posted January 03, 2023 11:56 AM            

I'm paranoid over a girl I met some months ago. I met her through my boyfriend, so she became a mutual friend. She's 6 years older than us and we don't see her really often, but when we do I start obsessing over my boyfriend possibly liking her. I don't know why. I'm naturally obsessive in romantic relationships, but I don't often feel like this everytime I hang out with other female friends of him.

They're not very close, but when I'm around them I feel extremely off. I feel like he looks at her in a strange way. I asked him about it, I confessed my feelings multiple times, but everytime he seems totally unaware, like I'm obsessing over things that don't even exist. He's so patient with me, we tried to analyse why I feel this way, I told him about a traumatic experience I had with my ex boyfriend - he liked another girl, and I felt the same way I do now. In that case my paranoia was valid, so now I'm terrified of repeating the same experience with my current boyfriend.

He always tells me that he doesn't really understand why I feel this way, that she's just a friend he enjoys the company of, that he doesn't like her, etc.
Also, based on his taste, I think she's not his type physically, but I find her charismatic.

Then I looked at their charts: in synastry his Pluto squares her Venus, which conjuncts his Moon (natally, he has Moon square Pluto). In composite they have Pluto square Mars, Venus square Uranus, Pluto quincunx Venus - these are in the Midpoint, some are not present in the Davison.

Our relationship is really good, he always tells me that he wants to have a long lasting relationship with me, sometimes we talk about marriage and having kids together. He tells me he loves me so much, that I'm so beautiful, that I'm perfect for him and that our spiritual and intellectual complicity is unique. I trust him on that, but why do I feel paranoid around her then? Can it really be only because of my past trauma? Why do they have such aspects in their charts, but still he tells me he doesn't like her?

The last times we discussed about it he got angry, because he said that I become inquisitive and distrustful, like I don't believe him. Thing is my stomach hurts so bad and I spend days ruminating on it.

posted January 03, 2023 12:49 PM            

You said yourself you find her charismatic - perhaps, if you were a man (or sexually inclined), she would be your type?

So you assume, maybe any guy (including your boyfriend) would want her?

posted January 03, 2023 01:15 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenaia:
Could it be that rather than sensing something coming from him, you're responding to something within yourself?

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Hello thank you for your kind words. I agree with you, I thought about that, too.

I am bisexual, so I would rather feel my attraction consciously. It happens to me all the time, even with other female friends I met through him! Surely, she makes me feel like I'm lacking confidence and charisma sometimes. I feel competitive around her, because she's always able to capture people's attention. Also, she's accommodating and has lots of friends - I don't, because I tend to be more introverted and guarded.

So yes, I do admire her and I often wish I had her personality. I don't think that any man would like her, but I feel like my boyfriend likes her personality and feels her charismatic aura. He's introverted, too, way more than me, and he's pretty insecure around people: I think that he could find her attractive for this reason, maybe she intimitates him with her engaging, powerful personality.

Other than that, I agree with you, he reacted in a very healthy and sweet manner...

posted January 03, 2023 02:39 PM            

A woman's hunch is never paranoia, and you need to accept the fact that monogamy is nonexistent in *most men's psyches.

I am talking about mental cheating that does not necessarily lead to physical depending on how mature and smart the man is. With his pluto square her venus and venus square uranus in the composite, he could easily obsess over her, even in an unrequited way (because of her aloofness).

I am interested in your chart with hers. Possibly her saturn harshly affects your planets?

posted January 03, 2023 03:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
Hello,

A woman's hunch is never paranoia, and you need to accept the fact that monogamy is nonexistent in *most men's psyches.

I am talking about mental cheating that does not necessarily lead to physical depending on how mature and smart the man is. With his pluto square her venus and venus square uranus in the composite, he could easily obsess over her, even in an unrequited way (because of her aloofness).

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Hello,

That's what I tend to think, but it's also true that many times in my life I've been obsessed and jealous of many females and most of the time without reason. The only time I was right was the one I told you about.

