posted June 27, 2012 07:18 PM            

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Your point of power as a parent lies in that moment BETWEEN noticing an emotionally charged reaction in your body AND responding to your child. To remain kind and effective, we need to keep developing our awareness of our reactions, learning to witness and recognize them before they take the driver's seat and drive us to act and speak in ways that we later regret.

There are many things that our chid may say, do, not say, not do that can trigger unresolved stresses and emotional hurts to the surface. Much of the anger that a child evokes in their parent, in truth relates much more to how the parent was treated by their parents. An opportunity to heal and change is available each and every time uncomfortable feelings are triggered by our child, an opportunity to change our conditioned responses. The awareness to identify such triggers helps us take responsibility for those big waves of emotions, forces us to find other outlets, other places and forms of expression, hence protecting our child from projections that are not theirs to take on and own.

When your child's behaviour triggers a highly emotional response, you have an opportunity to bring some compassionate awareness to some ouch feelings that need and deserve attention. Perhaps a feeling of not being heard, a feeling of overwhelm, perhaps big fears, perhaps feelings that have hurt a lot for a long time. The trigger might be your child's resistance, their lack of responsiveness, their lack of affection, their affection for their other parent, their aggression, their tears, their neediness. Something about it is experienced as familiar at a body instictive level, feelings open from your body memory that your conscious mind is unaware of.

You may notice a surge of emotion, stress soars, anger rises, muscles tighten, you start to grip mentally, you fixate on making your child hear you, feelings of blame, resentment and frustration build up, perhaps the urge is to escape, perhaps there's an urge to take control and overpower your child with that look, the raised voice, the ultimatums. We all know how it goes, we all experience triggering - often! At challenging times, more triggering can happen more often. Actions taken from this place of stress and frustration are rarely wise or constructive.

Noticing some of the above is our cue to recognize that we're feeling overloaded, that our unmet needs have built up or that some very painful feelings have just been triggered. It helps to visualize a red stop sign light as a reminder to stop or at least slow down. Do what you need to do to buy yourself a few minutes to slow down, to breathe a bit more deeply, to begin to soften the muscles, to connect with yourself. Perhaps sit down, put your hand on your heart, perhaps look up and out to the trees and the sky, perhaps make a cup of tea, cross something off the day's schedule.

Once you've started to catch up on yourself and feel a bit calmer, then many options open up like calm inviting communication with your child, problem solving, active listening, sharing your relevant feelings and perspective, expressing your relevant needs and requests, inviting cooperation, re-connecting, repairing, being with one another. Our child feels and experiences our emotional storms and instinctively protect themselves by muffling the communication. Yet when they feel we are owning our reactions, they know they are safe. It's often only then can your child truly relax enough to hear and understand your words and move towards you to re-join the team. ♥ Genevieve

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posted June 27, 2012 08:18 PM            

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"In this age when men have lost connection with the spiritual worlds in their thought and feeling, we are often asked an abstract question which in the light of a spiritual conception of the world has no real meaning. We are asked how so-called pre-natal education should be conducted. There are many people to-day who take things abstractly, but, if one takes them concretely,' then in certain domains one simply cannot continue asking questions in an arbitrary manner. I once gave this example: on a road we see tracks. We can ask: Why are they there? Because a carriage has been driven over the road. Why was the carriage driven? Because its occupants wanted to reach a certain destination. Why did they want to reach a certain destination? The asking of questions must come to a stop somewhere in reality. If we remain in abstractions we can continue for ever asking: Why? We can go on turning the wheel of questions without end. Concrete thought will always find an end, but abstract thought goes on running round like a wheel for ever. And so it is with the questions that are asked about domains that do not lie so close at hand. People begin thinking about education and then they ask about pre-natal education. But, my dear friends, before birth the human being is still in the protection of Beings who stand above the physical. It is to them that we must leave the immediate and individual relationship between the world and the human being. Hence a pre-natal education cannot be addressed to the child itself. It can only be an unconscious result of what the parents — especially the mother — achieve. If until birth the mother behaves in such a way that she brings to expression in herself what is morally and intellectually right, in the true sense of the word, then of its own accord what the mother achieves in this continuous self-education will pass over to the child. The less we think of beginning to educate the child before it sees the light of the world and the more we think of leading a right and proper life ourselves, the better will it be for the child. Education can only begin when the child becomes a true member of the physical world — and that is when he begins to breathe the external air." -Rudolf Steiner, Study of Man, Lecture 1

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posted February 27, 2013 06:08 PM            

Any books, emails, talks, links, booklets I receive I will post here.

