Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted April 09, 2004 02:47 PM         

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Ah, darn....
I saw my third-grade crush for the 5th time in two months, and I didn't have the guts to say hi. He goes to my school (college) and we've talked one time a month or so back, but I'm not real good at appraching him again. Grrr...! I'm so angry at myself, cause he's even hotter than he was in 8th grade when his family moved away.
I just wanna get to know him better, who he is now, but I'm the biggest idiot about talking to people on a random basis, especialy when they're surrounded by friends. What would I call him? I mean, would I use his formal name, or shorten it like everyone probably does now? I'm so tangled and frustrated with myself for losing guts so frequently. I feel like slapping myself up-side the head and saying, "He's just a guy...", but see, it's more complicated, causeI still have this fanstasy image of him as sorta a "bad boy", since his crowd was the one that partied a bit hard in middle school. Not that I'm holding that against him, or anything, but he never looked twice at me. I look a lot better, more together now, but I'm still so, so self-concious...
Silly me, but I need some advice. It sounds so elementary school, but I feel so nervous around him, as he was the first person who ever attracted me. What to do, what to do...?

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-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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Posts: 503
From: durban
Registered: Nov 2002

posted April 09, 2004 05:58 PM         

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I know exactly what you are going through,VVA.
Been there,done that,got the t shirt and went back again.
What you should do is try get the individual when he is alone and approach him.Speak to him and see what happens.Or else if you are both in the same crowdeed room, try to make eye contact with him in order to acknowlegde your presence to him.MAybe aftrewards,he will make his way to you.Who knows what will happen?

MD

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Posts: 503
From: durban
Registered: Nov 2002

posted April 09, 2004 06:00 PM         

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Sorry for my stupidty but I addressed you as
VVA rather than VAA-please forgive me.

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Posts: 271
From:
Registered: Feb 2004

posted April 10, 2004 12:39 AM         

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dear VA-Artist ~

you are not a coward, nor are you an idiot. you are a sensitive, deep, lovely human being! it would be his privelege to talk to you!

remember who you are and walk up to him with all the grace and dignity of your beautiful s-elf and offer him the chance to bask in your amazing light!

love, talaith

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Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted April 11, 2004 10:54 PM         

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MD and talaith...I thank you for your beautiful, encouraging words. I like the eye-glancing idea...I know, it sounds so childish but mayhap that is the level I must deal with him in, as I feel so stuck there emotionally with this situation, a bit as if we never grew up. I'm not sure how to get over the lingering inhibitions, the feeling that I'm not pretty enough, outgoing enough, coy enough, to win any guy's lasting affection...it just keeps me at the brink of total relaxation into my true inner self that's finally beginning to glimmer through as the years pass.
I want to feel that I am privileged in that I shine an "amazing light" upon those I associate with. I care with my whole being, and though it may punich me occasionally to be that committed to living life, I must learn to accept the consequences of full experience, as for me, there is no other way.
Appreciate the empathy

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-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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Posts: 888
From: outer space
Registered: Aug 2003

posted April 13, 2004 06:55 PM         

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Is this the same person you are waiting to get a letter from? I know how you feel, but it takes a strong person to admit their feelings, so you are not a coward, in fact you are brave

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Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted April 13, 2004 09:31 PM         

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Gosh, purplezen, no, that's not the guy I'm waiting the letter from. The guy, Gemini, that I'm waiting to get the letter from is named Tony, and the guy who was my first crush is named David. They're from totally different places.

And I haven't exactly admitted feelings to first crush guy, David. I've only really spoken with him once, and there's not much to admit, just that I'd like to get to know him better, the grown up him.
I suppose it is brave to admit my nervous energy about him. I only wish I had better guts to act upon it.

As for Tony, my special Gemini, I've admitted my romantic interest to him, and we're taking it one day at a time, as "best" friends, maybe more in the future.

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-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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