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Author
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Topic: Stanley: My lover and his loveless Heart!
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Happy Rainbow
Knowflake Posts: 21
From: Miami, Florida
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted September 25, 2003 07:34 PM
 
Imagine a day when the first breath of spring is blown across the Earth. See the buds just bursting into blossom, plants pushing through the soil, tiny leaves dancing on the trees. On such a day, I might bask in the glorious sunshine, so delightful and fresh after the winter's cold. It was just such a day when Stanley came to the into my life. Stanley did not see the blossoms, or feel the sweet kiss of the spring breeze. I sat in deep thought, and it appeared as if a dark cloud surrounded him. There was a knowing in my empty face that this one was full of aloneness and separation. It was difficult to leave the sweet openness of the weather, to gaze into that black hole of isolation but Stanley would not kiss me. So immersed in his own sorrow... that he did not even see me, or feel the passion in my eyes... because Stanley is the owner of a loveless heart.  ------------------
"Be good to other people, and they will be good to you!" IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted September 25, 2003 07:55 PM
Stanley sucks. I just hope he doesn't suck the colour out of your rainbow. Maybe he is a hopeful case? Not a hopeless one.
Tread carefully lest you enjoy grey to temper the colours.IP: Logged |
Happy Rainbow
Knowflake Posts: 21
From: Miami, Florida
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted September 25, 2003 08:23 PM
How do I get the colors back inside my rainbow?I'm hurting!  IP: Logged |
Rainbow Diet
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Pasadena, CA
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted September 25, 2003 08:56 PM
As a fellow rainbow, I really connect with you. May I suggest you start with eating a Bonita banana? Banana is full with nutrients.IP: Logged |
Happy Rainbow
Knowflake Posts: 21
From: Miami, Florida
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted September 25, 2003 09:00 PM
I couldn't face life without Stanley! There is no real love in the world. I should just accept it and stop looking for it. I loved my father and he beat me. I loved my mother and she never loved me back. I gave my love to a man and he defiled my special gift. It must be that true love does not exist.I told him, I loved him... he said I don't even love myself! ------------------
"Be good to other people, and they will be good to you!" IP: Logged |
Happy Rainbow
Knowflake Posts: 21
From: Miami, Florida
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted September 25, 2003 09:18 PM
There's so much love to be given. Everyone has the ability, but not nearly enough use it. This world could be infected by love if we chose to do so. But so many of us are only concerned with our own microcosm of the universe. I'm a homosexual and I am proud of the colors in my rainbow, and the power of life!Do you see the colors in your rainbow? See the red in your life. Let it stand for love you have yet to share. Give a little. See the yellow in your life. Let it be a ray of sunshine to brighten someone's day. See the green in your life. Let it be a field of grass to show how happiness can grow. Rainbows are alive within everyone of us. The colors will never fade as long as they come forth from within.
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"Be good to other people, and they will be good to you!"
IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted September 25, 2003 09:43 PM
I will try not to analyse too much. But perhaps the fact that your father beat you has left you confused about the capacity of love in your own heart. Or it has taken you to a place where you can fall in love with someone who seems, from your lovely verse about it, to not understand how to return that feeling. He literally had no love to give, doesn't know or understand what that means. The fact that you overlooked that lies within yourself, not in your Stanley. That is where you should start re-colourizing your rainbow. It is enriched from outside sources, but it grows within.
