posted November 02, 2019 08:43 PM            

So (again there is so much we have in common it's insane!) this is my "impossible crush" (literally have always called him this just like you do with your guy!) who I met in 2015.

Initially I first saw his name on a pamphlet before I ever met him and I got a strong sense of.. *something* simply just seeing his name in print. Right away I said, "you and I are going to get along very well, ______ ______."

There are so many synchronicities between him and I. Similar upbringing, religion, interests, academic major, philosophies, degrees, the mere way that we think. When I picture something in my head, he will describe the exact thing I was thinking of, vice versa with him, it's like this game we play with ourselves in conversation! It's so weird.

I constantly dream of him - the most vivid and strange things you can imagine.

I call him my impossible crush because there's something about him that's so intimidating I find myself (internally) shriveling at the mere hint of his light like a moth to the flame. He has such a powerful presence (though people have told me I do as well) but I start shaking whenever I'm around him even though I do try to control it. Feels very otherworldly and like it's hard to grasp and ground back into the material world.

You said previously...

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Thanks again and, just wanted to ask you, did you make it to move on from your situation with that guy? How did you cope with that?

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Definitely have never moved on from him, just chose to date other people to distract myself from him. I don't really feel "worthy" of him and I think that we function better at a distance because I think if he saw my real, everyday, mundane personality he would think I'm super lame (he's very cool and I put on a decent facade). I probably think about him everyday, whether big or small! He's sort of someone I idolize, he always reacts in a way that demonstrates perfect leadership and I aspire to be like him in so many ways. So I think I cope with it by understanding and respecting our relationship the way it is now and by knowing that anything more than what we have would probably be disappointing (for both of us, really)

I like having someone to put on a pedestal (Virgo-Pisces axis much?) so it weirdly enough works for me

So I've attached the charts! I always see your interpretations around these parts and find them brilliant so I'm excited to see what you have to say (whether good bad or neutral )

posted November 02, 2019 11:03 PM            

I'm not sure my take can compare with your brilliant and helpful insight you offered me, but I am happy if I can give a little help back to you!!

So since you said you might have put him on a pedestal, let's demolish this guy a little first, lol

He's very ambitious (Aries Sun, Mercury and Moon in 10th house and Aquarius Mars in 8th house) and he gives an high ideal/social purpose to his activities, and looks quite self-assertive by his straight communication skills. For this reason, he seems to care a lot of his public image, and I need to say that he looks competitive and actually self-centered. He can also look reserved about his privacy and inner world. He might mask well his own feelings or he might be more shy than he seems. He has an hidden deep insecurity that he can mask well or that he tries to overcome through a different public image. His Gemini Chiron 12th house is square to his NN Piesces, so it seems that he uses his intellectual drive and skills to overcome such insecurity he has buried inside his subconscious world, and he might unconsciously fear you can actually make his mask fall, leaving him vulnerable.
So, by such perspective, he might actually feel such lack of self-worth as well when in front of you (your Mars square his Chiron), as he might fear that the high image you have of him might actually disappoint you (your Neptune opposite his ASC, which is also the reason why you have such an high opinion of him). He knows that you have such an high image of him (your Moon conjunct to his Pallas sextile to the Moon/Venus conjunction) and this involves him emotionally as it empowers his self-esteem (Venus conjunct Moon square to your Ceres conjunct his ASC).

posted November 03, 2019 12:38 PM            

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He's very ambitious (Aries Sun, Mercury and Moon in 10th house and Aquarius Mars in 8th house) and he gives an high ideal/social purpose to his activities, and looks quite self-assertive by his straight communication skills. For this reason, he seems to care a lot of his public image, and I need to say that he looks competitive and actually self-centered.

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Absolutely, he's someone that got everything they needed taken care of at a very young age and now he's super successful (at a very young age!). Lots of drive and certainly a ruthlessness there to be sure.

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He can also look reserved about his privacy and inner world. He might mask well his own feelings or he might be more shy than he seems. He has an hidden deep insecurity that he can mask well or that he tries to overcome through a different public image.

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YES God he is a tough nut to crack. If someone was naive enough they would think that that everything he has to offer is just that, take it at face value, but there are a lot of depths within him that I find hard to reach.. or even fathom. He is wildly private, with zero social media in spite of the fact he's a total social butterfly.

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His Gemini Chiron 12th house is square to his NN Piesces, so it seems that he uses his intellectual drive and skills to overcome such insecurity he has buried inside his subconscious world, and he might unconsciously fear you can actually make his mask fall, leaving him vulnerable.

