posted December 14, 2020 02:54 PM            

Are the feelings mutual? Do we have a future? Thank you.

If this helps, here's our synastry chart as well

posted December 15, 2020 10:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Stoika7:
Hi zionkay,
the Composite shows a (potential) very intense relationship, the Pluto/Juno/North node stellium trine Moon suggests very intense feelings, Venus conjunct Chiron is also a very deeply intimate aspect, even though Chiron is square the Mars/Pluto opposition and opposite Sun. This suggests a painful side to the relationship, maybe something in your lives is interferring and leaving things unattainable, maybe unrequitted love, or if mutual the Pluto/Mars opposition to Chiron could also suggest an obsessive side, a clash of wills/purposes, or even a dangerous toxic side, with strong control issues. It's not easy to understand if this has a future without her tob, axis and houses, but if they have a future bond, it may carry this dark and toxic side... the Juno/Jupiter midpoint is also square Nessus, and this could again suggest that their intimate exchange may contain an harming trait... In synastry, you have DW Chiron conjunct Mercury opposite Sun... this is a strong psychological mirror of each other which can give attraction but can also turn out as a very frustrating exchange as mutually triggering your inner wounds. The Neptune/Jupiter square Mars may suggest infidelty or unhealthy habits, and with Pluto opposite Venus, control issues again.
The Composite Saturn square Jupiter suggests this dynamic would lead to an end/break up.

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Thank you so much Stoika7 for your insights! You got everything down to the T.

And yes, I am intensely attracted to her and I've been obsessed for a couple of years.

The catch is that we're both women, and she's the first woman to conjure up such intense feelings from me. She awakened that side of me that I never knew existed. But the thing is, she's married and I know that such feelings are unhealthy and painful.

It's just that every attempt to moving on were unfruitful. Every time I try to avoid her, she keeps coming back to me. And it's almost impossible to not come across something that doesn't remind me of her because we live in a small town and we work together. She shows up in my dreams all the time.

I dont know if it counts but don't we have a love stellium? I couldn't shake the fact that we're soulmates, who are meant to teach each other lessons. I am romantically and sexually attracted to her but I don't know if she's inclined this way towards me too. It just sucks that the universe decided to have us meet under these circumstances. Our meetings are fated, during eclipses, and around the same time I fell in love with her she was having an exact progressed sun and venus too in her natal.

I can sense that strong palpable energy from her even from afar that my knees buckle. I've never been in love with anyone before. I felt warmth and comfort around her and she said the same thing about me.

The control issues might be because we have a significant age difference as well? Or Could the potential "abuse" or "control issues" and harm stem from the outside world. She is one of the nicest woman I've met and the least judgemental and I couldn't imagine inflicting pain on her.

I want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. I do think it's unconditional love. But I cant help but hope everytime we keep coming back to each other despite all my attempts to avoid her.

I dont know if it's karma or what. But it's been years.

posted December 15, 2020 10:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by todd:
I don't see this working out because there are too many influence affecting your feelings for each other.

She seems to be very close to her family, and not really in control of her own life.
Itay be that she is from a different social class than you and this might be a problem for her family.
But over all there is much emotional strife and not enough cohesion between you.
The Juno/Jupiter midpoint is conjunct Uranus and the moon/Saturn midpoint is opposed to Uranus,so there would be much turbulence and instability.
There are aspects of great selfishness and none of compromise.even love seems to be conditional and not spontaneous.
It may be that recently you are questioning the depth of loyalty to each other,it does not look as if relationship will continue much longer.

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Thank you so much for your insights Todd!

Yes, there are lots of influences that seem to be keeping us apart. We're both women and she's married.

I've never been in love with anyone else. I dont know if I'm projecting or if she's feeling something for me too.

I do feel like our meetings our fated because developments happen during eclipses. But our meetings, despite being coworkers tend to be on and off hence the instability.

And yes from what I saw she's a very devoted mother to her young children, to which I truly admire about her.

I dont know if it counts but we have and Eros conjunct Psyche in composite that I forgot to include.

What I do have for her is unconditional love though, at least that's what I feel right now. Because I want her to be happy even if it's not with me. I want to be in her life, but I still want the best for her. She's one of the nicest person Ive ever met and I dont think we can inflict pain on each other or abuse each other in any sense.

As for the loyalty part, I've been yearning over her for years now that it's crazy. I dont know if I'll ever love anyone as I do with her.

I haven't seen her as frequently right now.. is this the end? Will i eventually be able to move on?

Once again, thank you for your time.

posted December 16, 2020 09:07 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Stoika7:
Yes things look fated with north node conjunct Juno/Pluto and square Sun... The Chiron/Sun opposition may refer to her family/marriage priorities challenging your relationship.
You may have unconditional love and none of you may want to hurt the other, but the circumstances are likely creating this painful dynamic, and by the way mars square to chiron and Sun could point to a "self-damaging" aspect, actually, likely unconscious, maybe it's just a difficult letting go to harm both... I'm wondering...
With transiting south node going to be conjunct to composite uranus a forthcoming separation is possible though...

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Will our upcoming progressed sun (me) opposite her natal venus mean separation as well?

Oddly enough she will be having her venus return at that time. And transit jupiter and saturn will sextile my venus as well.

Does transiting south node to composite uranus always mean separation?

But yes, we're at our separation period right now. I haven't seen her in weeks.

