posted April 28, 2025 02:45 PM            

It would not be possible to go into all the details I wanted to share here, so even if it's quite long that's just a "résumé" of my situation.
I would like to know what's your opinion :

About me : birth 03 - 02 - 1985 (3 february), 13H30 (1.30pm), Paris (France)

I'm basically someone unable to have any kind of social/human relationship since my late teenage years.
My social life is zero. No work, no friends, no love. Everything "social" just don't work with me.

In a way I'm not even interested to be socially "'normal" so I have a part of responsibility.
But in another way, even when I try to make efforts for socializing I have no results. People reject me and I have no luck and it's not entirely my fault.

I wondered some years ago if my problems were related to ASD/autism (it was almost unknown in France when I was young) and I talked to many psychiatrists but the majority said no. I just have social anxiety apparently.

Of course my past and complicated family history is a part of the reason why I'm in such abnormal situation.
But I tend to believe that even in a better environment I would have been naturally in difficulty with anything social anyway.

I have black moon-lilith conjunct venus/mars in aries in 11th house, square with neptune capricorn in 7th.

It's hard to find any explanation based on real experience or observation of this aspect, but for sure it can give problems with anything social/relational. I really feel this aspect active in my life.

My only way to find someone when I was young adult was to force myself to go out during the day talking to girls/women in the streets (the normal ones, not the hookers, don't take me wrong), asking them if they would like to know me.

I literally talked like that to HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of women for years and ONLY ONE really accepted to start something. And this relationship just lasted one month.

Of course, I was very immature, insecure, jealous and with a bad temper at that time, while she was very social and free. It could not work.

I have to confess (please forgive me) that I stalked her for a year after that, and it ended with a police call and they led me to a psychiatric hospital for some hours...

I have recently read many testimonies of women saying how they have been stalked and annoyed as hell by men with moon Cancer or mars (or venus) Aries... And since I have these aspects I can confirm.

It's not something to ignore in a chart before engaging with someone.

Women with moon in air and fire signs just can't get along with men moon Cancer.

There is always something in their attitude (they are not even conscious of) that will make the moon Cancer feeling not understood, and his suffering from it will be the cause of toxic behaviours the women moon air/fire can't tolerate, and love can turn into unhealthy hate or conflicts.

In my personal case, it's very complicated because even moons normally compatible with mine can create conflicting aspects with my chart.

Like by exemple Scorpio and Taurus moons, who will be involved in squares with my sun or in complicated positions with my pluto and saturn, which is really not ideal.

So it happens that I can have really harmonious and quiet emotional relationships with very few people actually... It's almost always based on regular conflicts and misunderstandings, and it's emotionally frustrating and exhausting for me.

Even women moon (or sun) Cancer are not compatible with me I noticed !!!

Those from the early degrees can square my mars/venus/lilith aries and it's an awful energy (I lived an incredibly negative encounter like that), and the later just don't work with me too, even in conjunction (I knew at least 2 persons like that).
No good feeling and no understanding at all...

Luckily enough, my air signs influences prevent me to be totally possessive. I'm not obsessively interested for long and can move on after a while.

I like to be free, so even if my Cancer moon makes me dream about an exclusive and possessive relationship, I'm not even sure I would be really happy if I could find it actually...
I have to manage these contradictory needs and emotions, it's not always easy.

But I clearly always had this possessive tendency nonetheless.

I know I can seriously annoy women for some times if they ignore me after showing me some interest, or what I believed to be some interest... But after a while I give up and forget... (until I eventually come back annoying the person 5 or 10 years later, of course, but that's another story...)

Anyway, after this story when I was young, I have never been able to find another real "lover". I mean NEVER.

20 years later I'm still here alone and unable to have any kind of real relationship with people generally.

Even on the internet it's impossible for me to find a lover or long term friends.

I tried since 2009 until now dating sites but to no avail.

Actually, the only social application that worked for me was one where we don't have to show a picture first. It's only with avatars. And we can write long messages, which gives the occasion to have meaningful conversations. It's not instant chatting.

