posted February 12, 2009 09:38 AM              

---

What does a million years mean

Omar has a dream that he is talking to God.
Omar asks The Lord of the Universe, "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute".
Omar asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?".
The Lord replies, "A penny".
Omar asks, "God, can I have a couple of pennies?"
The Lord replies, "In a couple of minutes".

------------------

The stone which the builders rejected, The same was made the head of the corner;
Matthew 21:42

IP: Logged

posted February 13, 2009 06:11 AM              

---

How about some more immortality related jokes?

------------------

The stone which the builders rejected, The same was made the head of the corner;
Matthew 21:42

IP: Logged

posted February 13, 2009 12:11 PM              

---

In a recently filmed documentary starring three immortalists, each gave away the secret to their longevity - all being the same - and surprisingly simple, thing. What was it, you ask? Talking. Yes, talking! Non-stop talking to anyone who would listen. Though the chatterboxes advised on certain information that should never be divulged to anyone. To be immortal is to be long-winded.

All three have asked not to be named.

The documentary is to be titled:

On Anon, Anon, Anon

(14 hrs. 36min.)

IP: Logged

posted February 13, 2009 01:18 PM              

---

HA! Good one!

------------------

The stone which the builders rejected, The same was made the head of the corner;
Matthew 21:42

IP: Logged

Posts: 127
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 15, 2009 07:15 PM            

---

Very Funny!! LOL!!

IP: Logged

Posts: 159
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 10, 2010 11:22 AM            

---

Only two jokes? Obviously immortality is no laughing matter!

IP: Logged

Posts: 65
From: Glasgow
Registered: Oct 2010

posted November 09, 2010 08:30 AM            

---

Mak,

Why do you keep quoting the bible. Sorry to disapoint you but the bible is full of lies, half truths and fairy stories.

IP: Logged

Posts: 10125
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 09, 2010 10:52 AM            

---

Bible contains:

LIE (um, obvious)

LIB (enemy to women's lib movement)

BIB (signifying that it attracts those in spiritual infancy)

But, that's just a matter of opinion. There's also a lot of wisdom in the Bible here and there.

IP: Logged

Posts: 159
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 09, 2010 01:06 PM            

---

There is no Omar in the bible (though there may be one in the quran). I take great truths and quotes from wherever I find them. How about a joke?

IP: Logged

Posts: 65
From: Glasgow
Registered: Oct 2010

posted November 09, 2010 05:17 PM            

---

I quite like the prophecy that says - And god shall wipe the tears from their eys's and there shall be no more death. which obviously means people, all people will one day realize that they are immortal and need not die.

IP: Logged

Posts: 159
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 15, 2010 11:51 AM            

---

Hee hee, that's a real side splitter ,jonah. Any more?

IP: Logged

Posts: 65
From: Glasgow
Registered: Oct 2010

posted November 21, 2010 06:31 PM            

---

yes you're a plonker.

IP: Logged

Posts: 159
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 22, 2010 11:44 AM            

---

ROTFL
Keep 'em coming Jonah!

IP: Logged

Posts: 65
From: Glasgow
Registered: Oct 2010

posted November 22, 2010 03:11 PM            

---

What's hit more balls than Ian Botham....... Elton John's chin. What does ROTFL mean Mak. )

IP: Logged

Posts: 10125
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 24, 2010 10:22 AM            

---

Rolling On The Floor Laughing. It's an advanced form of Laughing Out Loud. lol

------------------
"The earth is not given to us by our mothers and our fathers, it is borrowed from our children."

IP: Logged

Posts: 159
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 12, 2010 11:30 AM            

---

Glad to see u are developing a sense of humour Jonah but that last one was WAYYY off topic.

I have been searching for immortal jokes with no success, but here's something funny anyway:
JESUS KNOWS YOU’RE HERE
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, when a voice in the dark said, “Jesus knows you're here.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard “Jesus is watching you.”
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
“Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you."
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

IP: Logged

Posts: 10125
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 13, 2010 11:30 AM            

---

------------------
"Everything I eat has been proved by some doctor or other to be a deadly poison, and everything I don't eat has been proved to be indispensable for life. But I go marching on."--George Bernard Shaw

IP: Logged

Posts: 65
From: Glasgow
Registered: Oct 2010

posted December 13, 2010 01:44 PM            

---

Mak, I've always had a sense of humour, though admittedly it a bit blue and vulgar.

PS I heard that joke about the dog many years ago.

IP: Logged

Posts: 159
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 18, 2010 06:16 AM            

---

Here's a joke about death:
Bad Day
There I was, sitting at the bar, staring at my drink, when a really big, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me, so I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, drop the capsule in it, and was sitting here watching the poison dissolve when you show up and drink the whole thing!! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

IP: Logged

Posts: 65
From: Glasgow
Registered: Oct 2010

posted December 18, 2010 05:48 PM            

---

Mak,

That was'nt bad for you.

IP: Logged

Posts: 65
From: Glasgow
Registered: Oct 2010

posted December 18, 2010 05:51 PM            

---

Who's the big Hollywood star who's wore the same fur coat in evey film for years........ Lassie the sheepdog. hehehe

IP: Logged

Posts: 159
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted April 23, 2011 12:44 PM            

---

At last! A joke about immortality (kind of)...NEWS FLASH
Pinkie, the irritating fluffy bunny, who just kept going and going, has unexpectedly died. The autopsy reports that somebody put his batteries in backwards and he just kept coming and coming.

------------------
I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now. Bob Dylan

IP: Logged

Posts: 10125
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted April 24, 2011 11:10 AM            

---

------------------
"All deaths are suicides, do you realize that? Every single one. The only distinction is that, with some people, suicide is a subconscious choice, and with others it's a conscious choice. Otherwise, those who commit suicide and those who succumb to accident, illness or "old age," die for exactly the same reason: belief in the inevitability of death." Linda Goodman

IP: Logged

Posts: 10125
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted April 25, 2011 11:38 AM            

---

Not sure if that joke is funny or not.

------------------
"All deaths are suicides, do you realize that? Every single one. The only distinction is that, with some people, suicide is a subconscious choice, and with others it's a conscious choice. Otherwise, those who commit suicide and those who succumb to accident, illness or "old age," die for exactly the same reason: belief in the inevitability of death." Linda Goodman

IP: Logged

Posts: 10125
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 19, 2011 11:57 AM            

---

How was it about immortality?

------------------
"To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." Aristotle

IP: Logged