I have a fantastic booklet I want to share so I will scan it for anyone who wants it (I'll post it here in the next few days.)

Here are some links though a few things that were given to me by my daughters Teacher.

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Dear All,

Here are some of the links I mentioned tonight.

Jaimen McMillan - Bothmer Gymnastics (Spacial Dynamics) - inspiring fellow - http://youtu.be/lfLn_FRS6uE

TED TALKS - Sir Ken Robinson - http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html

Millennial Child - Eugene Schwartz - lovely man - great resources (free pod casts etc) - http://www.millennialchild.com/

Waldorf Today - I will fwd this out occasionally to anyone who is interested

http://us1.campaign-archive1.com/?u=a0ce04e5a70babb8ef1330163&id=ea34d4a629&e=162ff4d5 39

TED TALKS - Brene Brown - Vulnerably - http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

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posted March 03, 2013 04:37 PM            

They have so much gentleness, and steadiness to teach us.. if we just slow down to take it in.

Same with prenatal education- I have my heartaches... and I see how when I am tense, my little luna doesn't kikc.. I am tightening my muscles about her! She feels all I feel... She doesn't understand, which is the biggest hurt I can feel. She deserves me to be at my most gentle, my most understanding.

And with just 6 weeks to go, I feel myself more and more merely meditating until I get her fluttering responses. Once I can stay calm, AND still feel her, I talk to her.. remind her that it may not always come so easily, but it's worth it.. we will get there, together. and she ndges me in aggreeance =) Parenthood begins at conception.

posted March 03, 2013 07:57 PM            

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Originally posted by SunChild:
Share wisdom for Mothering/Fathering here.

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posted March 03, 2013 07:59 PM            

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Originally posted by SunChild:

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posted March 05, 2013 04:20 AM            

The First Stage of Childhood
Let’s look for a moment at the tiny child and see how that child is born into the world. Here we see a genuinely magical process at work. We see how spirit, springing from the inner- most being of the little child, flows into undefined features, cha- otic movements, and every action, which seem still disjointed and disconnected. Order and form come into the child’s eyes, facial expressions and physical movements, and the child’s fea- tures become increasingly expressive. In the eyes and other fea- tures, the spirit manifests, working from within to the surface, and the soul—which permeates the entire body—manifests.

When we look at these things with a serious, unbiased atti- tude, we see how they come about by observing the growing child; in this way we may gaze reverently into the wonders and enigmas of cosmic and human existence. As we watch in this way while the child develops, we learn to distinguish three clearly differentiated stages. The only reason such stages are not generally distinguished is because such discernment depends on deep, intimate knowledge; and people today, with their crude scientific concepts, are not going to trouble themselves by acquiring this kind of intimate knowledge.

Soul and Spirit Build the “Second” Human Being
The first significant change in a child’s life occurs around the seventh year when the second teeth appear. The outer physical process of the change of teeth is itself very interesting. First we have the baby teeth, then the others force their way through as the first are pushed out. A superficial look at this process will see no farther than the actual change of teeth. But when we look into it more deeply (through means I will describe later in these lectures) we discover that this transformation can be observed throughout the child’s body, though more delicately than the actual change of teeth. The change of teeth is the most physical and basic expression of a subtle process that in fact occurs throughout the body.
What really happens? Anyone can see how the human organ- ism develops. We cut our nails, our hair, and we find that our skin flakes off. This demonstrates how physical substance is cast off from the surface as it is constantly pushed out from within. This pushing from within—which we observe in the change of teeth—is present throughout the whole human body. More exacting knowledge shows us that indeed the child gradually forced out the body received through inheritance; it was cast out. The first teeth are forced out, and likewise the child’s whole initial body is forced out.

