posted November 14, 2001 10:31 PM         

As you all might be aware of I went into the psych ward over a breakup. The end result was that I felt worthless because of past incidences and when my fiance left me those feelings smashed my self confidence. I scabbed over, and they let me leave the psych ward.

Since then, I've healed. But not alone. The day after I was released I was talking to a girl named Erin. Truth be told, I liked her a lot. The same voice in my head that told me I was destined to go out with Chase started bothering me again. So I asked Erin out and she agreed. She's helped me to pick up and rebuild, and I with her.

Then my life got really weird.

I've been aware of my preferences since I was 12 or so. My mother found out when I had my first girlfriend. She's cool with it. But my father and stepmother have no clue. My stepsister does, and she's careful not to undress around me like I know she did before. Plus, I have no idea how she truly feels about it. Nor do I know how my father and stepmother feel about the issue..

Then, to compound the issue, the other day I was in a career buliding workshop and these girls started making very homophobic-like statements. I kept my Sag influences in check and did not yell at them. Instead I stepped back from the situation. Then on the car ride home with my mother I made a mini-drama over it. My mother reassured me I was still lovable and that the girls should have been more aware of what their words can do. (And, by the way, they know I'm bi because I wear a lettered necklace saying Anita Erin.)

Do you think I'm so wrong, for going after one who I feel can understand me on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level? Even though that person is a woman? And should I confront the girls over their words and let them know that it hurts? Or should I just brush it off since we aren't going to know each other forever and I won't have to deal with them later? Or, in true Scorpion fashion, should I just let 'em have it with my "stinger"?

Looking forward to your input...

posted November 15, 2001 12:13 AM         

You know, there are so many closed-minded, hurtful people out there...people who don't understand other people, so they just make cracks about what they see as a certain type of person. We've all been around it, and heck, at some point in time probably participated in it, since it's rare to find someone who has been completely loving and unprejudiced in any way. Fitting people into neat little categories based on race, religion, sexual preference, etc. does it's best to wipe away other people's unique individualities. We are not only certain parts of us, as we grow, and learn what love is, outside of what we see around us and are taught, we hopefully are no longer afraid of people who are not like us, and try to understand what the other person is going through, who the other person is at a soul level. I wish this world would be more accepting, with my whole heart, and less afraid.

You are hurting over what those other girls said Angelique, and what has happened in your family, and I'm so sorry

I wish I could offer some advice, I can only tell you what I would do in the situation, which might not be the right thing. If I had experienced something similar, it would have made me feel excluded...isolated and pushed away, which is a terrible way to feel. I probably would digest the bad feelings, and write a really angry poem about it, but see...that's just me There are lots of different ways that people deal with things like this, I think the most important thing to do is #1, reaffirm your own worth (in regards to those comments), and know that what they said they said because they have not gotten past their fear of people who are different from themselves. #2 (in regards to your family) It's not the easiest subject to bring up, not exactly conversation over dinner or something, but I think at some point it might be a good idea to talk about it. They may still be taking some time to adjust to this, for whatever reason. In the long run, you may be doing them a great service, they will see you for who you are and learn to look past labels...and because of this, hopefully will not label others in the future, or make assumptions.

posted November 15, 2001 12:18 AM         

Angel... is We each have to learn that in our own way. Ignore them as best as you can. Just be yoursELF and they will see you have an inner lite that shines despite their attempts to cover it.

posted November 19, 2001 09:27 AM         

The only thing I would be mindful of in *any* relationship right after a hard break-up is the *rebound* thing ... I think you should just be sure to give yourself alot of time to know another person before you get real serious again ... leave yoursElf lots of room, is all I'm saying You have all the *Time* in the uniVerse

~Princess

posted November 25, 2001 09:36 PM         

Ocean~ how nice to see you sweetness... I've missed you ever so much!

~Princess

posted November 25, 2001 09:36 PM         

Ocean~ how nice to see you sweetness... I've missed you ever so much!

~Princess

posted November 26, 2001 04:27 PM         

I'm so glad you all are supportive. I too believe love is with the soul and gender is only on the outside. Unfortunately not everyone is as enlightened as you.

I read and reread this post a few times, and I have to say it solidifies my will to continue on.

I'm playing hide and go seek on MSN Messenger with Erin right now. She makes me laugh and smile like nobody else can, and I'm sure we were meant to be together now, for whatever reason Destiny chose.

^_^ Anyone else wanna chip in on this and make my day with your words of wisdom and love?

posted November 26, 2001 11:42 PM         

To find someone you love and who loves you...AND to have that 'someone' who makes you laugh....someone you can be yoursELF with. Who makes you feel like living might be pretty good after all.

Don't you think that is worth just about anything? There are a lot of folks out there who would give anything to have that in their lives. HECK FIRE! Just to have a tenth of that in their lives.

