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Author Topic:   Funny stuff
26taurus
Knowflake

Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004

posted November 08, 2004 04:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
Some of these really cracked me up.

Ways to annoy people

Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Change your name, and then proclaim that your new name is actually your original name from a past life.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Always talk in a robot voice.

Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.

Ask people what gender they are.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Start laughing for no reason.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

On job applications, list your hobby as: "Out of body travel to the White House and, also, to the bedrooms of people I'm hot for.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.

Drum on every available surface.

Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

"Forget" the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."

Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.

As peole talk, smell their shoulders.

When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."

Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"

When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.

Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.

Put paprika on mashed potatoes and rave about the presentation.

Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.

Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.

Throw stones at people walking past your house.

Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.

Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.

Kindly ask someone to save your place in line - then disappear.

Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.

Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.

Grow a mustache on only one side of your lip.

Cheat at every game you are playing - then, deny it.

Read other people's diaries.

Take a baby to a movie.

Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.

Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.

Make scary faces at babies.

Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.

Ride a unicycle to work.

When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.

Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs.

Get vanity license plates for your car.

Sit around soaking your fingers in a bowl of Palmolive. Refer to everyone as "Madge".

Yawn while listening to other people tell jokes, but laugh uproariously while you tell jokes.

Insist that you were abducted by a UFO.

When walking, talk to yourself constantly.

Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.

Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."

Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants.

Fall asleep while you are driving.

Grow obsessively long fingernails.

Monopolize conversations.

Spend your life accomplishing nothing.

Describe your bowel movements to people.

Don't discipline your children.

Chew your nails and spit the clippings at people.

Take your new love to meet your weird family and friends.

Blame everything you do wrong on others.

If you're a man, grow a ponytail.

If you're a Mediterranean woman, grow a mustache.

If your a grown man, pierce your ears.

Play "chicken" with other cars.

Mimic a person's every move.

Blow bubbles with your saliva.

Use big words that you cant pronounce or dont understand.

Leave your children with a friend "for a few minutes" so that you can "run to the store". Then go to a bar and get drunk.

Mail people your thoughts on politics and religion that no one wants to read.

Borrow a friend's car - and burn rubber as you drive away.

Move to a new town and tell the natives how badly it sucks.

Quit wearing deodorant.

Wear old style bifocals.

Refer to you car, van or truck as your "vehicle".

Wait until you are fifty years old to get braces.

Spend eleven years locked in your basement looking for "the answer".

Hang pictures of yourself throughout your house.

Take a two week vacation in England - and come back with a British accent.

Invent a time machine and dont let anyone else use it.

Remember: Be annoying whenever possible

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LibraSparkle
Knowflake

Posts: 6034
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004

posted November 08, 2004 06:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LibraSparkle     Edit/Delete Message

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astro junkie
Knowflake

Posts: 10985
From: One of the billions and billions of cosmos hurdling towards a black hole :)
Registered: Nov 2003

posted November 08, 2004 07:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for astro junkie     Edit/Delete Message
An Aquarian had to have written that ...

Thanks for making me laugh!!

I'm actually gonna try the drive thru order "to go" ...

Love the hair dryer one...

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KarenSD
Knowflake

Posts: 534
From: San Diego CA USA
Registered: Sep 2004

posted November 08, 2004 09:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for KarenSD     Edit/Delete Message
These are SO funny! THANK YOU for sharing! I love "Weird" Al Yankovic, too. Hilarious!!

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Everlong
Knowflake

Posts: 931
From: Southeast Florida
Registered: Nov 2003

posted November 08, 2004 09:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Everlong     Edit/Delete Message
Oh man, this had me laughing so freaking hard. Printing it out and bringing it to school tomorrow .

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26taurus
Knowflake

Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004

posted November 08, 2004 09:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
I got half of these off the web and the other half from a book I have called, "750 Ways to Annoy People" by W. Shaffer Fox.

I'll type out some more later. Glad you got a laugh.

.....okay, here's a few more now,

Simultaneously extend your index and pinkie fingers to point at people, places or things.

Whenever you see someone alone, walk up to them and scream: "Don't you have any friends?"

See how long your nose hairs will grow.

Wear a wig.

For Thanksgiving dinner serve Sloppy Joe's on stale buns.