At the change of teeth, a child stands before us with a body that—in contrast to the body at birth—is entirely formed anew. The body from birth has been cast out as are the first teeth, and a new body is formed. What is the nature of this more intimate process? The child’s first body was inherited. It is the result of a collaboration between the father and mother, so to speak, and it is formed from the earthly physical condi- tions. But, just what is this physical body? It is the model that the Earth provides to the person as a model for true develop- ment as a human being. The soul and spirit aspect of a human being descends from a realm of soul and spirit where it lived prior to conception and birth. Before we became earthly beings in a physical body, we were all beings of soul and spirit in a soul and spirit realm. What we are given by our parents through inherited physical substance unites in embryonic life with what descends from a higher realm as pure spirit and soul. Spirit and soul take hold of the physical body, whose origin is in the stream of inheritance. This physical body becomes its model, and on this model an entirely new human organism is formed, while the inherited organism is forced out.
Thus, when we consider a child between birth and the change of teeth we can say that the physical body’s existence is due to physical inheritance alone. But, two other forces then combine to work on this physical body. First is the force of those elements the human being brought with it to Earth; the second is assimilated from the matter and substance of the Earth itself. By the time the teeth change, the human being has fashioned a second body modeled after the inherited body, and that second body is the product of the human soul and spirit.
Having arrived at such conclusions by observing the human being more intimately, one will naturally be aware of objections that may be raised; such objections are obvious. One is bound to ask: Can’t you see that a likeness to the parents often appears after the change of teeth—that, therefore, a person is still sub- ject to the laws of inheritance, even after the change of teeth? One could raise a number of similar objections.
Let’s consider just this one: We have a model that comes from the stream of inheritance. On this model the spirit and soul develop the second human being. But when something is built from a model we don’t expect to find a complete dissimi- larity to the model; thus, it should be clear that the human spirit and soul use the model’s existence to build up the second human organism in its likeness.
Nevertheless, when you can perceive and recognize what really occurs, you discover something. Certain children come into their second organism between nine and eleven, and this second body is almost identical to the initial, inherited organ- ism. With other children, one may notice a dissimilarity between the second organism and the first, and it is clear that something very different is working its way from the center of their being. In truth, we see every variation between these two extremes. While the human spirit and soul aspect is developing the second organism, it tries most of all to conform to the being it brings with it from the realm of spirit and soul.

posted March 05, 2013 04:55 AM            

Anthroposophy is often criticized for wanting to speak of spirit as well as soul. There are many today who become very critical and antagonistic whenever they even hear the word spirit, and anthroposophy is easily assumed to be a kind of fan- tasy. Anthroposophists are accused of reducing the reality of the sense world to a kind of vague abstraction, and those who speak rationally of spiritual things should naturally be uncon- cerned with such abstraction.
In fact, what anthroposophy attempts in education is to apply the correct principles for bodily education, since we understand that precisely during the first stage of life, the entire physical nature of a child is influenced by soul impulses. Anyone who consciously tries to discover how all physical activity is based fundamentally on soul and spirit can still choose to be a materi- alist when working on child development between birth and the change of teeth. The way matter works in a child is contained in a unity of soul and spirit. No one can understand matter in a child unless soul and spirit are considered valid. Indeed, soul and spirit are revealed in the outer appearance of matter.
The ability to educate necessitates a sense of responsibility. The considerations I have presented to you strongly arouse one’s sense of responsibility as a matter of heartfelt concern. If you take up educational work knowing what affects the young child and that it will continue through all of life as happiness or unhappiness, sickness or health, such knowledge may initially seem like a burden on the soul; but it will also spur you on to develop forces and capacities and above all, as a teacher, a men- tal attitude that is strong enough to sow “seeds” of soul in the young child that will blossom only later in life, even in old age.
This knowledge of the human being is what anthroposophy presents as the basis for an art of education. It is not merely knowledge of what we find in a human being in a single stage of life—for example, in childhood; it springs from contemplating all of human earthly life. What, in fact, is a human life on Earth? When we view a person before us at any given moment, we may speak of seeing an organism, since each detail is in har- mony with the formation of the whole.

