in some way. What did you say to him when you confessed?
Well, we were together in his bed cuddling and I thought it was the right time to say that I liked him! But he actually assumed that I loved him and things got pretty intense! He wasn’t talking so I asked if he hated me Lol 😂 so you love me, you hate me, and we were only together for a few hours already... then on top of that I wrote him a letter 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ because my emotions were all over the place. Long story short, we didn’t speak a word to each other since then, we lived in the same dormitory so just stares from a distance and nothing more... after more than a year I made a contact on social media he accepted and we went forth talking... and we basically said that we bolt had felt overwhelmed and didn’t know how to cope with it. Yes we still update each other on our lives every now and then. If I just can give you an advice, if you need clarity from him, next time he contacts you just say that you both should talk more openly about what happened that night and what you are for each other, or where you stand now. Try to be light and see if he responds. You are also quite young and it’s not easy to handle pluto in your 20s.
Btw, you have the same age as him 😆 and he was younger than you when this happened. IP: Logged |
madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 31, 2019 05:36 PM
That’s crazy how similar your story sounds to mine and it’s comforting that there is someone out there who knows exactly how I’m feeling. I wouldn’t want to have that conversation over phone it would have to be in person. But if only I could get him in person. Who was younger when it happened to him? Your guy or my guy? Lol I over analyze it and think what if tell him how I feel and the whole time he didn’t feel as strongly? IP: Logged |
Chaitaly
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: Italy
Registered: Aug 2016
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posted August 31, 2019 05:41 PM
quote:
Originally posted by madelineleo23:
That’s crazy how similar your story sounds to mine and it’s comforting that there is someone out there who knows exactly how I’m feeling. I wouldn’t want to have that conversation over phone it would have to be in person. But if only I could get him in person. Who was younger when it happened to him? Your guy or my guy? Lol
Aha I was referring to my guy lol he was even younger that you two XD
Yes in person it can be better, you would talk more and see non-verbal clues.
Uranus square Mercury in compo looks like a lot of communication through technology means is possible though. IP: Logged |
madelineleo23
Knowflake Posts: 283
From:
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 31, 2019 05:47 PM
I think he’s mad at me and I didn’t even do anything. He was texting me all week asking to hang out and then when the day rolled around he texted me asking to hang. Then when I told him I was working and we could hang after he said ok. So I texted him after work and he never responded back AFTER HE MADE THE PLANS. I’m done. IP: Logged |
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