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Author Topic:   Fun with Telemarketers
delerious
Knowflake

Posts: 800
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted December 05, 2004 06:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for delerious     Edit/Delete Message
Fun with Telemarketers

1. Talk really fast.

2. Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.

3. Make up your own language. Speak it.

4. Hang up.

5. Make up a one word language. Speak it.

6. Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?"

7. If they say "Yes" to number 6 say, "Please state the nature of the emergency." Then insist that their emergency isn't an emergency. Hang up.

8. If they say "No" to number 6 say, "I'm sorry but this line is for emergencies only." Hang up.

9. Pretend you just took hostages, and make demands.

10. Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer to release the hostages.

11. Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.

12. Pretend that your phone line is an automatic phone sex line.

13. Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "

14. Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.

15. Claim to be the mafia.

16. Say, "Moe's tavern, Moe speaking."

17. Say something that Moe would say to Bart after Bart makes a prank call.

18. Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper subscription.

19. Ask the telemarketer to find your friend Mike last name Rotch. Claim you will only buy a subscription from them.

20. Say, "Oh no! It's the Feds! They're on to us!"

21. Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. How may I help you?"

22. Dial *69. Wait about a minute and say, "Damn unreliable *69."

23. Speak a foreign language.

24. If you do # 23 and the telemarketer gets a person who speaks the language you used, speak another language, use a made up language, or say that you were speaking English the whole time.

25. Pretend that the telemarketer is your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend. Talk sexually, making references to what you are going to do to him/her later tonight. When you "realize" that you are not speaking to your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend yell, "Pervert!" Slam the phone down to hang up.

26. Say, "Help! I'm being robbed! He's got a gun!"

27. Communicate only through Morse code.

28. Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the phone, and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.

29. Try to sell the telemarketer something.

30. Act drunk.

31. Turn on your shower. Say that you are on a portable phone and are really late for an important meeting. Scream as though you were electrocuted.

32. Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a strong scent of bacon over the phone.

33. Ask if he/she has been to Australia. Regardless of his/her answer ask if you can buy a boomerang and didgeridoo.

34. If he/she says "No" to #33 insist that he/she buy yours.

35. If he/she says "Yes" to #33 ask if he/she will take a strange currency.

36. Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.

37. Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance.

38. Make him/her sing to get a sale.

39. If a male sings for #38, claim that he sounds like Brittany Spears.

40. If a female sings for #38, claim that she sounds like Barry White.

41. Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."

42. Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an extremely boring subject.

43. Say nothing until he/she hangs up.

44. Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then hang up.

45. Keep crackers near the phone. When a telemarketer calls eat the crackers. Chew loudly, make slurping noises, and talk with your mouth full. If you want, pretend that you are choking.

46. After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer.

47. Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.

48. If he/she is selling a newspaper or magazine, go on and on about how great another newspaper/magazine is.

49. Pretend you are a telemarketer from a rival company. Get him/her to buy your product.

50. Say, "Yes" immediately to whatever they are selling and hang up immediately afterwards.

51. (from Seinfeld) Ask for their home phone number. When they say that they’re not allowed to disclose personal information, say casually, “Oh, so you don’t really want people calling you at home.” When they confirm your statement, say “Now you know how I feel.” Hang up.

I can't take credit for these - from my daughter! Anybody got any more?!!

------------------
"Too much sanity may be madness, and the maddest of all is to see the world as it is, and not as it should be" Don Quixote

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Yin
Knowflake

Posts: 1409
From:
Registered: May 2004

posted December 06, 2004 08:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message

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Motherkonfessor
Knowflake

Posts: 1140
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Registered: Oct 2003

posted December 06, 2004 09:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
Having worked as a telemarketer, I can attest the job SUCKS. But it also pays really well in some places where wages are depressed.

Yeah, the list is funny, and yes, everyone hates these calls.

Just say no, and say it twice. That way someone who may be supporting a family while she goes to college to get a better job wont be fired by her supervisor.

MK

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proxieme
unregistered
posted December 06, 2004 09:38 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Yeah, I usu. just listen to their spiel and then say, "I'm sorry, but we're not interested."

I've known people with that job, and it sucks out your soul - but it pays the bills, sometimes with wages twice that of other jobs requiring similar experience.

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delerious
Knowflake

Posts: 800
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted December 06, 2004 09:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for delerious     Edit/Delete Message
I didn't really mean for anyone to do that stuff, just thought it was funny.....

And you have to admit some of them can be pretty obnoxious.... way too aggressive

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proxieme
unregistered
posted December 06, 2004 10:03 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Oh, they are funny

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delerious
Knowflake

Posts: 800
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted December 06, 2004 11:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for delerious     Edit/Delete Message
kinda along the lines of the "ways to annoy people" string

Now they got the computer voices, don't even get the satisfaction of hanging up on someone after your dinner's been interrupted.

I don't know how anyone could do that for a living, the rejection factor must be so high. Think I would go crazy, invading people's privacy like that! But I guess enough people buy that way or they would've stopped doing it long ago.

I wish they'd ban it. Then the companies would have to spend their advertising dollars elsewhere, there'd just be different jobs!

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marcia
Knowflake

Posts: 829
From: NYC
Registered: Oct 2004

posted December 07, 2004 09:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for marcia     Edit/Delete Message

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