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Author Topic:   I'm unconsolable.....
Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake

Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted May 09, 2004 08:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
I feel such intense pain right now. I just got off the phone with my Gemmy, Tony, and he let me know a recruiter from the Navy is coming out to meet with him on the 14th. Oh, why...?? I just don't know why he feels so pulled in this direction. I risk sounding unpatriotic, but this is personally involved, and I'm hurting at the helpless position I find mys-Elf in.

Here's a poem I wrote that sums my tangled emotions up a little clearer:

How can you expect,
me to jump for joy?
You want to toss away you life,
my dear and special boy.
I can't help feeling my heart split and quake,
since you care not what I think.
Selfish I may be, but I value your s-Elf
And I wanna keep you always close.

I'm torn and crushed at your monotone voice,
delivering such solemn news.
I wonder why you even bother sharing this,
as you well know my vehemently opposed views.
Why can your disconcern for the future,
shake me with potently pained anger?
Maybe because I love you, "best" friend
And with that comes many a danger...


------------------
-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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Irish Eyes
Knowflake

Posts: 461
From: PA,USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted May 09, 2004 09:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Irish Eyes     Edit/Delete Message
VA Artist-

I am the wife of a US Marine. We have been married for 10 years, all of which he has been active duty. We were great friend in High School and it broke my heart to see him "make a huge mistake". We married after he had served only 2 years.

Since we were from a very small town in Missouri (pop. 634) there was little oppertunity for him (he was not a good student). So I chose to stand by him, I did not like the idea of him going to war but it was what he felt he had to do. I have been with him through 2 combat missions (the latest one was Iraq which he came back from a year ago).

I am not going to lie to you and say what a great life the military gives to this men and women. The little pay they receive for the horrors that they forced to witness and particapate in is enough to make anyone sick. But we must remember that the military in this country is volentary and no one is forced into it.

I will tell you that the recuriters lie to "keep their numbers up". They will paint a wonderful picture of the jobs and places that he "could" be stationed. They will also tell him that people around him may try to influnce him not to "better himself".

All I can tell you at this time is to be patient and to be supportive. Tell him your concerns and give him your time, there will be a lot that he needs to talk to someone about, just listen.

Feel free to e-mail me at srbenter@yahoo.com if you feel the need to talk privatly.

With my prayers and understanding,
Stacey

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Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake

Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted May 09, 2004 10:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
Stacey-
Thank you so very much. Your words mean more than you can imagine. I really feel like I can relate to your story, in more ways than one. I've known my Gemini guy for almost 5 years and yet it seems like he's come into this "military" fixation rather suddenly, I think perhaps, because he doesn't see a lot of options either. He is also not a terribly dedicated student, and coincidently, is from a small town in MO. He's never felt as bright, in my opinion, as his intellectual older bro.

Do you think he'll still be open to letting me "stand by him" even if I've expressed disapproval in the past? I do really want to keep him close in my life, and I hope I haven't blown my chances....Maybe his continual mentionings of the military in our talks is a means of seeing if I'll still want to stick with him and see if I even want to make an effort to change my views of his life choice?

I appreciate the honesty and candor with which you present the lifestyle of military people. You're right, it is voluntary, although that doesn't exactly ease my qualms entirely.

I do find it hard to handle that the recruiters actually lie..that just makes me sorta sick, if they have to bring deceit into the persuasion. He is easily impressed with the idea of adventure. I'm not sure why they'd wanna make him think we're trying to hold him back. That's the last thing I'd ever want for him, unhappiness and regret for what coulda been.

I will try my hardest to have patience and give support. I'll try to open up the communication more about this lifepath he's taking, and make sure he knows I'll always be there to listen.

I'll definitely keep your e-mail nearby and and am grateful for the open offer.

Thanks for your empathetic concern. It really helps to be able to talk about my fears with someone who's been there.

------------------
-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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juniperb
Knowflake

Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002

posted May 10, 2004 09:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message
{{{hugs}}} Kat.

