posted October 12, 2020 09:17 PM            

i started looking at charts of my only two serious relationships. they were both super traumatic - trauma i still struggle with over 5 years later. its obvious now the red flags were there but i guess i didnt really care to look at these charts or care about myself back then. apparently there is an unhealthy pattern i followed and might still follow (counting the only guy whos got my attention after these relationships) - mars/pluto in synastry and pluto square nessus in composite to name a couple. these two relationships and all three guys are/were completely different.

for the sake of possible future relationships, what else is very bad about these charts? both were very different externally and internally, first one was “off the grid” type of relationship and second was somewhat traditional. similarly, they both became toxic once real commitment began.

the first one i knew online for 9 years, lived together for 11 months, continued long distance for 2 more years. he was schizophrenic, wrote me murder poetry and died by suicide.

the second one lasted 2 years. he was never faithful, got me pregnant so i would stay with him, sexually assaulted and stalked me daily for 2 years after i broke up with him.

am i the common denominator? natally, i have venus opposite pluto that i need the intensity? its wide at 9 degrees, is that even strong enough? i also have juno opposite mars and venus/mercury square mars so i can be pretty antagonizing and combative? consciously i dont like conflict but i can exasperate someone and exacerbate a situation? nessus square sun that i like to relive abuse? daddy issues? supposedly chiron conjunct sedna is betrayal? am i ever going to be okay in relationships? with lilith conjunct jupiter in 7th, do i even like relationships?

posted October 13, 2020 01:14 AM              

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natally, i have venus opposite pluto that i need the intensity? its wide at 9 degrees, is that even strong enough?

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Venus is 170degs 48mins 37secs from Pluto ... and 37/78ths of the 360degrees circle = 170degs 46mins 9secs.

So ... natal Venus and Pluto are in a 78th harmonic aspect/relationship.

The 78th harmonic aspect = 6th harmonic x 13th harmonic = "a developing talent" x "testing limits (in a search for personal identity)" = "developing a talent for testing limits (as a mechanism for identifying something about myself)"

Hence, your natal Venus-Pluto aspect impels you to test the limits of your relationships ... as a means of measuring how committed the other person is to you (i.e.. how lovable you are).

posted October 13, 2020 01:40 AM              

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Originally posted by TaurusVenusGirl:
All I know is we have 99 problems and 89 of those problems is the issues of the partner projecting them onto you.

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I agree with this observation/comment, TVG ... However ... we only project that which we also have, but are not yet ready, able and willing to recognise/acknowledge/accept/embrace as a part of our "warts 'n all" self. ... And we only project onto those who actually do have the projected quality/behavioural trait.

posted October 13, 2020 07:38 AM            

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Originally posted by TaurusVenusGirl:
Hmmmm.. So if one partner beats the other, the victim needs to self reflect as to why they are being a punching bag? No fking way!! I'd leave if I was the victim not self reflect on it.. Or if he was a cheater or liar or anything else not worthy.

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posted October 13, 2020 01:15 PM            

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Originally posted by TaurusVenusGirl:
All I know is we have 99 problems and 89 of those problems is the issues of the partner projecting them onto you.

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What?

posted October 13, 2020 01:21 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by TaurusVenusGirl:
Hmmmm.. So if one partner beats the other, the victim needs to self reflect as to why they are being a punching bag? No fking way!! I'd leave if I was the victim not self reflect on it.. Or if he was a cheater or liar or anything else not worthy.

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posted October 13, 2020 02:30 PM              

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Originally posted by Graham:
I agree with this observation/comment, TVG ... However ... [b]we only project that which we also have, but are not yet ready, able and willing to recognise/acknowledge/accept/embrace as a part of our "warts 'n all" self. ... And we only project onto those who actually do have the projected quality/behavioural trait.

