posted November 08, 2004 04:45 PM
Some of these really cracked me up.Ways to annoy people
Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Change your name, and then proclaim that your new name is actually your original name from a past life.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Always talk in a robot voice.
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Start laughing for no reason.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
On job applications, list your hobby as: "Out of body travel to the White House and, also, to the bedrooms of people I'm hot for.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
Drum on every available surface.
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
"Forget" the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.
As peole talk, smell their shoulders.
When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
Put paprika on mashed potatoes and rave about the presentation.
Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.
Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
Throw stones at people walking past your house.
Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.
Kindly ask someone to save your place in line - then disappear.
Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
Grow a mustache on only one side of your lip.
Cheat at every game you are playing - then, deny it.
Read other people's diaries.
Take a baby to a movie.
Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.
Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
Make scary faces at babies.
Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.
Ride a unicycle to work.
When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs.
Get vanity license plates for your car.
Sit around soaking your fingers in a bowl of Palmolive. Refer to everyone as "Madge".
Yawn while listening to other people tell jokes, but laugh uproariously while you tell jokes.
Insist that you were abducted by a UFO.
When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."
Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants.
Fall asleep while you are driving.
Grow obsessively long fingernails.
Monopolize conversations.
Spend your life accomplishing nothing.
Describe your bowel movements to people.
Don't discipline your children.
Chew your nails and spit the clippings at people.
Take your new love to meet your weird family and friends.
Blame everything you do wrong on others.
If you're a man, grow a ponytail.
If you're a Mediterranean woman, grow a mustache.
If your a grown man, pierce your ears.
Play "chicken" with other cars.
Mimic a person's every move.
Blow bubbles with your saliva.
Use big words that you cant pronounce or dont understand.
Leave your children with a friend "for a few minutes" so that you can "run to the store". Then go to a bar and get drunk.
Mail people your thoughts on politics and religion that no one wants to read.
Borrow a friend's car - and burn rubber as you drive away.
Move to a new town and tell the natives how badly it sucks.
Quit wearing deodorant.
Wear old style bifocals.
Refer to you car, van or truck as your "vehicle".
Wait until you are fifty years old to get braces.
Spend eleven years locked in your basement looking for "the answer".
Hang pictures of yourself throughout your house.
Take a two week vacation in England - and come back with a British accent.
Invent a time machine and dont let anyone else use it.
Remember: Be annoying whenever possible