posted September 28, 2021 05:12 PM            

I'm currently experiencing a challenging situation with a man, and after reading other people's posts on here, I decided to summon the courage to ask for perspective! I'd really appreciate your thoughts/insight.

So, I met this guy at a healing retreat. He and I both do healing work, but I was a guest and was "receiving" at the retreat, and he was on the staff as a mentor. He's very qualified and has done a lot of his own inner work over many years. I've also done a lot of my own inner work over many years.

When he and I sat down for our first conversation, I was blown away by the energy. It just felt like a strong, "I know you" energy, and our conversation was so fluid and comfortable. His smile felt familiar and reassuring to my soul. I'd been wishing I'd meet someone like him (with his background, interests, energy, depth), for a few years now... and then he just showed up.

As the retreat went on, I found myself feeling pretty vulnerable around him. I started thinking about him a lot. I'd run into him and sometimes avoid him because the energy was so strong. When we did speak again, the feeling of heart connection and excitement would return. It felt hard to contain, like I needed to go for a run or a swim afterward, haha. There were a couple exchanges with him where I sensed he was sensing into things as well...

I then found out during a group conversation that he is married with a pregnant wife... lol. This was initially tough for my ego to hear, I guess because I'd been fantasizing about him for a few days, haha, but it felt painful to feel SO CONNECTED to someone on a soul level (after not feeling this kind of connection for a long time) and then know that nothing could come from it.

The last day of the retreat, I asked if we could speak and I told him what I was feeling/sensing. I also shared with him that I had this inner desire to be close him- not that it had to be sexual, but just that I wanted to be close. He told me he felt the connection too and that it was all okay. He said he wanted me to feel comfortable and he appreciated that I was open with him. He said we could keep talking about it.

After the retreat, we remained in touch and I've had a couple "therapy" sessions with him. But it's kinda weird because I don't feel like the sessions are about my healing path as much as they're about us healing our own/mutual karma and getting to the bottom of whatever our connection is. I DO love how he is able to understand me so well though, so I enjoy talking to him. When he and I talk, it feels like I inhabit my heart more fully.

But then I've had daydreaming moments where I felt like he hurt me in a past life and now he's trying to make up for it, or like I painfully lost him before... I find myself missing him when we aren't talking. I know it is a strong past-life connection.

I'm trying to figure out what to do about this. I'm a little embarrassed by it and haven't revealed all of my feelings about it with him since looking at our charts, which seem to reveal a lot! Ever since the retreat ended, he's put up more boundaries and it seems he wants to really take on a mentor role now, more than a deeper friend role, which kinda bums me out because I know there's more going on beneath the surface.

The last thing I'll say is that although he is amazing, I do sense that someone else is "coming through" the ethers for me to meet sometime these next couple years, and I don't think it's him. But maybe he's some stop along the way that's meant to teach me a lot? Maybe I'm meant to teach him too?

I'd love to get close with him, but I don't want it to turn into an affair. Also wondering if I'm feeling this more than he is? Or is he hiding his feelings? BTW - we are the same age and from different countries

Please share your thoughts if you're called. I'm cool with hearing what my blindspots are.
MANY THANKS !!

Our synastry, I'm the inner, he's the outer:
https://ibb.co/x6Whcd0

The composite:
https://ibb.co/crz4VKp

Synastry contacts me/him:
Moon sq Moon
Moon sq Asc
Mars tri Moon
Sun tri Moon
Sun tri Saturn
Asc conj Merc
Moon sext Jup
Pluto sext Ven
Merc tri Asc
Pluto sext Mars
Jup opp Asc
Asc sq Sat
Merc tri Moon
Asc sq Uran
Venus opp Uran
Nep tri Ven
Merc sq Jup
Ven sq Merc
Jup sq Sun
Jup opp Moon
Jup sq Mars
Sat tri Jup
Sun sq Pluto
Nep tri Sun
Plu sext Sun
Merc sq Pluto
Mars sq Neptune
Neptune tri Mars
Uran tri Jup
Sat conj Jup

posted September 29, 2021 11:13 AM            

I forgot to mention Saturn Sq the Nodes, haha. I was reading about it... people were saying on here that it can create a feeling of needing to complete something together, that it can be hard to get away, and it can feel heavy. I def feel all of those things, though the heaviness comes and goes, depending on where my mind is.

Thanks for clarifying the Uranus square. I'm curious about the extent of the power and meaning of it.

And wow, I've mostly been looking at the Pluto and Lilith energies so far because it feels like a lot is being activated with those, but I TOTALLY missed Chiron, thank you for that!! I am really curious about what others have experienced with that / I'm going to look into it.

His TOB is correct- he was fine with me looking everything up! I've never pulled a composite from astro.com before and want to do it right. Is that one of the paid options, and will I need to do a special selection for it to include the Vertex and Juno? Looking into it now.

posted September 30, 2021 10:55 AM            

Here it is:
https://tinyimg.io/i/yjEnPOg.png

posted September 30, 2021 05:56 PM            

re: Mars square Neptune (in synastry). This aspect is traditionally an "infidelty" aspect, it's not utterly deceptive but it can signal that it is not an exclusive committed relationship, so it can (potentially) suggest infidelty but also a friends with benefits situation or an extramarital affair. It can suggest that the mars person may be up for a non-committed relationship, or that the two people mainly enjoy having fun together outside their usual romantic environment, and so on...

