posted December 27, 2004 05:56 PM         

for me hallucinogenic drugs were my foot in the door to astrology which was my foot in the door for all other esoteric knowledge i have gained and plan to gain. i am a Taurus, and as it says in Love Signs, hallucinogens can give a bull profound glimpses of truth. For me there was a point when i could handle high dosages of shrooms and have a good time. i finally felt good with the drug then i had a trip which gave me some insight i had never encountered before. it was the idea that people are just floating minds and every action is just a notion of an idea. that was a very intense breakthrough trip for me. i layed off of them for a couple months and resumed my path with a large mushroom trip while watching a new episode of the sopranos. i had come to identify with the sopranos and specifically with the character tony. this is because alot of my friends and other assorted goons used to hang out in my basement and smoke weed and drink (i never had a taste for alcohol but i was about the only one), and for some reason i thought like i was always in a battle to control what was going on with some of these beligerent fools. ANYways, this particular episode was based in a dream in which tony basically had his ego destroyed by his old high school football coach, in addition to other symbols used in the dream. at the end of the episode tony woke up and called his estranged wife and said, "i love you". at that moment of intense bemushroomed insight i thought that tony was actually dead, then i thought wow im dead as well. this my friends is drug induced ego loss.

i now come to a crossroads. months after the sopranos trip i started listening to this girl who came to my house alot. she would always ask people their sign and because of this she was dubbed a crack head (imagine some very single minded, "hold your rep bro", products of media- and they were the ones i called my gang, my friends, in my basement). She was one of 4 scorpio girls who frequented my basement... not too many other girls would make it anything more than a place to passover. This girl and i had known each other and partied throughout high school. she and i must have some very real karmic ties because i somehow got involved with some friends she had made who lived on the other side of town. when i say other side of town i mean it in every bad connotation one could think of in all literary convention. The girls she had made her friends were the most unbelievable humans you could imagine. in all honest assumptions (making and ass out of just me in this case) id have to say they were hookers in their past lives or something... because uh they were all but in their current ones- copious amount of controlled substances and raunchous amounts of unproducted sex with much older men. these girls made dead men blush, and somehow i had ties with them... or atleast to the (my) scorpio girl who was into astrology... im thankful looking back on this because had me and my friends (who were pretty wild to say the lease) were not there to point out to the scorpio girl that this behavior was not normal and not "right", she may well have just kept hanging out with them... im not taking credit, but she did stop hanging out with them after being walked up on in a heavily xanax induced state during a night of frolicing with some literal stranger in a swimming pool at 2 in the morning.

i digress, but i was just pointing out the mutual tie we share.

the next point on this entheogen experience happend sometime in early may. i would like to point out that a possible 10th planet had been discovered by scientists about 2 months earlier (march 14th if i remember the article correctly [youll have to find your own link sorry]) ... prsumably a planet right next to pluto with two distinguished halves of coloration. to me this is pan-horus, and if its not than slap me sideways because it coincides with much of my most insightful mushroom trips and spiritual development. This was the week i flipped over. I had taken two hits of acid (my first time) and a pill of ecstasy. this trip i dont remember too much except there being two distinct parts of it. the first part was me laughing uncontrollably for about an hour culminating a massive spiral of color overlaying my vision and then what i would call the flip. after the flip everything just buzzed, and i lost all the colorful laughing sensations. everything started making more sense. i asked myself, "why was i laughing, why do these drugs effect us so consciously, why do we let them, nothing is happening in this barren basement, why should drugs create something that isn't, and why should we react to these false visions." i said this to my um... not so evolved cancer friend who was also on acid. he got up and started looking around then lunged at me and i yelled out in a calm manner "i will take you outside and bash your face if you touch me." then we both smiled at each other. days later he told me that he thought i had cut off his genitals with what i said... harsh ego loss....

the acid trip was rather interesting and i felt very "enlightened" the next couple of days. five days later i had "the trip". the big one that sets the difference in my life before and after... much like the computer, in my opinion, is the great divergance of our modern time. like i mentioned earlier, i had taken large doses of shrooms before... but apparently these were 3x more potent in my estimation than anything i had seen or done previously (these were small like crushed ramen noodles with blue spots and golden dust... i should have known- everything before that had been big bulky and brown- zoinks!). i took 5.5 grams of these shrooms, a tad lower than my 7 gram excursions but relatable in potency to about 15 grams of whatever i used to have.