Your father probably loves/d you. He was wrong to do what he did. I hope he knows that, where ever he is now. I hope YOU know that. We are all survivors of lessons learned in our youth. Some more brutal and hurtful than other's. Ask yourself what positives were learned from that experience? Do you walk down the road thinking about beating kids, as your father did to you out of confusion? No, you don't. You are a gentle soul, who cringes when violence is inflicted in any way. That is a good lesson to learn, even if it came through hardship and hate. It could have been learned through a different method, but this is how it is unfortunately. My heart hugs your inner child with compassion, why doesn't yours? The next time you look at a man who has power with sadness and it becomes intoxicating to you, why don't you look within, and ask yourself why you are drawn to a love that doesn't exist. Let go of the need to have approval. You are a good person, I am sure of it. Your father was wrong. you have learned from his mistakes, and you can stop making them with others now. Open your heart and let those rainbows you love embrace you for a change. Because some people's hearts are too full of sadness to let any light in. Don't waste your time.  IP: Logged |
Rainbow Diet
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Pasadena, CA
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted September 25, 2003 09:49 PM
Two words: dump him.IP: Logged |
Rainbow Diet
Knowflake Posts: 15
From: Pasadena, CA
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted September 25, 2003 09:53 PM
What is it that makes you attracted to Stanley, Happy Rainbow?IP: Logged |
Happy Rainbow
Knowflake Posts: 21
From: Miami, Florida
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted September 25, 2003 10:03 PM
Thank-you for the advice pixie. Time has passed and I am beginning to feel something stir inside my heart. I am suddenly able to see a kind of radiant glow around my body. But I still see him in my dreams, thank-you for sharing great wisdom and truth. Each minute, I feel more silent and peaceful... perhaps I no longer need my Stanley. Perhaps a time will come of great peace and comfort. Then will come a day when I realize that I don't love Stanley. Although I feel his heart burst open with a kind of singing. I must remember the good times... the times I felt as if we were walking on air. The times I felt joyous, full of a kind of wondrous peace, and could hardly wait to tell him our love is still alive. There was a time I was insane with grief. I fell to the ground and rolled, wailing in pain and loss. Just beyond the pain came a fierce and raging anger, for my beloved Stanley and how I felt I was betrayed by love. But I must accept things and open a new door in my life. Thank- you! IP: Logged |
Happy Rainbow
Knowflake Posts: 21
From: Miami, Florida
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted September 25, 2003 10:14 PM
Sorry, I cannot tell you I am attracted to Stanley.Only Annie Kuzma knows. IP: Logged |
anafaery
Knowflake Posts: 864
From: west coast, yummy rain forest, canada
Registered: Jun 2003
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posted September 25, 2003 11:36 PM
i just wanted to welcome you happy rainbow  i am not posting much right now but i can feel your pain... so i wanted to say hello and send some love your way. take care, and i do sympathise... families can be very tough, can they not. i just actually commented on that in another thread, heh. how you are raised can make a world of difference. anyway take care, and perhaps we can get to know each other better at some point, i would like that very much  IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted September 26, 2003 06:44 AM
Welcome, to both you Rainbows!  ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
FishKitten
Knowflake Posts: 1033
From: on the trail of the Old Ones
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted September 26, 2003 01:24 PM
I'm sorry for your pain, Happy Rainbow. There was a point in my life when I thought real, lasting, true love was simply never going to happen for me. (Being a Pisces type, I found lots of transient, good for the moment love, but always dreamed of finding my soul mate.) After a few decades of hoping, I decided that my soul mate must be living in a foreign country under an assumed name and thus extremely unlikely to be found. I just gave up looking and started dealing with my own path through life. Sure enough, after I quit looking for him, he turned up. (Funnily enough, he was in a different country and had been, until recently, widely known be his stage name rather than his real one.) Still, the whole thing made me think that even some of us who wander the world wounded and searching can sometimes find happiness. Best of luck to you. IP: Logged |
Rainbow Angel
Knowflake Posts: 5
From:
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted September 26, 2003 01:48 PM
It is in rugged crises, in unweariable endurance, and in aims which put sympathy out of the question, that the angel is shownIP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted September 26, 2003 01:56 PM
Did I miss something? Is there a rainbow convention in town? 
There's my contribution IP: Logged |
FishKitten
Knowflake Posts: 1033
From: on the trail of the Old Ones
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted September 26, 2003 02:13 PM
Welcome to Lindaland, Rainbow Angel!IP: Logged |
juniperb
Knowflake Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002
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posted September 26, 2003 02:18 PM
There is lite at the end of the Welcome juniperb  IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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