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Author Topic:   musings on life purpose and self-help
virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 2470
From: upstate NY, USA
Registered: Oct 2004

posted June 02, 2005 12:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
I've spent the past year absorbed in plenty of self-help books...and now I'm all about action as I've become bored, and well, pretty much most self-help books say the same thing in different ways. I've also taken them with a grain of salt, I think it was more curiosity and lack of direction that made me grab them.

Anyway, now that I'm all about picking myself up and doing things and reviewing all the notes I took while reading these books...I've run across the idea of creating your ideal life on paper and then trying to live that. Great idea! I really thought this sounded like a fun project. It lasted all of a half hour, when I realized...I have NO IDEA what I want my life to be like in the future. I DO know what I definitely don't want (city life, to get married, kids, to live where it snows 6-7 months out of the year, a job that resembles the movie Office Space) but that really doesn't help when you are trying to look on the other side. It's not even the fear of limiting myself to a definite future - I love the idea that my life is a canvas I can paint on. Maybe it's that I have too many options, maybe it's because I want an unconventional life. Am I just too young to know? When people ask me where I see myself in 5 years...I just know it is not where I am now. Maybe me going back to college in 2 months leaves the future SO unpredictable that I CAN'T create my entire ideal future yet. That it is just pretty impossible. College can lead to just about anything, and I'm leaving my options wide open there as I have so much to experience. With that I wonder if I tried to write down my ideal future now anyway it will probably change.

So this leads me to 2 major questions: Do I REALLY need to have my future all drawn out at age 22? And is self-help really a load of junk and only exists because it's such a large money-making venture? I'm thinking of just throwing all of it to the wind, and doing whatever I feel like doing TODAY, doing whatever I desire at the moment, not being so worried about where I'll be at when I'm 30/40/50. I've spent a lot of time doing that and honestly that hasn't worked at all. I think life isn't as linear as the self-help market tries to sell...one thing tends to lead to another, there's setbacks in everyone's lives no matter what...all the MAJOR success stories I've read about, they were in the right place at the right time or talked to the right person while doing what they liked to do.

What a load of confusion!

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Eleanore
Moderator

Posts: 2004
From: Japan
Registered: Aug 2003

posted June 02, 2005 07:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Eleanore     Edit/Delete Message
Maybe you can focus on the little things that make you happy? For example, you mentioned that you wouldn't want to live in place where it snows 6-7 months out of the year. Can you imagine the kind of climate(s) you would be happy in?
The process of elimination would work for you, I think. It's perhaps one of the best ways to help you see what you do want when you have no idea what that is. If you really do want to focus on what you would like your life to be like then spend some time considering exactly what it is you are sure you wouldn't like it to be like. And don't sit down to get it done "now", just make an effort to pay attention to things you see reflected in others lives that you know wouldn't work for you. Also, don't feel you have to have all the answers now, not just because you're 22, but because some of what you want will probably change over the years no matter how definite you thought you were and no matter what age you are.
Eventually, you'll probably also be able to see things you do want ... like narrowing your options on the kind of home, the kind of climate, the kind of environment, the kind of freedom, the kind of stability, etc. that will work for you. Sure you won't be able to narrow it down on everything, but a general idea is all I think we really need. And every plan needs to accomodate the unexpected anyway so I think you'll be fine.

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"This above all:
to thine own self be true,
And it must follow,
as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false
to any man." - Shakespeare

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monad
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Posts: 366
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Registered: Dec 2004

posted June 02, 2005 07:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for monad     Edit/Delete Message
Just do what you feel like, really.

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monad
Knowflake

Posts: 366
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posted June 02, 2005 07:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for monad     Edit/Delete Message
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thirteen
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Posts: 919
From: Rochester Hills, MI USA
Registered: May 2004

posted June 02, 2005 10:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for thirteen     Edit/Delete Message
Now that Im 45 and looking back......There was a lot of pressure to know what you wanted to do and be. I never did, never could identify that. Im not sorry in the least bit. My life is better than i had hoped for. One thing that I remember vividly saying on a beach in jamacia when I was probably your age. " I just want to keep on going and see how far I can get". What that meant was , keep being open minded, keep trying to be a better person for myself, keep my eyes and ears open to learn and move into areas that feel comfortable to me ( jobs) and to keep trying to not let fear stop me from taking action. That is exactly what I did. Some people know exactly what they want but that does not mean everyone does. Society tried to squeeze people into that kind of mold because it takes away the grey areas. Everyone wants things to be clear and obvious but they cannot always be.
You sound like you are on the right path..Also i feel like i have read every self help book out there. There is a use for that stuff too but it is not always going to be that way either. Take what you can from those books but they won't solve everything either. Have faith that things will be good for you. They probably will.

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SunChild
Moderator

Posts: 3875
From: Australia
Registered: Jan 2004

posted June 03, 2005 12:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunChild     Edit/Delete Message
I feel similar to VTT and that's great advice Eleanore , I'll be taking some of that too!

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"The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle." Anais Nin

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 24335
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000

posted June 04, 2005 10:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message
Great advice.

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"There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Lewis Carroll

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 2470
From: upstate NY, USA
Registered: Oct 2004

posted June 07, 2005 07:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Eleanore, I love your advice!! I love doing process of elimination stuff, mostly because it's really easy for me to see what I definitely don't want. And you reminded of things I forgot, like that over time wants do change.

