posted September 05, 2015 04:14 PM            

My boyfriend, with whom I've been in a relationship for five years (it's been committed for the past two), is a very eccentric man with certain troublesome traits. He's also the dead-ringer match for a man who appeared throughout my dreams, and later my fiction (as I am also a writer) since my early teens. However, the 'man' in the astral 'experiences' was not entirely human ... anymore, at least. He'd long-since slipped into a dimensional rift and become something of an orphan in a strange, complicated multiverse. He survived on his own for a short while before being taken in by an even older energy that mentored him. His own archetype became one of a frustrated sage; he was known for his tremendous knowledge and always teaching, mentoring, and bringing up other misfits, and later, those born into the accidental society. No clue why this appealed to a young girl, but it was one of my very first stories.

There was one rather unbreakable sort of rule, however, when these beings of mostly unknown origin, (unless they were born into the society, as aforementioned) learnt to use their intrinsic abilities to manipulate and navigate the many dimensions of time. Acting somewhat like guardian angels without heavenly origination, they would interfere in human affairs only insofar as to correct what entropic tragedy might befall one who's intended to be on another path. The question always loomed, whether it was predestined that they would intervene, or if their mere doing so created the very paradox they were fighting against. Something of a loop within itself.

That unbreakable rule was simple: get in, get out, stay away. You know where I'm going with this, surely. It's the classic story. But not quite because Boy was drawn to Girl to the point that he couldn't stay away; he broke the even bigger unbreakable rule: in order to save her, his presence was made known -- just long enough. And she remembered him. When he tried to return immediately after to implant an idea which either removed himself from the picture completely, or ensured that she saw it as only a dream, he bungled (somehow) and ended up too far in the future of her timeline. After she's written a novel. Which, luckily, just seems like a cheap knock-off of Doctor Who. (I was actually unaware of, and not yet enjoying those stories, at the time this was going on, so it was a genuine surprise to me, that's for sure!)

Skip ahead to their encountering one another at a convention where he's, well, himself, and it's immediately assumed that he's cosplaying. (Funny scene, actually; rather like that one.) But his cover is that he's an actor, and she's recently had the novel optioned by a production company to make the film adaptation, and so they find themselves staying in touch when he's cast in the role.

He's rather missed Earth, being that's where he was technically born and is from, his DNA being human, and enjoys the opportunity to stick around. However, he's also -- unbeknownst to his mentor and the regulatory body that governs the off-shoot society -- decided to make a break for it after doing so, having nursed a not-so-secret desire to escape everyone and everything and go completely solo.

But when he attempts to return long enough to assure his mentor that the mission was a success, and she no longer needs to be a concern -- he can't. He can't reach anyone. No one's responding. It's also becoming obvious that other things are wrong: people, places, and things are vanishing from the timeline, appearing to have never been in existence according to the unwitting. He grows immediately concerned, deducing that the disappearances, combined with his inability to reestablish contact with his society, could spell serious trouble.

And he's correct. Upon continuing to read the novel, he discovers that something happened while he was away, and his society has been decimated. He can't demand answers from her without really blowing his cover, and is still overcome with grief -- and guilt -- at the one-two punch of being en route to abandoning everyone, while they were being destroyed.

And that brings us to the present.

My boyfriend who, by his own admission, was 'born old', is an intensely solitary creature. A schizoid man, he doesn't actually need companionship and is content to be alone. He's experienced the pangs of loneliness, however brief, really only scattered throughout his life, and mostly in regards to me. Hence, why we have a relationship at all.

But that relationship becomes extremely troubled when he makes himself inaccessible and unreachable -- or even seems to long for, and entertains -- if just through fantasy, fleeing society completely and disappearing. He says, the longer that we've been together, he, ironically, feels it ever stronger with an equally intense feeling of knowing he shouldn't. We've discussed a number of things which 'might've happened' in his 'distant past', and we can't really devise much that's altogether happy or good. Just many reasons why, on top of his childhood, he's solitary and intrinsically nomadic. A gypsy personality.

Today, I couldn't take it anymore; it'd been bottled up for too long. I felt -- not exactly unimportant, but not as important as I feel the relationship we have should 'elevate' me in status. If that makes any sense. I was hurt, and I lashed out -- very angrily. I must say, it's the first true fight we've probably ever had. Really had.

That's when I recalled the song that came into my head this morning -- 'Gypsy' by the Moody Blues. Essentially about a time-traveller who becomes separated from his society for reasons unknown, but is eventually 'left without a hope of coming home'. We don't know if he merely fled or what exactly. The song became increasingly important to me when I began revising the original story, and thus, coming into my head more often, I think.

But today ... it just ... hit me. I was suddenly overwhelmed with love -- and a deep sympathy. He came strongly into my mind, and it was as if my heart chakra just ... I dunno ... 'exploded'. I'm not used to these things, as of yet. And it occurred to me that ... maybe .... We've recently determined that he's obviously the one who I was 'connecting to' all those years somehow. But what it meant? And why it's happening? Those remain(ed) unanswered.

So I constructed this horary as a means of trying to answer that question.

Is it true? Is this linked to his own karma? Does this explain why he has this innate tendency to run -- from people, intimacy, commitments he himself wants -- even desire to flee the actual place? Yet, he harbours a deep guilt for which the origins remain unknown.

Thanks for bothering to slog through all of that. Here's the actual chart:

Note: time is for the moment that it was all happening -- the realisation, the visions, the overall 'experience' as it transpired.