posted November 01, 2005 03:30 PM         

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late

8.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

9.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

10.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

11.) Super glue is forever.

12.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

13.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

14.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

15.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

16.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

17.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

18.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

19.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

20.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

21.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

22.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys do it because:

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!

b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

posted November 02, 2005 05:56 PM         

quote:

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What is this mother doing while her son endangering his own and others lifes? Writing funny stories on the computer to send to others?

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This was funny and entertaining.

Some people's children are more energetic than others.
If you were my friend I wouldn't ever visit you so you could judge me as a 'teacher and mother'.....
Get over yourself or more forgiving of the small stuff.
Or possibly take up that job as a judge you would probably love. We can watch your many skills at slander.
If you were my kids teacher, I would transefer him/her for fear that he might spill his soup on his shirt and that you'd condemn me for it.

posted November 02, 2005 08:10 PM         

I think the ceiling fan thing is to be taken with a grain of salt. Cringeworthy indeed.

I wanted to say something, and I said it rudely.. I tried not to say it too rudely.. but anyway, no harm done here.
I just think there is a middle ground, and all types of parents.. fun ones, permissive ones, strict ones, regular ones... and all sorts of kids.
I am a middle of the road one, and at some point you have to ask yourself.. Do my kids love me?
Do they think I am doing a good jiob?
Am I proud of them?
So what if I could've done something more, where there is knowledge, there is opportunity.
*My brain will always think there is something more*

posted November 03, 2005 07:19 AM         

I thought the e-mail was funny. But I can't believe half those things happened. But again, I don't have children, so maybe I'm being naive.

posted November 03, 2005 09:20 AM         

Really? Even the ceiling fan?! Jello in the swimming pool?

I didn't have any brothers or male cousins. I do have a 12 year old step-son and a 7 year old nephew and none of the more extreme things have happened. I realize that's quite different than having your own, but it gives me a peek, you know? Maybe it's different when there is more than one. I've always held the opinion that 2 is a good place to stop. Otherwise they out number you. *shivers*

posted November 03, 2005 09:42 AM         

The swimming pool one...I'd bet on a distracted Dad watching a couple/few boys while Mom was out. A little out there, but doable.

posted November 25, 2005 09:26 PM         

Here's what my son has taught me:

That pushing the cat in the bathtub is a good way to clean him.

That if you're changing a male infant's diaper, it's a good idea to be prepared to take cover... they will pee on you.

Also, a male infant can urinate on his own face. (horrible, yes, but I didn't know he could do it until it was too late.) I think it surprised him too.

That jumping down half a flight of stairs will not kill you.

That an action figure can provide hours of excitement by dropping him from various heights and seeing how many ways he can die.

That you can too pet fish!

That peanut butter sandwiches make an excellent breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime snack... all in one day.

That mommies and daddies should have locks on their bedroom doors, and that no hour of the day or night is a safe hour to forgo this precaution.

Do not tell your child that your boss is a mean man unless you want him to point him out the next time he visits you at work and ask, "Mommy... is that the one you said is mean?"

If you are alone in a room with your child and a man with only one arm, praying that your child won't say anything embarrassing can backfire. If you do this, also pray that he won't pull one arm inside his shirt when no one is looking, then announce, "Look! I only have one arm, too!"

And perhaps the most important thing I've learned is that little boys need lots of hugs and kisses, too... especially if he's got five planets in Taurus, including his sun, and Cancer rising. Boy looooooooooooooves his mommy!

posted November 29, 2005 09:59 PM         

daniel is my grandson but I include him because hes here 24/7

posted December 02, 2005 02:48 AM         

quote:

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If you are alone in a room with your child and a man with only one arm, praying that your child won't say anything embarrassing can backfire. If you do this, also pray that he won't pull one arm inside his shirt when no one is looking, then announce, "Look! I only have one arm, too!"

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future!!!!!

Your son sounds so cute! Thank you for sharing those. I laughed out loud.