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Author Topic:   Why doesn’t he like me?
SunAscendant
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posted August 30, 2020 05:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunAscendant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I went on a first date yesterday and I thought it went well, but at the end of the date he said he didn’t feel a spark. Usually I go on two dates before deciding I’m not into someone, but he seemed pretty adamant about not feeling anything towards me. Why? I hate to sound conceited, but I rarely get rejected... so this is kind of foreign territory for me.

His chart is OUTSIDE.

- His Mars conjunct my Sun seems to show that the potential for arguments exists, but his Venus close to my Ascendant would mitigate that.

We have venus widely trine jupiter and venus conjunct mc which are positive aspects.

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livvywatermonkey
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posted August 30, 2020 05:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for livvywatermonkey     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey SunAscendant

I’ve just taken a look at your progressed synastry & you’ve got a separating conjunction between your progressed Venus & his progressed Mars, conjunct his natal South Node.

To me this says you could have the potential to find his modes of taking action attractive, but if he could sense this potential it may have felt more confining than enlivening, because he may not think much of his own ways of taking action at this time, & intuited he may have had to make himself more predictable in order to remain attractive to you, whereas he wants to eventually grow out of ways he’s limiting himself, even if he’s not entirely ready yet.

A lot of these assumptions about the other person happen so automatically we are not even conscious of them, so I’m not saying he was right but maybe he is looking for someone who will move with him through change, but maybe he sensed something almost too familiar & that represented to him the way he irks himself sometimes. Maybe his sense was that he needs someone who has the potential to like him *less* at this time, so he has greater reason to move towards the person he’s becoming - sounds weird I know xD

Does this resonate, or not so much!?

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SunAscendant
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posted August 30, 2020 06:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunAscendant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by livvywatermonkey:
Hey SunAscendant

I’ve just taken a look at your progressed synastry & you’ve got a separating conjunction between your progressed Venus & his progressed Mars, conjunct his natal South Node.

To me this says you could have the potential to find his modes of taking action attractive, but if he could sense this potential it may have felt more confining than enlivening, because he may not think much of his own ways of taking action at this time, & intuited he may have had to make himself more predictable in order to remain attractive to you, whereas he wants to eventually grow out of ways he’s limiting himself, even if he’s not entirely ready yet.

A lot of these assumptions about the other person happen so automatically we are not even conscious of them, so I’m not saying he was right but maybe he is looking for someone who will move with him through change, but maybe he sensed something almost too familiar & that represented to him the way he irks himself sometimes. Maybe his sense was that he needs someone who has the potential to like him *less* at this time, so he has greater reason to move towards the person he’s becoming - sounds weird I know xD

Does this resonate, or not so much!?


Interesting. So perhaps maybe he feels I’m not going to grow with him? Like he’s so far ahead of me in life and feels I wouldn’t be able to keep up?

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livvywatermonkey
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posted August 30, 2020 06:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for livvywatermonkey     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That could be ... honestly I’ve been dating too, you & I are both water monkeys in the Chinese Zodiac, & when I met a guy born same year as yours, it went a similar way ... they are wood dogs. Usually very good with people, but with their own insecurities. I think Justin Bieber is one too, & Selena Gomez is a water monkey like us xD

I think we bring their insecurities to the surface as we are intellectually quick but also emotionally intuitive, & this can be uncomfortable for them.

My date was much more worldly than me & I became intellectually combative to show him I could still hold my own. I don’t think he enjoyed the test of that, even though he wouldn’t judge me for it ... he was probably just a little uneasy feeling that friction, not immediately understanding where it was coming from, & it may have activated his insecurities about feeling judged.

I may have also seemed like a child to him with less experience of dating & physical intimacy, & maybe he is looking for someone who comes across warmer/more easygoing intellectually, but also just as worldly/experienced as he is so he doesn’t need to feel judged for his own experiences/struggles so far.

