posted April 12, 2020 09:25 AM            

6 months, 2 months and 3 months in 2004 and 2005
3.5 years (my first serious one) from spring 2006 to late summer 2009
In between those two, very short term stuff
1.5 years early 2010 to mid-2011
(Ton of dating and some ONS)
2 months in 2013
3 months and 3 months at the same time (yes, I know) in 2013
1.5 years from late 2013 to mid-2015
2 or 3 or so month short term in between those two long term relationships.
4 years or so late 2015 to late 2019

I know it seems like the opposite, but I would really love something lasting and long term and meaningful, I just kind of don't.....know how? I guess. Not even sure I know what love is but I....THINK I loved the ones of 3.5 and 4 years, I think, as well as the first 1.5 year.

I don't like being single, which is odd, because at the same time, I have had all of those experiences above!

Advice on how to utilize my chart to help me work on myself to find the proper one who can last like those couples who go decades?

Thanks! (If you tell me likely in my 50s, I am too impatient to wait! )

link to the chart: https://imgur.com/a/pcKLHd8

[img]https://i.imgur.com/BGVBaBal.png[/img]

posted April 12, 2020 10:02 AM            

Perhaps a teacher (not your teacher exclusively, somebody whose job is at a school or involves writing) with a strong personality who is not afraid to contradict you, and whom you may meet at a party or on social media can have the potential for an ever-lasting love?

But I advise you not to get too much focused on the love aspect, you do have venus-Neptune and that seems to be one of the reasons you find yourself falling and acting out of love a few years into a relationship.

Perhaps even a younger woman with a Saturnian chart can be a great match.

posted April 12, 2020 10:25 AM            

(relationship = RS)

Okay, I guess I will spill the beans about breakups. I think because I am in such a rush to get into them, I act on instant connections without considering long term (not sure I know or will ever know how to consider the later) and eventually get a wandering eye when I start to realize that the long term connection is not the same as the magical initial meeting.

But there are so many reasons why they come to an end. The first 3.5 year RS was because she could not handle the distance anymore + I feel horrible to say this, which is maybe why I don't know what love is but towards the end, in the last month and while on vacation for 10 weeks I cheated on her with 3 different ONS at different times but she never found out. I was a huge jerk in that respect.

Except for those first three, all of the relationships I have been in were with people from other countries (8 out of 11!)

The second serious one, 1.5 year, she broke up with me when I was very sick. I think I love her the most, maybe, at least on a somewhat superficial level? Or maybe it was true love...Not sure.

2 month RS, she was much older and my eyes kind of ...roamed...it was nothing serious but I was a jerk and kind of just ghosted her, feel bad about it in hindsight.

Two short term RS at the same time, I guess I wanted nothing serious but than my eyes roamed and something serious did come along so I said goodbye to both. That second 1.5 RS she accused me of cheating but I never did.

2 month one was actually, spiritually/emotionally probably a better match for me and pretty but not quite my type so my eyes wandered to...

...the 4-year relationship. Towards the end we just had a lot of nasty flare-ups and I think we were equally to blame in most of them.

posted April 12, 2020 03:56 PM            

She will "demand" respect from you, and you'd better never cross her!

Travelman, the truth is that you may be married a year from now if your decision is set. Marriage is not that difficult or complicated, as long as you have the maturity for it.

I say marriage, because you said lasting love. And normally when you feel that you will love someone forever you'd want to marry them.

Marriage is mostly commitment, much like a contract. You find a person who makes you happy and gives you peace and then you decide to stand by their side as long as you'e alive.

People get married not knowing these and it ends up in ugly situations like messy divorces or open-realtionship arrangents. Do no get married if you want something from the other person. Only marry if you want to share your happiness which you have found within yourself with somebody else who brings you peace, challenge and growth all at the same time.

Once you are married, you should know that you must stop checking out other women, or let another woman get close to you because your wife said or did something which made you resent her temporarily.

posted April 13, 2020 05:11 AM            

Honestly, that last one
"4 years or so late 2015 to late 2019"

Ending in November, that was a marriage of 3 years (+1 year of dating prior). I was not a good husband!

If it is an older woman I think she will almost, in a way, serve as a mentor of sorts and be mature almost to the point where it is a little annoying but will grow on me (prediction). Younger, I think her maturity will take me by surprise or even shock me.

posted April 13, 2020 11:42 AM            

So will it be much different from the next person who you are hoping to be the last girl? I don't think it will differ that much. You know yourself, your strengths and your weaknesses, and to grasp that wish, you only need to put the lessons you learned in practice .

posted April 14, 2020 06:16 AM            

--No worries, thanks for taking your time to offer advice!

I see, so you're already half way there in finding something ever-lasting, because you also had a marriage experience.

--I hope I have actually learned more than I think I have learned! I don't know how to get over this roaming eye thing, always looking. Two of my serious exes actually, believe it or not, encouraged it and we'd do it together, sometimes even initiated by them! But I don't like this feeling of always wondering what else I could be missing. Happens when I travel too. I am in x country but thinking about y country too, or even z, u and v country as well while I am already abroad! I might be traveling in Hungary but wondering about Macedonia, Albania and Bosnia, etc. as well.

