posted August 15, 2010 01:13 PM            

"How do they get socialized?" This is a question that almost every homeschooling family hears, and we hear it often. Most of us have become accustomed to politely answering it by explaining that our children have co-ops and dance classes and sports and other activities etc. I have found myself repeating this same polite answer more times than I can count over the years - until recently.

Recently, another Mom asked the inevitable question "What school do your kids go to?" I explained first that we are Independently Educated (a term I coined some years ago that I feel better describes what we do) but that just evoked a baffled expression, so I smiled and said "We homeschool". Naturally this was met by the inevitable "Oh, I see" and then I just waited...and sure enough within a minute the next question came "So how do they get socialized?" (Never mind the irony that this question came at an actual social event, which is often the case)

Now, I've answered this question literally hundreds of times over the years but today was different. Today, I had an epiphany. As I opened my mouth to begin to recite my rehearsed response about how the kids join homeschool groups and co-ops and have activities that they do in order to get socialized, I stopped. I stopped because I realized that I'm lying. That's right; I'm totally full of it!

It occurred to me suddenly at that moment, that as Independent Educators, our children are not in-fact, 'socialized' whatsoever. Many adults today have been socialized and as a result many of us are walking around with social anxiety issues having had any healthy ability to interact with human beings schooled right out of us. Alas my husband and I were both thankfully among many fortunate enough to have broken free of the experience and now we've successfully avoided having to subject our children to this bizarre process of being socialized. And I call it a process because that is truly what it is isn't it?

This time, the question sounded so strange to me. "How do they get socialized?" Get socialized? I considered all of the times that I've been asked that exact question and the words echoed in my mind. I also recalled even more bizarre wording of another popular question from those who where particularly aghast "Aren't you afraid they will end up being unsocilalized?"

Unsocilalized? Well that's a whole new term now isn't it? It sounds like a terrible syndrome "That poor child is unsocialized" Eeek! Hmmm... the word itself got me thinking and was I ever relieved when I realized that we are indeed unsocialized!

It's true. We are an independent education family and as such our kids do not get 'socialized'. Oh, they meet people, they make friends, and they have a packed calendar for sure as well as unlimited time to experience their world. Sure, they have a pretty healthy social life. But what they are not is "socialized".

So in response to the question asked on that particular day "How do they get socialized", after a long enough pause to experience this epiphany, I responded honestly and emphatically: "they don't!" And I felt wonderfully liberated for having admitted it!

The other Mom wasn't amused, and appeared both exasperated and confused but decided to discontinue our conversation and politely distracted herself with her cell phone. I'm guessing she was probably texting someone about the crazy homeschooling lady she'd just met at the community pool. It didn't matter to me, I was delightfully reveling in my new epiphany and pondering the very idea of 'socialization'.

The word itself suddenly sounded creepy to me! I mean, yikes! What did it even mean? "Socialized"? It sounds like a procedure to be performed. Is it an injection? A pill? Is it an exercise? I felt a sudden repulsion to the very term.

Here are the definitions of the word:

- to train for a social environment; "The children must be properly socialized"
- make conform to socialist ideas and philosophies
- the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture
- under group or government control; "socialized ownership"

adapt.. conform... assimilate... these terms made me shudder and I decided that it's just not for me, thanks! The word itself insinuates a process of indoctrination - something that we homeschoolers have purposely chosen to avoid. No thanks!

It appears to be a pretty common assumption that a child must be enrolled in a traditional education system in order to meet people or make a friend, or learn how to communicate with other human beings. For some reason, it's a popular belief that this is the sole opportunity for interaction and there is nothing but a vacuum of space and time between the home and the school building.

A typical child attending the typical school spends approximately six hours per day, five days per week, thirty eight weeks per year away from their family and in an educational institution, having information downloaded into them. While these children are busy getting socialized, there is an entire world of life continuously unfolding beyond those doors. Our world provides an unlimited potential for learning and growth and exploration as well as unlimited opportunity to meet people.

I am proudly exclaiming that I don't want my kids to 'get socialized'. I want them to experience life. I enjoy that my children have developed a very natural ability to make friends without being deliberately plunked into a room full of other similar children. Because they have more time to explore and interact and learn from the actual 'real world' that exists beyond the walls of a classroom, they are able to form relationships organically and naturally, without regulation or method or borders. What's more, they have the freedom and the time to grow and experience life by actually experiencing life, instead of getting socialized.

Yes folks, we are happily, uniquely and wonderfully unsocilaized! And we wouldn't want it any other way!

By: Laurette Lynn

Laurette is passionate about helping people discover parenting in such a way that it resonates in their life, their children's lives and their world! Her objective is to help parents discover the benefits and joys of family life with Independent Education - an experience that goes beyond the logistics of academics and breaks free of the box of simply 'schooling' at home.

It's a bold and audacious journey into the art of Active Parenting that shakes the foundation of 'normal' and dramatically improves the entire family dynamic!

Being an Independent Educator for her own three children for nearly a decade now, Laurette has helped many decide whether this path was right for them. She also coaches parents who are new to homeschooling or whom perhaps need a little extra help and encouragement.

Laurette also delivers this positive message as a Motivational Speaker for home education organizations and events. You can also hear her on web-radio (September 2010) and read her inspiring words in various online and print sources, including her blog "The Audacious Mom".

