posted November 17, 2019 04:02 PM            

But recently I met another person and that is really kind of confusing the whole situation for me. I've grown quite emotionally distant from the partner in prison and i'm certainly feeling some guilt.

Meeting someone new like this I wasn't in the plan. We have a LOT in common and he is very attractive, which isn't helping. He is far younger than I, but really mature and well-put together. At this point my heart and affections feel really torn.

posted November 18, 2019 01:29 PM            

off the top the composite has hard Saturn aspects with the T-square of mars/Saturn//moon and it has hard aspect with Uranus as Uranus is conjunct to Neptune square the sun.

generally without looking at the personal interactions, this will be a difficult relationship and not likely very stable.

Saturn and Uranus are polar opposites and when both are present with hard aspects, rarely will a relationship last.

posted November 18, 2019 02:39 PM            

aiy aiy and thank you again for your insights. Wow, yeah this one is a heavy one. At first I thought the guy was just simple, young forest-firefighter. We met through a close mutual friend and we are both from the same Metis culture. He is pretty active in the community and self-sacrificing, hardworking etc. Overall he seemed to have his life very well put together.

That is...until he confessed he had a long-term ex-girlfriend that he was seeing for 3 1/2 years. Being 20 years old, that's a long time. She would threaten suicide and induced a lot of self-harm to herself each time he tried to break things off. Naturally I felt horrible for the poor guy - that is way too young to be dealing with such toxic drama.

As always, I meet the ones with baggage - but I honestly think he just needs a good friend who can give some solid advice and direction, and that is something I can be.

I want to be supportive to my partner in prison and be there for him when he gets out. It is just hard to remain faithful and loyal when there are no guarantees and almost zero communication.

posted November 18, 2019 04:11 PM            

Uranus Square Sun:

"It can possible indicate a large age gap or symbolize being already involved with other people. It is an aspect for couples who like change, unconventional relationships or changing the system, long distance relationships etc. More than anything, it symbolizes something unconventional. Excitement, unpredictability, against traditions."

I imagine if we dated, me being his senior, it would definitely reflect this strongly. Also with him being a firefighter, he is gone for long periods of time.

"It requires total freedom and allowing both partners to act on their impulses as they come up. Allowing each other to act out in positive ways that doesn't result in negative 'acting out.' It requires absolute freedom to express ourselves, and not unconsciously pushing each-other.'

For the Saturn Square Mars:

It particularly shows that the goals and paths of the two people are very divergent. There are differing lifestyles, so the timing of the two people may be off, or both want very different things in life. There is a lack of ability to blend in such a way to achieve something concrete together. There is a timing issues of goals, ideas and when they are going to happen. One of the people is at very different stage of life or mind frame than the other, making the 'life' timing of this aspect very off. There is often a build up of energy that can turn explosive or argumentative. It requires being able to let off steam, but we are afraid to do so and keep that energy contained somehow and dam it up. However, the dam always breaks and the energy comes rushing out. We can try to hide our anger or irritation but it doesn't work. This aspect requires compromises on both partner's parts. There is a lot of attraction, much in common and deep feelings, but both people will never be in the same place or stage at the same time. It rarely is seen in successful long term commitments unless one person is willing to compromise and change their life-path for the other. This requires a very enlightened individual to not result in resentment."

Again, this all seems to resonate strongly with an age gap and what he does for work. Firefighting and being away for long periods of time. This was a killer in his last relationship and the source of contention for his ex-girlfriend.

posted November 19, 2019 12:48 PM            

thank you so much for the uplifting and lovely advice stoika. <3 12th House sun and moon is truly a difficult lifepath, we seem to love deeply but the challenges are so intense.

I do find the rewards worth the struggle though. Mercury in Aries seems to give me the mental vitality and strength to tackle them. I'll admit, maybe I even joy some challenges. Self-reliance and learning how to be independent as a single mother (two boys) seems to be the theme. Sometimes I want to give up but I just won't quit lol.

In regards to my lover, I finally see him in two days. I don't know what will unfold. I did find this article on 12th House relationships very reflective though.

" We are fated, but we are meant to part. We have a meaningful journey to take together, but we must ultimately be alone. Our lives are silly and sublime at once. We have the ultimate intimacy side by side with the knowledge of ultimate separateness. We grasp for the handrail, and find nothing to hold on to. We fall, and find the world."

posted November 22, 2019 12:37 PM            

My Cree partner unfortunately did not get his parole, which means he will be there another full year. Which means regrettably things between he and I are concluded for the time being. Neither of us can handle another year of the emotional and spacial distance...

