posted April 06, 2023 07:10 AM            

My partner and his mom get into fights all of the time. I haven’t said anything to him about it, but I feel like she is trying to use him to replace his dad. His Nessus is conjunct her sun, her Nessus is conjunct his moon. She homeschooled him growing up, and the way she talked they basically spent every second together. Even though they argue, he basically agrees with everything she says on other topics. I get that he has responsibilities there now, but their dynamic is kinda weird to me, they fight like a married couple. She wants him to everything perfectly and god forbid it’s not. Idk, maybe I’m too sensitive but their dynamic does not seem normal to me.

Anyways, i looked up her chart to see what could be going on. But when I looked, it seemed really familiar. Then I realized whose it was similar to. So I looked up his ex’s chart and come to find out, his ex and his mom have sun conjunct sun, Venus conjunct Venus by a few degrees, and mars conjunct mars. My ex has his sun on his moms Venus, Pluto on his ex’s Venus, their suns in his 12th and his ceres on their mars in his 8th. This was his first long term girlfriend of 3 years, right after he left home at the time when he was 18.

posted April 06, 2023 07:36 AM            

That being said, there was a reason they didn't work out. Even if she does remind him of his mom, they aren't together anymore, and he's with you.

Something about your synastry attracted him, and something about his synastry with her ultimately broke them apart.

Also how do the composites look?

posted April 06, 2023 03:56 PM            

my cousin has a rocky relationship with his dad, they don't have a lot of respect for each other, and he has been married to a woman who has a very similar chart to his dad for more that 15 years.

now who am I to say if his relationship with his wife is healthy or not. every relationship has its challenges, the key is to put aside pride and communicate.

posted April 06, 2023 10:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by girlwiththerainysoul:
it is normal to look for paternal familiarity in a partner. most people do that whether they are aware of it or not.

my cousin has a rocky relationship with his dad, they don't have a lot of respect for each other, and he has been married to a woman who has a very similar chart to his dad for more that 15 years.

now who am I to say if his relationship with his wife is healthy or not. every relationship has its challenges, the key is to put aside pride and communicate.

If your partner finds your concerns valid and takes actions to understand them better, then it is a healthy relationship regardless of each person's past or the history of their relationship with their parents.

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posted April 07, 2023 03:30 AM            

His parent's relationship was also not good. I remember unexpectedly hearing his Mother and her friends conversation the day his Father died (when all the children were not there). The tone was not like grieving people, but a bunch of people who was glad his father was dead. The children were all crying or expressed sadness, what about his Mother? What I saw was no emotions at all, she even quickly went home to search for legacy documents with her friends and told the children to take care of their Father's death in the hospital. The strange part was she still had time to malign my name telling some people I wasn't there to grieve so those people came to me with already bad judgement about me. Did she forget she saw me hearing her conversation with her friends the day her husband died? Thank God those people came to me so I could tell the truth and she hated me more. Weird.

He has no close relationship with his Father because of a constant war between his Father and his Mother. He also always defends his Mother because what I have seen, although both of his parent were not good to each other and I don't want to take a side but I must admit that his Mother is very good putting herself like a victim. I mean, she is always suspicious of kind soft pure love, in her book the reality of love is bleeding, testing games, until she is sure but the fact is she is never sure until death comes (she may act like so sure, but actually never). It triggers all the bad sides, then, when chaos comes she puts herself as a victim of her partner in the relationship, since she truly believes it, not a part of herself who has 'expecting' it or even 'creating' it. She is also very secretive and continue to highlighting the people's bad sides or bad story to keep people not digging her vulnerable dark side. Even my husband doesn't know much about his grandparents from his Mother's side.