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For sure, he is VERY intelligent, and it's definitely also a defense mechanism he uses to shield off his vulnerability

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So, by such perspective, he might actually feel such lack of self-worth as well when in front of you (your Mars square his Chiron), as he might fear that the high image you have of him might actually disappoint you (your Neptune opposite his ASC, which is also the reason why you have such an high opinion of him). He knows that you have such an high image of him (your Moon conjunct to his Pallas sextile to the Moon/Venus conjunction) and this involves him emotionally as it empowers his self-esteem (Venus conjunct Moon square to your Ceres conjunct his ASC).

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He DOES seem very self conscious around me which is baffling. I feel like I'm no one and certainly am not there to judge him.

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Your Uranus square to his Moon and your Saturn in his 7th house square to his Sun show that he might feel you're "distant" as much as you feel he's unreachable.

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Yes whenever I do tarot readings on him I do get the sense that he thinks I don't give him enough attention/am not within reach emotionally at all (which is true, I do this intentionally, and it's also an Aqua Moon trait in general)

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In fact, in the Composite, Vertex is square to the Venus/Moon midpoint, and the Eros/Moon midpoint is square to Vesta. This looks like there's the feeling of a line that cant be crossed preventing to make a further step towards intimacy, as if some fear to completely show your true self to each other puts a barrier between the two.

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Absolutely, there's this.. very strong unconscious hesitance on both of our parts. Like there's police tape preventing us from revealing our intentions to one another. Sort of feels beyond us.

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Just note that his Venus in 12th Gemini is square to his Ceres, and his Chiron square to his NN, so his relationship sphere might be quite instable, hindered by a strong sense of independence he might have nurtured in struggling to find such stability, but that he probably "dreams" to achieve.

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posted November 03, 2019 03:28 PM            

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He DOES seem very self conscious around me which is baffling. I feel like I'm no one and certainly am not there to judge him.

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Yes whenever I do tarot readings on him I do get the sense that he thinks I don't give him enough attention/am not within reach emotionally at all (which is true, I do this intentionally, and it's also an Aqua Moon trait in general)

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I think he's very proud and has a powerful ego. His self-assertiveness is nurtured by people's attention to him and I think he feels both your high consideration and your emotional closure at the same time... With those strong Aries traits together with natal Mars square Jupiter and his Gemini Venus, consider that he might lose his interest quickly for someone who he might feel emotionally distant or not completely spontaneous... your Saturn is square to his Sun and your Neptune is square to his Moon, so he might feel your closure as something preventing such mutual spontaneity and giving him insecurity on how to deal with you, which is something he likely doesnt like at all or could make him lose interest. I would suggest to try to look more self-confident and outgoing with him.

He has a very romantic side, btw, that he keeps under the radar but that he expresses when he feels comfortable in situations of intimacy.

posted November 03, 2019 04:42 PM            

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I think he's very proud and has a powerful ego.

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Definitely does. I think his Cancer ASC does him a GREAT service because he does not come off as haughty or domineering in the slightest until he feels a little more comfortable with you (funny how that works lol), but for sure there's a lot of pride in him.

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His self-assertiveness is nurtured by people's attention to him

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Yes, definitely - that Cancer/Arian desire for validation even though his Aqua Mars (dispositor of his giant Aries stellium) loves to be a contarian and doesn't mind being hated at the same time. But he definitely is fueled by accolades

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With those strong Aries traits together with natal Mars square Jupiter and his Gemini Venus, consider that he might lose his interest quickly for someone who he might feel emotionally distant or not completely spontaneous

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so he might feel your closure as something preventing such mutual spontaneity and giving him insecurity on how to deal with you, which is something he likely doesnt like at all or could make him lose interest.

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Absolutely, he loves a bubbly, fun-loving girl. I am not really that is the issue!

Seemingly there is so much compatibility in our charts but I think that our romantic expectations for each other would be great disappointed could we ever move past our egos and admit our vulnerabilities with each other

posted November 03, 2019 05:21 PM            

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At the end of the day I want to be loved for being myself (which is sort of a low energy, calm, semi-guarded person). I was in a relationship where I became this goofy, tap dancing, entertaining partner for someone and I just feel like I have no more energy left to be something that I'm not lol so I've begrudgingly made peace with our enormous, fated chemistry that will likely never be acted out on.

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I see what you mean and this is a great thing you said!
Now this is just my own speculation, but his bubbly, fun-loving girls dont seem to last too long, as you also confirm... so since his Neptune is opposite his Cancer ASC and square to his Moon (his ASC ruler), while his Piesces NN is conjunct MC (square to his Chiron in 12th) it seems that he's a dreamer who might struggle to find that stability maybe because he's too drawn to the "appearance" than to the substance, like a dreamer chasing the wrong dream or so... I mean that maybe a more "down to earth" person/relationship might actually help his romantic and passionate nature to express himself better. But of course you know better than me what is possible or impossible here (for your own well-being).