My boyfriend always tells me everything - whether or not he feels attraction for other women, or other unpleasant things that he could keep for himself. Still, he insists on the fact that he doesn't like this girl. He says that he enjoys talking about certain topics with her but that's it. He just seems genuinely confused when I bring this thing up.
Also, I analysed the charts with his other female friends and there are way more powerful aspects with them (Pluto square Venus/Mars, Venus-Neptune aspects, Uranus-Venus, Uranus-Mars, Mars-Venus, etc.), both in synastry and composite. Still, I don't quite feel anxious around them.

For what concerns my synastry with her:
- Her Saturn squares my Sun (separative), Mercury and Mars + her Saturn opposite my Jupiter;
- My Pluto squares her Venus (0 degrees) - which conjuncts my Ascendant - and Sun;

In Midpoint composite:
- Pluto and Jupiter in 7th;
- Sun conjunct Mercury in 8th + Sun and Mercury opposite Moon;

posted January 03, 2023 03:16 PM            

This is where your insecurity around her comes from.

posted January 03, 2023 03:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Giulia000:

The last times we discussed about it he got angry, because he said that I become inquisitive and distrustful, like I don't believe him. Thing is my stomach hurts so bad and I spend days ruminating on it.

What do you think?

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posted January 03, 2023 03:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
If he truly cared, he would stop seeing her or at least bringing her up. I have never seen a caring man forcing a female friend on his wife or girlfriend. Getting angry while you were communicating your insecurities is not a good sign. I hope it wasn't his intention to gaslight.

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We rarely see her, we see her especially because she's really close to one of his friends. My boyfriend and this other guy play music together, and when they do she comes so she can hang out with the other friend. Despite she often texts my boyfriend asking us (as a couple) to hang out, he declines most of the times - because he doesn't feel like, or because he knows that she makes me feel so bad. He confessed me that he never knows how to behave because he's afraid that I'm gonna feel bad. So that's also why we don't see her often.

He became angry when I kept insinuating that he likes her without trusting him. The first times he was patient and tried to understand my feelings, he reassured me multiple times while showing me his love as well. Unfortunately, there are periods where I feel extremely bad for her (the few times we see her), and I keep bringing her up. He never does it.

posted January 03, 2023 03:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Giulia000:
We rarely see her, we see her especially because she's really close to one of his friends. My boyfriend and this other guy play music together, and when they do she comes so she can hang out with the other friend. Despite she often texts my boyfriend asking us (as a couple) to hang out, he declines most of the times - because he doesn't feel like, or because he knows that she makes me feel so bad. He confessed me that he never knows how to behave because he's afraid that I'm gonna feel bad. So that's also why we don't see her often.

He became angry when I kept insinuating that he likes her without trusting him. The first times he was patient and tried to understand my feelings, he reassured me multiple times while showing me his love as well. Unfortunately, there are periods where I feel extremely bad for her (the few times we see her), and I keep bringing her up. He never does it.

PS: I knew her Ascendant because he once told us that she's a Leo Ascendant (I don't know the exact time of birth).

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well, sounds to me like here you've answered your own first post It is paranoia due to past trauma.

However what I'm not sure about is if you know this already, then what type of astrological advice do you need by creating the topic?

posted January 03, 2023 03:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:

well, sounds to me like here you've answered your own first post It is paranoia due to past trauma.

However what I'm not sure about is if you know this already, then what type of astrological advice do you need by creating the topic?

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Thanks for your fast reply

I wasn't sure how it's possible that they share such aspects but still he says he doesn't like her. I wanted to know if all aspects are necessarily felt, because if they are then, again, why does he deny? Also, many times I was tempted to use horary astrology to answer my question "does he like her?", but I'm too afraid.

I once even thought that maybe she does feel those aspects, because: a few times she asked him to hang out for a drink or for a walk but he declined. He never reaches out to her, she always does.

