Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002

posted September 21, 2003 09:01 AM         

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If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to
speak
> fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the
lovely
> language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure,
English
> lovers.
>
> Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
>
> 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
>
> 2) The farm was used to produce produce.
>
> 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
>
> 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
>
> 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
>
> 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
>
> 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
> present the present.
>
> 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
>
> 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
>
> 10) I did not object to the object.
>
> 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
>
> 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
>
> 13) They were too close to the door to close it.
>
> 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
>
> 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
>
> 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
>
> 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
>
> 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
>
> 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
>
> 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
>
> 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
>
> There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine
> in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French
> fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which
aren't
> sweet, are meat.
>
> Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
> neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write
> but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
>
> If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
> One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that
> you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds
and
> ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it
an
> odd, or an end?
>
> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian
eats
> vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people
> recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo
by
> ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
>
> How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and
> a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of
a
> language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which
you
> fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by
> going on.
>
> English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
> creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
>
> That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
> lights are out, they are invisible.
>
> P. S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

A juniperb

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Posts: 1043
From: California
Registered: Feb 2003

posted September 21, 2003 02:25 PM         

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Now I know why I can never learn Spanish-- my brain was overloaded learning English! I think we should all switch to Esperanto.

If you care to follow this link, find the 'Why I made this site' button, then scroll down to the section entitled "The Modern Mannish Tongue", you will find an amusing summary of the English language. http://ardalambion.com/

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Hello everybody! I used to be QueenofSheeba and then I was Apollo and now I am QueenofSheeba again (and I'm a guy in case you didn't know)!

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posted September 21, 2003 02:35 PM           

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for all its' idiosynchracies english is also one of the most flexible languages around

Of course if you want easy, use Latin - very logical

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Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted September 21, 2003 02:35 PM         

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Juniperb...That was good. copy/paste worthy. Thanks!

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Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002

posted September 21, 2003 05:00 PM         

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QOS, cool link, thanks!

Wevil, I get my tongue tangled around my eyeteeth and can`t see what I`m saying most times, and you think I should learn Latin

juniperb

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Posts: 1043
From: California
Registered: Feb 2003

posted September 24, 2003 08:47 PM         

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Another vote for Latin right here! My history teacher learned Latin and Greek in school (that tells you how old he is) and is forever explaining word roots to us. It's impressive.

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Hello everybody! I used to be QueenofSheeba and then I was Apollo and now I am QueenofSheeba again (and I'm a guy in case you didn't know)!

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Posts: 1513
From:
Registered: Mar 2003

posted September 25, 2003 02:21 PM         

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Thanks, juniperb!

And QoS, cool site -- excpet I couldn't find the definition you mention.

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Posts: 3308
From: England
Registered: Jan 2002

posted October 06, 2003 04:35 PM         

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Posts: 2282
From:
Registered: May 2007

posted September 29, 2007 12:42 PM         

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hilarious! and true!

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Posts: 4598
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted September 29, 2007 01:20 PM         

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That's why even the most prominent officials who speak English as an official tongue will never give speeches in English.

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