posted July 08, 2004 05:29 PM         

THE PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW!

posted July 09, 2004 02:52 AM         

Thank you for your concern. Are you sitting down? I hope so. And on a more reliable piece of furniture than mine? Most likely.

Let's just put it this way. Ummm.......Couchie had a little ouchie.
A boo-boo.

In a frantic search to find my ringing cell phone, I punctured the couch with one of my high heel sandals.

The cutest sandals by the way. Dainty heels, shiney black, with a little buckle strap up by the toes. They look great with a baggy pair of cargos and a wife beater.
Anyway, don't worry, the shoes are fine. But as for my beloved inflatable.....not so good.

The whole episode happened in slow mo. *Nnuuuuuoooooooooowwww!* I cried. As I was forcefully blown to the ground by the sheer pressure of air escaping through the hole. I quickly regained my composure and arose back onto my heels. Suddenly, my Virgo Moon - which helps me work so well in a crisis situation - kicked in. Don't worry I'll save you!! I cried.
But it was too late.

Oh don't get me wrong! I tried to save it! I really did! I busted out the patch kit it came with - for just these type of emergencies. And it helped - for a little while, but eventually it became too much for the poor thing.

There we were in the middle of the living room. My couch lying limply in my arms. The faint whistling noise coming from it's wound.

"Stay away from the Light!" "Come back home - it's not your time." I said.

It was all too surreal. How could this be happening. All of the memories we had shared within the last two weeks were flashing through my mind.

The pool, sledding, the wisdom you taught me that day you showed me how to levitate. Is this it? Death by shoe? How fragile you are my sweet delicate furni.

Oh how I wish I could turn back time. I wouldnt have nonchalantly thrown my purse on you when I got home from work every night. Or taken a little running jump on you with a childish grin when no one was looking.

But *weeeee!* that was fun! And come on. You know you liked it. Propelling me into the air like that - you little devil.

Well that's the story Phil.
It is still here in the living room.
I think if I tried, I could do a little handiwork and get it all good and patched up again. But I believe the time has now come, for us to part ways.

I thought maybe I'd leave it outside on the sidewalk in front of my apartment, with a sign that says "FREE - Take me!" on it, like I've seem some people do with their old furniture.

But what if no one took it?............

Now come to think about it - I suppose a high wind gust would quickly and effortlessly take it away.

posted July 09, 2004 12:05 PM         

First do an autopsy, see if it was weak before you dug your high-stinking heels into it's green smooth structure. (Those heels aren't even made for women's comfort, you shouldn't be wearing them in the first place!) Did Mary Magdeline wear high heels? No, and she was a sinner!

Darn! the cleaning ladies are here, they don't speak english and think it's okay to Windex my live palm tree. Gotta go, I'll be back to finish later.

posted July 09, 2004 01:51 PM         

Hmmm.... fondled by strangers? Doesnt sound too bad to me. As long as theyre Tall, Dark and Handsome strangers. But I can't speak for couchie. Youre right.

Keep an eye on those cleaning ladies.

posted July 09, 2004 02:49 PM         

.....*tweetly deet*

Philbird? Where are you? You okay? Did the cleaning ladies get ahold of you?

You said they were armed with Windex.
I'm scared now........

posted July 09, 2004 07:52 PM         

Now, about green. You better watch that talk about tall and handsome, your bo might suddenly get "green" with plastic envy and you'll be all alone with no one to support you while you are dealing with issues like guilt and voyeristic neighbors!
I have an idea. Since you had to do an autopsy anyway, why not keep the heart and sole of green...The blow valve. You can wrap the rest of green in a blanket and place it outside the doors of The University of plastic Abuse and Murder. (by the way, remember Terry and Tara Terrapin? They were green and I heard after the Research Center was done with them, they accidently ended up there) Green will be the talk of the University! All those test tubes and budsin burners, I'm sure they will find scientific evidence that green is actually the twin s-elf of Kermit the Frog!
Anyway frame out the blow valve and hang it over the toilet seat. It will be a constant reminder of how you pee-peed your money away!

posted July 09, 2004 08:34 PM           

Gracias por a ver hecho siempre un buen trabajo limpiando nuestra casa. De veras que lo apreciamos.

Queria pedirle un favor, si no es mucha molestia. Es que mi esposo perdi su cristal favorito y no lo podemos encontrar. Es una piedra, clara, como estilo cristal natural. Favor de ponerlo en el comedor si lo encuentras. Gracias.

Philbird

posted July 11, 2004 02:15 PM         

I am giving thought to your wise advice. As you know, this isnt a decision to be taken lightly. Furniture isnt something that should come and go so quicky and easily out of one's life. It isnt meant to be taken for granted like the air we breathe so selfishly. Sucking it all in like there's no tomorrow.

Anyway, what I find facsinating is that unconciously, you named one of your turtles after me. You and I have some sort of major connection, I am begining to realize. Were you one of MY pet turtles in a past life, when I was living somewhere on the Galapagos Islands? Did you somehow tune into some faint memory of this and pick up on the psychic energy of the universe, to chose the same for your turtle in this lifetime that I chose for the vibration for my name in this lifetime? It's all too Twilight Zone for me.

The spiritual meaning of the name means "bright and shining star". Rest assured that Turtle is looking down upon you from the heavens. Watching over you from the stars above.

Look forward to talking to you soon my dear friend. Let us know if the cleaning ladies turn up the crystal too.

posted July 13, 2004 03:14 PM         

You remember! Ahhh...yes. Those were the days - were they not? Tell me - are you still a vegitarian in this life as you were in your past turtle life?

I TOLD you to bury your eggs deeper in the sand so your babies wouldnt get eaten that day! But as usual you didnt listen. You were such a lazy turtle sometimes -- and slow!!!

Yes, we had so much fun in the sun, but what about that day you took me too far out into the ocean on your back, and I almost got swept away to my death by the riptide? While you with your turtle skills swiftly made it safely back to shore. I swear you were trying to lose me that day. Even though you denied it.

Well somehow Ive managed to forgive you for that near tragic day. I got you back, remember? That hysterical day I flipped you over on your shell and you couldnt get right side up!! Ah hahaha It still brings tears of laughter to my eyes, thinking back to you flailing your little legs around helplessly. Trying so hard to get back up.

Oh come on!! Don't tell me your still mad about that! It was funny!!!! And all of the hundreds of beach goers agreed.

Okay....I'm SORRY, I know that must have been embarassing for you.

Forgiven?

And by the way, how OLD are you now? Ya old geezer!! Youve got to be in your early hundreds by now! At least!!!
And do you still have that chip on your left shoulder?

Look forward to talking to you soon "old" friend!

posted July 16, 2004 12:01 PM         

In all the choas, has everybody forgot the usefulness of duck tape?

posted July 16, 2004 02:41 PM         

Wow! I didnt know so many others were reading this. Glad to know we've made you laugh!! !!!

posted July 16, 2004 08:07 PM         

Good idea! Now I have a guinea pig to practice my reiki on.