posted March 17, 2026 04:25 AM
I've only been able to meet him once in person, despite knowing each other since 2019. (I only found out he was interested in me 2 years later but he thought I already knew that since the beginning.) It was really brief and we were supposed to meet again a few days later but didn't due to some miscommunication. I haven't tried to meet him since because I was really bummed about the whole experience (I tried to meet him twice but it didn't work out as planned - he expected me to just show up to a place where he had a small surprise planned for me but I was expecting him to ask me out directly) and also because I feel like there are a lot of unresolved issues that need to be dealt with in order for our relationship to proceed. Our synastry: http://imgur.com/a/synastry-xeeLSkK
Our composite: http://imgur.com/a/NOGuuqZ
He is very elusive when it comes to issues that arise in our relationship that he thinks can't be solved. (Usually caused by external factors, like issues in his workplace.) This is due to his insistence on maintaining an image of perfection in front of me. He seems to be very afraid of being abandoned by me all the time, despite my many attempts to reassure him.
He also has this ideal of me that I feel I can't live up to, in some way. I do think there is a possibility of this working out, but I believe it has to come after a breakthrough in my career, which I am planning for. Because then he would have to come to terms with the differences between my identity and the illusions of me that he wants to believe in very badly. (Again, due to his fear of abandonment. He seems to be very afraid of the idea that I might be unapproachable to him due to our cultural differences, despite the opposite being true as well.)
There are upsides to our relationship. He likes to make really big gestures when he's not being elusive. He's very supportive of me and my work, in a way. Although my life has been turned completely upside down due to the pressure of having to keep everything together, since it seems like everything is pulling me in different directions, ever since I met him. He has a large group of friends and even acquaintances who have accepted me and are equally supportive of me and are always there for me in their own way, despite the distance. There is this "found family" thing going on here. I suppose in a way they've saved me yet it feels like I'm drowning as well.
This is the gist of it, but any other observations are welcome! I think I'd just like why I've been experiencing these things and when it'll be over. I know that neptune is pulling the strings here, and that his saturn is also the cause of his trying to pressure me into living the way he wants so that we can get together. The entire trajectory of my career has changed as well since I met him, but especially since I started taking him seriously in 2021; as well as my relationship with my family, which is also another thing he "saved" me from. But at the same time, I'm now stuck in this limbo in both areas because of him. The intrusiveness and lack of privacy from him is also a huge theme between us as well.
Lindaland
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posted March 17, 2026 04:25 AM
posted March 17, 2026 04:31 AM
posted March 27, 2026 06:45 PM