So far, the experience range from highly euphoric periods upon seeing each other to absolute pain once we're apart.

About the self-damaging part, I guess I know that she's not good for me, and pursuing this won't do anything good to us, but my body craves her presence and energy. I want to let go because it's unhealthy but I dont know why she holds so much power over me.

I dont know if I'm hurting her though, subconsciously. Or maybe there's something going on in her too. As much as I dont want her to be hurting too, at the back of my mind Im clinging onto this hopeless wish that she feels for me too.

posted December 23, 2020 03:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Stoika7:
transiting South Node usually brings letting go or the end of a cicle, since Uranus is a self-reliance/freedom energy, transiting south node on uranus would point to setting one free from something, putting it behind their back. Your composite Uranus is midpoint between Venus/Chiron and June/North Node, and it is also opposite to the Saturn/Moon midpoint. So I believe that as soon as transiting south node will be conjunct to composite uranus, you may start to move on from this. Then, there will be another significant transit later next year which is transiting north node on composite saturn square jupiter... this would activate the saturn/jupiter square and bring definitive separation...

I think that your saturn opposite her uranus brings her upheaval and unbalance in her life... the DW chiron/mercury opposite sun gives both mutual self-questioning and this greatly weaken your self-worth cause your chiron is in 2nd house... the composite juno/jupiter midpoint is conjunct neptune, this makes both dream of each other as an ideal partner, but neptune to the nodes gives strong uncertainty to both your life path as if you're struggling against the impossible dream... with those intense pluto aspects you have in synastry, it is a very hard letting go for both of you.
I can only say that I can understand your feelings so well...
But I think that with composite north node conjunct pluto/south node conjunct mars, and given that you natally have the nodes square Pluto, I think you will need a change by letting go of purposes or "attachments" that are no longer serving you and that may be giving you great uncertainties... while you may have a greatest path/awareness to follow. I think that as transiting Jupiter will be conjunct to your Uranus along tr nodes square to your jupiter next year, you will change your direction and will feel much more relieved, self-reliant and free from a weight from the past. I wish you so ❤️

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Can't thank you enough for this Stoika.

I started planning drastic steps on how to really move forward from this unhealthy attachment to this person. But the thing is, just this week she started contacting me again out of the blue, as if she can sense that I'm about to cut this invisible cord between us.

Coincidentally she contacted me when my progressed sun was exactly opposite her natal venus.

And then I'm back to square one.

I just hope that the upcoming transits will set me free. Just when I thought I'm getting my freedom, she comes back out of the blue.

posted January 07, 2021 03:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Stoika7:
It's possible that she showed up cause the Great Conjunction (transiting Saturn/Jupiter) has come to composite Mercury/Chiron/Venus, square to tr. Uranus that is attached to comp. Mars (out of the blue).
But transiting Jupiter/Saturn will be square to North Node/Juno/Pluto next month, so I think this may bring a "block".

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Hi! Thanks Stoika.

Just a quick update, we had a rather intense meeting just when my progressed sun was exactly opposing her natal venus. And it's the same time as her Venus return and transit pluto was conjunct her progressed venus.

It was a healing experience for me, talking to her. That moment when we got to talk again, all that anxious energy was replaced with a comfortable feeling as if it felt like I was home.

I thought I was doing well but when she showed up again in my life, that hope that it is not unrequited is back. Hell, she must be made of stone if she wasn't feeling that transit pluto on her progressed venus? And our most significant first meeting was when her progressed sun was conjunct her venus? Surely she can feel something? Or this might just be projection on my part.

Now I'm back obsessing over her, and I dreamt about her this Sunday and she showed up again.

Why must we meet again and again when we're not going to end up together? Why is the universe making it hard for us to let go of each other?

I hope it gets better in time as you said, Stoika. Though maybe it wont be resolved until the Total Lunar eclipse will be conjunct our progressed sun opposite venus this May?

Just a question though, what's the difference between a composite chart vs a davison chart that is uncorrected vs corrected? Because I tried to compare both and it's different?

Thank you!

posted January 07, 2021 05:43 PM            

I think this is happening cause transiting Jupiter/Saturn are now conjunct compoiste Venus/Chiron square to Juno/Pluto... (comp. mercury was previously involved, that's maybe why your conversation felt as "healing") this is clearly a heavy transit trggering emotional turmoil and obsession. with Saturn on Chiron/Venus square Pluto alone, there's a block, the feeling of an impossible healing, the struggle of the obsession and healing from the obsession, a very tough one... tr. Jupiter on Venus and Juno involved in the square don't make it easier, since Jupiter here empowers all the feelings, and Chiron makes it more painful... but Jupiter on Chiron should help find awareness though. I think this awareness will come slowly, as Jupiter here annouces it. You'll have to wait for Saturn to leave this square though, to find relief and "healing", and I still believe this will happen as transiting South Node will be conjunct to composite Uranus. The current heavy transit look like "all chickens come home to roost", before the "healing", so it seems like a "block" you have to face in order to find the key to unblock it and find relief, or so...

Composite Davidson is calculated by a completely different method from the midpoint one. It usually shows as more "inner" dynamic between the two people, or their "soul contact". Most astrologers dont find it reliable or effective based on experience... but it may give some further indication on the most inner connection. Graham is the davidson expert in the forum, if you may want to explore it with him :-)