If this is his path, he must walk it

When I was 16 the love of my life was drafted I was heartbroken, afraid for him and and very angry he actually wanted to go.

Long story short, we later married and had two beautiful children. If it`s ment to be it WILL be

We`re all here for you VAA.

juniperb

------------------
If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot

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Yang
Knowflake

Posts: 2296
From: A temporary home
Registered: May 2004

posted May 10, 2004 09:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yang     Edit/Delete Message
Hugs and kisses


I used to be Moondreamer but now changed my name to complement Yin

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Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake

Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted May 10, 2004 11:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
juni, it means so much to know you've been through this path too. You're right, if it's meant to be, nothing can or will stop it, still it's hard to accept that this is what he wants. I will stand by him, to the degree that I can, every step of the way. Maybe I should write him and let him know that I will stick with him, even if this is not my favorite choice of future for him? Yes, on second thought, he would most likely appreciate a letter saying as much.

And Yang, appreciate your affectionate support too.

------------------
-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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juniperb
Knowflake

Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002

posted May 10, 2004 04:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message
Excellent decision VAA

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If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot

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trillian
Knowflake

Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003

posted May 10, 2004 04:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for trillian     Edit/Delete Message

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Oxychick
Knowflake

Posts: 2626
From: neither here nor there
Registered: Jul 2002

posted May 10, 2004 09:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Oxychick     Edit/Delete Message
VAA, as tough as that is, it was the RIGHT thing to do! A Gemini will always appreciate those gestures of friendship. From one Leo Moon to another, trust me, he'll remember you for it. Don't forget it's also okay to say you'll miss him too. I made the mistake once of not telling someone that and I wish I had. Remember, it's okay to feel what you feel, and it's okay to express it too. (which you do, beautifully, through your poetry)

Will you still be able to see him this summer?

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Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake

Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted May 10, 2004 10:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
Oxy, I'm gonna write that letter to him tomorrow (as tonight I have a pounding headache)....Thanks for your affirmation. And I will let him know that when he's away, I always have and always will miss him...BTW, should I send him the two poems his military-decision mindset has inspired? Do you think I'd come across as too mushy, cause I speak of him in a possessive sense, like he belongs to me, which isn't so.
And darn yes, I DO still hope to see him this summer, as I am whole-heartedly planning on it, and from what I remeber him saying before, the "training" would take place near his current residence, so I forsee him being there when we visit. Oh, and after hearing all you guys' advice, it sounds like I really need to be there to talk all this through with him in person, for both our sakes. He's gonna need someone to turn to and I'm gonna need reassurance that he still considers me someone for that. I have hope that this summer will give us a chance to grow stronger together, as deeper friends, and help us figure out where this all stands in the scheme of our lives.
I miss him and love him with all of my being...Tony, let us visit real soon...let the moments fly by

------------------
-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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proxieme
unregistered
posted May 11, 2004 08:30 AM           Edit/Delete Message
VAA - If by training you mean "basic training" he won't be able to see you, even if he is based near his current residence.
If by training you mean "AIT" ("Advanced Individualized Training") or it's Navy equiv. he may be able to, but he most likely won't be able to come "home" - though you may be able to go out and see him on the weekend.

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Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake

Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted May 11, 2004 08:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
Prox, He's only just turning 17, so whatever the very first round of training is, that's it.

------------------
-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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Irish Eyes
Knowflake

Posts: 461
From: PA,USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted May 11, 2004 09:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Irish Eyes     Edit/Delete Message
VA-Artist-

I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you.

About the recuiter...they put such a spin on things but neglect to give the whole truth (they lie!). They have to meet a quota every month and do almost anything to make it.

I believe that at this time it is best to wait and see. If he decides to go through with it then there is reason to fear for his safety. This may be the life path that he needs to take. Stand by him. You can disagree with the actions of the government but you make the chose to look past a persons choice of careers in order to support them.

I wish Tony the best and my thoughts and prayers are with you both.

