posted February 03, 2015 05:48 PM            

I've been dating a guy for about 4 months now and everything was going great but recently we've had a few fights and every time he tries to break up with me. He actually did it a couple of times but then came back. Anyway, I would appreciate a bit of help with this horary. My question is "Why is he behaving like this?". Long story short I felt like he's been a bit distant over the last couple of weeks and last week especially he was quite mean to me. Everything I did was wrong, he kept saying that I'm trying to create drama, he didn't believe a lot of what I was saying and pretty much everybody came before me (even people that I would classify as strangers..). So he just changed his behaviour towards me completely.

I have tried to analyse the horary myself but I'm still a beginner so I didn't go far unfortunately.

Anyone that can shed some light is welcome (I kind of had enough of it and would like an answer so I can get on with my life).
Thank you

posted February 04, 2015 04:39 AM            

Regarding the hidden relationship. I saw that too and was wondering about it.. So he kept telling me this past week that there hasn't been anyone serious (I didn't ask, he felt like reassuring me) since we met and that if he meets a woman that he'll have a very strong connection with he will tell me about her. He even told me to check his phone messages so I know he tells the truth. I obviously didn't do it.

About a coupe of weeks ago she started acting distant. I noticed when he went home on a business trip. We would always talk, send photos etc. I've barely heard from him that weekend but didn't think much of it at the moment. My friend has been telling me that maybe he hooked up with someone then and there..and has since been feeling guilty and agitated about it? Do you think that might be it? We spend quite a lot of time together and I don't think there's anyone living in London/in his circle of friends etc. I always see who he's talking to, he always tells me where's he's going, who he is meeting (again, I don't ask, it's just conversation). Apart from that woman living with him and the other one I mentioned above I don't think there's anyone else. We talked about those 2 and he told me he is just helping them so I will believe him. He went home on another business trip in November when we were on a break and he had a one night stand so maybe it's the same woman? And he realised what we have became too serious?

I am just very confused. I don't know if it's my fault, if I've been mean and unfair to him, if it's his depression (he stopped his drug and therapy about a week ago), if there's a person telling him bad things about me (he's quite easy to influence..Virgo asc and Gem moon) or if he just realised it was a bit too serious for what he wanted.

I am sorry for the essay!

I have posted the horary with Regiomontanus.

posted February 04, 2015 08:24 AM            

He breaks up with you every time he leaves to go on a trip or if he meets someone else so he doesn't have to deal with any guilt of cheating on you. But what I'm trying to figure out is if you guys aren't exclusive then why are you concerned about what he's doing & why is there even a "break-up" in the first place?

I know this is about horary but let's please use some common sense too, you are being played by a man who is mentally unstable & just got out of a 5yr relationship less than a yr ago. I mean you're asking to get your feelings hurt by getting close to this man. I'd say the next time he "breaks-up" with you make it permanent. I don't see this ending well at all & I can tell you are already too emotionally invested into it to let go, but I highly suggest you do before you get hurt anymore than you already have.

posted February 04, 2015 08:42 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by babybull82:
Omg, have you seriously not caught on yet?!

He breaks up with you every time he leaves to go on a trip or if he meets someone else so he doesn't have to deal with any guilt of cheating on you. But what I'm trying to figure out is if you guys aren't exclusive then why are you concerned about what he's doing & why is there even a "break-up" in the first place?

I know this is about horary but let's please use some common sense too, you are being played by a man who is mentally unstable & just got out of a 5yr relationship less than a yr ago. I mean you're asking to get your feelings hurt by getting close to this man. I'd say the next time he "breaks-up" with you make it permanent. I don't see this ending well at all & I can tell you are already too emotionally invested into it to let go, but I highly suggest you do before you get hurt anymore than you already have.

---

Ok so I am not interested in what he does per se. It's just that he did some nasty things to me (because of other women) and I didn't accept that. I told him that what he did was disrespectful and I was actually the one that ended things the first time. The second time it was him. An example of that is asking out another woman while I was in bed with him (we were cuddling and his phone was right into my face, I couldn't avoid it). He did have an explanation for that, but I'm not sure I believe him. I don't really trust him anymore. I am not interested in what he does but when he does that to me then I am not going to accept to be disrespected.