I don't know, I often feel a flirtatious energy around them, but I'm not sure a) if there's any; b) if there is, who is really flirting between them;

She seems flirtatious with everybody, and he's pretty physical with all of his female friends (they hug, they talk really close to each other's faces, etc.) I sometimes notice that he lookes at his friends in a similar way, but again I'm not sure, 'cause even if that's the case I never feel this bad.

posted January 03, 2023 04:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
I think you need to post their astrological charts (synastry, natals, the composite).

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posted January 03, 2023 04:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
I think you need to post their astrological charts (synastry, natals, the composite).

thanks for your own fast response too

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His natal:
https://ibb.co/5T3fDZC

Her natal:
https://ibb.co/41S7LVX

Synastry:
https://ibb.co/qNCrfyn

Composite Midpoint:
https://ibb.co/vhmvkRJ

I hope you can see them.

PS: I'm not sure of her exact time of birth.

posted January 03, 2023 04:28 PM            

Also, her moon square his sun makes him always interested in her and her life. She is an enigma to him. And there's his vulnerable moon conjunct her venus. no wonder they can't help but flirt.

To be honest i don't like your bf's chart. he sounds like a womanizer with water moon/venus, libra mars. I think it's very unlikely that he WON'T end up with an older female. Plus mercury square neptune can hide lies very well.

My two honest scents, but as for any astrology advice, take it with a grain of salt.

posted January 03, 2023 04:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
Thanks for the charts. I agree that she isn't his physical type (but if his juno, vesta, psyche or even eros are nicely aspecting her AC he might be well attracted). But the contact or friendship between them could go on for years. There's a close angle alignment in synastry and sun conjunct saturn in the composite.

Also, her moon square his sun makes him always interested in her and her life. She is an enigma to him. And there's his vulnerable moon conjunct her venus. no wonder they can't help but flirt.

To be honest i don't like your bf's chart. he sounds like a womanizer with water moon/venus, libra mars. I think it's very unlikely that he WON'T end up with an older female. Plus mercury square neptune can hide lies very well.

My two honest scents, but as for any astrology advice, take it with a grain of salt.

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Thanks for your analyis. When it comes to age, I'm older than him, too. She's 6 years older than him, 4 years older than me.

When it comes to the other things you've said, he doesn't seem like he's that interested in her life. When we hang out, it's always her asking him about his life, he never asks her about hers. For what concerns the flirtatious energy, well, I feel it - even though he denies.

The thing about lies, I'm not sure about it. He's very honest and feel guilty when he keeps something "bad" for himself. We had some discussions in the past where he would feel bad for weeks after he didn't confess something he thought had to be confessed. He's very ethical. Some months ago, he confessed me that he sometimes think other girls are attractive, and he initially felt so bad for having these thoughts. The moment he confessed them, he felt better and didn't ruminate on them anymore.

Thing is, I, too, find other people attractive, I think it's normal in a long-term relationship, but I don't feel the urge to confess everything to my partner. So I quite trust him on this.

posted January 03, 2023 05:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Giulia000:
Thanks for your analyis. When it comes to age, I'm older than him, too. She's 6 years older than him, 4 years older than me.

When it comes to the other things you've said, he doesn't seem like he's that interested in her life. When we hang out, it's always her asking him about his life, he never asks her about hers. For what concerns the flirtatious energy, well, I feel it - even though he denies.

The thing about lies, I'm not sure about it. He's very honest and feel guilty when he keeps something "bad" for himself. We had some discussions in the past where he would feel bad for weeks after he didn't confess something he thought had to be confessed. He's very ethical. Some months ago, he confessed me that he sometimes think other girls are attractive, and he initially felt so bad for having these thoughts. The moment he confessed them, he felt better and didn't ruminate on them anymore.

Thing is, I, too, find other people attractive, I think it's normal in a long-term relationship, but I don't feel the urge to confess everything to my partner. So I quite trust him on this.

I noticed her Moon doesn't square his Sun.

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the orb of luminaries making aspects is extended to 12-13 degrees. some websites don't allow orb customization but astro.com does.