I’m not sure how well this translates to your own experience, just sharing mine in case it does

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Saggy7
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posted August 30, 2020 07:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Saggy7     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey livvywatermonkey and SunAscendant, sorry to intrude on your post..but livvy, whenever you get the chance to look at my thread "What happened here" I would greatly appreciate it, I posted some questions in case you can help me get answers ❤ Thank you so much and once again apologies SunAscendant, I'm sorry for your experience and I hope you get clarity of the situation.. I wish I could help, but I am not good at interpreting aspects unfortunately

Ps. I do see that Vertex is on DSC in Composite (I think) which from my current experience should add an otherwordly and fated feeling to the rs with this person (so I have been told )

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livvywatermonkey
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posted August 30, 2020 07:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for livvywatermonkey     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Don’t worry Saggy7, I’ve already responded to you there <3 xx

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SunAscendant
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posted August 30, 2020 08:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunAscendant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by livvywatermonkey:
That could be ... honestly I’ve been dating too, you & I are both water monkeys in the Chinese Zodiac, & when I met a guy born same year as yours, it went a similar way ... they are wood dogs. Usually very good with people, but with their own insecurities. I think Justin Bieber is one too, & Selena Gomez is a water monkey like us xD

I think we bring their insecurities to the surface as we are intellectually quick but also emotionally intuitive, & this can be uncomfortable for them.

My date was much more worldly than me & I became intellectually combative to show him I could still hold my own. I don’t think he enjoyed the test of that, even though he wouldn’t judge me for it ... he was probably just a little uneasy feeling that friction, not immediately understanding where it was coming from, & it may have activated his insecurities about feeling judged.

I may have also seemed like a child to him with less experience of dating & physical intimacy, & maybe he is looking for someone who comes across warmer/more easygoing intellectually, but also just as worldly/experienced as he is so he doesn’t need to feel judged for his own experiences/struggles so far.

I’m not sure how well this translates to your own experience, just sharing mine in case it does


I def think he judged me for not being worldly. I haven’t traveled out of the US, but I am still someone who can hold her own in a conversation about the world. But I could tell I was definitely more experienced in relationships than him, and in sex. I don’t think he was intimidated though. I do think perhaps he judged me for not being further along in my career, especially since I’m 2 years older than him.

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SunAscendant
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posted August 30, 2020 08:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunAscendant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by livvywatermonkey:
That could be ... honestly I’ve been dating too, you & I are both water monkeys in the Chinese Zodiac, & when I met a guy born same year as yours, it went a similar way ... they are wood dogs. Usually very good with people, but with their own insecurities. I think Justin Bieber is one too, & Selena Gomez is a water monkey like us xD

I think we bring their insecurities to the surface as we are intellectually quick but also emotionally intuitive, & this can be uncomfortable for them.

My date was much more worldly than me & I became intellectually combative to show him I could still hold my own. I don’t think he enjoyed the test of that, even though he wouldn’t judge me for it ... he was probably just a little uneasy feeling that friction, not immediately understanding where it was coming from, & it may have activated his insecurities about feeling judged.

I may have also seemed like a child to him with less experience of dating & physical intimacy, & maybe he is looking for someone who comes across warmer/more easygoing intellectually, but also just as worldly/experienced as he is so he doesn’t need to feel judged for his own experiences/struggles so far.

I’m not sure how well this translates to your own experience, just sharing mine in case it does


And he was quite shy actually, not very much a people person. But him and I are Capricorn moons, so I’m reserved a bit as well, but I was more talkative and friendly.

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Stoika7
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posted August 30, 2020 09:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stoika7     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think there's a lot of sexual chemistry in the synastry, but he's Gemini Sun/8th house and Mercury/9th house with Moon in third house, his 7th ruler Mars conj your Sun is square to your Chiron and opposite his Jupiter in Scorpio, so I mainly think he was expecting more mental/intellectual compatibility in order to feel the spark which he hasnt found...
Composite Saturn is conjunct Vertex/ASC and square to the IC/MC axis, involving the Pluto/Venus opposition, so again I think that there's an underlying sexual attraction but which might not be enough for establishing a relationship with these Saturn/Vertex/Axis aspects.
In addition, Jupiter is square Moon, so even if the sexual vibe could be there, it could be hard to find an emotional bond, and Saturn square Pluto/Venus is also sign of strong lack of compatibility and core differences.
Sun/Mercury square Chiron in 12th house, this also may suggest that intellectual incompatibility could be an issue hindering the relationship to ever start/take off the ground.
There are other harmonic aspects showing you might appreciate each other, share tastes or cultural background, but for a romantic relationship to be established it looks not enough with such strong Saturn aspects, the initial spark if it ever was there it likely quickly turned off...

