posted January 17, 2021 09:49 AM            

I've been around this forum for years, and have often looked at the charts for better self understanding, as well as relationship understanding. My preferred method is composite because it has shown so clearly the patterns of relationships.
Before my current relationship, I had a marriage/ relationship for me than a decade. One of the things that helped me clearly see the negative patterns was our composite. Clear symbolism aspects involving Pluto, Saturn, Chiron, Nessus, as well as Moon, showed me the harsh and cold pattern between us as a map.
I always wanted to keep on going on the relationship even if underlying I've felt something was missing. Astrology served to guide and I wanted to keep on fighting. Although after years,I finally learned the lesson from this relationship and therefore broke up with my ex, as I could see things clearly then.

Then I've met my current partner. Our relationship has been intense, at first with all the love and connection we felt for each other as neither of us have ever felt such deep connection before. For the first time I've experienced such beautiful loving and healing connection. We would spend hours together and talking and sharing.
But then we started having issues. Conflicts when happened, at first we would feel hurt, then we'd escalated and finally it became critical and cold. I would cry and say that I just wanted to reconnect, and it would be met with indifference, criticism and even anger. He also almost went away/ broke up even when I said I needed him.
Our composite shows a beautiful live and connection, and yet the patterns with Saturn, Pluto, Nessus, Chiron are there.

In my Natal chart, I have Saturn/Pluto midpoint square Nessus. In my current partner's, Saturn/Pluto my square AC and Pluto at MC square Nessus. I can see this pattern/ symbolism clearly in our conflict, as clear as day, and it scares me. It made me wonder why did I get into another relationship with this pattern, what am I supposed to still learn?
Also is been so hard to recover from my past relationship and yet shortly I've entered this relationship where everything started so fast and healing and now painful.
At the beginning, I was gradually trusting in the relationship and never felt insecure, but because he almost went away, since then I have been having a hard time dealing with this new insecurity that if any conflict happens, he'd just go away. Also, it felt so harsh that even if I was crying and most vulnerable, all it aroused in him was anger and criticism, when we argued.
I just feel lost as to whether I should be in a relationship that feels so unkind to myself. As all I wanted is my partner's connection and sensitivity. So that I can feel emotionally safe.

What I've been reflecting on is how clearly the symbol from the composite shows this pattern, and yet to what point should we attempt to work on a relationship and to what point certain patterns are just not really going to change and I'm just illuding myself?
In my past relationship, I've learned about the pattern and why I tolerated it, and finally learned that I didn't want it and had the strength to walk away. Is this time meant for me to learn how to work on it? Or walk away to be kind to myself?

I just feel so broken to think that all the love we have and beautiful connection that is so rare and complete, can be our should be given up as the pain is so intense as well. I want to believe that we can work on major challenges but then I wonder if I'm illuding myself just like with my previous relationship. Because fire is fire, that even if we want water or of it, it'd still be fire.

What are you guys' experiences? As well as inputs?

Have anyone experienced recurring patterns? What did you learn from them?

posted January 17, 2021 11:23 AM            

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In my Natal chart, I have Saturn/Pluto midpoint square Nessus.

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" Melanie Reinhart has a key phrase for Nessus: 'The buck stops here.' " ... http://mountainastrologer.com/tma/nessus-and-pholus/

The Saturn/Pluto midpoint is where the chart-owner's desire/ability to break free of his/her childhood conditioning is severely limited.

posted January 17, 2021 11:40 AM            

My Saturn/Pluto MP opposite to my love's Mars/Uranus MP as well as Jupiter/Pluto MP, I don't feel much influence.

My gut feeling of your relationship is it is good to be over. Just have to accept it and get over it asap.

AND my experience tells me that when choosing a partner, there is some basic principle must be met first, no matter how much attraction is there. Otherwise it should be considered as fling.

AND if nobody comes in life, then wait patiently, accepting whatever happens and try to be happy to be alone, even for the rest of the life.

posted January 18, 2021 01:36 AM            

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Originally posted by Stoika7:
I apologise in advance for my non-astrological maybe off-topic two cents, but I honestly would stop looking at one's own past patterns when dealing with someone who has no empathy and sensitiveness in front of someone vulnerable and hurted. You may have all kinds of Pluto, Chiron, Saturn composite issues, but if you're dealing with someone who is emotionally mature and unselfish, you won't have to blame yourself. I would start looking at THEIR patterns/loops instead and make statistics on how many people are able to NOT hurt someone else.

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I disagree with this "I am ok, he/she is not ok" approach to the insensitive people that we encounter in life/relationships.

If we are REPEATEDLY attracting such people, we are "not ok". ... And (imo) the reason for us doing so will invariably lie in the events of our childhood/adolescence.

posted January 18, 2021 04:52 PM            

it reminds me "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me", now emotion is difficult to control for some people, so i think it is ok to be fooled twice.

posted January 18, 2021 09:16 PM            

"even if I was crying and most vulnerable, all it aroused in him was anger and criticism"

posted January 19, 2021 02:53 AM            

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Originally posted by Stoika7:
Graham, I'm 51 and I am a woman...

"even if I was crying and most vulnerable, all it aroused in him was anger and criticism"

I just can't stand such things anymore. I have been through this when I was young, questioning myself all the time 'cause of selfish MEN. then I just said NO MORE. One thing is to look at one's own patterns, but another thing is to keep blaming yourself 'cause of someone else's cruelty. Which is what a lot of women keep doing, in my experience. There's one point you just go beyond that, open your eyes and realize that you were a fool to accept that.

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I agree fully with what you say in the above quote, Stioka.

We disagree only upon the timing ... or, more specifically, upon when one has reached a valid conclusion that "I am ok, so the other must not be ok".

posted January 19, 2021 03:15 AM            

And ... until we have identified, embraced and become comfortable with revealing to others all of the characteristics of Hyde ... we are "not ok".