Hmm, I should actually have my lexigram done!

thirteen, I really like your advice too! I found it really inspiring Sometimes I forget to move into things that feel comfortable for me and go in the opposite direction, I should stop doing that.

This advice rocks, I'm going to have to go take notes so I don't forget anything THanks!!

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monad
Knowflake

Posts: 366
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted June 08, 2005 07:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for monad     Edit/Delete Message
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DayDreamer
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Posts: 4838
From:
Registered: Jul 2003

posted June 09, 2005 03:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DayDreamer     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
I've become bored, and well, pretty much most self-help books say the same thing in different ways. I've also taken them with a grain of salt

my sentiments exactly vtt. Just keep trying different things, feel them out, see if you can expand and venture of into another direction possibly from there. I don't know. I'm sorta confused myself. But I always knew what I wanted since I was a little kid.

monad, the world does need more love.

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monad
Knowflake

Posts: 366
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted June 10, 2005 08:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for monad     Edit/Delete Message
Mesage Deleted.

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GldnLdy
Knowflake

Posts: 1
From: CA, USA
Registered: Jun 2005

posted June 10, 2005 10:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GldnLdy     Edit/Delete Message
To VTT and anyone else that's interested.

I myself am close to 50, so I think I can say "Been There, Done That"

I didn't know what to do at 22 either and college wasn't an option at that time. I worked days for Temp agencies to see what was out there, but I bartended at night to get the bucks!

However, the Powers That Be, chose to drastically change my life at 24. I became pregnant, after being told I'd never have kids; and my mother, my best friend, was diagnosed and died of cancer, brain tumor... over a 3 month period.

Since I wasn't supposed to be able to have kids, I chose to keep it. Why? That's anybodies guess. I refused to marry the father because of his drinking and other stuff. I think God decided that since I'd taken care of my mom most of my life and she was going to die, that he had to give me something else to take care of or I'd just stay where I was, not going anywhere. Probably end up an alcoholic like my mom.

Today, at age 48, I don't have many regrets. Oh, and I read What Color Is My Parachute at least 3 times, and never came up with a definitive plan.

So don't worry VTT. You don't need to start stressing until say 25... 30... 40... who knows, life is always changing. Enjoy it!

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 24335
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000

posted June 11, 2005 12:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message
Welcome!

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"There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Lewis Carroll

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 2470
From: upstate NY, USA
Registered: Oct 2004

posted June 15, 2005 10:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Wow! Sorry I abandoned this, I didn't forget it though!

Monad, I think those are words of wisdom right there, just do what you like first and things might fall into place. I need to feel like I'm doing meaningful work too. You can lexi my name if you want, I have no idea how to do those myself so that'd be neat to see what's hidden!

Daydreamer, just thinking of doing different things and feeling them out sounds exciting! I must go searching for new things to do

Gldnldy, your story totally interested me! I always wonder how life has been for people who have 30, 40, 50 years on me. That's so incredible how your life changed so much at 24, I have less than 2 years away from that age! I've watched my friends who are a bit older than me suddenly have huge changes around 24/25...maybe I'm due for something haha. I think I might have to start looking at life more as an adventure by the sounds of it!

Oh, What Color Is My Parachute...it hasn't helped me come up with a definite plan either...the way it helped me was to see my skills in a clear light, I've always had this huge haze around what I'm good at, now I kind of know! And writing the lists about what you'd like in a place you'd live in, and what you don't like. I hadn't been very clear on that either, but now I know my ideal place to live, and I think that's pretty neat Figuring out my career path though...that's something I realize I gotta do on my own!

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virgolibra69
Knowflake

Posts: 111
From: Boston, MA USA
Registered: Sep 2004

posted October 13, 2005 12:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgolibra69     Edit/Delete Message
All this Worry/Fear is Self perpetuating the Negative.

"Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion and empathy."
Author: Dean Koontz

“Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.” ~ Albert Einstein ~

“I desire only to know the truth, and to live as well as I can...And, to the utmost of my power, I exhort all other men to do the same...I exhort you also to take part in the great combat, which is the combat of life, and greater than every other earthly conflict.”
~ Socrates, Century BC Greek philosopher ~

“What difference does it make, after all, what your position in life is if you dislike yourself.” ~ Seneca - from Letters from a Stoic ~

“A tulip doesn’t strive to impress anyone. It doesn’t struggle to be different than a rose. It doesn’t have to. It is different. And there’s room in the garden for every flower. You didn’t have to struggle to make your face different than anyone else’s on earth. It just is. You are unique because you were created that way. Look at little children; they’re all different without trying to be. As long as they’re unselfconsciously being themselves, they can’t help but shine. It’s only later, when children are taught to compete, to strive to be better than others, that their natural light becomes distorted.”
~ Marianne Williamson ~


“The giving up of personality traits, well-established patterns of behavior, ideologies, and even whole life styles...these are major forms of giving up that are required if one is to travel very far on the journey of life.” ~ M. Scott Peck


“People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering.” ~ St Augustine ~

"You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith." ~Mary Manin Morrissey

Fear is the lengthened shadow of ignorance. ~Arnold Glasow

Those who fear life are already three parts dead. ~Bertrand Russell

Hope these Help!


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Sun Virgo 29,Moon Aquarius 25,Cancer Ascendant 25

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