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SunAscendant
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posted August 30, 2020 09:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunAscendant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Stoika7:
I think there's a lot of sexual chemistry in the synastry, but he's Gemini Sun/8th house and Mercury/9th house with Moon in third house, his 7th ruler Mars conj your Sun is square to your Chiron and opposite his Jupiter in Scorpio, so I mainly think he was expecting more mental/intellectual compatibility in order to feel the spark which he hasnt found...
Composite Saturn is conjunct Vertex/ASC and square to the IC/MC axis, involving the Pluto/Venus opposition, so again I think that there's an underlying sexual attraction but which might not be enough for establishing a relationship with these Saturn/Vertex/Axis aspects.
In addition, Jupiter is square Moon, so even if the sexual vibe could be there, it could be hard to find an emotional bond, and Saturn square Pluto/Venus is also sign of strong lack of compatibility and core differences.
Sun/Mercury square Chiron in 12th house, this also may suggest that intellectual incompatibility could be an issue hindering the relationship to ever start/take off the ground.
There are other harmonic aspects showing you might appreciate each other, share tastes or cultural background, but for a romantic relationship to be established it looks not enough with such strong Saturn aspects, the initial spark if it ever was there it likely quickly turned off...

That’s funny that you mentioned that. We had good conversation, but he didn’t seem to follow the news or current events as much. He didn’t know much about the historical background of things either. I’m certainly able to handle my own in conversation and am not intellectually challenged.

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Stoika7
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posted August 30, 2020 09:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stoika7     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi dear SunAscendant,

he has Chiron in Virgo/11th, square to his Gemini Sun... this actually looks like someone who feels "separated" from the world or quite a lonely person at social level, his Saturn in 5th house also widely square his Sun, so the fact that he has an intellectual flaw about cultural or media matters doesnt mean you are intellectually challenged, but that he likely expected a different intellectual compatibility, maybe he didnt even expect you to be such on higher level than his and this actually triggered his "wound" (Chiron).

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Stoika7
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posted August 30, 2020 09:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stoika7     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
PS: your Chiron exactly square his Mars, so yes, maybe there's an "inferiority" issue from his part, and this might be reflected on the Composite Sun/Mercury square Chiron, pointing to an intellectual wound, likely from his part (Sun/Chiron).

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SunAscendant
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posted August 30, 2020 11:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunAscendant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I guess he doesn't astrologically seem like the type of person who might randomly change his mind about me and give it another shot. Or maybe?

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Stoika7
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posted August 31, 2020 12:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stoika7     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well... his Neptune/Uranus square ASC is not exactly self-confident, but his taurus Mars (opposite Jupiter) could be quite stubborn and abrupt... If you're showing you're still interested and weren't disappointed/still having a great opinion of him, he might give it another shot, considering he's a Gemini Sun/Mercury... even though, consider that those Composite Saturn aspects are not too favourable though for long terms, in my opinion, there's a block for developments, however there could be an enjoyable hanging out for some time.

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Brenda_S
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posted August 31, 2020 03:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Brenda_S     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
His Gemini Mercury (which natally trines his ASC/sextiles DSC) is unaspected in synastry. I doubt the lack of spark he mentioned was related to any romantic feelings (I think there are quite a few romantic pointers) but more so on a communication level, even though it felt to you that he was 'into it'.

