posted January 31, 2003 11:26 AM
here's her take on the planets...from http://metamaze.com/rottenday/?pn=201 ...
Sun
Apollo, the Sun god, was the center of the universe. He was also a perpetual, angst-ridden teenager, whose larger-than-life ego caused mayhem in the heavens. Apollo's rotten behavior so turned off the girls that he often resorted to bribery to get laid. He promised to grant one anything she wanted, only to hear her say she wished to remain a virgin for eternity. He rules arrogant, shallow, spotlight-grabbing Leo. And also, talent shows, sibling rivalry, and old barflies who still think they're hot.
Moon
The Moon is a moody bi*ch forever manipulating from behind the scenes. Her myth is as vague and shadowy as is she. One tale says that she is the Sun's wife, who split the heavens into night and day in order to forever lead him on a merry chase. Even at her brightest, the Moon sheds just enough light to maneuver, never enough to read the fine print, of which there are volumes. She rules puppet-masters, lunatics, loose cannons of all types, and Cancer, who makes Sybil of the sixteen personalities seem boring.
Mercury
Mercury, The Winged Messenger, rushed all over heaven delivering messages, love letters, eviction notices and gossip. Being a natural-born mischief-maker, he frequently changed the names on the envelopes, omitted pertinent facts, and twisted the truth for his own benefit. He rules that flighty, flirty gossip, Gemini, and the nervous, nitpicking critic, Virgo. He is also the god of thieves, liars, used car salesmen and Washington speechwriters.
Venus
Sorry, all you Valentine's Day fanatics, but your heroine is the sl*ut of the zodiac. Venus spent her days kissing the mirror and her nights leap-frogging from bed to bed around the universe. She rules obsessive, possessive, lusty Taurus and vain, trifling, indecisive Libra. She is the patron of wh0res, adulterers, groupies and those girls and boys who follow the fleet.
Mars
Hotheaded, driven and demanding, Mars was the guy who shot first and asked questions later. The original hedonist, he preferred loose women and instant gratification. He is the god of war, and rules selfish, boastful, sex-hungry Aries. Also, accidents, barroom brawls, crowding in line, and the excessive use of the word "I." Yes, he laid Venus too.
Jupiter
Loquacious, voluble, exuberant, and just plain loud, giant Jupiter is supreme ruler of the universe. He expounds, expands, and exaggerates everything he touches. His brutal honesty is only lessened by his jovial disposition. He rules debauched, verbose, tactless Sagittarius. And, is the god of stand-up comics, late-night talk show hosts, and TV preachers.
Saturn
Known also as Father Time, Saturn is Dean of the School of Hard Knocks. He's the rotten-parent role model. This stern, humorless pessimist is the relentless taskmaster who kicks ass anywhere he walks. He rules inflexible, ambitious, cold-hearted Capricorn. And, invented the grindstone, the 80-hour workweek, and Catholic school.
Uranus
Mad scientist, flaky genius, odd-duck Uranus is the guy who'll take you to the heights of power, then drop you like a hot potato just to see how well you bounce. He is creator of abrupt change, flashes of brilliant insight, and green hair. He rules perverse, unpredictable, just plain weird Aquarius. Also, eccentrics, nerds, and rebels everywhere.
Neptune
Now you see him, now you don't. Neptune is the great Flim-Flam Man of the universe. His is a liquid environment of illusion and fantasy where nothing is as it first appears. He manages the back lot of the psyche, where the deranged, guilty and persecuted dwell. He rules reality-challenged Pisces, prisoners, special effects artists, mood-altering substances, kinky sex, and drag queens.
Pluto
Pluto, Lord of the Underworld, is the enforcer of the zodiac and one scary bast*ard. He's the strong-arm artist. The eliminator. Mob boss. His power to destroy and create simultaneously, wipes the slate clean like a nuclear bomb. He rules secretive, vengeful Scorpio, prison matrons, control-freaks, and the lynch mob-mentality.
Lindaland
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posted January 21, 2003 10:23 PM
posted January 21, 2003 10:42 PM
posted January 31, 2003 11:23 AM