posted August 05, 2005 10:04 AM         

as though i sit at a table
sunlight filtering in through a window

holding a bowl in my hands
an empty bowl
i want so much for something good to fill it
someone to want to pour their love and attention into

not to fill with objects like food, or gems
or trinkets

i want it filled with satieted warmth
oozing delicacy

that feeling a cat gets basking in the sunshine
stretched
eyes half closed

i want that

but . . . my bowl is empty
and today, i admit
i am starving

. . .

i know about and what it's like
. . . being independent
the idea to love yourself and then love finds you . . .

the idea that i am never alone
that the universe loves and supports me

i know about and what's it's like
to take care of myself

those "things" . . .

like staying in shape
like earning a living
like surrounding myself with the genuine love of friends
like having hobbies
like having passions
like writing words like this . . .

and yes, i admit
those things are the me of me

but i have this bowl!
and it exists
there is no denying it
forgetting
hiding

. . . or abusing it

i love this bowl
and i don't know how i got it
or why i keep it!

do you know this feeling, too?
to have cravings and starvings for a song
you have never heard
or seen written down?
but to know . . . and to want

and not deny
or lie

. . .

(Ok, I confess that I am a Capricorn Moon and it took a lot of courage to write down these words from my heart. I am deeply shy about these sorts of things, so all I ask is a bit of sensitivity and no hard-hearted replies about getting more self-help, need to do this or that, etc. Thanks).

posted August 05, 2005 10:54 AM         

You are amazing.
Maybe it's my Capricorn Moon too...

Your writing speaks to me.
*but I knew that*

If you don't mind, I will put my empty bowl over here too. Next to yours.

posted August 05, 2005 11:15 AM         

Sometimes to amuse myself I paint it different colors or draw flowers on it. Now and then it's half-full, but it hasn't lasted...yet. And I know there's lots of groovy stuff in it to share...one day, A., we'll get to share our bowls with the right people. You're very special. Thank you for sharing that; I loved reading it.

posted August 05, 2005 11:49 AM         

I think I know what it is you are feeling. I get it too. (Capricorn ascendent(?!). No, I think it's more than that.

We all have this distant memory of what it was like where we Originally came from. It manifests in many different ways, sometimes unpleasant ones, but whatever the case- it won't shake. We are hungry for what we once were, what we have lost. A uni-verse-al Oneness; unconditional love of all.....God= love & light, joy, and all that is beautiful, innocence.....the absence of God= darkness, confusion, sense of separateness, desire to control others, incarceration, captivity, cruelty, pain.....

Perhaps this is why, deep down, people have a sense that something is missing? Being a mother- having this beautiful soul to share beautiful love with and take care of- has given me a sense of TRUE joy I never knew. But still, I fear for our world and the future.....I love nature, I love life, I love animals and children and all that is innocent. I HATE cruelty and incarceration. I feel like I want to set them free; every soul that is severely suffering on the planet. I have to blank it out of my mind, otherwise I could go insane from it all.

I feel lost in a strange world, and I do hear the distant sound of another melody playing somewhere......

posted August 05, 2005 12:22 PM         

I believe we are One. My bowl is full. It'll be my pleasure to share it with you if y ou let me.

posted August 05, 2005 12:26 PM         

That was beautiful!!! You are a great writer and I love your style ~ I have written like that too.....the words.......tapering off........!!!

posted August 05, 2005 01:49 PM         

I don't understand. What is the matter? What is missing? Family? Boyfriend? Yes, I had to ask. Notice that I am not giving advice; just asking.

key

posted August 05, 2005 09:46 PM         

Each response actually felt an extension. It means a lot. I took time to feel out every word.