I really appreciate your insights looking into my chart! I hadn't really quite understood the significance of the mystic triangle. I also recently tried to look into the YOD that forms between Pallas and Venus quincunx Saturn in my natal. You are correct, it really seems that my goals and dreams of being an artist, writer, etc are pinnacle in my continued development.

In regards to this new person i've met... i've been very open and honest with him in regards to where I am in life and my previous relationship with the man incarcerated. He still seems very interested in pursing a romantic connection with me, even comfortable with the fact that I have children.

posted November 22, 2019 12:59 PM            

For what it's worth, I don't think the synastry between you and this new prospect is TOO awful. I mean he's certainly not the love of your life going by the composite, but I think that time with him can be both fulfilling and healing.

His Moon in Cancer conjunct your Venus in Cancer could be just what the doctor ordered. His style of emotional expression resonates with your Sun/Moon/Venus/Mars... what could be better than that? It makes sense that he's okay with you having children as he has maternal instincts of his own.

Plus his Sun in Aries could be a really good contrast to your double Taurus Sun/Moon, you being Venusian and he being Martian. It's a good male/female dichotomy.

The idea of your Jupiter on his ASC is also really cool and speaks the age gap - you have much to teach him and he has much to learn. This is also echoed by the composite's Moon/Jupiter/Venus conjunction opposite Pluto, seems that there is some student/teacher sort of fatedness that's embedded into the DNA of your astrology with him.

His Mercury in Pisces could innately understand your 12th house Mercury (and Sun and Moon)! Definitely think that Pisces placements would be good for you to have in partner.

His Mars conjunct your Pluto.. I mean, why not? That could be fun if you catch my drift.

posted November 22, 2019 01:39 PM            

If anything my natal chart shows, I have a track record of following 12th house carrots. I am beginning to wonder if this is something I just don't have a choice in. Ironically this young man was born in the same town as my last partner (its basically in the middle of nowhere so that's bizarre) and he also descends from a similar family line as mine(don't worry, nothing too incestuous I promise lol.) In our traditional culture, our parents would have considered us an "ideal" match. So that's funny.

Everything I can see in the composite I can already kinda see as elements of the relationship. I honestly think a lot of the hard aspects to Uranus/Saturn have a lot to do with our age gap.

The Sun in the 11th house from what I understand is a really strong placement for long-term friendships, especially considering we met in a public mutual place of work, which is nice, because we both want the same things for our cultural community.

posted November 25, 2019 03:22 PM            

It was certainly a set back to lose my SO again to the prison system like that. Especially when it felt like I was blocked from being at the hearing from some RANDOM unknown stomach virus. It will be full year (potentially) until he can try again for parole, unless we launch a succesful Habeas Corpus case.

I'm not losing faith, mostly because I have been remembering how intensely I felt about him when I met him - versus how I've felt around this new man. Not that i'm comparing the two, but I am definitely comparing my the intensity of feelings. I may not be able to remain faithful in a physical sense, but my heart still remains devoted to him. I wish I wasn't sexual licentious creature when it comes to my physical needs, but alas I am (gets me in trouble.)

And there isn't really anything wrong with this young guy per-say, he's actually quite wonderful and very laid back. I can understand the theme of healing in our relationship; he is someone safe and predictable. But OH the 12th house lol - nothing about me likes predictability.

I haven't mentioned this amidst all my other crazy stuff, but i've been dealing with a third man behind the scenes in all of this. He's been a major factor since the beginning. Its my baby's father. He is a Leo too (August 10th 1978) just two days before my imprisoned lover. I did his chart rectification and put his TOB at 23:57 He has been trying to get back together with me the WHOLE time. He doesn't even care i've been seeing other men, he just can't seem to let go of his 'love' for me. Our relationship has always been extremely dysfunctional and emotionally abusive, hence why we aren't together.

posted November 25, 2019 04:32 PM            

You have a deeply sensual chart, it's extraordinarily feminine. The ruler of your Venusian Sun and Moon is sweet and adoring Venus in Cancer in the house of possessive Taurus.

The ruler of your Chart is Mercury in the dreamy house of Pisces.

I think that the sexual desire of Taurean women is really understated in astrology. We have a lot of love to give, just as much as we love to receive. It seems our bodies howl for needs far beyond what our rational mind can control, thus we go in search of what the body wants. Getting lost in sensations, textures, the scent of skin, pheromones, release - all of that is the bread and butter to the Taurus woman. So I don't think that what you express is unusual at all.

I think polyamory could be a good outlet for you as I get the sense you have a strong understanding of your sexuality and seem very honest with yourself. You love deeply and unconditionally but don't strike me as violent or suffocatingly possessive, which makes you a good candidate for this.

If I may say so, it could be also that you may be addicted to the love/sexual chemicals that release in the brain when you're in love and/or lust with someone? That perhaps life is just dry without the exhilaration of love and adoration from another person. That you feel the most alive in the context of interpersonal dynamics.