IMO, my chart screams foreign relationships but it is hard to be objective, just the same!

So will it be much different from the next person who you are hoping to be the last girl? I don't think it will differ that much. You know yourself, your strengths and your weaknesses, and to grasp that wish, you only need to put the lessons you learned in practice .

--The issue with me is, not to toot my own horn, but I tend to give awesome advice. People often take it and even improve their situation. The issue is, I tend to NOT take my own advice.

~ I have had my own fair share of good and bad relationships
I am now starting to see my one-on-one relationships, especially the current one, as a journey rather than a destination. Whether they will lead to marriage to or not, I'll leave that to fate first and my heart next, when it comes to making the final decision.

--Like you, I want an everlasting love that will actually, kind of be more like an adventure, something playful and fun loving, but with its intense moments too. Maybe "the one" needs to be a friend too. Not a friend first, but friend at the same time.

posted April 14, 2020 08:09 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Travelman:

How long has this current one lasted? Sounds like a really nice experience! What types of things from the past have helped you with the current one for things to do, or not do? Sorry if this is roaming into TMI territory, don't respond if it is, haha!

---

Haha not at all, I would love to share my experience. It started in October 2018. I knew him for nine months before we started dating. This is my favorite relationship so far, and it's funny but his life sounds a lot like yours! He's older than you though (and than me too) and he has traveled to many countries even the Antarctica. Of course he's had quite a number of international and local girlfriends before me. I think he was single for a year before we started. I had been single for about three months around the time we started dating. When we met, I was already in another relationship (he didn't know that because we did not talk about that personal sort of things and it was purely a work relationship for 9 months).

My previous relationship before him was very intense and very rebellious (because my family did not approve of him but I dated him regardless). It had lasted for a year and he had already bought a beautiful ring and proposed. I said yes.

It ended badly, and he used me a lot in his ambitions too. His friends meddled a lot in our relationship, especially a female friend he had who was also a therapist.
He still contacts me once in a while and asks me to come back. Something impossible for me even though I still love him. It was a red flag for me from the start that he had a tumultuous relationship with his mother and couldn't treat her with respect. I was worried he might eventually treat me the same which in time my worry proved to be true. I think it is a classic and psychology text-book red flag that every woman must know. I did give him many chances though and hence why it lasted a whole year, as crazy as it was.
When it was over, it was actually a breath of fresh air for me and I could begin to see other people who would fit me better.

Because of all the drama in my past relationships, I decided to keep this one a secret and I am glad I did, although secret relationships can be harder, in my experience they are more enjoyable! Because it's just the two of you and the problems of friends and family members cannot hinder your fairytale romance.
I also told him from the start that I did not like to think about marriage even though I can see it going on for a few more years. He agrees with me thankfully. Despite the passionate romance, our lifestyles are not very matching and socially he is above me, and these are my reasons for not wanting a marriage with him.

posted April 15, 2020 04:56 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
Haha not at all, I would love to share my experience. It started in October 2018. I knew him for nine months before we started dating. This is my favorite relationship so far, and it's funny but his life sounds a lot like yours! He's older than you though (and than me too) and he has traveled to many countries even the Antarctica. Of course he's had quite a number of international and local girlfriends before me. I think he was single for a year before we started. I had been single for about three months around the time we started dating. When we met, I was already in another relationship (he didn't know that because we did not talk about that personal sort of things and it was purely a work relationship for 9 months).

My previous relationship before him was very intense and very rebellious (because my family did not approve of him but I dated him regardless). It had lasted for a year and he had already bought a beautiful ring and proposed. I said yes.

It ended badly, and he used me a lot in his ambitions too. His friends meddled a lot in our relationship, especially a female friend he had who was also a therapist.
He still contacts me once in a while and asks me to come back. Something impossible for me even though I still love him. It was a red flag for me from the start that he had a tumultuous relationship with his mother and couldn't treat her with respect. I was worried he might eventually treat me the same which in time my worry proved to be true. I think it is a classic and psychology text-book red flag that every woman must know. I did give him many chances though and hence why it lasted a whole year, as crazy as it was.
When it was over, it was actually a breath of fresh air for me and I could begin to see other people who would fit me better.

Because of all the drama in my past relationships, I decided to keep this one a secret and I am glad I did, although secret relationships can be harder, in my experience they are more enjoyable! Because it's just the two of you and the problems of friends and family members cannot hinder your fairytale romance.
I also told him from the start that I did not like to think about marriage even though I can see it going on for a few more years. He agrees with me thankfully. Despite the passionate romance, our lifestyles are not very matching and socially he is above me, and these are my reasons for not wanting a marriage with him.

He and I have learned a lot from each other and I have definitely become a more independent person with the emotional support and courage he gives me.

