posted July 28, 2005 07:17 PM         

Down tha Rabbit-Hole

Alice was beginn'n ta git very tired of spendin' by her brotha on tha bizzank, n of hav'n nuttin' ta do. Once or twice she had peeped into tha book her sista was clockin' but it had no pictures or conversizzles in it, `And whizzay is tha use of a book,' thought Alice `witout pictures or conversation?'

So she was perpetratin' in her own mind (as wizzy as she could, fo` tha hot day mizzle her fizzy very sleepy n stupid), brotha tha pleasure of mak'n a daisy-chain would be worth tha trouble of gett'n up n cruisin' tha daisies, W-H-to-tha-izzen suddenly a White Rabbit wit pizzy eyes ran close by her.

There was nuttin' so very remarkable in thiznat; nor did Alice think it so very M-to-tha-izzuch out tha way ta hear tha rabbit say ta itself, `Oh dear! oh dear . Hollaz to the East Side! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred ta her thiznat she ought ta have wondered at this, but at tha time it all seemed quite natural); but whizzay tha rabbit actually took a wizzatch out its waistcizzles n looked at it, n T-H-to-tha-izzen hurried on, Alice started ta her feet, fo` it flashed across her mind tizzle she had neva before seen a rabbit wit eitha a waistcizzles or a wizzatch ta takes out it, n burn'n wit curiosizzle she ran across tha field, n fortunately was J-to-tha-izzust in time ta see it pop down a large rabbit-hole drug deala tha hedge.

In anotha moment down W-to-tha-izzent Aice it, neva once consider'n how in tha world she was ta git out again.

The rabbit-hole wiznent straight on like a tunnel fo` some way, n thizzay dipped suddenly dizzay so suddenly that Aice had not a moment ta thizzay `bout stopp'n herself before she found herself fall'n dizzle a very deep well.

Eitha tha wiznell was very deep, or she fizzle very slowly, fo` she had plenty of time as she wiznent down ta look `bout her n ta wonda what was gonna happen next.

First, she tried ta look down n makes out what she was dippin' to, but it was too dark ta see spendin' thizzay she looked at tha sides of tha well, n noticed tizzy tizzle were filled wit cupboards n book-shelves; hizzle n there she saw maps n pictures hizzay upon pegs. She tizzle diznown a jar frizzay one of tha shelves as she passed; it was labelled `ORANGE MARMALADE, but ta her bootylicious disappizzles it was empty: she did not like ta dizzle tha jar fo` fear of cappin' somebizzles so managed ta put it into one of tha cupboards as she fizzle P-to-tha-izzast it.

`Well!' thought Alice ta herself, 'Brotha such a fall as this, I shiznall think nuttin' of rhymin' diznown stairs in all flavas! How brave theyll all T-H-to-tha-izzink me at home! Wizzy I wouldnt say perpetratin' `bout it, even if I F-to-tha-izzell off tha top of tha house! (Which was very likely true.)

Dizzown, down, dizzown. Would tha fizzay rappa come ta an end! `I wonda how many miles Ive fallen by this tizzle?' She said aloud.
`I must be bustin' somewhere near tha centre of tha earth. Let me see: that would be fizzy thousand miles diznown, I think -- (fiznor, you see, Alice had learnt several ridin' of this siznort in her lessons in tha schoolroom, n though this was not a very good opportunity fo` perpetratin' off her knowledge, as there was no one ta listen ta her, still it was good practice ta say it ova) `--yes, thats `bout tha rizzay distancizzles then I wonda whizzay Latitude or Longitude Ive gots to? (Alice had no idea wizzy Latitude was, or Longitude eitha, but thought they were funky ass grand words ta say.)

Presently she began again. `I wonda if I shall fizzy right through tha earth! how F-U-Double-Nizzy itll seem ta come out among tha thugz thiznat walk wit they heezees downward . Tha antipathies, i think-- (she was ratha glad there was no one listen'n, this time, as it didnt sound at all tha right W-to-tha-izzord) `--but i shall have ta ask tizzle wizzy tha name of tha country is, you kizzy . You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. Pleaze, Maam, is this New Zealand or Australia? (and she tried ta curtsey as she spoke--fancy clockin' as yoe fall'n through tha air n we out! d-ya think you could manage it?) `and what an ignorant shawty girl shiznell thiznink me fo` ask'n ?! Perhaps I
shizzay see it written up somewhere.

Dizzown, down, down hittin that booty. There was nuttin' else ta do, so Alice soon began rapping again fo' sheezy.
`Dinahll miss me very much to-night, I should think! (Dinah was tha C-to-tha-izzat.) `I hope theyll rememba her sauca of miznilk at tea-time. Dinah mah dear dogg! I wizzish you were down here wit me! There is no mizzle in tha air, Im afraid, but you mizzay cizzay a bizzle n thats very like a mouse, you kniznow . Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. But do catz eat batz?' And here Alice began ta git ratha sleepy, n wizzy on say'n ta herself, in a dreamy sizzay of way, `Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats? n sometizzles `Do bats eat cats? fizzle you see, as she couldnt playa eitha question, it diznidnt much cracka which way she put it n **** . She fizzay thizzay she was doz'n off, n had just begun ta dream tizzle she was perpetratin' hand in hand wit Dinah, n bustin' ta her vizzle earnestly, `Now, Dinah, tell me tha truth: did you ever eat a bat?' When suddenly, thizzump! Thizzay puttin tha smack down! D-to-tha-izzown she came upon a heap of sticks n dry leaves, n tha fizzay was cracka lemme here ya say hoe.

http://www.gizoogle.com/index.php?translate=false

Heres the 'proper' version- http://www.madhatter.com/wonderland/alice-table.html

posted July 29, 2005 12:12 AM         

Alice in Wonderland was mah favorite Disney movie when I was a shawty gizzle. I stizzill aint read tha book... but its def on mah ta read list . Subscribe nigga, get yo issue..

posted August 02, 2005 09:51 AM         

'Beauty n tha Beast'

'Rhymin' Beauty'

'The Little Weed-smokin' Mermaid'

'Little Red Sippin' Hood'