Barring asteroids, your 5th, 7th, and 8th houses are empty, so you could desire another person "filling up" your chart with these romance houses as there feels to be an innate lack there?

Also, noticing that you go for older men and you're still very young, there could be inner child wounds you're trying to heal by using your partners as both romantic fulfillment as well as some source of paternal fulfillment? I had a similar lack in my childhood and I tend to go for big age gaps for this reason as well.

Transit Jupiter is in your 8th house for the next year so now could be a good time to investigate this part of your psyche and see which one of these scenarios rings the most true for you. You could also create some sort of map, as a visual exercise, about what you personally would enjoy the most out of your romantic relationships, just do a little free write with a timer and see what immediately pops up for you first, and how you can best accommodate these needs with the realities of life

Creating a chart with this template could be helpful, it's also a really good manifestation tool

https://passionplanner.com/blog/getting-started-with-the-passion-planner

posted December 02, 2019 12:02 PM            

quote:

---

I think that the sexual desire of Taurean women is really understated in astrology. We have a lot of love to give, just as much as we love to receive. It seems our bodies howl for needs far beyond what our rational mind can control, thus we go in search of what the body wants. Getting lost in sensations, textures, the scent of skin, pheromones, release - all of that is the bread and butter to the Taurus woman.

---

I truly resonate with this on such a deep level! Even as a writer, my writing focus heavily on sensory and imagery rather than narrative. And I love caring for people and loving them...I just don't ever receive the same.

"I think polyamory could be a good outlet for you as I get the sense you have a strong understanding of your sexuality and seem very honest with yourself. You love deeply and unconditionally but don't strike me as violent or suffocatingly possessive, which makes you a good candidate for this."

I can get possessive if I have deep outstanding feelings for an individual, but i'm really good at detachment at the same time.

Reviewing an old psych report, I often forget that I also suffer from autistic-spectrum-disorder (high functioning) ADHD combined attentive and inattentive and also an attachment disorder. This was all diagnosed really late in (I was 18) but i've had a lot of time to grow and develop my conditions into gifts, rather than curses. But those conditions still do play a huge part in my interpersonal relationships.

I have a very hard time falling genuinely in love, and when I do, I fall hard but can also detach easily if I need to (survival.) I grew up in a a very abusive household with lots of alcohol, sexual, physical, emotional abuse, abandonment drugs, etc. so attaching emotionally to those I was closest to was my primary key to survival.

In a partner I need someone who can have patience with me when I struggle, need emotional containment, support etc. I did have that with my Cree man before he got taken. My "baby daddy" could never be that man for me - instead he was quite the opposite.

quote:

---

Also, noticing that you go for older men and you're still very young, there could be inner child wounds you're trying to heal by using your partners as both romantic fulfillment as well as some source of paternal fulfillment? I had a similar lack in my childhood and I tend to go for big age gaps for this reason as well.

---

I seem to go for all sorts of age groups. I've dated older men and younger men, and also men my own age. Most of my friends are older than I however.

This young firefighter kinda seems like that sort of partner. When I was in the hospital last week, he came over and made me soup to get my strength back up. He is thoughtful and nurturing and I deeply desire that in a partner. But he is very young. He says children don't bother him.

The other recent development, the one thing that I felt would probably keep this relationship off the table, was the distance. He lives and works 4 hours away. Well, he told me last night that he is looking at two places in the city on Tuesday and would like to see me after that. He's moving to my city, which is quite a massive change for him. It almost gives me a bit of hope lol.

posted December 02, 2019 12:12 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stoika7:
❤️❤️❤️

I can see the sexual/physical "intensity", well you're a Taurus Sun/Moon :-) opposite Pluto in 6th house :-) with Venus in second house :-) opposite Uranus! So yes, restless and "eager" from this point of view, and with Moon in 12th your emotional world might be hungry for love as well, never completely fulfilled, and boundless... but with Saturn trine to Moon, and Neptune, ruler of your 12th house, conjunct to NN in the 9th house, I believe that once you have found "the one", you become quite devoted and loyal (if he's not physically distant, eheh), especially as you have a "soulmate" feeling binding you to the person... but this soulmate link is the same reason you can handle such an hard separation/distance with your Crew guy, you still feel your heart is there and might be willing to endure this situation, I think that Neptune in 9th house conjunct NN gives you such a faith and strenght in searching and pursuing true love.
I can say from your transits that I see your emotional/relationship sphere reaching a more stable situation within February/March 2020, as transiting NN is hitting your Venus in your 2nd opposite transiting Saturn conjunct your Neptune/NN, heading towards your Juno/10th house in spring/summer 2020. Jupiter, ruler of your 7th house, is also going through your Capricorn 9th house trine to your Sun/Moon and opposite Venus... It could be though that this is about a more physical relationship, or at least this is how it seems to start, since South Node and Mars are transiting in your 8th house, so I am not sure this will be about your Creek guy, also cause back last month transits to your Composite with him were not favourable and it seemed you would definitely detach from him in early 2020, but I will check those out again...
Btw, I think that your Cancer Chiron 3rd house sextile Moon but square Mercury 12th, is asking you to become more stable in relationship matters, in order to find your psychophysical balance and also spiritual/intellectual wellbeing.