the truth given to me was so overwhelming it blew my mind out of my head, i consciously only remember a few things.. a beautiful scenic country side, a trip to some slum area of st. louis county in which i kept repeating to my drug dealer friend who was trying to find some random client's house that "he would never find it". i was in the back seat of a car and it was probably a bad idea because the settings was so ever changing and dynamic that i had no where to go but IN IN IN. my friend i was talking to him telepathically, because at one point i thought i was talking outloud, but it was in my head so i decided to shut up and my friend kept saying "stop saying my name dude, please stop saying my name its weird." my friends stopped at walgreens and got me a red gatorade. after deciding not to strip down from my pants to my boxers inthe parking lot i decided to get back in the car and have sip, suffice to say i missed my mouth completely, spilled a 32oz gatorade all over the car and figuratively "died" underneath (as best as i could manage for some reason) the back of the driver's seat. during this death much was revealed to me; my knowledge of astrology was scarce but enough to know that it was friggin true! i thought about all of my friends and they were their signs, and i thought about the girls_who_were_friends in my life and thye all matched up. i also learned that the scorpio girl who had entered my basement and braved the crackhead remarks was my true mate; soul mate, twin flame, twin soul, i dont know but i knew. the car was driven to my house for some reason and i was apparently stuck in this void of the backseat for about an hour and a half and wouldn't get out even with my friends' coaxing. i finally got out only after hearing my one friends child like gemini voice say "levin, levin come out man" (my name is mike levin.. yeah). i FINALLY got out, but imagine being reborn.. like i said i had figuratively and symbolically died. i went nuts, ran inside of my house and the first person i saw was my sister, i pushed her gently and she pushed me back, she complained to my mom and my mom said "whats going on michael"... i somehow ran at her and and startd doing some mocking tone with no real words just "blih blah bleh.." as if my mom had been on my case for a year and a half (oh yeah she had been.. deservedly so). she screamed and my then i ran to my dad and just looked at him and passed out.. or what i like toe call, the second death. when i woke up my family wasall around me and i had been moved to a couch, i kept saying how horribly sorry i was and that i wanted to disappear for what had transpired. my mom wasn't all to opposed to the idea, believing i was going crazy and needed to stop the drugs and crappy parties once and for all. my dad wasn't so bad about it. he had been in the vietnam war (the siege of khe sahn in fact) so he was well versed on the drug culture.

i left my hosue for a week and a half after this event, and my sister went to live with my grandma for two weeks after i came back. at the time it was bad.. very bad familial wise. on the other hand the mind blowing experience had awakened an urge to understand more about astrology. for many weeks i felt enlightened again, after i was able to sort out the events of course. i saw where my life was and i saw astrology as a truth that had to be explored.

there could be a part two to this story, which would relate to my Good experiences with mushrooms and the incredible revelations i made about time and what i like to call the "american sub-conscious", because i feel the american culture is different from every other culture on earth... it does mostly pertain to the media and racism, and the rap culture. part two was most interesting and much less scary and new than part 1.. its up to you... shoot this is probably really long...

my heart goes out to all taurean psychonauts, and id love to discuss hallucinogenic experiences with all the star signs because i think my deep rooted understandng (not fully described but introduced to in part 1) can help me relate better to other signs in a sober state, through their hallucinogenic experiences and themes.

part two preview (time and the american sub-conscious, salvation and redemption with the big JC and god, clairaudience with friendly and helpful spirits and where i am now in terms of spirituality)

posted December 28, 2004 01:27 AM         

No offence, but the whole rant was pretty incoherent. One should center one’s self before a write. And it sounds as though you are pretty off center and lost amongst the drugs that you have anthropomorphized, or maybe that you seek to anthropomorphize. If you are truly curious about what truths drugs could possibly teach you, try reading this book. It seems you find your self to be familiar with literary study, so dive in and have fun.