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Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake

Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted May 11, 2004 10:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
Don't worry about the length of time it took you to respond, Stacey. I am glad to hear back from you, and it is a valid point about now being good to 'wait and see'. There's no need to get too involved at this exact moment in time with worrying about every possible ramification of him choosing this path. Yes, I totally disagree with the way the current gov't has no regard for human life, but you're right, that can't be the deciding factor in how much I support him as a friend and person.
As always, I'm really grateful for your prayers and well-wishes, Stacey.

BTW, what sun and rising sign do you and your husband have?

------------------
-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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proxieme
unregistered
posted May 11, 2004 01:14 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Is he going to the Great Lakes for his training?

I doubt that you'll be able to have contact beyond the occaisional call (made by him, you can't call in) and letters.
Granted, I can't say for sure - my husband's not in the Navy, he's in the Army.
You may get better answers from here:

That links to the Navy Forum.

Good Luck.

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Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake

Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted May 11, 2004 04:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
Prox-
Would they really throw him into training as soon as he turns 17? His b-day falls on the 18th of June. And where is "the Great Lakes"? When would he know for sure where they'd be taking him?

Thanks a bunch for the link. I will definitely check it out further.

------------------
-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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juniperb
Knowflake

Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002

posted May 11, 2004 05:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message
Thats neat, Great Lakes is where my Naval (ex)hubby did basic training too. It`s in IL.

------------------
If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot

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Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake

Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted May 11, 2004 05:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
But...but, no one answered by actual questions about whether to send the poems now, and also whether they'd take him into the Navy right at his 17th b-day?

------------------
-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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proxieme
unregistered
posted May 11, 2004 05:26 PM           Edit/Delete Message
VAA - Naw, they have no authority on that.
If he joins, he'll be signing a contract that'll specify the beginning of his training.

I don't know about the Navy, but the only way that I know that you can do Basic at 17 in the Army is by doing it the summer in between your jr and sr years of highschool, going back to hs, and then going to your AIT once that's completed...
maybe if one gets a GED or a waiver the rules are changed, though.

PS - Send him the poems, but explain that you don't really mean that he's "yours".

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Virgo-AriesArtist
Knowflake

Posts: 1409
From: USA
Registered: Nov 2001

posted May 11, 2004 09:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Virgo-AriesArtist     Edit/Delete Message
Prox-
That is a relief to know, about them not owning his life until he signs a contract. I do feel a renewed sense of peace.

He doesn't have his GED, and isn't anywhere close to earning it, that I am aware of.

I think I will hold off a bit on the poems though, until I see if and how he reacts to my letter of support. I don't really wanna have to explain myself in that much detail yet, about my feelings and such, at least on paper. I just know how I care for him, and living with that is enough for me right now.

------------------
-K
"Most people love with restraint
As if they were someday to hate
We hated gently, carefully
As if we were someday to love"-Venus Trines at Midnight

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proxieme
unregistered
posted May 11, 2004 09:40 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Yep, I had a good recruiter when I joined; he told me up front the different sides to each question that I asked.
Well, he was "good", and I also said to him when I first approached them, "I'm thinking of joining the Army, but if I'm yanked around or lied to one iota I'll quickly reconsider." I was a very high scorer on the ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) and ended-up passing the DLAB (Defense Language Aptitude Battery - an interesting test; I was the only one of 4 to take it that day who passed) so he didn't want to risk not getting me on his monthly recruitment tally.
Make sure that your Gem friend knows to check multiple sources on every answer he gets from these Recruiters. All in all they're good people, but they're also NCOs (Non-Commissioned Officers) stuck in a pretty crap environment with BS quotas to fulfill.
Oh, and no matter what anyone else says, he can always, always back out until he steps on the bus leaving from MEPS (the Military Entry Processing Station) on his way to his boot camp. No matter what else he's signed, until that point it's negotiable. After that point, legal action (in the scary, military sense) can and will be taken against him. (Although even in boot camp he still stands a good chance of simply being "outprocessed" if he's a total goof-off/a totally incompetent solider/sailor/etc., as long as his final separation date's before the 6 month mark.)

*smiles, happy in the info that she's passed on to you*

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