posted December 16, 2020 11:13 AM            

Afterall,
"You cannot Change what you aren't aware-of."

Some body-things DO need to run through what it does. Sounds like your body has been wild with 'messages' over the time period. {I hope you haven't substituted tielonol type product with NSAIDS? .. That can BURN your stomach and small intestines, and MAKE you feel super-ill the whole time.
(BTW, Turmeric might act like like an NSAID?-- Even if it's an 'herb' and 'natural', it can STILL hurt you. Can be behind some of the stomach trouble you've described in other threads. Check with your doctor-type people.)}
Let it be your DOCTOR's JOB to watch for your Liver function levels. If it's alright 'with your COMPETENT physician'?, don't be afraid of the relief available. The doctor will TELL you if you're taking too much.
{Avoid being your-own doctor via internet!! That's SUPER important, Teasel. Like I had said too-- some of those herbal remedies you put your own self on, could exacerbate your conditions. In State of Ohio, there should be 'clinics' if you can't afford a physician? Some of the churches might have free clinicians too. You don't need to be their religion-- they do it out of the goodness of their Hearts.

*~
Part of the Key for you, might come in finding the way to climb-over the upset of your mind.

The 'upset' that you 'can't sleep'-- can LEND itself to keeping a running dialog in the background, constantly 'assessing' sleep and not-sleeping, leading to cause the mind to 'stay' conscious (constantly noticing) and therefore awake.

With your Progressions?
You've got to get used to being "a Gemini" now.
Progressed Gemini Sun was in Eclipse-Degree Nov 30.
You even have a Progressed later Mercury Gemini. wow.

Your Progressed Nodes at 0+Gemini/Sag will change to 29+Taurus/Scorp. Perhaps that can help to ground the wiredness you've been feeling too? {Actually, I don't know if that would be true? Hope-so}.

Like I said, your chart is charged!! haha
Like a firehose, your missing is to get a way to Direct all that energy 'outward'-- so it's not nerving-you-up as much.

Something else too-- Your 'mind' is supposed to be your servant. It's there to record and journal for you; there to collect all the data, and sent alerts for you to 'notice' various things going on.
..
Core, Some call it The Witness
There's another part of you to notice.
The part of you that is judging and decides on what 'all that data' coming at you 'means'.
There's an INNER deep self in the very Center of 'you'.
You know you've reached it, as you find that it is in a deep quiet-zone within. {You have Scorpio Asc?.. Depths.. Deep Calm}.
The Ascendant is a 'body point' too.
Scorpio in its depths is FULL of Peace and Still-Calm.
There's a lake in Europe that is the DEEPEST and most Still Lake that exists-- Let the imaginative-visualization OF that Stillness 'just Exist' for you.
. .
Thank that busy bright chattering-mind for it's great diligence;
Know that it has a place of being 'the data collector and news reporter' only.
With your HEART, say that you Appreciate it. (It's over-doing its job in you, though!!)

Long Health Period
I know a woman that one year ago had landed in the hospital and surprised that she had SEVERE diabetes. Her numbers were just-over 900 in the Emergency Room , and at that level that she should have gone into coma {remember Charmainec, years ago?}.
She had lost her healthcare policy {changing jobs}.
The State she lived in didn't provide support. {Yay, she MOVED!!}. She didn't have the money to pay for her insulin drugs. {People were donating shots from their own insulin supplies.}
Some more-resourced people in the community where she had lived got together to pay what she owned on her hospital bill. In the NEW State she moved to, there were better health-options that helped her (and her husband who had CON-CURRENTLY had 'sudden heart failure' at his transiting Uranus conjunct SN-SUN!! They BOTH had Emergency and Hospital Bills, at the exact same time period.)

Moved into a home with people they knew.
BOTH have made a Recovery, with help from others.

She's very much into alternative. Had to use insulin. On it, she dropped a massive amount of weight. While her body needed to adapt to keeping itself at lower-sugar counts, she went through jittery side-effects of 'nerves' and 'sweats' going through the adjustment.. and needed extra sleep and rest.

She and her husband are so amazed at the difference in her health 'then', and the new-normalcy she has 'now'.

Thing is, there WAS that period of time where she had to tolerate her body acting like it was whacked-out-- in order to meet the healthy goal, her new norm.

Your quote--
"Also feeling pressure to enjoy something, which removes the chance of actually enjoying it." ...

That sounds funny? but-- I know how that can be 'true'.