He, natally, looks like a loyal person though, not someone who is usually a player. He's someone who needs emotional/family stability. He has natal nodes square to neptune (involving his 4th and 2nd house) and this forms a t-square with your Chiron falling in his 8th house... this suggests that he has a strong spiritual side coming from a subconscious fear of emotional instability, and your Chiron can trigger these insecurities of his. Other aspects suggest that he has a strong subconscious sexual attraction for you (your lilith conjunct his Sun/Venus/Mars is one of those aspects) and likely an infatuation for you (his Pluto square to your Sun conjunct his Vertex and his Lilith conjunct your mercury trine to his Moon) and with the Chiron aspects also involving your Venus opposite his Uranus, you likely turn his emotional stability upside down :-) Basically, I guess that he fears you may let him question his marriage, if he didn't question it already, triggering his lack of self-esteem about relationship matters (his Chiron in his 7th house)...

In the Composite, Vertex is square to Sun (and more widely Mercury), and the nodes are square to Mars and Uranus. This is a powerful soul connection coming from an otherworldly dimension (Vertex), this means that your connection happens in another dimension, not on the earthly level. You have a soul and mind connection which is inexplicable and impossible to be expressed in this earthly reality, but you both have the complete awareness that this connection is there, and that destiny has brought you together. This can also give a strong loving soulmate feeling.
The thing is that there are other more "earthly" elements interferring with the intensity of this otherworldly connection and therefore it is difficult to heal whatever karma you share. The third house where saturn and uranus (square the nodes) lie is ruled by Jupiter, while Chiron is in the 9th house opposite Pallas, so I believe your relationship karma has to do with Jupiter and the thrid house, "expanding your knowledge, awareness and communication"... at a more subconscious level, Chiron is in Cancer, so maybe your souls meeting wishes to "expand awareness" through an emotional connection. But here there are those other earthly elements I was talking about, interferring with this dynamic... The Juno/Jupiter midpoint is opposite Pluto, and the Venus/Mars midpoint is conjunct Eros opposite Moon... so potential intense loving and sexual feelings are there. Moreover, Sun/Lilith is trine to Saturn and sextile to Mars, and Jupiter is exactly trine to the Moon, these are aspects suggesting potentially strong committment/marriage aspects, let alone the powerful fated energy given by the Vertex and the Nodes...
Basically, to be honest, I think this chart looks like a painful impossible love more than a teacher/student or "healing" relationship... in fact, Chiron is in the 9th house, suggesting that a "mentor" or "healing" based relationship is unlikely... The painful part comes with Mars opposite Saturn, because this aspect unfortunately shows that one person, likely him, is not up for the definitive step of committment... this aspect mainly throws big uncertainties on where one of the two people stands in the relationship, and usually doens't bring devotion (for whatever reason). North Node is quincunx to Sun, and this may suggest "unfinished business".

I believe this relationship is temporary, despite the fact that there are other elements suggesting a strong and lasting bond, mainly cause of Saturn in the 2nd house opposite Mars, but transits would suggest that this will still have developments for a while.

posted September 30, 2021 06:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Rooted_Tree_33:
Oh wow, lol, I'm so glad you shared that with me. It'll be much easier to create charts now, wheee!

Here it is:
https://tinyimg.io/i/yjEnPOg.png

Mostly wondering how he is feeling about things. Also I know that I have to know for myself whether I can trust him, but I am nonetheless curious if the chart shows trust could be an issue. Like, I read about Mars sq Neptune perhaps indicating deception/lies. Is there anything else in there like that? Thanks so much !!

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if you remove the 's' from https it will post the chart actually here in the forum!!! And congrats on posting your first chart!

posted October 01, 2021 03:43 PM            

I so appreciate your directness. I wish I could say some of that feels off, but I could see those things playing out. I do not want to go in that direction, though

Is there a way I can message you or something so that we can connect more about it through a session of some kind? Do you offer those? You found a lot more details that I couldn't find in other places online- I am so grateful for that. Thank you. And thank you so much for taking the time to type it all out.

I met him in July. Committed to the retreat in June, and started thinking about going earlier in the year. But one year ago set off a very deep inward journey of mine that no doubt led to all of this right now... the story is still unfolding for sure.

And StoneMoon, nice to see you on here. I'll post the natals in case there is anything you have to add- thank you so much.

http://tinyimg.io/i/2UUFjL6.png

and
http://tinyimg.io/i/2UUFjL6.png

posted October 01, 2021 06:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Rooted_Tree_33:
Woof. Stoika, do you always drop bombs like this on here?? lol, aw jeez <3

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ahah, yes! sometimes, when I am inspired :-D

The Admins don't want us to post our email address on here, but you can ask Randall for my email address, if you like. You can write him by clicking on "Contact Us" at the bottom of the forum. I dont have much time to dedicate to astrology lately, but it's my pleasure if you need to share more privately or need any further explanation!
Hugs <3