---

hello again stoika!
I had to take a break from Lindaland with all the intense things going on lately. I was in the hospital twice over the last few weeks but I appear to be fine now. I keep meeting very spiritually in-tune people wherever I go these days. One old native guy even came up and read my aura, it was crazy! (Apparently its purple lol.)

I feel intuitively that things in 2020 are going to start leveling out a bit. This more physical and stable relationship really does make me question if it is with this new man I have met though. He just told me he plans to move to my city, which is a big shock.

There is some weird karmic tie there with him. He discovered his boss was my Uncle's wife. My uncle passed away a few years ago. His spirit name was Silver Raven Eagle Man. I had an intense close encounter with an raven two days before he told me this. I saw ravens and even dreamed about them leading up to my uncle's death (I didn't know his spirit name until after he died.) I even wrote a poem about the raven encounter because it really shook me!

"In the warm stillness,
that your arms did offer
a flash of memory unbeknownst to me -
I saw a black cove
carpeted in silver laps of water
and I told you what I saw
but we smiled at the light of it.

But I saw it again
in the sheen of a raven's eye
who stopped to watch my passage
and I in his
and we both frozen in the wonderment
of what we gazed upon -
that great bird and I

'who is this now?'

And then, I thought of you
wrapped in all the tapestries
of our people's sash
singing thunderously against
the crashing will of a cascades.

To know but not remember
the buffalo days long gone,
and that we've danced this dance before -
cry unknowing tears."

posted December 02, 2019 02:54 PM            

Sorry to hear you went to hospital though, I hope you're all right and that it was nothing too serious... Actually, you're having transiting Pluto conjunct your natal NN but square your natal Ceres in 6th house and opposite natal Mars, with also transiting Saturn/SN lurking in square to your Ceres/Nessus midpoint while transiting Venus lately square to your Nessus, so this is likely why you have been sick, but it's leaving soon......

I think you meet spiritual in-tune people cause you're mainly a psychic person with natal NN/Neptune square Vertex and Saturn/Uranus midpoint square Mercury. Transiting SN is currently conjunct to your Uranus sextile Pluto, so you're having synchronicities and psychic connections coming from your subconscious "karma". So these are "signs" that your subconscious is guiding you through your karmic developments at this time.

Yes, from the artistic point of view, as I have observed lately, transits suggest you will have very good developments in a near future, with creative plans and projects slowly taking off the ground and becoming more grounded :-)

Keep me updated please! ❤️

posted December 09, 2019 01:06 PM            

Things have been interesting! Career wise things are still looking very bright. I'm a little wary of drama developing at the art gallery i'm a resident at though, so i've been keeping my walls up around others. I don't want to be taken advantage of.

I met another artist there however that I connect with very well, he has gone through similar experiences and a spiritual journey akin to my own. It's been refreshing to talk about this with someone in person. I've promised him to help him with his own natal chart. He hopes he has a future in art, because he just gave up his labour 9-5 job to make it as an artist.

In regards to the young fireman I met....wow! Turned out to have more redflags than the soviet union lol. He was self-harming (cutting!) and seeing other women. I asked to just be friends. He ghosted me. Good luck to him is all I can say lol!

posted December 16, 2019 02:54 PM            

But I saw it again
in the sheen of a raven's eye
who stopped to watch my passage
and I in his
and we both frozen in the wonderment
of what we gazed upon -
that great bird and I

'who is this now?'

And then, I thought of you
wrapped in all the tapestries
of our people's sash
singing thunderously against
the crashing will of a cascades.

To know but not remember
the buffalo days long gone,
and that we've danced this dance before -
cry unknowing tears."

posted December 18, 2019 06:15 PM            

hope you been well since we last spoke, these last few months have sure been intense collectively all around.

posted December 18, 2019 07:14 PM            

a purple aura signifies a highly developed spiritual sensitivity. I gives access to the astral and many other psychic abilities. it shows a spirit concerned with manifesting higher truths. I can give insight to past lives.it is associated with the highest chakra- the crown chakra.it is the color all spiritual seekers hope to achieve.