That's the MARS-energy and those squares from Capricorn energizing your H6 Aries stellium.

Pick out ONE simple thing,
and DO that-thing,
then reward self with the 'knowing' it was accomplished.

This too shall pass ...

posted December 18, 2020 01:00 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by teasel:
I saw something the other day, from a therapist.
She said that therapy is good, but most people just need money.

---

PERFECT!!! Right-on, yup!

quote:

---

continued...
. . .
I can’t stop thinking about the people who are starving,
and that we could join them at any time.
I want to help, and
I also want to stock up on things.

---

*made me cry*

YES!!!!!!!
What's going on is so HUGE.

What was once 'just an idea in the mind' of how things could turn out-- has become more and more the physical reality here {in this country, and I'm sure in others}.

A Billion American People {in the "Richest Nation on Earth"}
needing help...????

With many, their LIFE is at stake.

What we used to have with Our Govt's ability to Protect people had worked. Part of its Purpose is to protect those while they fell on harder times. -- What's going on right now has, for a majority of citizens has dangerously declined in these past recent years. It's SHOCKING. It's really TRULY of HISTORIC proportions.

I don't think citizens have yet to fully awaken to the detrimental EFFECTS of what's happened.

Shocking!

A LARGER percentage have now entered into Poverty in The United States of America.

When you're deprived and depleted,
and you've lost what you had--
it's tougher and harder to Get Up.

Maybe some people forgot the 'expense' of setting-up House for the first time. Lots of little expenses that otherwise are invisible, because you 'have' your stuff.

People {who are not earning a livable wage, not paid enough for the work they do}, are LOSING that 'set-up' they had, now that many thousands are in waves of Evictions and homelessness.

You lose your credit, all those 'deposits' that are required in a set-up. Here in this State, it can prevent you from being 'employed'!! ... {gonna stop this convo. too much!}

People who have never experienced that in their lives, may have a hard time imagining what that is like.

Poverty doesn't just hit your financials..
it affects "health," and to some,
redefines their self-worth, self-esteem.

The HATRED (and disrespect) (in this region) for people who fall into hard times is sooo UGLY. .. wow. 'THERE!, but for the Grace of God, go they... and by ~surpise~ sometimes.'

"It's not WHAT YOU HAVE...

(music) It's Who You Are" (AJ Michalka)
[4:01] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kShUvrr7QVU

I've heard from astrological sources, that we will wind up with creating an Economy that works for ALL people.
.. A well-known conservative financial astrologer predicts a hybrid of socialism with capitalism-- for the move of Jupiter Saturn into Aquarius.
(I thought we 'had' that once?.. Maybe it'll be even more Changed. People need to 'feel' that they can live Successfully.)

Anyway Teasel--
Thanks for your Heart!

“Behold, how good and pleasant it is --
when brethren{All} dwell Together, in Unity!"
- Psalm 133

posted December 23, 2020 10:06 AM            

~

Christmas Choral Music -
Traditional Christmas Carols
- youtube stopped providing this.. sorry 2021jan01

ADD 2020dec24 ----------------------------

Deep Geopolitics: Humanity on the threshold of a global breakthrough
by Palden Jenkins
Written 1996, revised 1998 and 2013
- http://www.palden.co.uk/deep/index.html

posted December 24, 2020 07:48 PM            

.. ..

SANTA TRACKER

Live! *sparkly*
NORAD Tracks Santa Claus as he Travels Across the World
(NBC News, December 24, 2020)
[LIVE!! Stream] <ended! mission accomplished>

Call the number 660-55-SANTA for a Message from SANTA!

*~*~*~*~*'''''
add, CHRISTMAS 2020

posted December 25, 2020 11:24 PM            

.. Merry Christmas

(music) Little Drummer Boy (Neil Diamond, 1992)
[3:55] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-EvztpO17A

(music) Carol of The Bells {aka Ukranian Bell Choir}
(originally composed by Ukrainian composer
Mykola Dmytrovych Leontovych)
[1:51] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBDFMD5kLvc

posted January 01, 2021 11:44 AM            

(music) The Secret of Christmas
(Ella Fitzgerald)
[2:58] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fe6TUTSctdg

from yt notes:
"The Secret Of Christmas" was written by Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn in 1959. Ella Fitzgerald recorded "The Secret Of Christmas" with The Russell Garcia Orchestra and first released the song as the B-side of a single in 1959.