There I have been able to find many girls to write to and with some I had kind of "love stories" at distance.

We exchanged later pictures, videos etc.and even if I could hardly believe that they loved me, at least it made me dream it was possible.

Surely an effect of my natal neptune in 7th. It seems I can only find some delusive affairs at distance, where the dreaming romantic aspect created by the distance and mystery is what makes the relationship alive.

I have never met for real any of these girls, of course. They were living in Brazil, Italia and other far countries.

We were not even able to communicate live in real time because of my difficulties to speak and understand spoken english correctly.
So all these stories were for me just nice dreams through the internet.

And it ended generally in conflict, by my fault I have to admit.

I also had my share of kind of toxic relationships through these correspondences, all of them were not necessarily nice, but it would be too complicated to explain it here.

Actually, what disturbs me the most, is the fact that I can't feel anything for the women I can really meet around me.

I keep noticing everywhere I go that women just feel nothing for me and I feel nothing for them. I seem invisible or repulsive to them.

And me, even if I can find some of them pretty and attractive, I just can't feel any love feeling for them. They don't interest me. I don't even want to have a conversation with them, it bores me.

When I look at them into the eyes there is absolutely no feeling, from them and from me. So love can't be possible.

I wonder what's the problem with my energy. How millions and millions of other people can meet together easily and become connected intimately is a mystery to me... How it's possible ???

I just feel there is no girl around me with whom I could connect emotionally. We are clearly not meant to know each other.

Or maybe I'm in the wrong place, wrong country for me, I don't know...

Since some years, post covid lockdowns, I gave up all hope to find someone in France. Now I stopped to go out in town and I spend my time at home.

I don't have conversations with anyone and don't try to initiate any close relationship with those around me anymore, cause I know it's useless for me.

Finding men friends don't interest me either. Actually I dislike the presence of adult men and just can't fight this repulsion.

It's because no sweet physical contact is possible with them. It's only based on sharing activities I'm not interested in, or having conversations but it bores me.

Me I just need and want a woman to cuddle.
Sensual physical contact is my only need and interest in human interactions to be honest. Not necessarily sexual but at least sweet and loving, cuddles.

I don't care about talking and having activities, it can be fine sometimes but it's secondary, we have to touch first. And it's never possible.

Going to see the hookers or escorts is repulsive to me. I just can't accept to pay money for it and that the girl doesn't like me and force herself, even if just for a cuddle.
I need real love or at least real interest and attraction.

I can't even use girlcams and internet based things like that, it's just disgusting. I feel so much pity for the girls who do it, I'm so able to feel how they are lost that I can't even be aroused, they just make me sad.
And it's just virtual anyway.

I already tried to go to libertine clubs where people have physical relationships for free and at will with whoever they want, based on natural mutual attraction (you just have to pay for being accepted in the club). But I was not at ease and gave up.

Of course, if I was accepting men as friends for sure I would not be so alone. Because it's super easy to find male friends everywhere anytime, even when we are not very social, but it's really not in my nature.

Also, astrologically, with experience of the years and observations, I'm coming to the conclusion that I can be compatible with very very few people.

I found that actually, the most "compatible" person for me for a sweet and quiet relationship like I dream should have ideally moon Pisces and generally many things in Pisces.

Apparently it could be the best because in many degrees of Pisces there will be harmony with either my moon, neptune, jupiter, pluto, saturn, NN... Actually it's harmonious with all my chart, creating no strong conflictual aspects.
Am I wrong with it ?

I noticed that I feel generally very good during the sun Pisces period each year (mid-February-March) and I'm also like creative and optimist during this time.

Anyway, with someone having a lot of things in Pisces, the only effective bad aspects with my ascendant and uranus would be actually quite weak, eventually insignificant compared to all the bad aspects the other signs can create with my chart when people have nothing in Pisces.

But strangely, I have never met anyone like that, and can't force any situation for making it happening...