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Author
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Topic: The Most Profound Labor of Love?
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hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 609
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted July 09, 2010 10:05 AM
  
Parenting?As I meant in my last post, letting go? Do we ever get to really let go of our kids? Should we? And when? Is tough love the answer when a problem child brings havock to our lives? If we choose to not tough love, to not let go will we be judged as "codependent?" What about extenuating circumstances such as health issues with the child, or psych issues with the child? I have been so, so condemned by all for not tough-loving my hell-to-deal with 18 year old Aqua daughther, but I believe in unconditional love, she chose me to parent her on a soul level and I will not abandon her. Most would call me co-dependent, but I am just dealing with my situation as I see fit. Any others in a similar siuation? All comments appreciated!!! t~~~ IP: Logged |
bunnies
Knowflake Posts: 358
From: u.k
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 13, 2010 04:14 AM
I just always felt that we are here to help our children on their way until we are no longer here.
Age is no barrier.
Tough love is a new (and probably American)invention.
All it means is letting your children or people know when they are being disrespectful to you, themselves and others and pointing out that you won't accept it.
Not by screaming and getting dragged into stand up fights (when have you ever seen one of those turn out mutually bneficial?)
But just by a calm asertiveness.
I remember my son when he shot up to over 6' in a matter of months.
He patted me on the head and said
"I'm looking down on you now Mum"
and I said
"Indeed my love, you may always be taller than me,but you will never ever look down on me! 
But the most important thing?
I have never forgotten what it actually feels like to be that age.
To actually understand that feeling.
I'm staggered by how many people forget that they were once a snarling insecure pain in th a** adolescent who felt that the whole world was out to
"Ruin my effin" day!!!I am not saying you have hippi. Quite the opposite. You seem to have a handle on it very well.
How could you fail by being loving and supportive?
It won't fail.Hold on to that. My friend's daughter (who was a freakin' monster!)now has 4 children of her own and is constantly on the phone to my friend about what a horrendous time she is having with her 14 yr old who
"Won't listen to a thing I say, is screaming and slamming doors. She's a nightmare. Mum, I don't know what the hell is wrong with her! We resist the urge IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 609
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted July 17, 2010 04:49 PM
thanks bunniesi kicked her out last night for assulting me, near assult and battery, but i got away. not the first time. tough love? i suppose IP: Logged |
iQ
Knowflake Posts: 2639
From: Chennai, India
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 20, 2010 04:03 AM
You did the right thing. It is her dad's genetic frequency that is partly to blame for the appalling behavior. You must not feel guilty about this, especially if you have a Pisces Moon.IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 5946
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 20, 2010 08:49 AM
I agree, you did the right thing.  ------------------
Everyone is a teacher...
Everyone is a student...
Learning is eternal.
~Everyone is
gifted. Some simply open the package sooner~
}><}}(*>
.☆¨¯`♥ ¸.☆¨¯`♥ ¸.☆¨¯`♥ IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 609
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted July 21, 2010 09:18 AM
i let her back with an apology, but i made it clear i want her out of MY house asap.i will help her est. credit, and try to be patient with her as she looks for a job, but eventually and sooner than later i want her out. she needs to grow up and experience life for herself, responsible life, not partying 24/7. maybe years down the road we can have a mother-daughter relationship again, but as of now, i just dont like the kid, love her, but dont like her. thanks for your support. t IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 5946
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 21, 2010 09:36 AM
{{{HUGS}}}  IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 609
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted July 21, 2010 01:45 PM
IQ you are most correct! She does have her dad's genes...Seems my eldest recieved his intelligence and my youngest his altered brain chemistry. I have not a Pisces moon, a sun, Moon in Taurus..she and I just don't click and really, elemantally we should astrologically, tho I am quite sure there is something there that is setting of off. She has the strangest chart I have seen, almost all things in the 7th and 8th divided between Aqua and Cap. blessings!!! t~~ IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 6267
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 01, 2010 01:09 PM
hippi you did the right thing. she is old enough to learn to take care of herself, and you are showing her one way to do that...not to tolerate people abusing you...i had to chuck my own daughter out, she was pregnant and needed to learn how to take care of the business of life before the bby came. one of the hardest things i have ever done, but we are good now and i have helped more than most people think i should with her child...gladly though it has cost me thousands in lost work and extra food and adventures i would do it again. would it have been better if i hadn't? who can say. we do what seems best at the time.......IP: Logged |
starkiss1
Knowflake Posts: 1596
From:
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted August 01, 2010 03:57 PM
Is it too early to kick them out when they are 16? And abusive? RRRRReally want to know, LOL! IP: Logged |
SunChild
Moderator Posts: 2221
From: Australia
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 02, 2010 06:32 PM
Child of mine, I will never do for you that which I know you can do for yourself. I will never rob you of an opportunity to show yourself your ability and talent. I will see you at all times as the capable, effective, powerful creator that you've come forth to be. And I will stand back as your most avid cheerleading se...ction. But I will not do for you that which you have intended to do for yourself. Anything you need from me, ask. I'm always here to compliment or assist. I am here to encourage your growth, not to justify my experience through you.--- Abraham IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 7819
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 07, 2010 06:52 PM
SC: ------------------
"Everything I eat has been proved by some doctor or other to be a deadly poison, and everything I don't eat has been proved to be indispensable for life. But I go marching on."--George Bernard Shaw IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 7819
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 24, 2011 11:42 AM
*bump*------------------
"All deaths are suicides, do you realize that? Every single one. The only distinction is that, with some people, suicide is a subconscious choice, and with others it's a conscious choice. Otherwise, those who commit suicide and those who succumb to accident, illness or "old age," die for exactly the same reason: belief in the inevitability of death." Linda Goodman IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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