posted July 07, 2004 02:05 AM         

Ok we all know we are going to die but expect to live a certain length of time, so what do we do when we find out someone we care for isn't going to be around as long as we would like them to be?

How do we deal with the feelings of grief we have before their death?

How do you help them and be strong when all you want to do is either curl up and cry or go and smack God right back in the same place that he just hit you. How do you find strength to do what you need to do?

posted July 07, 2004 02:17 AM         

quote:

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How do you help them and be strong when all you want to do is either curl up and cry or go and smack God right back in the same place that he just hit you. How do you find strength to do what you need to do?

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How do we deal with the feelings of grief we have before their death? I did this recently. I don't think I did it well. The outcome is the same either way, so think of what you would regret more and act accordingly. You may surprise yourself with the honesty we can all take and assemble. No matter what side of the dillemma we are on. Intricate weaves we are, all in the same messy patchwork quilt.
Other than that? Talk. Here, there, everywhere. Get it out, purge. Curl up, and hurl things at God, S/He knows. And Understands.
Take solace in stangers. In simple things. See when you aren't looking. Hold their hand and be honest. Tell the dying person of your love and desires. Detachment is natural.. a mourning of sorts before the mourning. Preparation, putting up a shield before the war. Put it up, but remember to make it transparent, so you can see the other side, and the person still there, needing you. Also reflective, so you can see that YOU are still here, also needing you.
Sleep well.

posted July 07, 2004 10:13 AM         

You have been really helpful, I have spent much time thinking about things today, then I opened up my new book called Authentic Faith, by Gary L Thomas. On the page I opened it there are 2 quotes which say...

There is no spiritual sensitivity in this world without a corresponding pain and sadness.

And...

Mourning invites us to a deeper life.

at the bottom of the page.....

It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every amn;
the living should take this to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart.
the heart of the wise in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.
(Ecclesiastes 7:2-4)

Its about accepting what is, this I know. When when I posted above I didnt want to accept - I wanted to kick out.

So I will try because I KNOW that my friend needs me, and so I shall be right there beside my friend for as long as I am needed.... in fact I shall be there long after I am needed.

posted July 07, 2004 06:38 PM         

I, too, went through emotional rollercoasters when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer and getting worse in his last year. I had a harder time in his last year than after he passed. Once they pass, they are free from their body, in a beautiful place, healthy and happy again. We miss them terribly, and think of them all the time. We can pray to them and communicate with them in our own way.