When correcting your children in public, always speak loud enough to impress everyone in the area with your wisdom. LOL!

.....more to come......

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26taurus
Knowflake

Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004

posted November 08, 2004 11:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
....more....

While talking to your friend, talk about your "best friend."

Make beeping noises whenever anyone backs up.

Mow your lawn at 6:00 am.

Wear a watch on your ankle and check the time constantly.

Have momentoes dangling from your car window.

When drivers try to pass you, speed up.

Talk about yourself in the third person.

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pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted November 08, 2004 11:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message


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Sheaa Olein
Knowflake

Posts: 2864
From: London
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 09, 2004 09:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sheaa Olein     Edit/Delete Message
Oooh I love these 26!!
It's a gem!

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lalalinda
Moderator

Posts: 3291
From: nevada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted November 09, 2004 04:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message
"okey you're gay" (no offense intended)

my 12 yr. old had my baby (8) down with some preposterous wrestling move and the baby saying "Okey I'm gay, I'm gay"
what ever happened to "uncle"

That is the funniest thing I've read since the first time I saw "Up in Smoke"

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LibraSparkle
Knowflake

Posts: 6034
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004

posted November 09, 2004 04:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LibraSparkle     Edit/Delete Message
"I'm gay" haha... kids are so funny!

Reminds me of a time when my oldest had my youngest pinned down, and my youngest hollers "Kayla, get off my nuts!"

I have two daughters.

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sesame
Moderator

Posts: 1587
From: Oz
Registered: Nov 2003

posted November 09, 2004 05:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sesame     Edit/Delete Message
Hillarious!

Dean.

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lalalinda
Moderator

Posts: 3291
From: nevada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted November 09, 2004 06:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message
hahahaha
get off my nuts, tooo funny!
what did she think was her nuts?

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LibraSparkle
Knowflake

Posts: 6034
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004

posted November 09, 2004 06:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LibraSparkle     Edit/Delete Message
... the place her nuts would be, if she had them.

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sesame
Moderator

Posts: 1587
From: Oz
Registered: Nov 2003

posted November 09, 2004 07:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sesame     Edit/Delete Message
Maybe a past life memory? Being a guy, I can understand how those types of memories could transcend lives...

Dean.

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26taurus
Knowflake

Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004

posted November 09, 2004 07:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
ROFL at lala and LS's kids!

I cant wait to have some of my own. .......well yes, I can. ......You know what I mean. They'll be funny.......I just know it.

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Solane Star
Knowflake

Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted November 09, 2004 10:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solane Star     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks 26taurus that really made me cry in laughter tonight!!!

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Solane Star
Knowflake

Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted November 09, 2004 10:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solane Star     Edit/Delete Message
oooh stop it please my ribs are hurting

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LibraSparkle
Knowflake

Posts: 6034
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004

posted November 09, 2004 10:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LibraSparkle     Edit/Delete Message
*Tickle Tickle* Solane Star

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Solane Star
Knowflake

Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted November 09, 2004 10:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solane Star     Edit/Delete Message
*Sparkle Sparkle* LibraSparkle

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sesame
Moderator

Posts: 1587
From: Oz
Registered: Nov 2003

posted November 09, 2004 10:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sesame     Edit/Delete Message
Hey, you could make the Brady Bunch:

here's a story...

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LibraSparkle
Knowflake

Posts: 6034
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004

posted November 09, 2004 11:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LibraSparkle     Edit/Delete Message
Clever, Dean.

It still says LOL diagonally too

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26taurus
Knowflake

Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004

posted November 10, 2004 02:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
Dean!

.... "...of a lovely lady. Who was bringing up three very "..... (okay you know the rest )

(Thanks now I'll have that song lodged in my head for the rest of the night )

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KarenSD
Knowflake

Posts: 534
From: San Diego CA USA
Registered: Sep 2004

posted November 10, 2004 02:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for KarenSD     Edit/Delete Message

LOVE THESE! THANKS!

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26taurus
Knowflake

Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004

posted November 10, 2004 01:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
Ask someone to help you move.

Ask someone to drive you to, or pick you up from, the airport.

Have hickeys all over your neck.

Develop an unnatural fear of crossing guards.

Over dress or underdress for every event.

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