lyrics
It’s not the glow you feel
When snow ❄️ appears
It’s not the Christmas 🎄 card
You’ve sent for years

Not the joyful 😀 sound
When sleigh 🛷 bells 🔔 ring
Or the merry songs
Christmas 🎄 sing

The little gift 🎁 you send
On Christmas 🎄 day
Will not bring back the friend
You’ve turned away

So May I suggest,
the secret 🤫 of Christmas 🎄
It’s not the things you do
At Christmas 🎄 time
but the Christmas 🎄 things you do
All year through

{lyrics via Patrick Stocks}
- sorry for my absence -
*sonics* have been atrocious!
Makes me feel sooo sick, *whimpers* arghhh?
- Need a relocation -

posted January 03, 2021 04:45 PM            

- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epiphany_(holiday)

*~

Visit of the Wise Men, Magi, who in following The Star, came to the place where Jesus lived .. with his parents.

When they found Jesus, he wasn't a baby laying in the manger in the Town of Bethlehem. He was a two-year old, located in his parents' house in the Town of Nazareth.

The Magi opened and presented their metaphysically symbolic gifts, representing His Soul's Heavenly Position and Title, a generous financial gift, and symbolic preparatory substances for body-care at the event of His Suffering and Death outside of Jerusalem, nailed to a Cross.

Myrrh was a substance they used to put into sour wine during crucifixions. It was soaked in a sponge, and put on top of a reed to hold to his lips. Created an analgesic... to ease being 'conscious' of suffering which Jesus refused.
- http://suscopts.org/resources/literature/542/sour-wine-and-gall-was-it-a-merci ful-gesture-or-mo/

Prayers for victims of COVID19 Pandemic-- here, and around the World; for solace and comfort for the souls of all who mourn the loss of their Loved ones now, living life without them in this New Year, 2021.

For Success in Delivering a Vaccine in time, to ALL populations, including the remotest Lands of the Earth. Godspeed .. and Safety for those who deliver.

Prayers for those in USA who are affected by the stonehearted withholding of Help by a certain-few of the extremist-right political party that serve their OWN interests, not those of The People, The Citizens --
which Relief had been purposed for the suffering of Citizens who HAVE lost sooo much in this pandemic!
Loss of health, livelihoods, and a tidal wave of those losing their homes!!!

Prayers for the Protection of the Core American Govt from domestic-enemies that had been working WITHIN the govt, in collusion with foreign enemies. The effects of these have laid us stripped, 'exposed' and vulnerable to Enemies, in setting-up a trap for newly elected incoming admin, blocked during this time of transition and rebuilding.
God's Protection and Godspeed the Healing of this Nation, and the HARMS done to its Citizens through all this.

Prayers that blood-thirsty war-and-coup mongering inciters that eagerly gather at rallies in the coming weeks, will have their plans to do "violence" 'thwarted'! May they fail in the violence they have planned.
Let the Agents and Agencies who protect us, be on-top-of every Situation. Give them pin-point accurate Intuitions, and Legal Coverings to foil every enemy and bring them to Justice.
.
These treacherous boors crave the start of a bloody chaotic civil war, and the romantic-excitement of them now being 'permissioned' to shed the blood of our 'own' American Citizens on OUR own soil.
. .
May them who had 'incited' and permissioned these to ACT-Out in war against the citizens, be duly identified, arrested, and removed from whatever posts they have held as influencers.

Pray for PEACE people everywhere

(music) Compilation--
Carol of the Bells/
I Wander as I Wander/
O Come All Ye Faithful/
Do You Hear What I Hear/
The Little Drummer Boy
(The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir, 1995)
[7:27] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilcm6osbPRQ

_______________________________
Three Wise Men {DivDiv forum}
- http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum21/HTML/000763-5.html

posted January 07, 2021 12:12 PM            

Caused by:
Opposition to the results of the
2020 United States presidential election

Goals:
* Disrupt the Electoral College vote count
* Pressure Mike Pence and Congress to overturn the election
* Maintain presidency of Donald Trump through force

Methods:
* Rioting, * vandalism, * looting,
* murder, * attempted bombing

Resulted in: {2021Jan8 UPDATE)
* Damage to the United States Capitol property,
including vandalism and looting of offices and chambers.
* The counting of the electoral votes
was temporarily delayed by several hours.
* Resignations
* Installation of new security fencing around Capitol.