For more information, please visit Laurette at http://www.Laurettelynn.com.

posted August 26, 2010 05:27 PM            

having a NATIONAL (or even state) curriculum for all children of one grade level is the target and the teachers who have not lost their jobs are the tenured (and often that means old and set in their ways) ones who know their jobs are safe unless they do something really diabolical, so have no reason to consider the kids or their individual talents and needs.

so an effervescent, bright child like my grandson is "doing time" at the age of not-yet-eight because the teacher doesn't mind breaking the law to get "obedience" instilled in ALL the kids. and he is digging his heels in about doing work that he has been doing since 1st grade (now in 3rd!)...though his art teacher is delighted with him...

this child is headed for montessori or homeschooling if i have anything to do with it...though his mom needs to work so homeschooling will be difficult to say the least.

posted November 26, 2010 02:33 PM            

bad stuff as a rite of passage...hhmm
how bad are we talking?

posted November 26, 2010 10:16 PM            

quote:

---

I was coming home every day, contemplating suicide, when I saw no other option.

---

this is no rite of passage... no
matter what anyone tries to say...
really sorry you had to go through
that teasel...

posted December 26, 2010 07:21 AM            

We have these so-called rites here too in the college. In the US they're called hazing, we call them ragging; different terms, same sh!t.

First time in hostel, you're 17, not quite a teen, not yet an adult and these "seniors" who are only a year ahead of you have to put you through hell all in the name of bonding. What irked me was how others in my class put up with this because "they are just trying to get to know us".

It is supposed to be such a wonderful thing really because after a month and a half of harrassing you, they'll throw a party called the Freshers where suddenly they become your friends.

And all the earlier stuff is only to encourage the Juniors that is us, to bond with the seniors that is them.

You know what I say to that, FCUK OFF!

It's basically Stockholm Syndrome and it doesn't work on the ones who do not have a hive mind and think independently for themselves.

SO, obviously, I got a lot of seniors ganging up on me for being different and not falling in line. So, one day, when a group of them confronted me I simply told them that if I was such an irritant to them and gave them such grief, then "to hell with me. Why are you concerned?" And I explained it was gonna be no skin off their arse! The look those girls gave me was priceless, like, how come she's not concerned [edited the smilie out, looked crass even in sarcasm]

But, on a serious note, it is dangerous. The govt. has banned it and one can get a prison term of upto 10 years for it but still it continues. Students have died because of it but it still continues as a barbaric bonding ritual.

What's even uglier was that the next year, when it was our turn to be seniors, some of my classmates who had been at the receiving end of some really nasty treatment turned all A-rod and did the same to the juniors.

I mean, seriously, how low can your self-esteem be for you to assert yourself by stamping on those who are essentially helpless against you?

You wanna prove yourself, then fight your equal or aim higher!

Motherfcking B@stards who are simply "everyday" people from all walks of life!

Just another example of how dangerous a hive mind or mob mentality can be...

-----------------------------------------
P.s. To Randall and the mods,
Sowwee for the extreme language but I feel really strongly for the ones who have lost their children to this "exalted" bullying. Feel free to delete the post if you wish to clean it up but I had to say this, no regrets.

posted December 26, 2010 05:19 PM            

Thanks, emitre.

posted January 02, 2011 03:20 PM            

Some even travel the world and become involved in international affairs. You can find books written by or about unschoolers who did just that. I forget the name of one book but it was about a young teenage boy who sailed the South Pacific on his own as he schooled himself.

Furthermore, plenty of people dropped out of school, or did not go to school at all, and grew up to become famous politicians (including many of America's founding fathers), inventors (like the Wright Brothers), and actors (like Whoopi Goldberg). Such people could hardly be called socially or academically handicapped.

Here are what some homeschoolers and unschoolers have to say on the matter (as shared in The Teenage Liberation Handbook by former school teacher Grace Llewellyn):

"My confidence has grown immensely--I am not judged for reasons such as clothes, money, or my looks.... My social life is better than it ever was at school. I meet people at the YMCA, ballet class, and I have adult friends."

--Suzanne Klemp, YMCA ballet teacher, age 15

"My social life is much more rounded than school kids; I talk to anyone and everyone the same. I've noticed that most kids will talk to anyone younger than them but only superficially, and hardly talk to adults at all except when spoken to. I don't believe in that and make a point of showing that I'll talk to anyone about anything. On the track team there's all ages and I'm friends with all equally. I don't make a point of talking someone just because of closeness in age. For example, I talk to the little boys in kindergarten because we share a common hatred of the rock group New Kids on the Block. And the coaches ask me quite important things such as make sure so-and-so is standing in the right lane, and sometimes they get so mixed up I have to remind them what they are suppose to be doing (they are grateful for it).

"I have about thirty pen-pals and they range in age from about ten to fifty. I consider these my friends and my social life because you can be social through the mail. I may not have as many friends and acquaintances as other kids but it is not the amount but the quality of friendship that counts."

--Anne Brosnan, 13

"I am friends with the adults who live in the house next door to us....Dick is interested in bicycling and philosophy and Crunch is interested in word games, movies, and sports. These are all things that I am interested in, which is one of the reasons I immediately became friends with them. The other reason is that they take me seriously and respect what I have to say about things. They are a few things that I talk to them about that I don't talk to most of my friends who are closer in age to me (I'm 13)--for instance, politics and education.

"I don't think my friendship with them is very different from my friendships with other teenagers, except for the fact that we have better conversations. We often fool around with each other the way I would friends my own age. I think that they are many things I can learn from them, but that doesn't make me feel that they are necessarily superior to me. They are probably things that they can learn from me also. I do think that we have a very equal friendship, most likely because they respect me in the same way that I respect them."

--Jeremiah Gingold, from GWS (Growing Without Schooling) #74

Ironically, I was more popular with school kids after I dropped out and began unschooling. Dropping out of school was one of the best things I ever did in my life and helped me both academically and socially.

posted April 13, 2011 12:35 AM            

I've decided I will be homeschooling my three kids.