posted March 24, 2006 06:51 AM         

Lesson One
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit on my ass like you and do nothing?"

> The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested. All of a
> sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:
> To be sitting on your ass and doing nothing, you must be sitting very
> high up.

Lesson Two
> A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
> the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

> "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my manure droppings?" replied
> the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

> The turkey pecked at a lump of manure, found it actually gave him
> enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
> after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally
> after a fourth day, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
> Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:
> ******** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Three
> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze
> and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow
> came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there
> in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was, the dung
> was actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
> began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
> investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
> pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons:
> (1) Not everyone who ***** on you is your enemy.
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
> (3) And when you're in deep **** , it's best to keep your mouth shut!

posted May 27, 2006 05:59 AM         

One day, all the organs of the body decided to find out who was the most important part of the body. The brain started “I am the most important, because without me, no decisions would be made”.
The heart then declared “I am the most important because I pump the blood and nutrients and oxygen around the body”
The lungs then said “We are the most important organ of the body because without us oxygen wouldn’t get into the blood”
While the other organs argued, the Ass Hole piped up and said “I am actually the most important part of the body”.
All the other organs just laughed.
So the Ass Hole shut up. It shut up for days on end. The brain went foggy. The heart pumped toxic blood. The lungs filtered bad breath.
Eventually all the organs declared that the Ass Hole was indeed the most important organ of the body, so declared it the boss.
That’s why all bosses are Ass Holes.