So, enjoy the moment and consider what you have as a BLESSING! Just tell those who would spit on such a blessing to go eat dirt!!!!

posted November 26, 2001 11:56 PM         

I understand what you mean, and quite frankly, I'd like them to eat another four letter word. But alas, I just sit silently and imagine myself strangling them. I guess that's just the "stinger" deplyed in my mind. At least I'm not lashing out anymore.

YIVY, bless your heart, I think you're such a neat lady! You and I ought to visit some time and make our mark in this world!

No, wait! A Knowflake reunion. That'd be fantastic... I can just see the there already!

I am so lucky to know folks like you who support me and encourage me like this!

posted November 27, 2001 04:22 AM         

Well, after reading this thread I'd thought I'd spill it and say. . .i'm also gay.

****** , it's so hard and I'm really scared you guys. I never, ever EVER wanted to feel this way, but I do. It's part of my path. The 3-6-9. The world is so scary out there, I dont understand how anyone can be that brave. I'm really glad to see how everyone is so supportive and loving, and. . .rock on, Angelique! My throat hurts, and I'm crying right now as I'm typing this. . .I missed the boat of love, due to ego traps set down by society and ******** like that. I guess, deep down I feel like I dont deserve it and. . .**** , i'm crying and I dont believe it. This is path is ****** hard, i'm sorry for swearing so much, but i'm really mad and sad. . .

God bless and thank you all for being so wonderful! I had no idea I had so much anguish locked inside of me. . .

posted November 27, 2001 10:45 AM         

Does this admission change how we 'feel' about you? NOT ONE WHIT!
Although it does explain why I always felt so easy being around you. I never wanted to say it, but you re-minded me of my brother who was gay...

Now, for the important stuff. As to the swearing... I could show you how to make it show up, but I think Randall would strangle me
Plus the 'censor fairy' would BONK me on the head

posted November 27, 2001 12:37 PM         

I have never cared about what someone's sexual orientation is (unless I had a crush on a gay guy and *I* wasn't an option )

Two of my favorite people on this planet are gay and my life is richer for knowing them

Nep~ Crying is good for a person - I think boys should do it much more often.

~Princess

posted November 27, 2001 08:06 PM         

Nept, bless your soul, you know just as well as I do the hardships and trials and it's so wonderful that you got it off your chest too. If you *ever* need to talk email me.

I can not believe what I started but I am glad I did. It's so good knowing how supporive people are, and it's good knowing some of you know from experience what it's like.

If anyone else wants to come forward, go ahead. We can maybe make a club. Or something.

I'm gone now.

posted November 28, 2001 12:44 AM         

Nept, I'm so proud of you. It must have been incredibly hard for you to come out, even on a message board like this where some people might think it might not be so hard...Oh, Nept I consider everyone here my extended family, and I love you to pieces brother

posted November 28, 2001 09:12 AM         

But you did throw me once when you commented on how cute that purple chick from Andromeda is!

posted November 28, 2001 12:41 PM         

I had to look my fear right in the eyes when I came out to my mom, and fear still haunts me to this day about my father. I have yet to tell him but I'm such a daddy's little girl to him. It's so frustrating.

I understand though what you say, about narrow minded people. It's true, we shouldn't care, but we do anyway.

It's a long, hard road, and we who walk it and survive, well, we're that much stronger than the next guy. I think.

posted November 28, 2001 01:17 PM         

One of my closest friends is gay and he had a hard time dealing with family and friends, initially. Love, understanding, and time has healed all the pain and disappointment with him and his family. His biggest challenge was letting it out. Now, it's no big deal and it's well accepted. It just took some time for his family to adjust their thinking.

He still faces discrimination when we go out at times, but he handles it very well, and it doesn't happen often. Sometimes, he deals with it better than I do! We were at Barnes and Nobles recently and this man was looking me up and down. I rolled my eyes and walked away. A few minutes later, the same scumbag was giving my friend hell. I walked up and took his hand and gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, "there you are, sweetie." The scumbag's jaw dropped and he shut up quick. We walked off laughing our butts off at his shock and ignorance.

That's just one incident, though. Most people are cool and treat him as anyone else. He's the only person authorized to pick up my kids from school, besides me. They know him well at my daughters' school. He goes to all the events with us, and goes on field trips with the girls, too. The staff and all the kids know he's gay and it's never been a big deal. Sometimes one of my oldest daughter's friends asks him, her or a teacher a question about it. It's answered with honesty and taste and life goes on. You'll get to that point, but it may take some time. He says his biggest challenge was getting past his own fear--but that applies to all of us, regardless of our sexuality

posted November 28, 2001 02:29 PM         

Your courage is inspiring .....