posted January 21, 2022 12:02 AM            

Yet, as much as I loved her and despite how instantly we connected, I always felt an incongruence with her, as if I couldn't be my full self around her, which bothered me. (I would chalk this up to Moon square Moon, would you?) And in my more ignorant and inexperienced-with-friendships mind back then, I eventually took that as a symbol that that meant we shouldn't be together.

I broke it off suddenly and completely, which I thought back then was the right thing, but with a lot of reflection in the years following, I'm sure it broke her heart very deeply and I see how unnecessary it was. (This screams Neptune-Chiron to me. My delusion caused her a lot of pain.)

Also with some reflection, I realized that incongruence I also felt is because we both have very strong, self-possessed personalities. We didn't argue much, and this was never an issue in our relationship on the surface. But I think meeting her was a huge life lesson for me of that another person's strength and strong sense of self doesn't erase or invalidate mine, and how to learn to love someone with no one needing to bow to the other in any very obvious or more psychically-felt sense.

But anyway, I want to plunge into this more and see what our synastry is telling me about what else went wrong between us that I could be missing still. Thank you.

posted January 21, 2022 04:03 AM            

The most obvious thing that stands out to me is the North Node conjunct Mars. NN tends to magnify whatever it touches, and you do not want that conjunct the malefics, Mars and Saturn.

posted January 21, 2022 04:10 AM            

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Originally posted by Bismarck2:
Can you post the composite chart please? It'll make things easier to read.

The most obvious thing that stands out to me is the North Node conjunct Mars. NN tends to magnify whatever it touches, and you do not want that conjunct the malefics, Mars and Saturn.

Also, Uranus squaring Sun makes for abrupt breaks in a relationship.

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Here is our composite. Thank you for the note on NN-Mars.

posted January 21, 2022 04:17 AM            

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Originally posted by InTheStars:
I'm not sure what "additional charts" are, but here is our composite. Thank you for the note on NN-Mars.

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It's ok, I don't need it anymore, but it's an option you can click on Astrodienst(right above the chart you posted). For future reference, if you click it, it'll give you an aspect grid. Makes things easier to read.

posted January 21, 2022 04:58 AM            

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Originally posted by Bismarck2:
It's ok, I don't need it anymore, but it's an option you can click on Astrodienst(right above the chart you posted). For future reference, if you click it, it'll give you an aspect grid. Makes things easier to read.

Anyways, in the composite you have:
- Mars in the 7th: causes fights
- Moon opposite Saturn: though binding, causes emotional distance
- Sun square Pluto: ego clashes, but also helps you grow as a person

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Wow. I looked up Mars opp. Saturn, and it exactly describes that emotional inhibition I felt with her. Which was weird, because we were open to each other in other ways, cried in front of each other and revealed deep, dark secrets to each other. But still, I still felt that distance (I'm not sure if she did), and I didn't know how to bridge that gap. Well, for one, I've learned years later how to be myself with anyone no matter what. And even if that distance remains, one person does not need to be my everything. I could appreciate this friendship for what it is and pursue stronger connections elsewhere as well.

Sun square Pluto also sounds very accurate as well. Ego struggles in a deep-down way that was hard to describe, but also, she had certain beliefs and worldviews that I detested. What I hesitantly protested on the surface became deep resentments within me about how she saw the world. Again, this has brought the big lesson to respect who a person is. Respect not meaning agreeing, but letting go of the urge to bring them on trial in front of the world, or trying to change them and wish they were different. See them for who they are, love the parts you can love, and keep the relationship in perspective. Also that just because someone is very strong and self-possessed in their beliefs doesn't mean they're right or that I need to submit to them.

Sun sq. Pluto is tricky. You either fight to be right, learn to compromise but with resentments about not being understood, or learn to compromise and keep the relationship in perspective, meaning, appreciating it for the worth it brings in your life and leaving behind the rest in peace. Obvious the 3rd is the best option, and if I was in a relationship with her I could do that, but it still needs an emotional gap that my Scorpio moon just does not like. At all, lmao.

posted January 21, 2022 05:19 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by InTheStars:
Wow. I looked up Mars opp. Saturn, and it exactly describes that emotional inhibition I felt with her. Which was weird, because we were open to each other in other ways, cried in front of each other and revealed deep, dark secrets to each other. But still, I still felt that distance (I'm not sure if she did), and I didn't know how to bridge that gap. Well, for one, I've learned years later how to be myself with anyone no matter what. And even if that distance remains, one person does not need to be my everything. I could appreciate this friendship for what it is and pursue stronger connections elsewhere as well.

Sun square Pluto also sounds very accurate as well. Ego struggles in a deep-down way that was hard to describe, but also, she had certain beliefs and worldviews that I detested. What I hesitantly protested on the surface became deep resentments within me about how she saw the world. Again, this has brought the big lesson to respect who a person is. Respect not meaning agreeing, but letting go of the urge to bring them on trial in front of the world, or trying to change them and wish they were different. See them for who they are, love the parts you can love, and keep the relationship in perspective. Also that just because someone is very strong and self-possessed in their beliefs doesn't mean they're right or that I need to submit to them.

Sun sq. Pluto is tricky. You either fight to be right, learn to compromise but with resentments about not being understood, or learn to compromise and keep the relationship in perspective, meaning, appreciating it for the worth it brings in your life and leaving behind the rest in peace. Obvious the 3rd is the best option, and if I was in a relationship with her I could do that, but it still needs an emotional gap that my Scorpio moon just does not like. At all, lmao.

I wish I was more aware and mature when I met her. I could have had a really good friend in my life today. But, we learn.

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posted January 21, 2022 05:23 AM            

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Originally posted by Bismarck2:
This relationship probably would have ended up no different. Composite aspects get stronger over time. Enough bad ones and the relationship just becomes exhausting. Hard composite pluto aspects are some of the hardest to work with.

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Well, that sucks. I still wish I knew these things, though, so I could manage them during our relationship and would have left better. I pretty much suddenly dumped her (with a poorly communicated text message and then a messy conversation afterwards) which was wrong of me.

posted January 21, 2022 05:33 AM            

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Originally posted by InTheStars:
Well, that sucks. I still wish I knew these things, though, so I could manage them during our relationship and would have left better. I pretty much suddenly dumped her (with a poorly communicated text message and then a messy conversation afterwards) which was wrong of me.

I also just saw we have a Moon-Saturn trine at 6° in synastry as well. But I'm confused -- it's usually Moon who's supposed to feel the restriction, but I'm Saturn in ours and it was definitely me feeling inhibited. How'd that happen?

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A Moon trine Saturn wouldn't cause that feeling.

posted January 21, 2022 05:49 AM            

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Originally posted by Bismarck2:
A Moon trine Saturn wouldn't cause that feeling.

What WOULD cause that feeling is her Saturn on top of your ascendant. The ascendant is like a giant antenna that receives whatever signal is pointed at it. In this case it was Saturn. Depressing, debby-downer, judgmental Saturn.

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posted January 21, 2022 06:04 AM            

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Originally posted by InTheStars:
That makes sense. Made me feel restricted, even though she didn't mean to. In fact, I feel she found a lot of liberation being with me. She told me herself. My Jupiter on her ASC would explain that.

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posted January 21, 2022 06:17 AM            

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Originally posted by Bismarck2:
LOL, yup. I think you drew the short-end of the stick in this relationship.

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posted January 21, 2022 09:35 AM            

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Originally posted by InTheStars:
Thank you by the way for your help, Bismarck2! I'm open if anyone else has any more insights.

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