To gain insight into the inner connections of size or form in the individual members of the human organism—how they fit together, how they harmonize to form both a unity and a multi- plicity—let us look, for example, at the little finger. Although I am only looking at the little finger, I also get some idea of the shape of the earlobe, since the earlobe’s form has a certain con- nection with the form of the little finger, and so on. Both the smallest and the largest members of the human organism receive their shape from the whole, and they are also related in form to every other member. Consequently, we cannot understand, for example, an organ in the head unless we see it in relation and in harmony with an organ in the leg or foot. This also applies to the spatial organism—the organism spread out in space.
Besides having a spatial organism, however, the human being has also a time organism. We have seen that within the space organism, the earlobe receives its form from the body as a whole, as well as from the form of, say, the little finger or knee; but the time organism must also be considered. The configuration of a person’s soul in the fiftieth year—the person’s physical health or sickness, cheerfulness or depression, clarity or dullness of mind—is most intimately connected with what was present there in the tenth, seventh, or fourth year of life. Just as the members of a spatial organism have a certain relationship to one another, so do the members of a time organism separated from one another by time.
From one perspective, it may be asserted that when we are five years old, everything within us is already in harmony with what we will be at forty. Of course, a trivial objection may be raised that one might die young, but it doesn’t apply, since other considerations enter in. Additionally, as a spatial organism, a human being is also organized in time. And if you ever find a finger lying around somewhere, it would have to have been very recently dislodged to look like a finger at all—very soon, it would no longer be a finger. A limb separated from the organism soon shrivels and ceases to be a human limb. A finger separated from the human organism is not a finger at all—it could never live apart from the body, but becomes nothing, and since it can- not exist on its own, it is not real. A finger is real only while united with the whole physical body between birth and death.
Such considerations make it clear that in all our teaching, we must consider the time organism. Imagine what would happen to the space organism if it were treated the way people often treat their time-organism. Let say, for example, that we put some substance into a man’s stomach, and it destroys his head. Imagine, however, that we examined only the stomach and never looked at what happened to this substance once it dis- persed into the organism, where it eventually reached the head. To understand the human organism, we must be able to exam- ine the process that the substance goes through in the human stomach and also see what it means for the head. In passing from the stomach to the head the substance must continually alter and change; it must be flexible.

In the time organism, we continually sin against children. We teach them to have clear, sharp ideas and become dissatis- fied if their ideas are flexible and not sharply defined. Our goal is to teach children in such a way that they retain in their mind what we teach them, so they can tell us just what we told them. We are often especially gratified when a child can reproduce exactly what we taught several years later. But that’s like having a pair of shoes made for a child of three and expecting them to fit when the child is ten years old. In reality, our task is to give children living, flexible ideas that can grow in the soul just as the outer physical limbs grow with the body. It is much less trouble to give a child definitions of various things to memo- rize and retain, but that is like expecting the shoes of a three- year-old to fit a child of ten.
We ourselves must take part in the inner activities of chil- dren’s souls, and we must consider it a joy to give them some- thing inwardly flexible and elastic. Just as their physical limbs grow, so can their ideas, feelings, impulses, and soon they them- selves are able to make something new out of what we gave them. This cannot happen unless we cultivate inner joy in our- selves toward growth and change. We have no use for pedantry or sharply defined ideas of life. We can use only active, life forming forces—forces of growth and increase. Teachers who have a feeling for this growing, creative life have already found their relationship to the children because they contain life within themselves, and such life can then pass on to the children who demand it of them. This is what we need most of all. Much that is dead in our pedagogy and educational systems must be transformed into life. What we need, therefore, is a knowledge of the human being that doesn’t say only that a human being is like this or like that. We need knowledge of the human being that affects the whole human being, just as physical nourish- ment affects the blood. Blood circulates in human beings, and we need human knowledge that gives blood to our souls also; it would not only make us sensible, clever, and intelligent, but also enthusiastic and inwardly flexible, able to enkindle love in us. This would be an art of education that springs from true knowl- edge of the human being, borne by love.