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Author Topic:   An Open Letter to Dr.Laura
proxieme
unregistered
posted March 23, 2004 06:28 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Just read it through...it's hilarious...

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific biblical laws and how to best follow them. In particular:


When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some flexibility here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

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WychOfAvalon
Knowflake

Posts: 633
From: Los Angeles
Registered: Feb 2003

posted March 23, 2004 07:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for WychOfAvalon     Edit/Delete Message
I am entertained!!

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trillian
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Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003

posted March 23, 2004 07:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for trillian     Edit/Delete Message

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lllog
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Posts: 1142
From: Springfield MO
Registered: Jun 2002

posted March 23, 2004 07:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lllog     Edit/Delete Message
How much you asking for your daugther?

You're too much love.

Lanny

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FishKitten
Knowflake

Posts: 1033
From: on the trail of the Old Ones
Registered: Aug 2003

posted March 23, 2004 07:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for FishKitten     Edit/Delete Message
That was so funny. Totally laughing my a** off!

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Rainbow~
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Posts: 5927
From: The Little River Indian Reservation
Registered: Jan 2002

posted March 23, 2004 08:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Rainbow~     Edit/Delete Message


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TINK
Knowflake

Posts: 3831
From: New England
Registered: Mar 2003

posted March 23, 2004 09:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for TINK     Edit/Delete Message
Just about laughed my arse off the seat.

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pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted March 24, 2004 10:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
omigawd!!
Thank you for sharing!!!!
He he he he hehe

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juniperb
Knowflake

Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002

posted March 24, 2004 02:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message
I bet we could think up more to ask.....

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If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot

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lioneye68
Knowflake

Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted March 24, 2004 03:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
Take that you sanctimonious wind-bag

Would that be the Jewish Bible he is referring to here? (sorry, but I don't recognize the name "Leviticus" from the Christian Bible, but I don't exactly read that daily either)

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juniperb
Knowflake

Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002

posted March 24, 2004 03:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message
Lioneye. Genesis, Exodus,Leviticus,, Numbers, Deuteronomy ect ect. new testament. Can`t believe I can still remember the books

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If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot

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Gia
Knowflake

Posts: 1154
From: California
Registered: May 2004

posted June 01, 2004 04:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gia     Edit/Delete Message
I hope lots of people copy your letter and send it off to her in droves.


I'm a Brit and was not familiar with her show. I just came across it one day whilst driving in my car. At first, I really did think it was some kind of spoof. Later on when I realized this was a serious show, I was totally dumbfounded. I'm a saggi and I really don't mince my words, however, she's a cold, razor sharp, sad individual who truly does give me a bad case of nausea.

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purplezen
Knowflake

Posts: 888
From: outer space
Registered: Aug 2003

posted June 01, 2004 05:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for purplezen     Edit/Delete Message
hehehehe

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lalalinda
Moderator

Posts: 3291
From: nevada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted June 02, 2004 10:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message
proxie,
I'm dying here, that is too funny
Heck with Dr. Laura, hows the baby?

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proxieme
unregistered
posted June 02, 2004 06:26 PM           Edit/Delete Message
She's doin' fine

Aaaaaaaand she slept from a little before midnight til 4 AM and then from 4:30 til 9 (!!!)
That's now such a delicious pleasure that it should be outlawed.

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SAGGALIBRA
Knowflake

Posts: 5
From: REDLANDS, CA USA
Registered: May 2004

posted June 06, 2004 07:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SAGGALIBRA     Edit/Delete Message
I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO DR. LAURA ON AND OFF SINCE BARBARA DE ANGELES LEFT KFI, AND SADLY I HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOUR LETTER WHICH DEPICTS HER HYPOCRACY REGARDING BIBLIOLOGY. I DO HOWEVER AGREE WHOLHEARTEDLY WITH HER STANCE ON 2 PARENT FAMILIES AND THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING THERE 100% FOR YOUR CHILDREN. SHE CAN BE HIPOCRITICAL ALL SHE WANTS ABOUT BIBLE STUDIES, WHEN WE ONLY LISTEN TO HER FOR AMUSEMENT ANYWAY, BUT SHE DOES DRIVE A VALUABLE LESSON HOME WHEN SHE 'NAGS' ABOUT PUTTING OURS PRIORITIES IN ORDER OF OUR CHILDREN COMEING FIRST !

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LibraSparkle
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Posts: 6034
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004

posted June 06, 2004 07:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LibraSparkle     Edit/Delete Message
I've seen this online before. Funny stuff! Great reading again.

Thanks for posting it!

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Philbird
Knowflake

Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004

posted June 06, 2004 08:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Philbird     Edit/Delete Message
Really, really, funny. You sound a bit like Jerry Seinfield. Yes, Yes, I'm curious about the New Testiment, I'm sure they were much more lienient, after all, it is new!!! We like shiney new things, don't we? Just a little observation here. Do you realize that the pages of a bible are so thin, you can actually read two pages at the same time! So they DID speed read! HA, HA,

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proxieme
unregistered
posted June 07, 2004 02:09 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Phil - Oh, this wasn't me; it was an e-mail that I had forwarded.
I didn't credit the author b/c there was none listed.

I apologize if there was any confusion.

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