I can try to compare it to scenarios in my personal life... I have Gemini Moon/ASC with Jupiter in the 3rd and if communication lacks or we're on a different page I'm just not interested. This one guy where our communication really suffers (only in person oddly, on text we do fine) I hate to go out with. Not that I don't like him, I'm actually pretty attracted to him. And oddly he has quite a few Gemini placements and not sure why he doesn't feel the same block as I do, but he keeps on asking me to go out. At times his persistence wins not gonna lie (we're both Taurus Suns, but his Mars is in Aries while mine in Cancer so I guess he just bugs me the right way lol, his ASC in Cancer conjunct my Venus probably helps). But in this case I think there are Saturn/Mercury aspects, not necessarily an unaspected Mercury.

With my sister though and although we get along really well, there's always this unfamiliarity which I can't explain. My Mercury is unaspected. Every time I see her it really takes time for me to warm up to the interaction. And it's not that we don't have what to chat about, we actually have good talks most of the time, there's just something missing. Something feels forced for me.

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SunAscendant
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posted August 31, 2020 03:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunAscendant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda_S:
His Gemini Mercury (which natally trines his ASC/sextiles DSC) is unaspected in synastry. I doubt the lack of spark he mentioned was related to any romantic feelings (I think there are quite a few romantic pointers) but more so on a communication level, even though it felt to you that he was 'into it'.

I can try to compare it to scenarios in my personal life... I have Gemini Moon/ASC with Jupiter in the 3rd and if communication lacks or we're on a different page I'm just not interested. This one guy where our communication really suffers (only in person oddly, on text we do fine) I hate to go out with. Not that I don't like him, I'm actually pretty attracted to him. And oddly he has quite a few Gemini placements and not sure why he doesn't feel the same block as I do, but he keeps on asking me to go out. At times his persistence wins not gonna lie (we're both Taurus Suns, but his Mars is in Aries while mine in Cancer so I guess he just bugs me the right way lol, his ASC in Cancer conjunct my Venus probably helps). But in this case I think there are Saturn/Mercury aspects, not necessarily an unaspected Mercury.

With my sister though and although we get along really well, there's always this unfamiliarity which I can't explain. My Mercury is unaspected. Every time I see her it really takes time for me to warm up to the interaction. And it's not that we don't have what to chat about, we actually have good talks most of the time, there's just something missing. Something feels forced for me.


He actually did say communication was the real reason, but I just found that to be so hard to believe since our conversation went well and flowed easily. I thought he was being ridiculous since I am a communication studies major and know my sh*t lol. I’m usually quite philosophical and deep on a first date, but I decided not to be this time. Idk I mean I have Mercury in Aries and Aries and Gemini are sextile (our Mercuries aren’t, but still). I don’t know what kind of communication he wants. He says he doesn’t even socialize much. I feel like he didn’t give it a fair chance.

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Brenda_S
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posted August 31, 2020 03:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Brenda_S     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
In my case it's also darn similar (just reverse though), my Mercury in Aries and his in Gemini (the guy I mentioned) and his Mercury is also in my twelfth like your guys's in your chart. Maybe the 12th house Mercury is also a killer, especially with his being in the 9th house he wants to feel it 'light up' while with you it's rather under the rugs. Also his Venus squares your Mercury, so although your Mercury appeals to his Sun and he identifies with what you're saying, perhaps it doesn't make him feel at ease (Venus).

If I were to give you a suggestion I'd say appeal to his Moon which is the dispositor of his Venus (and Venus of Mars <-- DSC). It shouldn't be too difficult for you since your moon is there too and his Saturn (Moon and IC dispositor) nicely aspects your ASC/DSC. I believe this tactic works cuz of my sister, she's a master at hitting the right buttons in me, and I never noticed it but it's actually her that mentioned her 'tactic' which basically (just a theory of course) matches this idea. But in this case the puzzle fits together well so I believe if you can simply appeal to his emotions you should be able to get to have him be open to another shot.

I hope it works out well for you regardless ❤️

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Brenda_S
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posted August 31, 2020 04:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Brenda_S     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And also you mentioned that he doesn't even socialize much, I'm assuming you mean him not even being Gemini much? Cuz it really doesn't make him any less Gemini, I'm very to myself although for me it's my 12th house Sun and Moon. He has Saturn in the 5th which is likely the biggest reason, but also his 8th house Sun and Venus/Mercury in the 9th he probably prefers something more 'out there' not necessarily social.