I thought the same about the trips but at first I thought it's just a coincidence. However, yesterday kind of confirmed it since he made a big deal out of nothing.

posted February 04, 2015 09:36 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by babybull82:
Omg, have you seriously not caught on yet?!

He breaks up with you every time he leaves to go on a trip or if he meets someone else so he doesn't have to deal with any guilt of cheating on you. But what I'm trying to figure out is if you guys aren't exclusive then why are you concerned about what he's doing & why is there even a "break-up" in the first place?

I know this is about horary but let's please use some common sense too, you are being played by a man who is mentally unstable & just got out of a 5yr relationship less than a yr ago. I mean you're asking to get your feelings hurt by getting close to this man. I'd say the next time he "breaks-up" with you make it permanent. I don't see this ending well at all & I can tell you are already too emotionally invested into it to let go, but I highly suggest you do before you get hurt anymore than you already have.

---

I agree...

And to this: "My friend has been telling me that maybe he hooked up with someone then and there..and has since been feeling guilty and agitated about it? Do you think that might be it?"... I say Yes as well.

I don't understand why you're staying with him... he is really starting to sound like a complete jerk - depression is no exception.

posted February 04, 2015 02:34 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by appleberry:

I agree...

And to this: "My friend has been telling me that maybe he hooked up with someone then and there..and has since been feeling guilty and agitated about it? Do you think that might be it?"... I say Yes as well.

I don't understand why you're staying with him... he is really starting to sound like a complete jerk - depression is no exception.

I think he's using you for security. Maybe he can't handle change and needs someone to come back to, but it sounds like the good stuff is over.

---

Well it was great at the beginning. We like the same things, have the same hobbies so I just enjoy spending time with him (great sex doesn't hurt). We also have great conversations on a wide range of topis, we never get bored together. We both opened up very early in the 'relationship' and that made things progress a lot faster than we wanted and anticipated. Neither of us wanted anything too serious. I didn't particularly like him at first but he was just so sweet, caring, supportive and keen after I met him that I couldn't say no every time he asked me out. Then I started caring about him.

I'm still staying with him (or was staying) because just recently he started acting like this and I wasn't sure what to think of it. To be honest I didn't have time to really think about things so I just went with the flow. After an argument we'd be away from each other for 1-2 weeks and then we'd meet and talk about what happened and the talks were really good (there was a lot of miscommunication between us). Then I'd see him once again a few days later and everything was even better than before (because we had made some things clear when when we talked and we made the changes we both promised to do). That is ok (I guess part of it comes with not being exclusive), but his behaviour last week really bothered me and I don't think I can continue like this.

I think you are right about the security part.

posted February 04, 2015 05:04 PM            

I can tell though you are really hurt by this and I can also tell you're not quite ready to let it go..so with that I say do what you feel is right and perhaps maybe this is a lesson for you and you have to experience this to figure out what you will and won't tolerate from a partner.

posted February 04, 2015 05:35 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by babybull82:
I just went back and re-read what I wrote and I apologize if it seems harsh. I just know what it feels like to be played and I wish someone would have told me to wake up before I became too emotionally invested in a jerk.

I can tell though you are really hurt by this and I can also tell you're not quite ready to let it go..so with that I say do what you feel is right and perhaps maybe this is a lesson for you and you have to experience this to figure out what you will and won't tolerate from a partner.

Edit: Him needing security..isn't necessarily a bad thing. Where it gets bad is if he says he's committed ONLY to you and the relationship but then runs away to chase new tail. BUT if you guys had the CLEAR understanding that you can date other people and are ok with having either a fwb situation or open relationship it could work. But in order for it to work one has to be somewhat detached emotionally...so in essence it may be too late for that at this point..well for you anyway.

---

No worries. I am quite young (well not that young but haven't had a lot of important relationships; also he is 7 years older and I did notice that he thinks he can get away with stuff because he thinks I'm too young and I might not notice it) and I know I'm sometimes a bit too naive. Like I said I'm fine with an open relationship, I just don't like being disrespected or suddenly treated differently without an explanation/reason. And I agree, I know I am a bit too attached. I've actually been trying since December to distance myself a bit and the last time we spoke about us we agreed that we spent too much time together from the start and we should take it easier.