So ... being projected upon by others indicates that self-reflection IS required (rather than dismissing it as a problem/issue belonging only to the person doing the projecting). [/B]

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This isn't entirely true all the time. Look at Yeshua and the religious leaders of his time. They were constantly projecting their shadow on to him in various different ways. From saying he was insane, filled with/possessed by Ha-Satan, living/thinking blasphemous, and all manners of negative judgement. I'm sure some of them truly believed what they were saying.

None of that negativity was actually in Yeshua. But he was a very clear mirror, and his strong/pure light stirred up their shadow very strongly. When they were in his presence, they felt fear, insecurity, and extreme self dislike/borderline hatred, which they then unconsciously transferred to him. Because they were reminded of how unbelievably OFF they were from their own true, original nature--how much they had covered that over with limited use of free/spiritual will.

Granted, this is bit of an unusual and extreme example--but it indicates well that someone can project upon another purely based on their own distortions, fears, imbalances, etc.

posted October 13, 2020 04:21 PM            

I'd start there.

posted October 13, 2020 06:21 PM            

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Originally posted by todd:
When one repeatedly gets into toxic relationships,the only commonality is that they have blind spot in their personal personality.this can be referred to as block or a repressed memory.
Astrologically when Pluto/Orcus/Saturn/nessus or their midpoint are involved invariably the has been extreme physical/Sexual or emotional abuse, or a combination,usually very early in childhood before the ave of 7 when on the average a persons ego structure solidifies.

When a person has blocked out such experience they also block out the nature of the abuser.and when someone with those abusive characteristics appear,the person will not recognize them and in cases will be attracted to them

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posted October 13, 2020 08:49 PM            

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Originally posted by Graham:
I agree with this observation/comment, TVG ... However ... [b]we only project that which we also have, but are not yet ready, able and willing to recognise/acknowledge/accept/embrace as a part of our "warts 'n all" self. ... And we only project onto those who actually do have the projected quality/behavioural trait.

So ... being projected upon by others indicates that self-reflection IS required (rather than dismissing it as a problem/issue belonging only to the person doing the projecting). [/B]

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graham i quite agree with this in my experience. i appreciate the sentiment by taurusvenusgirl. its nice to not continually beat oneself up when one is already beaten down.

posted October 13, 2020 10:01 PM            

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Originally posted by mee_chryssa:
Todd, I have Nessus square ASC, Neptune and Uranus, opposite Mercury. And Orcus is trine Mercury. What does that mean?

Saturn is square to Venus. I know what this is about, but I don't know anything about Nessus/Orcus.

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posted October 14, 2020 12:39 AM              

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Originally posted by Sauerkraut:
graham i quite agree with this in my experience. i appreciate the sentiment by taurusvenusgirl. its nice to not continually beat oneself up when one is already beaten down.

it took 2 draining years to try to fight this second guy off everyday. he tried to run me off the freeway and hid in bushes to get to me, etc. the tragical/comical thing was it ended once i recognized this ugliness inside me - the need for control and lack of respect for boundaries, etc. it was definitely not to the extent that was dealt to me but perhaps that extremity was what my stubborn self needed to wake up, in order for real healing to take place. i can see both points. it was almost magical. just like that? that easy? and right before the realization, i finally called the cops on him too. of course he manipulated them to take his side but he somehow got the message? i dont know. i have not seen or heard from him in over 5 years.

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posted October 14, 2020 01:05 AM            

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Originally posted by Graham:
I'd leave too ... Then self-reflect.

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posted October 14, 2020 01:08 AM              

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Originally posted by GalacticCoreExplosion:
This isn't entirely true all the time. Look at Yeshua and the religious leaders of his time. They were constantly projecting their shadow on to him in various different ways. From saying he was insane, filled with/possessed by Ha-Satan, living/thinking blasphemous, and all manners of negative judgement. I'm sure some of them truly believed what they were saying.

None of that negativity was actually in Yeshua. But he was a very clear mirror, and his strong/pure light stirred up their shadow very strongly. When they were in his presence, they felt fear, insecurity, and extreme self dislike/borderline hatred, which they then unconsciously transferred to him. Because they were reminded of how unbelievably OFF they were from their own true, original nature--how much they had covered that over with limited use of free/spiritual will.