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Brenda_S
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posted August 31, 2020 04:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Brenda_S     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And for the following:
"I’m usually quite philosophical and deep on a first date, but I decided not to be this time"

I know it sounds cliche and I suck at it too sometimes so who am I to say, but if that's what you are then you should've been the same with him. And his 8th house Sun might even prefer it. And 9th housers are also philosophical. So yeah just be you ☺️

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Brenda_S
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posted August 31, 2020 04:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Brenda_S     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And one other thing if you do get to go out with him again, don't be afraid to show your jupiterian side which might appeal to him for a couple of reasons.

First the obvious it's mercurial in nature (Virgo and 3rd house) and the idea that it's Jupiter specifically, matches his 9th house Mercury dynamic.

Jupiter is the traditional ruler of your MC (I always find the traditional ruler relatable) which your MC really is the only aspect to his Mercury (by square) so will definitely generate some energy in that area regardless, but especially if you choose to stimulate its ruler (which will sorta open its doors - again it's all about energy here.)

And 3 it'll also activate the conjunction to his Chiron which is part of a grand trine (flow of energy) with your North Node which opposes his Mercury/Venus midpoint. AKA your South Node is there activating both planets giving him a feeling of familiarity.

But overall, your Jupiter (meaning given that it's in the 3rd) is part of your own communication and thought process so don't be hesitant to show that side of you. Meaning just chatter away be philosophical if you wish to. Just communicate in the way you normally would.

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SunAscendant
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posted August 31, 2020 05:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunAscendant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you so much for the info! My Mercury in Aries tends to interrupt people and hog conversations sometimes, so I really try to not do that on dates, but sometimes that comes off as me having little to say when in reality I always have so much to say! You’re right that appealing to his Cap moon is the best course of action. However, he’s def more Cap moon than I am. He’s a workaholic and he seems very uptight about things and closed off with his emotions. I’m not that way, but I can be reserved and less bubbly, which is what he said he’s like (shy). But I don’t know if he’ll respond to me. I texted him yesterday saying I was sorry for asking him out and that the real reason he wasn’t interested is because I’m still in school, and him saying communication was the issue was just an excuse. He didn’t respond, and I had a feeling he wouldn’t since he said he’s non confrontational. My Aries Venus and Mercury might be a little aggressive and “mean” to him, but I don’t try to come off that way.

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Brenda_S
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posted August 31, 2020 05:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Brenda_S     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I totally get your Mercury I can be the same. Actually the guy I really like I basically acted that way towards, lol I wonder if anything will ever happen cuz it just seems like random spurts of something happening here and there. He actually has Venus in Aries and Mars in Pisces like you. Maybe you can enlighten me on how you'd act lol cuz you seem to be pretty aggressive in this sense.

Actually the way you acted towards him I'd think is rather Plutonian trying to give him the guilt trip. But I actually don't think it'll turn him off (your Pluto conjunct his NN which NN is said to generate a lot of interest and almost like that thing you want but have a difficulty achieving, but also cuz it squares his Venus which although may make him feel something, it's not in the sense of taking action or responding - he'll likely just let it play out by itself).

If you want him to respond then his Yang planets need to be involved, probably specifically Mars and Mercury (Mercury is neutral). Which in this case your Jupiter should do the trick. Actually thinking about it again now you might've acted somewhat Virgoin, explaining what his 'actual' thought process was and criticising him for not being transparent. Maybe he will respond. I guess see how it plays out.

Perhaps work with transits, first give him a bit of space to sort through his thoughts and try at him again. Mars should be at 28 degrees pretty close to sextiling his Mercury on the 9th right before it goes retrograde which is when it is the strongest, more likely to make him act on his thoughts.

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SunAscendant
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posted August 31, 2020 01:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunAscendant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don’t know what I’d even say to get him to respond. I just don’t understand why he wasn’t even a little bit interested. Our synastry isn’t terrible

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