Casualties and losses: {as of 2021Jan8 UPDATE]
* 4 "MAGA-mobster/rioter" deaths
* Unknown amount injured
(at least 5 non-police injured)
* 80+ 'MAGA-Mobsters' arrested
* 1 police officer death
* 56 injured officers

- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2021_storming_of_the_United_States_Capitol

end/quote
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

An INSURRECTION, a coup-attempt, had been organized and staged on The United States of America government incepted/sparked BY the current sitting president, along 'with' his selected compliant members of congress, and muscled physically by a violent militia of his ultra-loyal {NeoNAZI} MAGA followers.

They incepted their coup while Congress was in process of performing their Ceremonial Duty-- to verify the 'count' of each State's Election Results, accepted on December 14, 2020.

The violent mob {MAGA-terrorists} physically rushed-upon and past the Capitol Police-- some with pipe-bombs, flashbangs, sprays, damaging properties, while loss of life occurred-- which then prompted this being declared a 'riot'. They infiltrated, ransacking the building-- causing the interruption of the work of Congress to ceremonially confirm the Election of a new president and vice-president.

The physical Insurrection FAILED ... but not without bloodshed inside the US Capitol Building, and damage done to the facilities.

The scene was shocking.

Other State Capitols were also invaded by the same boorish networked MAGA group in loyalty to the sitting out-going president of the United States.

The Capitol is the 'sacred space' --
the "Hearth" of Our Democracy {Vesta}.
{I was working on the astrology of this.}

The House and Senate later returned to their work, and pressed on with the Business of The People-- ending with the approval of NEW President Joseph R Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris to be inaugurated on January 20th at Noon.

Results of Electoral Votes Confirmed
Thursday, January 7th, 2021,
gaveled at 3:44 A.M. EST
The Capitol Building,
Washington, D.C.
38.53'23.3" N
77.00'32.6" W

{I may add news-materials to this post later.}

God HEAL This Nation
Renew a Right Spirit and
a Sensitive Conscience

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Friday January 8, 2021

International reactions to the
2021 storming of the United States Capitol
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_reactions_to_the_2021_stormin g_of_the_United_States_Capitol

** NOTE-- Wikipedia UPDATES information on Events as news unfolds

posted January 07, 2021 03:03 PM            

That's a twitter thread from just before Christmas. I was expecting what happened yesterday, but it's still shocking to see it happen.

posted January 20, 2021 11:44 PM            

INAUGURATION DAY
Congratulations
46th President Joseph R. Biden, Jr
Vice President Kamala D. Harris

- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inauguration_of_Joe_Biden
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamala_Harris

MUSIC
Star-Spangled Banner, Lady Gaga
(Today Show, Inauguration Jan 20, 2021)
[3:48] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HezPdHTwdGA

Inaugural Poet Amanda Gorman 22yr old
Inaugural Youth Poet Lauriat 2017
(CNBC, Jan 20, 2021)
[5:56] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jp9pyMqnBzk

Inauguration Benediction
Rev. Dr. Silvester Beaman {excellent!!}
Pastor of Bethel-A.M.E Church,
Wilmington, Delaware
(CNBC, Jan 20, 2021)
[5:28] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaAOltLk5LY

Nationwide Memorial for Human Lives Lost to Covid-19
This was a Beautiful Service On the Eve of Inauguration

Biden Participates In Memorial To Remember Covid-19 Victims
Tuesday Evening, January 19, 2021 | NBC News
[18:03] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joL4SElXTXQ
yt notes
Watch live coverage as President-elect Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Kamala Harris participate in a memorial event to remember those who lost their lives to Covid-19.
/end

{Sound improves after soundmark 5:00}

* After soundmark 6:00 ..
Michigan Nurse Lori Marie Key, sings
"Amazing Grace" {acapella}

* After soundmark 8:48
President-Elect Joe Biden's remarks 1 minute {thumbsup}

* Next, as Sundown Falls and Dusk begins..
Reflecting Pool becomes lit with rows of columns of lights to symbolize the Souls of over 400,000 Lives Lost in 2020.
Their 'presence' was honored in the ethers.

Simultaneously, cameras showed cities across America that had lighted their buildings, and church bells tolled for a minute:
Seattle, New York City, Las Vegas, Philadelphia,
and Washington, DC.

During this time, as the bells tolled
and darkness fell on the land--
Yolanda Adams sang Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" {acapella}.