---

I would end things abruptly if someone else tried to meddle in my significant others (and thus my) relationship.

Ya, I think that can be a common red flag.

That stinks that it has to come to keeping it a secret because it is fun to share that romance with someone else but at the same time, I know why you have to.

Do you think social standing is important? I think it can be overcome.

"though I can see it going on for a few more years."

posted April 15, 2020 11:13 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Travelman:

I am confused, so you don't see this lasting long term? But a few more years?

---

I said a few more years because I am getting close to 30 and I suppose in a year or two I would like to settle down and have a baby, and maybe then I will no longer be dating him. He has pretty much put the future of our relationship in my hand, meaning he is in as long as I am in. I guess he understands my need for independence and is careful not to pressure me.
I know a married life is impossible for me and him because of the difference between lifestyles and characters. I would imagine someone calmer and more like myself as my husband and the father of my children!

These may seem surprising for you, but as I am transitting from a girl to a grown-up woman I am realizing that I need a balance of peace and passion, rather than the idea that love alone can conquer everything.

posted April 15, 2020 02:30 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
I said a few more years because I am getting close to 30 and I suppose in a year or two I would like to settle down and have a baby, and maybe then I will no longer be dating him. He has pretty much put the future of our relationship in my hand, meaning he is in as long as I am in. I guess he understands my need for independence and is careful not to pressure me.
I know a married life is impossible for me and him because of the difference between lifestyles and characters. I would imagine someone calmer and more like myself as my husband and the father of my children!

These may seem surprising for you, but as I am transitting from a girl to a grown-up woman I am realizing that I need a balance of peace and passion, rather than the idea that love alone can conquer everything.

I guess what we have in common now is both our needs for "stability".

---

Well, again, not to overstep my bounds, but at least for me, the future of a relationship was in the hands of two. I am , however, 100 percent open to seeing how it works for you! But, how can any future of two be in the hands of one?? It just does not compute....(for me)

You seem to want marriage and yet, you know a married life is impossible with him , so what is the current point? Or what is the point in general?

In an odd way you kind of sound like me. This feeling that: "I am with you for now but you are not what I want long term or something like that." Or maybe I misread things.

Finally, independence and the freedom to do things CAN NOT be messed with.

posted April 15, 2020 04:10 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Travelman:

Well, again, not to overstep my bounds, but at least for me, the future of a relationship was in the hands of two. I am , however, 100 percent open to seeing how it works for you! But, how can any future of two be in the hands of one?? It just does not compute....(for me)
You seem to want marriage and yet, you know a married life is impossible with him , so what is the current point? Or what is the point in general?

In an odd way you kind of sound like me. This feeling that: "I am with you for now but you are not what I want long term or something like that." Or maybe I misread things.

Finally, independence and the freedom to do things CAN NOT be messed with.

---

Your questions are valid. And I very much appreciate a third person's perspective on my "secret" relatoinship. Lindaland members have helped me gain more insight on my situation and the lessons which are to be learned in this relationship. And it seems like this thread which you made in hope of getting adive on you situation has turned out to be helpful for me too! And I don't mind it all; I would love as many insights here as possible, because in my experience Lindaland forum has one of the friendliest and smartest members who do not judge but are happy to offer free help and insights.

I understand that it sounds odd that he has given me so much power in this relationship, but I assure you that this is a very healthy relationship, regardless of how it may look on the outside! I guess it is his way of showing his love for me, or that perhaps he thinks if he says what he wants and it is contrary to what I want, I will break up with him (which I won't). To be honest he did ask me two or three times last year to be with him forever. But I always shrugged it off because I think it is the oxytocine talking lol! It was very painful for me to reject his request on the spot and I would usually tell him things like, I don't think that can ever happen, we're too different, with time you'll know we're not that fit for each other etc. But maybe deep down I am lying to myself? I don't know anymore! But I just know that I can keep dating him for ten or maybe twenty years but still the love be as strong as the start for the both of us. But living under a roof with him and having a child with him? My female intuition tells me that it for sure can't happen.

To answer your question on what is the point despite me knowing I will never marry him? Maybe this is heavy karma that I have with him? My sun is conjunct his south node and his venus is conjunct my south node. Overall we have a really unique bond. I love him deeply and am comitted to him 100%. I have never checked out or fantasized about other men since I had been dating him. Because he was my crush for 9 months and I would like as much of him as I can get lol!

I think the sad part about our relationships is that I am a bit of an old-fashioned girl, and want to give my parents what they want which is me being married sooner. If I didn't have parents or never wanted to have a baby, I would have stayed with him till the end even if he didn't want to get married. It must seem even more complicated to you now!

Life is strange and I think apart for a few very special human beings, the rest of us are still trying to figure it out even when we are old.

posted April 16, 2020 02:15 PM            

I would not mind just finding a life partner who I can stay with for life, but not marry. I want to be good friends with my lover too but I do want a child (or two) someday, I just do not know when. I have a huge bucket list first, before a child comes.