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Author
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Topic: Long Term Relationships
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PlayfulPonderingFishMoon
Knowflake Posts: 267
From:
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted November 28, 2003 12:00 PM
 
Any takers to answer the question about what they think are the most important things to have in a relationship in order to have it work out in the long term?I'm curious to know what you all think if anybody wants to answer. I didn't have the best holiday because it turns out that my brother and his wife are gettting a divorce, so I am interested in hearing any of your responses to this. Thanks so much if you feel you can please offer any reply! IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted November 28, 2003 12:08 PM
I have had a long hard look at my own self and situation, about what I feel is missing, or the things I desire, as well as the things I have. Divorce isn't always a bad thing. It is a time of transition, and it is hard to adjust and harder even to take the initial plunge into the unknown. It takes a lot of courage, to say the least!
As far as the things you need to make a long term relationship last, I'd say, foremost, tolerance and perspective. It is hard to be a fatalist/extremist, when you have to live aongside the person for a lifetime. People change and evolve. Passion.... It is good to be attracted to your spouse and to share a great growing and learning sexual life, also to just enjoy being drawn to them.... looking at him from across the room, and saying, "Damn, he's hot! He turns me on", or acknowledging the things he does for you.
After a while though, it wears off. You have moments, for sure, but if you've spent a long time together, you find new ways of companionship, so I think it is utterly important to share ideas. To mesh well with each other, to enjoy one another's company genuinely, to not be 'on' or pretend, as you need solace at home. Someone who actually LOVES you, rather than just wanting to f&%* you. That is available anywhere, but if you find a true friend and fellow soul in this world who you genuinely respect and can communicate with, that is something special! I can talk all day about this. I'll post more later, I'm sure!IP: Logged |
lioneye68
Knowflake Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003
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posted November 28, 2003 01:46 PM
Well said, PP.I'm certainly no expert on "happily ever after", but I can tell you why my 'crash-and-burn relationships didn't work out.
It's two-fold it seems 1. I make the mistake of trying to be who I think they would love instead of just being me, which always comes to the surface eventually anyway, and leaves them going "You're changing. You must not love me anymore", which makes them insecure and clingy and demanding and pouty and just generally gruelling to be around, so the situation escalates 2. I make the mistake of seeing them as I want them to be, and turning a blind eye to hints that they are NOT that person. Eventually who they really are comes to the surface undeniably, and I'm left going "you're not what I want in a mate, sorry, my mistake" Then I start neglecting them and the relationship which results in it's demise. In a nutshell, not being honest about who you are, and not being honest about who THEY are is what causes many a relationship's undoing. IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted November 28, 2003 02:24 PM
Also well said, and so very true and common. Beginning relationships are full of projection and fantasy and hope and all the dreams you've ever wanted or thought you wanted, surfacing and nestling into whatever places they seem to fit with that person. Or ourselves. New relationships are kind of like rising signs, the mask we wear and show the world, and it's true, your real self eventually comes out, I don't care if you've won academy awards, no one can act completely and forever. At the end of the day, ask yourself, " Am I being respectful toward this person I claim to love? Am I being respectful to myself?" If not, then tomorrow, wake up and change, whether your reaction or your circumstance. Or your reaction TO your circumstance.
Can you look at your partner and say... This person truly has my best interests at heart, and I can share things that are important to me without feeling like I'm being looked down upon, or belittled or abused.He may not share my views, but we agree on the basics. Life is what happens between wishes and dreams. You have to find your dreams within your life, and it really helps knowing you've got an unfaltering champion and cheerleader right behind you, standing tall.IP: Logged |
lioneye68
Knowflake Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003
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posted November 28, 2003 04:54 PM
Or did you mean from an Astrological perspective, Playful?IP: Logged |
PlayfulPonderingFishMoon
Knowflake Posts: 267
From:
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted November 28, 2003 06:01 PM
Lioneye,Lol, I am interested in either kind of input, please don't worry. Thanks so much for responding you guys!
IP: Logged |
CancerianMoon
Knowflake Posts: 1082
From: Sydney, Australia. Cancer Sun.....Gemini Moon.....Aqua Rising
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted November 28, 2003 07:11 PM
LOVE...of course..and
COMMUNICATION AND COMPROMISE
communication always...whether it be heated or calm..
and compromise from both partners...(for those little niggly things  )------------------
*************************
GINGER ROGERS DID EVERYTHING FRED ASTAIRE DID, BUT SHE DID IT
BACKWARDS AND IN HIGH HEELS :D IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted November 29, 2003 01:37 AM
quote:
Well said, PP.
I just realized how funny that is....Potty humour.
IP: Logged |
lioneye68
Knowflake Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003
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posted November 29, 2003 03:05 PM
 You're a kook. I like that.IP: Logged |
FishKitten
Knowflake Posts: 1033
From: on the trail of the Old Ones
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted November 29, 2003 05:09 PM
I think the statement you made was quite profound, Lioneye68. We often try to be who someone wants us to be and insist on seeing them as we want them to be. Always a mistake. I think one of the best indicators of a lasting relationship is liking each other and having good mental connection. I have been in a few relationships, but the one now is different. We will celebrate 10 years of being together in August. To this day (actually, just last night) we beg off from friends and invitations to sit home, have dinner and a beer or glass of wine together, and just talk the night away. We can talk about the past, the future, world events, people we know, just anything. So I guess my reason that long-term relationships last is that you both present your true self and respect the other's true self. You can have feelings of love, affection, and physical attraction for many people...but it the person you truly like that you will stay with. Just my perspective, mind you. I'm not saying that it is necessarily true for everyone.IP: Logged | |
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