Soundmark 12:12 Commentary ends the segment. Violins... and added descriptions about the symbolism behind this event.

The darker the night became,
the more stunning those lights along the
Reflecting Pool--
Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument,
The Capitol Building.

~*

Over the past 48 hours, I've looked at the various charts -- with synchronicity of the many asteroids -- natal and transiting -- that punctuated this story; Transition.

Amazing Day... Solemn, Inspiring.

*~
Katy Perry Performs "Firework"
As Inauguration Day Comes to an End
|Biden-Harris Inauguration 2021|
January 20, 2021
[4:19] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdwmJIZyjx4

posted February 20, 2021 11:22 AM            

There have been people reading my posts for YEARS.
You "KNOW" me ...
You know my character, you know what a 'stand for'.

I have NOT been able to find my 'people' in this geographical location. When I moved here April 6, 2001... I had NO IDEA what I would 'encounter'.

I've been going through my bins, and hand-shredding papers and writings I have done.

TOO MUCH PAIN.... And MUCH of it FROM when I relocated HERE, and fell into TERRIBLE trouble.

The situation here in the home is 'taking' from me... I'm so depleted!!!!!!!!!

I need folks that are going to stand up for me.

I did a post in the political forums here about the MORPHING I've seen of the rise in nationalism tribes that are surfaced and networking-- and gathering themselves IN this geography as their home and base-place...

THIS is not me.
I find it frightening.
Hate groups.... so depressing.
These are NOT my people.

I feel like SUCH an outsider, and NOT able to be very productive-- when it's my NATURE to be productive, and positive, and giving-out.

I NEED to receive...
(The fate of real, is that 'this' will take my life. I want to LIVE.)

I need a relo.

I'm going to purge my personal journals, and I had begun to write pieces of a book about my life which I will TOSS. .. TOO MUCH Pain.

Like I had said,
You who have been reading my posts, KNOW me.
I have been transparent.
I have Good Character, Integrity.

Looking for a group who are into good things, and working together 'for good'.

Like I said...
This place is making me sick.
Every single day.
Steals around 90% of my capableness, when the Kryptonite-*Sonics* go on.

My rm is getting even more narcissistic than he was. Starts throwing things around in the apartment, which is a *red flag*.

I want gentle and refined people, good character, positive and loving all. ALL.

This geo place, and apartment, was a disaster move from the start. Was just before 9-11 .... when EVERYTHING from 'before' seemed to END, and a new world BEGAN.

I am misplaced.
Need "my people" ...

(music) ?? ....

Just listen to your Heart...
If you are moved to,
just, PLEASE Be there for me.

Need a mentor, some guidance...
and ultimately to be able to afford a nice little place?

If I had a family, then *these* are the kinds of things that *they* would have helped solve?

Or

Is this THAT STARK of a different and new world?
Couldn't find my fit.

I get along with my neighbors.
I have a good reputation with everyone.
I'm a Peace Keeper.
In the other post I did in the political forum about races?.. that is RARE, but a scary consideration.

In former days, the races were coming together. MY experience was very very good, for the most part!!

Recently in this locale, I've spotted 'hate' faces when some {lower understanding} folks see my skin color {caucasion}. This is soooo scary.

I am a PERSON who Loves PEACE,
and HARMONY, and Folks that CARE about each other, and help each other live, AND Create.

So. PLEASE forgive for not being "Inspirational"... My Heart and Mind DO go there---- but I am so overwrought. Being depleted, each day.

So... This geo area is about to have a MASSIVE political rally, of people who don't believe in COVID masking rules.

I have not been able to get vaccination yet.
I'm 65 to be 66 e.o. May {few months}.
The appointments are filled up in 45 minutes, and basically you need a car?

There are food stores who give the vaccine but they are in another County... Again, I am resource-depleted. Gave away my nice vehicle to a young entrepreneur before moving here. The car needed a cheap piece replaced-- but to GET to it, would have cost a bundle.
The young man I gave this luxury car to had an uncle and a brother who fixed cars-- who would be able to replace that piece themselves-- saving a LOT of money.
{I was its sole-owner for 15 years, and took care of it immaculately} it looked and ran great. Very classy car for a man who was gaining more and more upper-scale customers. {So proud of him... }

Okay.
I'm going to post this without proofing.
I ALWAYS ALWAYS hesitate to communicate what's real and truly going on in my life.

There's a part of me that ALWAYS wants to think that this is *temporary* and things will improve--- when they don't.