Granted, this is bit of an unusual and extreme example--but it indicates well that someone can project upon another purely based on their own distortions, fears, imbalances, etc.

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It might be better to debate this on another (non-astrological) thread, GCE ... since your point is the seed of what might be an in-depth philosophical discussion.

For example, I agree 100% with your reasoning but believe the only difference between Jesus-the-Christ and all other human incarnations is that this soul+ego was fully aware of (and successfully embraced) His shadow - thus becoming the first (and, so far, only) person to exemplify a life lived as the "warts 'n all" Self*.

posted October 14, 2020 06:32 AM            

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Originally posted by todd:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by mee_chryssa:
[b]It is difficult interpret just a single selected pattern.
Mercury would give you very creative mind.both visionary and reformative. A great breath of curiosity,though there is a tendency to try to many things at once.aspiration can be to high for immediate manifest I on.nessus opposed tends to retard one openness but here with the square if Neptune/Uranus this might manifest with a inner struggle to express the concealed aspects of personality or creativity.Orcus would steady you thoughts though there would still be struggles.besides mercury the symbols you chose to focus on are all largely unconscious so one would need the placement of some conscious planets to give a clear interpretation of
how this pattern would affect you.

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posted October 14, 2020 08:53 PM            

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Originally posted by SecretGeek:
Sedna conjunct Chiron in the 5th in your natal.

I'd start there.

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posted October 14, 2020 09:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Graham:

Venus is 170degs 48mins 37secs from Pluto ... and 37/78ths of the 360degrees circle = 170degs 46mins 9secs.

So ... natal Venus and Pluto are in a 78th harmonic aspect/relationship.

The 78th harmonic aspect = 6th harmonic x 13th harmonic = "a developing talent" x "testing limits (in a search for personal identity)" = "developing a talent for testing limits (as a mechanism for identifying something about myself)"

Hence, your natal Venus-Pluto aspect impels you to test the limits of your relationships ... as a means of measuring how committed the other person is to you (i.e.. how lovable you are).

My guess is that this testing of relationship limits is a personal security issue ("am I lovable") created by events during your childhood/adolescence - which could indeed be some kind of "daddy-issue".

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thanks graham. this makes much sense and not a way to develop healthy relationships.

posted October 14, 2020 09:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by todd:
When one repeatedly gets into toxic relationships,the only commonality is that they have blind spot in their personal personality.this can be referred to as block or a repressed memory.
Astrologically when Pluto/Orcus/Saturn/nessus or their midpoint are involved invariably the has been extreme physical/Sexual or emotional abuse, or a combination,usually very early in childhood before the ave of 7 when on the average a persons ego structure solidifies.

When a person has blocked out such experience they also block out the nature of the abuser.and when someone with those abusive characteristics appear,the person will not recognize them and in cases will be attracted to them

---

posted October 14, 2020 09:15 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sauerkraut:
marinated on this for a bit today..
okay so instead of looking at it as a betrayal wound that is never healed - maybe it could be seen as a wound with truthfulness in self-expression, trying to impress someone for love. and in taurus, the values placed in this self-expression is actually feeding the ego and not the soul. in blunt terms, faking it to gain love and getting fake love in return and in a sense courting betrayal unconsciously? hmm i might see some light at the end of this tunnel.. a working wound at least.

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The ego is in the soul.

Humility is when the human spirit is exalted relative to the soul.

I think it's more of a chemistry thing.

It's the type of man your DNA craves to satisfy your DNA.

posted October 14, 2020 09:21 PM            

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Originally posted by SecretGeek:

I think it's more of a chemistry thing.

It's the type of man your DNA craves to satisfy your DNA.

Just that you don't need all the bad stuff that goes along with it.

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posted October 14, 2020 09:32 PM            

An alpha type that knows how to treat you well at all times.