Since he is closer to his Mother although their relationship is also weird (that's right, it's almost like she needs him like a husband she doesn't get since I don't know why he always defends and trust her, so weird), he is more familiar and comfortable with her energy dynamic in a relationship and that's what he got with his long time ex gf. Control, emotional abuse, manipulation, obsession, jealousy, possession, lies/testing games that lead to cheating/hurt feelings, a constant fight/war because of a power struggle, all of those things. When he met me during his constant on-off unhealthy relationship with his long tim ex gf, he feels another world and immediately drawn in but the trust issues within him was so huge, didn't believe if the relationship could be healthy.

I have the same venus sign as his Father, we both fire moon (well, my husband is also a fire moon), my moon sign is his Father's sun sign. One of his sister has the same sun sign with me.

The first 7 years was a whole pain in the a** for me because he brought his past relationship baggage and what he knows about love dynamic from his parent's relationship: power struggle/war. Of course, the first year, I didn't have any clue if this relationship would be that bad.. If I could go back, I should have leave in the 3rd year where I found out he was still in and out with his long time ex gf behind my back for 3 f* years.. and after that, for 2 years he put me in the series of testing/manipulation games to prove how loyal, how obsses, how much love I had to him and I said, "I don't like you. I'm not happy and I don't love you anymore."

Funny that he doesn't want me to leave. There's a little regret there in the 3rd to 5th years of our relationship where I had a chance to run.

This year we're going 10 years, does the struggle end? Our relationship has gone much better now after I draw boundaries with his Mother and I told him how I feel about his Mother. Also, since I can't seperate him from his Mother, and realize I will never be the first priority in his life or get fully husband support or I will never get a defense that I need from my own husband or the wifey treats that I need, I have learned to stand between my own leg, support my own life, making myself happy, surround myself with positivity and support of better life from people who truly care for me, and focus on my daughter's happiness: mentally, spiritually, and the right love.

Know your own risk and hope you can get what you need to learn from my story. Similar pattern is always creating a stronger bond, not always the likeness but also dislikeness.

posted April 07, 2023 12:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by anevolena:
Probably not a coincidence if it was his first girlfriend right after leaving home at 18... he probably did sense the familiarity.

That being said, there was a reason they didn't work out. Even if she does remind him of his mom, they aren't together anymore, and he's with you.

Something about your synastry attracted him, and something about his synastry with her ultimately broke them apart.

Also how do the composites look?

That being said, if his relationship with his mom is a red flag, you can leave. MY advice is to wait until it actually interferes with your relationship, though. As long as he prioritizes you over his mom, don't let their relationship damage yours. But if his attitude towards her is bleeding into your relationship, that's a problem.

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Thanks for the advice. For some reason I just get the feeling him and his ex are not done yet even though she’s engaged to someone else now. Shes the one that broke up with him. He bought a ring to propose and she left before he proposed.

Her Venus conjunct his Pluto/Chiron in his 11th. Her Venus/Pluto opposes his moon. He has natal Pluto/Chiron opposite moon. I don’t have Venus/Pluto with him. But my sun conjunct his Pluto and his Pluto conjuncts my sun. His moon opposite my Pluto and my moon opposite his Pluto.

It’s hard for me to interpret the composite because idk his ex’s or his mothers birth time. Most planets are in Sagittarius, Scorpio and Capricorn. As far as aspects go with his ex,
sun/mercury opposite moon,
moon sq Jupiter, sun/mercury square Jupiter
Venus trine Jupiter
Jupiter square pluto
Venus square Uranus
Saturn trine sun/mercury. Saturn sq Neptune
They also have what I read to be a soulmate aspect, Eros conjunct psyche in composite.
What I feel ultimately lead to their breakup is the Pluto square NN.

With his mom
Saturn square moon
Moon trine Venus
Pluto square chiron
Saturn trine mercury
Sun unaspected
Eros square psyche

With me
Mercury, sun, Pluto conjunct in the first in sag opposite moon in the 7th
Venus in the 1st square Jupiter on IC
Venus sextile Neptune
Mars conjunct Eros in 2nd, square Saturn conjunct psyche in 5th
Moon trine Uranus
Mars trine NN
Moon square NN
No 8th house placements in composite.