I NEVER want to be a Burden on anyone.
That's why I would ask for 'resourced' folks.
Seems that the folks that DO want to offer are people for whom reaching out would represent a 'sacrifice' to them. That makes me cry-- I don't want people to 'suffer' because of 'me'?...

There are people who know people.
There are people with generous hearts,
for whom doing something Kind, would be no-problem for them in their resources.

I'm a motivated person.
Like my volunteer-supervisor had said to me,
"What YOU need is a Mentor."

Tears... what I needed was actually a dad who had cared to teach me things while I was younger. But in those days, and in *that* culture, a woman/girl was not mentored in finances. {Some families VERY MUCH did. Mine, did not.}

I have good instincts ...
Just, have a piece/chunk? missing, that there's no way for me to operate in because I wasn't cultured in it?

I like assisting..

Anyways, I've got to go attend to work on purging more of my 'things'. I should be pared down to essentials. Didn't have that much to begin with {comparatively}.

I'm going to save {pack} my astrology, and the set of bibles and search-tools for those. Going to get rid of the psy-library I collected for the mutual-help group I had started in the State before this one. {Tried to investigate that here?, but seems THAT was 'political' here. I didn't know 'how political' things were GOING to be. It prevented me from 'doing' what I could do in this community, for SURE. ... Like the scriptures say, this town did NOT 'receive' me, after 20 years... I will shake the dust from my sandals, and want to supply my good vibes and energies in a 'place' that Matches me!! ..

I am OPEN to be 'wrong' ... LOL
What narrowness I 'see' right now, is based on body-gnarl, from every day every day.

It has me on the edge of losing 'hope'.. that all of this has TAKEN so so long..

I want to LIVE.
I want to add to people's Lives.

I need a group of stable and good people, to ADD to.

Sorry if I'm so blind?
Sorry if I 'miss' things?
I can genuinely tell you that this is true.
I have been transparent.

For those who had already told me they would have 'liked' to have helped, but couldn't?, I send you SUCH LOVE and BLESSINGS for even having 'wanted-to'.

I HAVE TO BELIEVE that there are people out there who find me Worthy! ... because at this point, I need to believe there are folks who CARE.

I don't anticipate too much trouble, outside of getting me transitioned and settled INTO 'what I can do'.

It's just the Bridge-- and the set up.

I look forward to 'doing' whatever I can 'do'.

With Love,

______
Didn't proof the above.. leaving as-is.
Didn't realize the Time-Stamp--
surprised! 11:22

May God add Blessing to the Readers of this post;
and I thank everyone who has been 'with' me for all these years.
You are Loved by me,
I have 'held-space' for you all.

_________________________
I know there's quarantines on now...
(I need the right people in my life.)
Resurrection

posted March 16, 2021 01:21 PM            

Brings such despair, because I can't SEE the way out! Every day is groundhog day, same same same, *sonics*!!!

With Rm, there is NO bond between us.
He is not capable of living outside his tight bubble-world where he is completely Content with the way Things Are. Why should he change it? I function in a way that he likes and that has Served him. He has no problem with things as-they-are.

After 14 years?! (June 1, 2007 @4pm).

If I left tomorrow I would NOT look back.
There is 'nothing' of value (for me) in this relationship. (Not even any kind of friends-affections. So shallow. So topically "congenial." VERY easily abandoned and forgotten.)
. .
It 'Cost' me-- all the LABOR, Care and Thoughtful Devotion I've poured INTO this man's life; providing him with what I PLAINLY saw as the help-he-needed in various crises in his life.

He says he feels "Content" about things in his life-- as it has-been and is-now. {Pleasant Clouds & Harps}
Has a high amount in his social security check, and a generous pension check coming in. He 'spends' what he gets. No cushions.

But I'm in trouble, and despair!!! as EVERYTHING I've done is Down The Drain for me. I have nothing to show (and produce) for what I did. ..

He never wanted to reciprocate with offering ME help with what I had needed in MY life. Complete disconnect.
-- Which subliminally has continued to drive me to peril! I have no one.

I am overwhelmed. Saturated. Tired after ALL I went through yesterday especially and till 3:00 a.m where my sensory-system was LIT with SUCH sensitivity!! It continued with something as simple as a neighbor's AC-condensing unit starting.
I was glad to get up at that point, and take the prescription pain pill (extra one) so {with my sound-cancellation earphones) I could eventually fall asleep for a number of hours.

Saturated. And I 'know' what's going on economically in this community and world.
--
Can't see a way out (by myself).
No WAY I could afford housing--
costs have been escalating beyond what I could ever do, on my own!!
And the places they put someone in my adverse financial condition could be MUCH WORSE.
MUCH abuse goes on. I don't want to live like that.

Without Good People making an intervention,
my life is done.

I don't just want to Stay Alive,
but I want a good re-start, and to Thrive.

(Don't know how to make that happen..)
I don't want to lose my life.

posted March 16, 2021 01:46 PM            

I don't have any solutions to offer. I just wanted to let you know that I understand, you are not alone

I'll come back and check in with you. Things cannot stay like this forever and we'll be here cheering for each other when it gets better

posted March 16, 2021 01:57 PM            

I'm usually my own cheer-squad. But there's just so much of that one can do without 'noticing' that the reality is taking a toll.

I have readers that are not LL-registered.
It's subtle.. very subtle. I hope they make-good on promises past and present.
Some already know how to contact me personally through email and street address on their Lists. (I screen EVERY phone-call that is not identified.)

Others (I hope) would be able to go to the "Contact Us" below and Randall would pass their email to myself.
(Put mirage29 in response-title.)

Economics in this State do nothing for me and folks in my position. It is run by austerity, that are specifically so-tightly targeted demographically. In the past, I have always fallen in the cracks. Didn't qualify because 'I've been a law-abiding Good person"! Even did Volunteer work for them. Didn't 'get in trouble', no addiction problems, etc. LOL. Disposable people.

Some of the politicians have asked the Elderly to 'die' for the benefit of the economy?

yeah.... ?
NO Thanks!!!

I Have VALUE

(Thanks again, Voix. You're so thoughtful.)
I feel just kind of paralyzed in this situation.

You know Virgo Mooners???
Over thinking things????

Anyways. I'm exhausted and hurting after the past 24 hours. BASED on that??? I'm just scared.

And I don't mind 'wait periods' AS LONG AS I know the 'when'-abouts. To keep stringing along, with out knowing details, with things being way TOO loose, feels like moving in quicksand. Of COURSE I want things as 'aligned' as they can be for the Best Outcomes!!

I have seen that April will begin bringing great aspects to my chart. Things opening up, that last a while this year.

Much Love to you. *heart*
Much LOVE to ALL ..
Actually, I have a sense of excitement deep deep deep within, like it's GOING TO work out.

Sending ALL My Best.

posted March 18, 2021 12:00 PM            

I hate the thought of you feeling that you do not matter to the state and they don't care if you die. Some 'older' folks here felt that too. My grandparents felt it at the start of the pandemic when they were talking about herd immunity. My grampa (who is very respected in his field and pretty political) said that the government were looking forward to the money they'd save on pensions by 'killing the old folk'. He's a very stable Taurus Sun, so to hear this from him was unnerving to say the least!

I'm not well-off, but I do have some disposable income once things are paid. If a wee bit of money would help Mirage, please don't be embarrassed to say - I would love to help. I have been helped when I needed it, and so I like to pass that on when I can. I can send through Paypal in a few weeks if you accept

posted April 07, 2021 08:22 PM            

Thank you so much for your offer of funds... I'm certain you will be needing that for the health situation with your partner. (Thanks. I asked God to Credit you for Rewards just-as-though you had given. Such a sweet heart you are!)

Got my 2nd Covid vaccine.. and since then, I've been 'under the weather'. Feels like an energy-vampire came and laid me low. Been needing a lot more rest. Get my vitality back.

I've begun some transits that I hadn't realized were 'there' and what they might possibly mean, for the next few years. Been studying astrology a whole lot more. Love it when I have those quantum-leaps in learning.

Saw my Solar Return 2021.
For real???? .. interesting?
yikes

One is not just mine, but belong to everyone born in my Generation. Huge Changes. .. May we be Ready, and the Changes flow with graces abounding as we meld with the connecting-generations.

posted April 22, 2021 11:01 AM            

(humor)
When I look at dust, my mind telepathically beams in on it to say: your existence will be VANQUISHED as soon as I get a surge (and if Rm goes out of the apt ~~ he complains when I clean~). Yeah, he's a Sun and Venus Virgo-- does NOT like his life interfered-with by 'cleaning' activities.

~Go Figure?? O well.
He's gonna miss me when I'm gone!
Thanks again.